1 : shamelessness
song : pretty shining people - george ezra
"Raya, dear, don't you agree?" The tension in my mothers voice was the only thing that pulled me back into the conversation I had been trying so desperately to block out.
At the mention of expensive brands and who was wearing who, I automatically zoned out.
Unsure of what they'd been talking about previously, I simply nodded and accompanied it with a tight lipped smile. The wrinkles around my mother's tired blue eyes only seemed to deepen as she discretely scowled in my direction.
My mother worked hard to build this life for me, and by that I mean she waited for years and years until my father came along and she could sink her gold digging claws into him in the form of a ring that binds them together for pretty much forever.
She'd love for me to take part in these brainless conversations about how exclusive their clothing articles are but honestly I couldn't care less.
I find the thought of hot cheetos way more interesting than the conversation at hand but alas, I have to put on a show.
My mother waited until Sherri and Roberto had looked away in amazement of the professional dancer she had hired for an astronomical amount of money to sashay around the middle of the room for fifteen minutes. She always did love spending money on pointless things.
"Would it kill you to even pretend to be interested?" She was now leaned forward, her mouth near my ear. I could hear the aggravation in her voice, it was hard to miss.
I refrained the desire to dramatically roll my eyes knowing it would only anger my mother further.
What would we ever do if the world found out our picture perfect family isn't so picture perfect at all?
She finally pulled back, sending me death threats with her eyes before Sherri and Roberto both turned back around simultaneously. I gripped the fabric of my dress in my hand, trying to squeeze out all the aggravation I held for my mother.
Would Alanna hurry up, I thought to myself as I watched all these fake people converse about things they had no clue about.
It's truly amazing to watch all these people throw on happy faces to gather three times a year and gloat about how perfect their terrible lives are. Everyone is miserable. Everyone knows it. No one will admit it.
It's all about who can fake the most happiness and fortune, it's truly sad to watch and grow accustomed to.
My thoughts were cut short as my phone buzzed in my hands, immediately catching my mothers attention. She quickly narrowed her eyes at me, looking as if she could destroy me with her glance. I knew she would have my head once she found out I had my phone in yet another of her elite events.
Ignoring her cold glares, I picked up the phone and pressed it against my ear. Alanna on the other line started blubbering in her best fake sobs that she could muster. Lucky for me, it was loud enough to grab everyone's attention at our table.
"Alanna, calm down. What's wrong?" I asked quickly between her noisy sobs, I was sure at this point she must've been covered in her own snot at the sounds of how dramatic it was.
"He-" she began, stuttering over her words, "He- He cheated on me!" She let out a wail for added dramatic effect, earning even more concerned looked from our table of four.
Sherri and Roberto could definitely hear every word from where they sat and I knew my mother would have my head for that fact alone.
"Oh my god," I breathed in feigned astonishment, hastily standing up from my seat and pushing it in. "I'll be there as fast as I can, I promise," I informed her, quickly bidding goodbyes and turning to my mother.
"Where are you going, Raya?" My mothers nagging voice was the first thing I heard after I pressed the end button.
"Alanna needs me." Lie, "She is heartbroken, I need to go help her." Another lie.
"Just let Bernard go check on her, sit back down," she waved carelessly in the motion of where I'd been sitting only moments before.
"I can't just let our chauffeur check on my best friend when she's having a crisis, mother," I said the word with such aggression that even Sherri's eyes widened.
After a moment of staring me down into what she probably hoped would be submission, she finally gritted her teeth in annoyance. Her anger was radiating from her and I'm sure that when I get back home I'll pay for this moment.
At this point it was about who was going to submit to the others anger.
I knew she would backdown first because she cared way more about what the people watching us in this moment thought of us than I ever would.
"Be back by midnight," she gritted lowly, her tone filled with finality.
Without another word, I was holding my ball gown up to keep from tripping over it and making a complete fool of myself like last years Gala. The thought made me nearly physically cringe. It was even worse that it was the first time I'd met my now boyfriend, Trevor.
Since my mother was so hell-bent on hooking me up with a 'charming' young man, she invited him and his whole family. Apparently I did something right since the next day he was calling me and asking me to accompany him to the most extravagant restaurant in town.
I'm not convinced that I'm in love with Trevor, or even romantically like him, but you don't get much of a choice when your mother dictates every aspect of your life. I know she loves me, but sometimes it just feels like I'm being suffocated.
My mother expresses each day how darling it would be if he proposed to me and I can't say I'm on the same boat as her. I'm only 19, I need to at least get a trashy tramp stamp or even wonky bangs that I give myself on two glasses of wine and sleep exhaustion before I can settle down with someone forever, you know?
"Bernard!" I called out once I had finally exited the house, Bernard standing still like a statue next to the black SUV, "I need a ride to Alanna's," I informed him, hastily pulling open the back door for myself before he could even think about it. He frowned knowingly at me for this but I just brushed it off and slid into the leather seats.
"Your mother is okay with this, I presume," he said, his grey eyes meeting mine in the rear view mirror before he started the car, bringing it to a roar with a switch of the key.
"You think I could make it out of that house without her permission?" I scoffed and chuckled soon after. "That's quite unlikely, I believe we both can agree on that."
"Very true, Miss Knight," he nodded faintly in agreement, keeping his light eyes trained closely on the road.
I watched as we pulled out of the gates, dozens of people with cameras snatching whatever photo they could to capture this moment. They were the exact reason I would never be allowed to ride in the front seat in any car that left this home.
My mother has tried her hardest to keep me out of the spotlight, truly succeeding if it wasn't for my one escape when I was 11. I had gotten into an argument with my father and decided I was going to run away. I made it to the gates where the paparazzi snapped dozens of photos of my small frame. In that exact moment, Bernard found me and dragged me back down the driveway to the house where I was to face the wrath of my very angry mother.
Other than that, all that anyone knew of my existence was that Trish and Gerard Knight had a daughter named Raya. Somehow, someway, no one had ever figured out anything else.
That's one of the things that I thank my mother for now. I used to despise the fact that I couldn't leave the house or go out to make to new friends but now that I'm older and can exist in the general public without anyone knowing who I am, I believe it might've all been worth it.
"We are here, Miss Knight," Bernard's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and sure enough there sat Alanna's little, dingy apartment complex.
"Thank you, Bernard." I sent him a warm smile as I slid out of the backseat, holding my rose gold gown up so it didn't drag across the pavement. My mother would surely have my head if I brought it back stained and tattered even though she'd never let me be caught dead in the same dress more than once.
Exchanging our goodbyes, Bernard climbed back up into his seat and waited until I was at Alanna's door before backing out of his parking space. I watched as he took off down the road before rapping my knuckles against the white door that I'd seen too many times to count.
The door swung open and there was Gabriel, Alanna's boyfriend, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.
It's like this boy doesn't understand general rules of the public like don't open the door in just a towel.
"Raya, mon cœur, what a pleasant surprise." Gabriel grinned playfully, exposing his bright teeth as he pressed his hand to his tanned chest.
Rolling my eyes as dramatically as I could muster, I sidestepped the goof to find Alanna laying out across her hideous green couch that she got on sale three years ago. She had a box of cheez-its on her chest as she watched a new episode of Shameless, her red hair sprawled out around her head on the pillow.
"How dare you!" I gaped at her, motioning towards the TV.
We have gotten together every week to watch the new episodes. I had never watched it without her (mostly due to the fact that my mother would more than likely disown me if she caught me watching this show) but she seems to have been doing a whole lot of exactly that.
Her blue eyes widen significantly as she realizes she's been caught red handed.
"That's an awfully pretty dress," she grinned sheepishly, attempting to change the subject. I rolled my eyes at her, plopping down at the end of the couch.
"Its scratchy," I grumbled, adjusting the sequined top so it would stop jabbing into my skin.
"Another one of your mothers events?" Gabriel's voice pulled my attention over to the small kitchen where he sat, eating ice cream out of the tub with just a spoon, still clad in merely a towel.
"But of course," I sighed, pushing myself up from the stained couch. "Has everyone failed
to inform you that towels aren't clothes, Gabe?" I raised an eyebrow easily, giving him a look.
He chuckled softly, plopping another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth as he mirrored my look back to me.
"Haven't you heard, towel skirts are all the rage with the basic white girls these days." He grinned, speaking in a teasing tone as he nodded his head towards me.
"As a basic white girl I can assure you that I'm thoroughly offended by this accusation!" I spoke, aghast. I neared him and easily swiped the spoonful of ice cream that was headed straight for his mouth and quickly ate it.
His mouth dropped open in shock as his green eyes widened. I grinned in response.
Ha! That'll teach him to poke fun at me!
"I know the fuck not you did not just eat my ice cream." Gabe spoke, pushing himself up from his position leaning against the counter and dropping the now empty spoon onto the counter.
"I definitely did." I grinned childishly.
"That's what you get when you make fun of North Castle's royal princess, Gabriel." Alanna backed me up from the couch, a small grin dancing on her lips.
"Exactly, homie." I nodded, a serious expression on my face. "In other news, I want to set this dress on fire." I groaned, adjusting the top again as the sparkles scraped my irritated skin.
"You can borrow some of my clothes, if you want," Alanna offered, finally sitting up and pausing the episode she had been engrossed in.
"You're the best," I grinned before turning on my heel and heading down the narrow hallway to her room.
Yanking open her drawers, I pulled out a grey top and cloth shorts before stripping out of the ridiculously expensive dress and pulling on the comfy clothing. Draping the dress across her bed, I finally tossed my hair up into a messy bun and exited the room.
When I made my way back to the living room, Gabriel was showering a squealing Alanna with kisses across her face. I watched in admiration for a few moments. They were the cutest couple I had ever seen.
Gabriel was more loyal to Alanna than anyone she'd ever been with, and believe me, I've been here for all the ups and downs of those dinks.
They were meant to be, as cheesy as that sounded.
I wished sometimes that Trevor was more like Gabriel, as terrible as that sounded. My mother was one pair of handcuffs short of forcing Trevor and I together.
A pair of car keys hitting my chest before lamely falling to the ground tore me out of my daze. I looked down to the set of keys on the tiled floor of the kitchen, furrowing my brows before looking back up to a grinning Gabriel.
"Dépèche toi!" He rushed, moving his hands around animatedly. "We have plans to go to a fight tonight, go start the car while I change," He insisted before catching my hard gaze and softening it with a sheepish, "Please?"
• • •
(Mon cœur: french for "My heart.")
(Dépèche toi: French for "Hurry up.")
Hiiiii!!! Here is the *new* first chapter :) What are we thinking??
Question of the day: What is your favorite fiction book or movie???
Mine is The Maze Runner or Divergent.
Until next time, home skillets!
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