I'm not sure what to do. Do I walk outside and meet him or do I let him come in?
I quickly decide to meet him on our porch steps. He's staggering up to me, so I know what he's already been up to.
What if he's here to hurt me? Get revenge? I feel my pockets frantically for my phone but it's in my room. I had sent a text to Will asking if he wanted to hang out, so maybe he got it and he's on his way over.
Yeah, he's on his way over.
I start to say something, but my voice cracks. I clear it. "What are you doing here, Connor?"
I flinch when he gets closer to me, but instead of doing anything, he plops down onto the top step. I cautiously sit down beside him.
"You shouldn't be here," I add quietly.
He smiles a goofy smile. It disappears right after and his bottom lip forms a pout. "Nobody loves me, Jessa."
I sigh. What good will it do if I tear him down the way he tore me down. Sure that's what he deserves, but how will help me?
I scratch the back of my neck, unsure with what to do with myself. "Your parents do." I force out.
"Not reallyyy," he slurs. "They just love their jobs and their money and their cars and all that jazz." He chuckles at his own words.
My eyebrows raise. "Look, I don't have time for this, Connor. Go home."
"Wait," he says as I start to get up. He wraps his fingers around my wrist and pulls me back down. I stare at his hand and look back up at him. He sees it too and quickly lets go.
"I'm... I'm sorry I hurt you, Jessa," he says suddenly, sobering up quickly from his giggling. I'm shocked to hear him say it, but I also know that he's drunk. How much of this is he going to remember?
I just look at him and watch as he stares in front of us. I don't know what to say, so I wait for him to continue.
Tears suddenly make his eyes shiny. "I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I hurt Lindsey and I'm sorry I hurt that other girl... I'm an idiot. I didn't mean to do all that, you know." He looks at me expectantly. Like I'd understand. "I was drunk, like this! Except more and I was angry I guess with Mom and Dad-" He cuts himself off.
I take it as an opportunity. "By that other girl do you mean Kyla? A sixteen-year-old that goes to our school?"
He bites down on his lip and drops his head into his hands. I can't lie; I feel for him only on the part of his parents not being there for him. When we dated he would always complain about them.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he never would.
Now it's so much harder to feel sorry for him. I know his pain is there, but what he did was more than wrong.
"I know, Jessa. I know." He shakes his head repeatedly.
I hesitantly rest my hand on his shoulder.
He turns toward me again. "You're the only girl I ever really loved, Jessa. Really. You were fun - stay fun, okay?"
I purse my lips and bite my tongue to keep from reminding him of our relationship.
He pats my leg and give my knee a squeeze before pushing himself up and onto his feet.
"Connor, I hope you aren't planning to drive," I tell him. He looks back at me.
He must actually feel guilty about his actions because usually he's angry when he drinks. So far I've only seen his vulnerability. I stand up and walk over to him.
"I barely drank anything, Jessa, I'll be fine," he says just as he stumbles over his own two feet. He continues towards his car but I quickly beat him to it and grab his keys out of the ignition.
"Give me the keys, Jessa." He seats at my hand. I pull them back and stuff them in my pocket.
He nears me again, his face twisting into anger and annoyance. I stand my ground and press my hand to his chest, pushing him back.
"If you drive like this you won't just be hurting yourself. You could be hurting other people, too," I say. He stares at me and rolls his eyes.
My dad's comes flying in the driveway suddenly. I jump and immediately my hand flies to the keys in my pocket. Conner may not be killing himself by driving under the influence, but my dad might have something to do with it.
"What's he doing here?" Dad demands automatically. He walks swiftly towards Connor and almost bumps chests with him before I step between them.
"He was just leaving, Dad. For good," I assure him. "But I don't want him driving. He could hurt someone else and... I don't know what to do."
Dad's eyes soften as soon as he starts talking to me. I beg him with my eyes not to start anything. I'm so tired of fighting these fights.
"All right." He takes the keys from my hand. "Get in your car, Connor. Jessa, you follow us in mine." With an unamused look on his face, Dad climbs into Connor's driver seat and starts it up. Connor reluctantly gets into the passenger seat.
*
"Why didn't you call me?"
I sigh and look out the window of Will's truck. It's brakes squeal to a stop at a stop sign and I cringe at the noise. That can't be good.
"Jessa," Will says again. I can feel him looking at me.
To be honest, I don't want to talk about it. After being drilled by my dad of my whole conversation with Connor, I feel like I've told the story ten times.
"He just dropped by and I told him to leave. He was drunk though, so I didn't let him drive. Dad came home and ta-da, the problem was gone." I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "I sent you a text earlier and I didn't have my phone with me when he came."
"He just dropped by to chat?" Will asks almost sarcastically.
I shrug my shoulders. "Pretty much. He just went on and on about how sorry he was and I reminded him of how wrong he was to do that stuff... I think he understood it, Will."
Will pulls off the road and onto a dirt road that will eventually lead us to a field. This is our date night; the two of us plus the big elephant in the room named Connor.
"I'm surprised," Will tells me, arching his eyebrows.
"He apologized to me and told me that he actually did love me. I was the only one he loved." I wasn't going to say it. But since the rest of the story is coming out, I might as well tell Will all of it.
He glances at me uneasily. I lean over and kiss his cheek.
"I don't know whether he was telling the truth or not, but I do know that it doesn't matter what he says to me anymore. I'm not as naïve as I used to be," I explain. "And I'm kinda taken." He cracks a small smile at the corner of his mouth.
Will parks the truck and we get out with armfuls of blankets and pillows. The plan is to make a camp on the back of his truck and watch the stars - or something like that.
I help Will lay out the blanket to make a comfortable padding. He tosses out pillows towards the cab of the truck and then lays one more blanket on top for us to lay under.
He stands on the tailgate and holds out a hand for me. I take it and push myself up with one foot while holding onto him.
My clumsy self comes out as soon as I get onto the tailgate; I stumble into Will but he quickly wraps his arms around me and rests his forehead against mine.
"Let's not talk about Connor anymore. Let's just do you and me. Us. Does that sound like a deal?" I ask him quietly as I look up through my lashes to find his eyes.
He purses his lips - he doesn't want to be done talking about it. But he still nods.
We lie down on our bed of blankets and cover up. I find a spot curled into Will's side and I know I don't ever want to leave it.
It's cold outside but I don't care. All these blankets and the warmth of Will beside me is keeping me plenty warm enough.
The comfortable silence between us is finally broken when Will speaks up.
"I just don't get it, Jessa," he says quietly yet I can still hear the strain in his voice. "I don't understand how he could have gotten away with it all."
I'm not upset that he brought it up again. There are some things that I'm also in the dark about, and maybe talking about it with someone I truly trust will help.
My eyes scan the dark sky as I talk. "Sometimes I wonder if anyone saw it happen. Not with me or at the boat with you - but with Kyla. They were at a party with lots of kids. How did no one see them? Did she struggle or call for help? Didn't anyone notice her at all?"
I can feel the panic in my voice as I talk about it. Will's arms tighten around me.
It hits me then. We're just two young kids wondering what's happening to our world. This world that used to be so innocent to us as kids. We didn't know this stuff really existed until it hit our own little town - and the person hitting it was one of the closest people to us.
"There's no way to know all the answers, Jess." He intertwined our hands and mine toward his lips to leave a kiss.
"I know," I agree.
"We just need to stop worrying about it. Connor is going to be taken care of. We can all relax." I can't help but thinking he's wrong.
"I feel like I can't relax, though. I've forgiven him, I really have... I think." I close my eyes to clear my head. "But what about Kyla? Worse things happened to her. I've got the support to get through what has happened to me - I've got you. But what does she have?"
"Maybe you could talk to her at school or invite her out for ice cream or something. Just be her friend and let her know you're there for her." I stare at Will after he says this. He's staring at the sky but then looks down at me.
I love this boy so much.
"You're right. I'm going to do just that..." I trail off when I find him looking at me intently. "But after this date."
He smiles and leans down to kiss me.
I smile because he's here and the elephant is gone.
________
I am so so sorry. I know you've heard this a million times before, but I've been so busy. Holy crap.
College is no joke, guys. I've almost forgotten to write this chapter because of how busy I've been with homework and getting adjusted to this new life I've got going.
Hopefully now updates will be sooner. I'm planning on that at least. I hope this makes up for it. Anyway, thanks for being patient.
The song is I Will by Citizen Way!
I appreciate all y'all!! Thanks so much for reading! Make sure to tell me what you thought of this chapter!