Chapter Five
Weak
“But our lives will only ever continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with pain, and more to do with beauty.” – Shane Koyczan
Was I really doing this? Was I really wanting to go with him back? I don’t even think Veronica was ready to go back with that Cade guy. How could one line seduce me? It was such a dumb line, too, and he’d probably used it on so many other “innocent” girls.
I turned my head to my glass and thought about it. It wasn’t the pick-up line that had me reeling; it was those eyes. They dripped with pure liquid desire, and it was getting increasingly hard for me not to drink them in. The azure lit a fire of the same hue inside me, leaving my heart racing and my being on fire, and I knew the only ailment was him. I’d never seen anybody look at me the way he does.
I returned my gaze back to his smoldering one and asked, “So what kind of ‘innocent’ girls are these if they’re so ready to sleep with you so quickly. I saw you with that girl today that you could not have known for more than an hour.” I rolled my eyes and sipped my drink, looking at his nose because his eyes were something I couldn’t look at and still manage to keep my thoughts oriented.
“I only tell girls what I think of them,” he said casually and took a gulp of his whiskey, Adam apple bobbing, before he turned his gaze towards me and his mouth was etched into a smirk and he titled his head a little. “Besides, you know how innocent you are and are you going to deny that the thought has been circulating in your head?”
My cheeks heated up, annoyingly answering his question, but I regained my composure and stated defiantly, “Well I can assure you that I won’t be acting on them.”
He chuckled and set his nearly empty glass down and leaned over, leaving a lingeringly electric kiss on my cheek. “We’ll see, beautiful,” he said and was gone.
If a kiss on the cheek had felt so good, I wonder where else they would feel good…No! Shay, get your head out of the gutter! But had I started some kind of a game unknowingly? No doubt would I see him more due to Veronica dating Cade. Was he going to try to seduce me?
I have to find Veronica and see if she’s ready to go.
I walked back to the isolated rooms and peered in through the doorway and saw Veronica and Cade standing up. “We’re going dancing. Want to join?” Veronica asked.
I literally stared at her for a minute and then shook my head, “Why would I want to do that?” Veronica laughed and I told her that I was leaving.
Walking out of the club, I felt a little relieved to be able to go back to my room and relax a little bit. There were a few things I had to think about, like why my parents let me have this trip, AND paid for Veronica and Shannon. We were wealthy, but never had my parents given me such a big gift that was exclusive to me and my friends and excluding them. There was something I didn’t know.
I walked into my room and stripped out of the dress, wore some fuzzy pajamas, and laid down on my bed. It just didn’t make sense for my parents to give me such an expensive gift. I’d had to work for my car, which had to be much cheaper than this trip. I hadn’t questioned the gift when it had first been given to me because I didn’t want them to take it away, but all I could do now was question it. My mother had said that I needed to get my mind clear, to spend time vacationing and having adventures to get it off of Brett.
Brett…I groaned, panicking that I had thought of him because it was never pleasant and it never caused me pleasant feelings, and sure as hell, I knew what was impeding. It was inevitable really, and even though I got them often, it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. It wasn’t just the fact that I didn’t like how Brett had treated me, but it was the feeling of powerlessness that was associated with him. I couldn’t control the angry beating of my heart, the torrent of shallow breaths, or the beaded sweat drops on my forehead. I couldn’t make the fear go away, and it has been so long that I have been trying to.
I curled into a tight ball, in an attempt to shield myself from the oncoming images but of course I couldn’t because it was a mental attack that I had to deal with. I kept my eyes peeled open because the second I closed them would be the second I would succumb to the frightful memories. Every bone in my body shook and every nerve in me forced me to close my eyes but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. It’s so hard to keep them open, though. Maybe if I can remember this time that it’s all just an illusion. Maybe then I won’t feel it. And with that thought, I shut my eyes slowly, unwillingly.
I felt a sharp lash on my back and screamed. Pain curled up my spine, burning my skin and leaving its furious mark. “P-please stop! I’m s-sorry!”
He dropped the belt and came rushing to me, cradling my face in his hands, “I’m sorry, baby. Do you forgive me?”
My bottom lip quivered as I looked into the demon’s face, one that was decorated with human features. Features like misleading warm brown eyes and a soft, caring countenance. How could someone who looked so angelic hold such a wrath.
“Answer me!” He shouted and harshly shoved my head into the wall, squishing it on its side so that my lips were puckered and my cheeks were touching my nose. “You know I love you? I love you so much.” At the time, I had believed him and I had been a disillusioned idiot for doing so and I regret it every day. “So why do you keep making me feel bad? You’re not worthy enough to be loved in the right way. Look at yourself. There’s nothing special about you. You should be so lucky that I love you.”
“I am,” I replied, believing every word he told me.
“So why can’t you tell me you love me back?!” He screamed so loud my ears felt numb afterwards. He let me go so he could retrieve his belt. I heard the slither of it along the wooden floor, the metal of the belt clanging against his family ring of a crest with a snake on it, the too familiar feel of its cool leather against my hot back. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back, leaned in and whispered, “I’m just trying to make you worthy.” I saw him pull the belt high above his head and I saw its rapid decent down, but I closed my eyes before it made contact.
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I woke up screaming and kicking, “No! No! No! Stop it!”
When I realized that I wasn’t near that monster and in my safe room, far away from him in prison, I clamped my hand over my still screaming mouth and managed to shut it down. I was plastered in sweat, but I checked the time to see that it was two in the morning already.
After I managed to calm my breathing down, I grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom. The warm water always calmed my nerves and set me into a sleepy mode, even when I least wanted it.
Was I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life? In a constant fear that he would somehow find me again? I was on a boat hundreds of miles away for crying out loud! Why couldn’t I be stronger? I was so sick of having to live like this, of being on such a grand adventure but not being able to let his grasp on me go. I balled my fist up and hit it against the shower wall in anger. I wanted scream because I was so frustrated at what I was feeling. I felt the hot release of my tears. Why was I so weak?
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Hey so the chapter is short but it wouldn't make sense to add more to the end.
Thank you guys so much for reading! Vote if you like and comment to let me know what you think of it!
Song of the Upload:
Human - Christina Perri