➵ jimin
when i got the call, it was an unusually humid day. the hot temperatures made it even harder to sleep in the stuffy house, since the air conditioning was old and sometimes quit when it worked too hard. but it wasn't like i had been sleeping anyway.
i hadn't gotten more than two, three hours of sleep at night since yoongi died. it had been a full three weeks. jihyun had gone back home, reluctantly, since he didn't want to leave me alone to wallow in self pity. but i knew if i kept him here, our parents would surely suspect something and he'd never be able to return.
for the last few weeks, every night i laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling. thinking about yoongi. thinking about love. thinking about the fact that i loved yoongi and now he was dead.
i also realized that once you're in love with someone, it's hard to remember how you lived without them.
i hadn't lost many people i loved in my lifetime, just my grandpa and aunt. i faintly remembered their funerals, back home in busan. i had cried, definitely, but the grief afterwards wasn't that painful because i didn't really know either of them that well. yoongi, on the other hand, was my best friend, and had been the only person i could really wholeheartedly trust and talk to. now he was gone, and the hole in my heart felt like it could never be filled.
when my phone rang, i jumped so high i nearly fell off the couch. who the hell was calling me at 9:37 a.m. on a november morning? i was sure i only had about five or six actual contacts in his phone, being yoongi, jungkook, my mother, jihyun, namjoon, and jin.
"hello?" i finally answered.
"hello, this is reception at seoul city hospital. we ju-" a cheery woman answered, but when i heard 'hospital', i cut her off.
"are you calling about yoongi? is there more forms i need to fill out or something?" i said, annoyed.
but the woman's reply shook me from my core. when she spoke, i dropped the phone, which thankfully fell on the carpet and didn't break, and let out a choked sob, followed by a huge gasp of air.
"actually, i have some good news for you. min yoongi isn't dead."
***
could this be? no, i had watched as the doctors took yoongi off life support. i had heard them state the time of his death. the nurse was definitely screwing with me. i picked the phone back up and took a shaky breath.
"h-how? i watched him... die."
"it's a miracle, hun. i'm not sure really what happened, but i know for sure he's not dead." the woman said. honestly, i wasn't even listening to her anymore, because my brain was busy processing the fact that yoongi was not dead. min yoongi, the absolute tragic love of my life, was not dead.
yoongi was alive.
i needed to see him, now.
"sorry, ma'am, could you tell me when visiting hours are?" not like that really mattered, anyway. i would have broken in, if i had to, to see yoongi.
"twelve to three today, hun." i wished she'd stop calling me 'hun'. it made me uncomfortable. i quickly mumbled a 'thank-you' and hung up, throwing the phone onto the couch. i ran to his room and changed into a clean, or mostly clean t-shirt and jeans.
i pulled on my slightly dirty white converse, grabbed his phone and wallet from the table, and headed out the door. it was currently 11:49, meaning that if i walked at a normal pace, i would reach the hospital before 12. i wanted the full three hours to see yoongi. i melted into the small groups of people, picking up a brisk pace to keep up with the crowd. seoul pedestrian traffic during the week was horrible. everyone moved either too slow or too fast to keep up with.
by the time i reached the hospital, it was 12:02 and i quickly slipped inside the revolving doors. when i was younger, i loved those doors. i would insist on going through them every time i saw one, no matter the building. my mother thought it amusing, my father quite irritating. i sighed at the memory. i missed busan. but then i reminded himself that they didn't miss me, and i shook off the memory.
i approached the reception, but no one was attending the desk. i sighed impatiently. i really wasn't in the mood to wait for somebody. i looked around quickly before i reached down on the desk and grabbed hold of a small binder, the open pages resembling a school attendance list. the page listed patients, and small boxes to mark visitors. my eyes trailed down the paper to the middle, where the m's were listed. min yoongi; room A283
"hey! what do you think you're doing?" a voice called from one of the hallways. i glanced up to see a boy with dark brown hair speed walking towards me. i put down the book awkwardly, realizing this guy worked here and had some sort of authority.
"there wasn't anyone here so i just wanted to find my friend's room so i could visit him-" i stopped himself from continuing to ramble on. the guy was close enough now for me to read his name tag. hoseok, it read.
"well, the usual receptionist went on lunch break so i was on my way down from my shift on floor two. sorry it took so long." hoseok sent me a smile.
i nodded, already beginning to back away. i was three steps from the elevator when i heard hoseok catch up to me. "you don't have a clue where to go, do you? here, what's your friend's room, i'll show you the way," he offered, shooting another bright grin at me.
i managed a small smile in return and stepped inside the open elevator with hoseok. "i'm jimin, by the way. oh, and it's room A283."
"hoseok," he said, pushing the button for the second floor.
i giggled. "yeah, i read your name tag. so, are you like a doctor or nurse or something?" i attempted to make conversation. hoseok giggled.
"no, actually i get that a lot. i'm just an intern."
"that's still cool."
hoseok shrugged. "it gets boring sometimes, believe it or not."
"how is hospital work boring?" i gaped in disbelief.
hoseok was about to reply but the elevators opened, saving him from a reply. "come on, it's this way." hoseok beckoned me to follow. i nodded and followed down the hall to the right.
hoseok stopped in front of a closed door with a small dry-erase board attached to it, displaying the patient's name. i watched as recognition flashed across his face, and hesitantly tapped his shoulder. "um, are you okay?"
hoseok chewed on his lip. "ah, it's just, i know him. or, used to, i guess." i furrowed my brows. "we used to date in high school."
my eyes widened. i'd never known of yoongi having a boyfriend in high school. "when i heard about him, i didn't realize it was yoongi hyung at first. you know you're really lucky that he's alive, huh?" i didn't reply. i simply opened the door and stepped into the room, walking right to the first bed.
yoongi was lying motionless on the starch white sheets, the monitor hanging above him beeping steadily. i slowly approached his bedside and grabbed hold of his pale hand, gripping tightly. i was vaguely aware of hoseok entering the room behind me.
"so, can i ask what happened to him? all i know is that he was pronounced dead, and then they found out he was in a deep coma. you... don't have to answer if you don't want to." hoseok said, coming up beside me.
i shook my head. "it's alright. doesn't really make it hurt more or less."
i walked over to the chair in the corner and collapsed into the seat. i rubbed my face with his hands, taking a deep breath before launching into the story.
"yoongi hyung has an alcohol problem that started when he was around nineteen. it's not my place to tell you all the details, cause he doesn't like talking about it and trusted me with his secrets, but a really bad accident happened that he blames himself for, and he got really into drinking after, as a way of coping, i guess."
hoseok looked thoughtful. when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "was it... was it when he lost his brother?"
i stared at him. "how do you know about that?
"i was dating him, remember? i went to the funeral."
"oh, yeah. i guess you're right. yeah, it was. anyways, it really messed yoongi hyung up."
hoseok nodded. "he never talked to me after the funeral. i wanted to reach out to him, but my mom advised me to leave him alone for a while. i never heard from him again." hoseok looked sad, and i couldn't help but reach out a hand and reassuringly squeeze it.
"so we ended up finding him passed out in the bathroom of a club. it was his brother's birthday. when we walked in, the smell just hit you. he was," i coughed, trying to hide the emotions rising. "he was just lying there, his hair all messy. i hated seeing him in such a state of vulnerability. weakness." my voice cracked at the last few words.
hoseok pulled me from my chair and onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. i'd been receiving a lot of hugs from strangers in the past few weeks. but it was comforting, so i just sat there as hoseok rubbed my back and i sobbed into his shirt.
we sat like that silently for about an hour, just comforted by each other's presence. after a while, hoseok patted my back. "i'm hungry. you want anything?"
"just a coffee, please. one cream." i requested politely, crawling off his lap.
"got it." he left, leaving me alone in the room with yoongi.
i got up, walking over to the bed and laying down next to yoongi. i held his pale hand in mind, stroking my thumb over his knuckles. "i'm so sorry, hyung. i never should have let you leave the house. this wouldn't have happened to you. or maybe if i got there a little sooner, and we called the ambulance sooner, you would be okay right now. you'd be home, with me, apologizing for forgetting my birthday and maybe we'd kiss, and snuggle a little bit." i took a shaky breath. "i'm really glad you're not dead, yoongi hyung. i really miss you. i-i love you. so much." i reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"you didn't tell me you love him." i looked up to see hoseok standing in the doorway holding my coffee and a bag. i sat up, red coating my cheeks.
"you didn't ask," i stated simply, taking my coffee.