•Past•
On the run.
In hiding.
Taking a break from all my recent killings.
My mansion and everyone inside had burned to death...including Salvatore.
His family was sent money to last them possibly their entire lives and even better if they invested it in something.
There would be nothing left but ashes.
The master of the mansion too was dead and I had a new identity. Yoo Jihoon was dead, the fire ruled accidental.
I brought money along with me of course, enough to last me years but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to do something more...perhaps once again invest in a business or maybe start one.
Something simple but that would also bring in money.
It took me a while to think of what kind of business I'd open but alas I did, Blacksmith. It was perfect for me. Business was great, I had regulars and I also had people who recommend me to others.
I'd open late morning and closed after the sunset.
Day in and day out I almost felt happy with my current life. I was able to get rid of those horrid people and I was making a pretty good living.
Moving and changing my identity could possibly be the most amazing thing I could've done.
I really felt like I belonged here.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
•Present•
I opened my eyes and saw that she was no longer beside me.
I turned the other way and she was looking at what seemed to be a picture.
"You're awake" she said.
"Have you been awake very long?"
She shook her head.
I knew something was on her mind but I wasn't sure of what to ask or how to.
"Helen was her name..." she began. "Did you dream of her?"
?
"About Helen? No. I don't recall any dreams with her" I said. "Dreams are merely a thing of imagination. Tricks the mind plays on us to make us paint a picture of what we want to see. It is nothing but a lie"
"You kept saying her name over and over again. That's what woke me, it led me to wonder whether maybe somewhere within your heart you feel actual guilt for killing her" she said as she looked at me.
She observed my facial expression for quite some time.
"Do you feel guilty Jihoon?" She asked.
"Why should I? I did what I had to do. You see, the only person who has your back is you. She might have been the love I had waited on for so long but nothing lasts forever. I may not believe in a god but doesn't that book say: 'ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF' meaning that life comes and goes"
"How do you know that verse?"
"Priests used to visit me often to make peace with their so-called God" I said. "I know that book like the back of my hand and it seems more like nonsense. A handbook for idiots that need a reason to believe they have 'purpose' and belong somewhere."
"Jihoon...It kind of upsets me when you say those things" she said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I believe in God and he's made me see that there is good in you. I'm helping you because...well...you're worth helping. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes, we are all human. He brings justice in his own way but you sought it before he coul-"
"Don't come at me with that bullshit. We're talking about Helen not some fairy tale alright?"
She seemed upset but I can't believe in a god who would allow everything that I lived through happen. I didn't deserve that and if I'm here now it's because I've accepted my consequences. The fact she's trying to help is ridiculous and pointless but I'll let her have her moment...
"Sorry..." she said softly.
"I'm sorry too. But understand me when I say I don't have faith because when I did have it...it was taken away just as quickly. No one came to help1 me, not even god. So where was he when as a child I was being sold into prostitution by my own mother? Where was he when I cried out for help?" I asked as I looked at her. "Do you think that's the kind of god I wanna serve or believe in? A god that abandoned me when I truly needed him? I got my revenge and had no help whatsoever. The fact I got caught was because I got tired of running...simple as that."
"Jihoon...don't you want to keep on living?" She asked.
"For what? There's no reason nor is there anyone who cares whether I continue living or die" I said.
"You're wrong" she looked at me. "You have me."
!
"I care what happens to you. I care whether you live or not. Don't you think that this will affect me? You're more than just my client, I relate to you and I've never been able to do that with anyone else...if you die it is because I let you down. Your death will be my fault...I want them to see what I see in you." She said as she came closer. "I want them to see the man I see"
"And what kind of man do you see?" I looked into her eyes.
"I see an intelligent, artistic, bold, intriguing and a wonder struck man who could change the world in a positive way if they'd only give him the chance too" she said. "A man with many thoughts and so much to offer..."
I scoffed.
"Don't tell me you're falling in love with me?"
Her eyes widened.
"N-No! Don't be stupid ! I was complimenting you and trying to give you a sense that someone does actually care about you!!"
I smirked.
"Oh so now I'm stupid? I thought I was intelligent ~"
"No! I was wrong! You're obviously not because you can't tell a compliment aside from liking someone!"
"No need to yell Ms. Slayer" I chuckled.
"I'm not yelling!!!"
"If you say so~" I said.
"Back to the original subject..." she muttered.
"Well I could tell you my side of the story, since clearly she can't" I sighed.
She nodded.
"I want to know everything" she said.
"I'm getting hungry." I said.
"We can eat later. Come on" she insisted.
I groaned.
"Fine...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
•Past•
My regulars were still coming to see me and everyday.
I look forward to opening and working hard.
Everything seems to be turning around for me.
*Pling Ding*
?
"I'm sorry...Am I too late?"
I turned around.
?!
I've never seen her before...
"No. I'm still open" I said. "What can I do for you?"
She was blushing.
"My father sent me, I'm not sure what this is but he asked me to bring it to you." She said nervously as she handed me the tool.
"I'll have it fixed in no time. You can have a seat over there if you'd like" I smiled.
She blushed even harder.
It was cute.
"O-Okay"
I made small talk with her but it only made things awkward so I hurried as much as I could. When I was finally finished, I let it cool down then wrapped it up safely for her to carry home.
"You're amazing." She said.
!
"You fixed it like nothing. No wonder he trusts you so much~ He always talks about what a great man you are and by observing I can tell you take great pride in what you do" she smiled.
!!
I don't know what it is I'm feeling at this moment but I felt the blood immediately rush to my face.
"Y...Yes I do. Thank you" I managed to say.
"Is it okay if...I come see you again?" She asked. "I would like to learn"
"Learn?" I repeated.
She nodded. "Yes. You've inspired me"
?
"Um...I don't think this is something a woman should do. It's very complex" I answered.
"But with a teacher like you I'll be an amazing blacksmith" she said. "Please? I'd really like to try. I promise I'll do my best"
I couldn't say no.
"I'll see you tomorrow morning" I slightly smiled.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
•Present•
"That's so cute~" I said.
"I'm hungry. Make me some food" he said fully.
"Excuse me?" I looked at him.
"What? Did I stutter?" He looked at me with that stupid smirk I hated so much.
I sighed.
"You better say please next time or I swear I will lose my mind"
"You already have. For example, bringing a murderer into your home that's isolated from the city I might add. No officers or protection, knives and other cutlery in the house and-"
"I get it...Geez"
I heard him chuckle.
For a pain in the ass, it's nice to see him smile even for a short while or hear him chuckle sometimes laugh. He's a completely different person compared to how he was when he was trapped in between those 4 walls.
I walked downstairs to make breakfast for us and I couldn't help but think of Helen.
When he was talking to me about it, I could see a certain despair in his eyes. It wasn't easy for him to do that but he refuses to accept it, I often wonder what he was thinking when he did those things.
Did he feel anything at all?
Or is he simply brushing off those emotions?
I took a deep breath and turned the stove on.
I was lost in my own thoughts.
I'm beginning to think that maybe he should just runaway...go somewhere far away and never look back.
If I set him free I'll pay the consequences, possibly have to take his sentence but in a sense I'd be willing too.
However I can't seem to understand why I feel this way about a stranger.
It's like the more I'm around him the more he entices me like a fly caught in a spiders web.
"It seems like you have questions for me"
!
I turned around to see him looking at me from the hallway.
"You can ask them if you'd like" he said.
"I..." I began. "I was just thinking about some stuff. Nothing important"
"Are you sure? It seemed like you were really thinking hard about something. I'm sure you're curious about my past, it's only natural" He said with a slight smile. "As my attorney you're entitled to knowing what you want to know, am I right?"
"Jihoon...have you thought of Helen since that night?" I asked.
He leaned against the wall.
"Every day since then." He answered. "Just because I killed her doesn't mean it was easy for me to do it"
"So tell me what you felt"
"How do you think I did?" He asked.
I shrugged.
"Scared, Angry, Sad"
"Why angry?" He asked.
"Anger because you wish you didn't have to, Anger because you wanted this woman to grow old with you and also anger because you would've given anything not to be in that situation" I said.
"You're correct." He said. "I did feel that and the reasons are also accurate except for one...I have to admit I was relieved"
?
I turned off the stove and looked at him.
He had a crooked smile.
"I enjoyed it"
My heart began to race.
"And would you like to know why?"
"....."
"Because she was smothering me. She wanted to have a child but I can't have any." He said. "I was afraid she'd leave me. So in a sense I suppose it was for the best"
He sat on the table.
He says it like nothing...
I served him his breakfast and sat across from him.
"Run out of questions?" He asked.
"You can continue your story from where you left off" I said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
•Past•
Months upon months passed but she kept on coming. Never missing a day. She became my apprentice and then later along the road something more.
I don't know what it is about her but she made the demons within stay at bay.
She's the realest person I had ever met and she accepted me.
Although...she knew nothing about what I had done she still made me feel accepted.
After closing shop one day I noticed that our once quite and humble neighborhood began to be infested with prostitutes. I obviously didn't take this in very well and I decided to take it upon myself to get rid of them. The police weren't doing their jobs and they were clearly setting a very bad example. I loathed them the moment I saw them standing outside in corners. They're overdone makeup, their disgusting raspy voices and those god awful smiles.
Helen would often make small talk with me so I wouldn't pay attention to the fact this place was infested with rodent...prostitution is wrong and the women who do it shouldn't even be allowed to live.
I hate them.
It only brought back sour memories.
"So, I was wondering maybe we could eat out instead of cooking at home?"
I couldn't say no to her. Ever. It is one of the many things I find strange, then again I suppose that's a normal thing. After all she's my first girlfriend.
"Where would you like to go?" I asked.
She thought for a moment.
"What about the restaurant around the corner?"
I looked up to see a small gathering of whores.
I made a disgusted face.
"Is something the matter dear?" She asked.
"I don't think it's appropriate for us to eat there." I said.
She looked up and sighed softly.
"Okay. Well then where do you want to go?" She asked.
"Home? I'll cook dinner tonight" I smiled.
"You will?"
I nodded. "We haven't had a romantic night at all so I'll make tonight special. It'll be something you'll never forget"
She blushed.
"Myon, you're embarrassing me..."
Her shy and innocent demeanor is what I love the most. Possibly the kindest human being I have ever met in my entire existence.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
•Present•
"Then what?"
"You want to know everything ?" I asked.
She nodded.
"We had sex that night"
"So?" She looked at me.
"It was the first time I did it willingly. Kind of like losing your virginity but with your consent...it's hard to really explain what I was feeling because she knew nothing of my past that had to do with the rape. She knew my mother was dead and I never knew my father. She figured I was an orphan and I just went with that. However, that specific night I remember feeling scared..."
"Why?" She asked.
"Well why wouldn't I? You think it's easy for a person like me to have sex willingly? I had never felt aroused before nor had I ever loved anyone. I didn't want to mess it up or scare her away" I explained.
"My first time was horrible." Faline announced a bit awkwardly.
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Maybe you should've waited a bit longer" I said.
She shrugged. "It was all in the moment"
"Charles?"
She turned bright red.
"So you probably dumped him too because he didn't know what to do. That's just cruel" I teased.
"It was just weird okay? We both didn't know what the hell we were doing and we sure as hell didn't feel the same...at least I didn't." She sighed. "Anyway, go on"
"After that, a couple of months down the road she decided to start staying home. Which was fine by me since frankly all we did was fool around when she was there at the shop. It was a relief and at the same time agony. One day as I was closing shop I lost my cool, a whore approached me and she was drunk also in something I'm sure. But I snapped, I don't really recall what she said to me but I went into a rage...I pretended to help her and I brought her inside the shop, killed her and hacked her body up. I went to buy Hydrofluoric acid along with other substances to get rid of the body, once I got back that rush I couldn't stop. I wanted my neighborhood back..."
Faline looked at me and it looked like she wanted to ask me more things. I waited but she simply gestured me to go on.
"I kept going and going. I began to obsess over it once more. Picturing the horrible things they had done and that it was my job to cleanse the streets of my town. Not only for me but for the children and good citizens that lived there." I said. "But the price I paid...was devastating"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
•Past•
This one has very strong bones, it's hard to cut into them. I'll just have to do my best, she was quite bigger than the rest but regardless not a single strand of evidence can remain.
I got the tub of acid ready and decided to sever her head.
I'll save it for last.
I grabbed my newly sharpened axe and began cutting.
Blood splattering all over me and the walls behind me.
The sweet sound that comes when you're cutting into a person is phenomenal.
I don't feel a bit of remorse or regret.
I feel relieved and alive.
"Oh my God..."
!
I looked up to see Helen standing at the doorway to my private room.
She knew she wasn't allowed here but she came anyway.
She started to scream and the screams only got louder as I told her that I would explain.
She wanted to run but I wasn't going to let her leave.
I swung my axe and tossed it as hard as I could.
It sunk into her back making a cracking and crunching sound.
She fell to the floor and still attempted to escape by slowly crawling to the door.
Naturally, I caught up to her before she reached the door.
"Helen...why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you stay away? We were going to get married and live happily but you decided to come to the shop and not only that but you came into the forbidden room" I said.
She began to cry.
I hushed her and comforted her as best I could whilst humming her favorite song.
I sighed and my heart felt heavy.
She's in pain.
I have to end this.
I took the axe out of her spine and repeatedly lodged it in her skull.
Blood splattered all over.
Brains spilled out and were spread everywhere.
Pieces of bone flying around and hitting the walls ever so slightly.
Before she fully died she said she loved me.
Words that remain embedded in my mind.
Words I would never hear again.
Words that meant the world to me but turned into nothing.
She pleaded.
She begged.
She cried.
But in the end she had to go.
The only woman I came to love died by my hand.
My life is truly meant to be live in the shadows, misery and darkness.
There is no going back.