Chapter Twelve:
Charlotte snuggled up closer to the warm pillow she was curled against, wrapping her arm tighter around it. The gentle drum beat beneath her ear picked up tempo as she moaned and the blankets around her tightened their hold.
She had never felt so warm, so safe, as she felt in this very moment. Charlotte tried to remember ever having felt safe and secure before. Had she? Abusive parents who had no concern for her welfare had led to a husband who had been cold and indifferent at the best of times and just plain mean and heavy handed at the worst.
Her pillow shifted a little beneath her head and Charlotte found herself frowning. Since when did pillows move of their accord? Slowly she opened her eyes and then swallowed hard when she realized she wasn't wrapped around a pillow..... Her head was resting a chest, a broad chest and it was two strong dark arms that were squeezing her tightly, not a blanket.
"Miss Charlotte, you waking up now?" Silas's gentle voice washed over her and Charlotte found her lips curving into a smile as she looked up into his brown eyes. "Now there's a nice sight." He said, though she noticed that he swallowed hard and his voice sounded a bit tighter than it did normally.
Charlotte tried to remember how they had gotten here.... Silas had blood on his lip... Blood from what? A flash of memory came back to her then. The man in the cellar. The horrible things he had said to Silas and the way he had touched her.....
She stiffened as fear filled her and Silas shushed her patiently. "It's okay, Miss Charlotte, you're safe now."
"Thank you for staying with me." Charlotte whispered, turning her gaze back to his chest to avoid his eyes.
"I said I would. I'll always keep my word to you, Miss Charlotte." Charlotte wanted to reply and ask him why that was, why he cared so much, but Grace chose that moment to awaken with a loud wailing cry.
Charlotte pulled away from Silas and tried to sit up but pain filled her body. Her arms and legs were sore from trying to fight off her attacker, her breasts hurt from his painful squeezes and her face was aching from his punch.
Silas slid away from her and stood. "I'll get her, Miss Charlotte."
Charlotte watched him walk around the bed and she couldn't help but smile as his eyes lit up when he picked the screaming infant up from her cradle.
"Now what seems to be the matter, Little Grace?" he cooed gently. "You just tell Silas all about it and I'll see what I can't do to reconcile the problem."
Charlotte tried to imagine Jackson being so sweet and loving toward that little girl as Silas cradled her against his chest and rocked her gently, never taking his brown eyes off the now quiet infant. She couldn't imagine it and she knew that was because it never would have happened. Jackson had been angry at her for getting with child and he had already hated Grace without ever having met the beautiful angel. She had no doubt that his resentment would have only grown with every cry the infant made and every outfit she dirtied.
Charlotte fell tears fill her eyes when Silas began to sing quietly to Grace. It was as if the man had simply forgotten there was anyone else in the entire world as he looked down at the baby and rocked her gently in his strong arms.
"Swing low sweet chariot coming for to carry me home...." Charlotte sniffed as she fought back her tears and Silas stopped singing as a smile split his face and he turned his gaze toward her.
"This little girl is an angel, plain and simple." he admitted and then his smile turned downward. "You're crying." He stated. "I don't like the way those tears look in your eyes, Miss Charlotte, ma'am."
Charlotte felt the tears she'd been trying desperately to hold back break loose then and slip down her cheeks. Silas looked horrified and he wasted no time in crossing the room, circling the bed and kneeling beside her with Grace still held in his arms, though the infant was once again becoming restless.
"Now, Miss Charlotte...." Silas pleaded. "Please stop those tears now...."
Charlotte tried but she simply couldn't seem to. She had managed to hold them back since Jackson had tried to kill her and she'd given birth to their daughter alone but she couldn't hold them back any longer. Stress, fatigue and then the longing for whatever this was she was feeling for Silas to be named... This urge to know what this was between them.... The wish that Grace could have a father like him.... Charlotte had heard that women sometimes jumped from mood to mood and got worked up over everything after having a baby and she guessed that she had become one of those women.
Grace began to cry loudly and Charlotte felt her breasts respond to the sound as milk filled them. "She's hungry." Charlotte stated with a sniff as she held out her arms. "Let me feed her."
Silas nodded and laid Grace in her arms though he seemed loathe to do so. "I'll just go on out and clean a bit." He responded. "And I'll get to cooking those eggs too, Miss Charlotte. I'm sure you're just as hungry as Little Grace."
All Charlotte could manage was a nod and Silas pushed himself to his feet and backed away toward the door. "I didn't cause those tears did I, Miss Charlotte?"
"No..... No, it wasn't you." Charlotte sniffed, stroking her tiny angels light hair. Silas nodded and then walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him.
Charlotte unbuttoned the front of her blouse and while Grace eagerly suckled, Charlotte wept. "The world is mean, Grace. It is a hate filled place full of disappointments and those that will hurt you. There have always been monsters but now there is a new breed of monsters for you to grow up in fear of. I'm sorry my angel. Mama will do her very best to shield and protect you and we have Silas....... He is different. He is kind and gentle...." Charlotte's voice trailed off as she thought of Silas and his quiet strength over the last couple of weeks.
Boarding windows, hunting, cleaning, cooking when needed and simply always being there. Always defending her against all the monsters, (both human and bloodthirsty), that came around. He was a blessing; the biggest one that Charlotte had ever been given outside of her daughter.
She smiled down at Grace, her tears drying in her eyes. "We're going to be okay, Grace."
***
Silas balanced the tray of food and cups of water on his hip as he knocked on Charlotte's bedroom door an hour later. He was nervous. There was so much he wanted to say to Charlotte but none of it was right. The way he felt about that woman wasn't right. But no matter how many times he tried to tell his heart that, it just would not listen.
"Come in." that quiet voice called from the other side of the door. Silas let out a breath before squaring his shoulders and opening the door slowly.
Charlotte was sitting in the armchair beside the window with Grace swaddled and lying in her arms. Charlotte had changed out of her stained and torn clothes and into a pale blue gingham skirt and cream blouse with a high neck and long sleeves. Her hair was all pulled back but several soft strands were free and laying over her shoulders and across her cheek.
She was so beautiful. So soft. Silas just wanted to protect her and keep her safe from the harsh world they lived in. He was happy to see that her tears had been dried.... Those tears had ripped his heart out, each and every one. Silas had never been a man that could stand to see a woman's tears.
"I brought your food, Miss Charlotte. I'm sorry it took so long."
"It smells delicious, Silas. Thank you." Charlotte replied as she stood and carried Grace to her cradle. Silas watched her lay that little angel down and then make her way back to the chair.
"Pull that other chair over here and eat with me, won't you?" Charlotte asked and Silas nodded. He'd been hoping she would invite him to do so. He sat the tray on the small table beside Charlotte and then slid his gun off his back, propping it against the wall before sitting down himself.
"This is delicious!" Charlotte exclaimed as she bit into a chunk of warm apple and the sugary juice it had been canned in ran down her chin. Silas smiled as he pulled his bandana and leaned forward, wiping the juice away.
He saw the way those brown rings around her green eyes darkened as he ran that bandana over his chin and he quickly averted his gaze as he sat back and got busy eating his own food. Silas had tried very hard in his thirty years of life to never be a lustful man. He was a good Christian man who had only ever been with one woman. They had been engaged to be married when she had given herself to him, only to die of fever a few days before their wedding.
Silas had been sure that he was done with love and relationships and had managed for eight long years until the day he'd ridden in here and seen Charlotte's pale, tired face. Not only did his body want her but his heart did too and Silas cursed them both for wanting what they could not have.
"I'm afraid that the only way we're gonna have dinner is if we sacrifice one of those chickens out there." Silas finally stated after several long moments of their chewing being the only sound in the room. Charlotte sighed and looked out the window with a nod.
"They've not had proper food in weeks so they won't provide us with much meat, I'm afraid....." Her voice trailed off and she licked at her lip as her eyes became lost in some far away memory. "But I'm sure they will taste delicious." Silas smiled at her ability to see the silver lining around every storm cloud. She looked over at him then. "When I first married Jackson this place was different. He was a wealthy man then and we had more then we could use. The cellar was bursting with food as was the kitchen. The barns, coops and corrals were full of fat, happy animals..... Plenty of clothes and trips to fancy cities. Then Jackson made a couple of bad investments, there was a few years of droughts and well..... He lost everything."
"Not everything." Silas countered. "He had you and you were giving him Little Grace."
Charlotte let out a sad little snort. "That did not matter to him. We did not matter. Jackson and I did not love one another, Silas. It was not a marriage of love, friendship or even fondness.... My family was poor and he offered quite a bit of money for my hand. They were very eager to make the trade." Silas saw her cheeks flush as if it embarrassed her to share that truth with him.
Silas had heard of such marriages before but he'd never understood them. He knew that if the Lord saw fit to ever bless him with beautiful daughters, he would let them marry for love, not for money.
"I'm sorry, Miss Charlotte. A woman as soft and gentle as yourself deserved a husband who would have worshipped the very ground you walked upon."
Charlotte laughed lightly. "Men don't worship anyone but themselves, Silas. Jackson was angry when I became pregnant with Grace. He said I waited until he was a mere pauper on purpose just to pour salt in his wounds."
"Not all men are like that, Miss Charlotte." Silas stated in earnest and his heart thundered when she looked into his eyes and a soft smile curved her full heart shaped lips.
"You're right, Silas. I apologize. You certainly are nothing like the other men I've known."
"I ain't anything special, Miss Charlotte. The Lord tells me to love others and to help where I'm needed so that is what I do."
"Is that all that makes you help us?" Charlotte asked and then her face flushed red and she bit her lip and looked away from him quickly. "Just.. I mean...." She stuttered several times and then simply fell silent, her fingers picking at a loose thread in her skirt.
Silas swallowed hard. Could it be that she felt the same pull toward him that he felt toward her? That he had felt toward her from the moment he had first seen her? But it wasn't right. The world would not accept a black man and a white woman being together....
Do you really care? His heart seemed to ask and the answer to that was simple. No. No, Silas did not care what the world thought of his feelings toward Charlotte but he did care about how they would judge her.... Then again it didn't seem like much of the world was left and surely they had bigger things to worry about than the color of skin.....
"Miss Charlotte...." He began but still she refused to look at him and he saw another fat tear balancing precariously on her lashes. That tear broke free and rolled down her cheek and Silas found himself sliding from his chair and falling to his knees in front of her. He heard Charlotte's sharp intake of breath as he slid his thumb gently across her soft cheek. "I think I might just be falling in love with you."
Silas saw her green eyes widen and fill with shock. "Love?" she asked quietly.
"I'm sorry Miss Charlotte." Silas said with true regret. "I know it ain't right for me to love you. I'm a colored man and you're a white woman and they say it's wrong for me to love you... I tried to tell my heart it ain't right... but it turns out my heart is colorblind since it met you."
Silas wondered what she was thinking. Her eyes were so wide and confused as they looked into his that it was impossible to say what was going through her mind. Had he just crossed a boundary that would be too much for her? Would she not trust him anymore and want him gone?
"Why?"
"Why what?" Silas asked with a frown.
"Why are we both feeling this for one another?"
Silas nearly cried out with the relief that filled him at her admission of feelings toward him. "Maybe God is as colorblind as my heart, Miss Charlotte. Maybe I am the one he made for you...."
Charlotte looked hopeful for a moment but then she frowned. "Or perhaps I'm simply the first woman you've spent time with since this all started and I'm simply grateful for all you've done...."
Silas sighed. He doubted that she was right but understood that she'd need time. The good thing was that he didn't have anywhere better to be than right here.
"Miss Charlotte, I meant what I've said. I am falling in love with you and I love Little Grace. I'll do everything I can do to keep you both safe and happy until I ain't got a single breath left in my body."
"I...." Tears filled Charlotte's eyes again. "No one has ever loved me before, Silas... I don't know what I am supposed to do now or how to respond...."
Silas smiled comfortingly up at her and leaned forward. He saw her eyes widen and she stiffened, clearly unsure of what he was doing. Thankfully Silas was a patient man.
He brushed his lips against her cheek in a feather soft touch that lit his blood and filled his heart. As he pulled away and stood Silas was aware of Charlotte's fingers lingering on his arm.
"I'll be going on downstairs now and take care of this mess, Miss Charlotte." Silas said, tilting his head toward their empty plates.
"I should be doing that!" Charlotte argued quickly. "You've been doing far too much around here..."
Silas just shook his head. "I like being busy. It ain't no trouble." He gave her one last smile, picked up the tray of dishes and then walked out the door closing it quietly behind him.
***
Charlotte sat there in a bit of a daze as she let her fingertips dance across the cheek Silas's warm lips had just caressed. Had the last quarter of an hour truly happened? Had Silas just told her that he loved her?
Was it possible that he did love her? Did she love him? Charlotte simply could not be sure. There was so much going on around them and they were isolated here together.... Would he be so sure that he loved her if there was a single other woman around to look at and talk to? Charlotte doubted it. She wasn't the type of woman to turn a man's head. ... not anymore.
Surely another woman would come around eventually and then Silas would realize he did not want to spend the rest of his life tied to a scared widow woman and her infant daughter. Charlotte was fairly certain that what she felt toward Silas was the beginnings of love, though she had never felt it before... She felt her world brighten just with the knowledge that he was in it and that had to be love, didn't it?
Charlotte was still trying to figure things out in her mind when she heard a terrible moaning from beneath her window. She jumped to her feet, trying to ignore the pain in her body, and ran to the window to see the rabid moaning and jerking, beating his hands and body against the door of the house.
Then much to her horror, the door broke open and the rabid stumbled into the house. Charlotte's first thought was Silas. Where was he?!
She saw his shot gun leaning against the wall and grabbed it. She had seen him fire it enough times to know how to fire it. She opened the bedroom door and ran out to find the rabid making its way up the staircase toward her.
"Gnaaaa!" it groaned as its eyes locked on her and it snapped its teeth together and reached for her.
Charlotte screamed even as she put the shot gun to her shoulder, pulled the hammer back and squeezed the trigger, just as Silas came around the corner from the kitchen and yelled her name.
The rabid fell back as Charlotte fell on her backside on the stairs from the force of the shot. Charlotte ignored the pain as her body jarred on the hard wooden stair and instead focused on the rabid, cursing herself for missing its head.
She was about to take another shot when she saw Silas come running forward, wielding a cast iron skillet. With a resounding crack that Charlotte knew she'd hear for years to come when she closed her eyes, the rabid's skull was crushed and it crumpled to the ground, its moans forever silenced.
"Miss Charlotte!" Silas exclaimed as he ran forward and scooped her into his arms. "Damn but I'm tired of seeing you hurt!" Then he bit his lips. "Sorry about cursing...."
Surprisingly enough Charlotte found herself laughing. She supposed it was stress but clearly the laugh was infectious because Silas began to chuckle quietly.
"Silas, this world is a mess."
"I agree, Miss Charlotte."
"I told you once that the color of your skin doesn't bother me and I meant it. I still do. I want to apologize for being so frightened upstairs. I think I might be falling in love with you as well."
"You don't know how happy I am to hear that." Silas admitted as he sat her on her feet and stroked her cheek with his thumb. Charlotte bit her lip.
"I just want you to know that no matter what happens, if we find other survivors and you realize that you don't want to be tied to a woman like me with a small baby then I will understand......." Charlotte saw the first flash of temper in Silas's soft brown eyes as they looked at her and it startled her.
"You bite your tongue and don't speak things like that. Now I might be a colored man but that don't make me a monster, Miss Charlotte, and it certainly don't make me a man who says things he doesn't mean. I won't meet someone else and change my mind. God sent me to this house for a reason and that was reason was you and Little Grace."
"Okay..." Charlotte managed to squeak around the shame in her throat. "I wasn't trying to make you angry...." His eyes softened and he kissed her forehead tenderly. Charlotte had never been kissed with a tenderness like this... As a matter of fact every touch Silas had ever graced her with had been full of this sweet tenderness that stole her breath.
"I know you didn't. You are the sweetest and best woman I've ever met. You know how to make the most out of things that go bad and you don't complain, you simply carry on. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Miss Charlotte."
Charlotte was uncomfortable talking about herself so instead she pointed to the dead rabid. "That makes three in one day. We've never had that many."
"There was a bit more than three, Miss Charlotte." Silas admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I ran into a few while I was taking care of the first two."
"Silas we can't stay here..... There are more and more of those things every day and we're out of food."
"I know." Silas admitted as he sat down on the step and she sat beside him.
"Where are we going to go?"
"I don't know.... West I guess."
"West?" Charlotte asked. "Why west?"
"Because I came from the east and it's no better that way."
"And you're thinking it will be better west?"
Silas looked down at his hands and shrugged. "All we have is hope, Miss Charlotte."
Charlotte pushed herself to her feet and nodded. "Can you get him away from the house without getting hurt?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Are you sure?"
"I'll come back to you, Miss Charlotte. I'll be just fine." Silas assured her gently. Charlotte smiled, still so unfamiliar with having a man speak to her so nicely.
"I'll begin to pack and we'll stay here one more night. We'll have to secure the door a bit better so no more get in before morning. We'll leave out at first light."
"I'll keep you safe while we travel, Miss Charlotte. You and Little Grace."
"I trust you, Silas." Charlotte admitted and as she turned and went back to her room to begin packing she wondered if Silas knew just how much that meant.