This is just both parts of chapter eight put together. Read if you want, but you don't have too.
Kimbrea and I walked into my house with sore legs and torsos. Majorette practice lasted an hour longer than expected, and all those jumps and splits and kicks made walking feel like jumping in a bed of nails. We walked in my room and she threw her bag on my bed. It wasn't her first time here, maybe her third, so she was comfortable enough here. Looking around my room, the recently purple walls were covered in charcoal drawings and letters from the old orphanage. I would of never guessd they missed me like they did. But of course, those lasted probably a month or two and stopped cold. Just like Yvette's visits.
"You want to shower first?" I asked her, checking the time on my phone. It was already ten and the party started at nine. At least we would be fashionably late.
"Sure." She grabbed her bag from the floor and entered the bathroom through the door.
I went to my closet and began to throw things on my bed. I would wear pink skinny jeans, a blue flowing tank-top with 'L♥VE" in black and black sneaker-wedges with rhinestones on the back. As Kimbrea showered, I gelled my half to one side so it was curled. I took out a pair of gold heart earrings, and by then Kimbrea had came out. I washed up with Passionfruit scented body wash and allowed the steam to seep in my pores. Walking out of the room, I saw Kimbrea dressed in a blue crop top and white ripped jeans with black boots on. Oddly, it worked for her framework.
"Ready to go?" I asked her, responding to a text from Nicole asking around what time I would be back.
"Well aren't you happy to go now?"
I didn't even respond to her, instead smiling in her direction. My excitement for this was sky rocketing, because this would be my first party in four months. That's a long time for me, considering I use to party every other day. And I knew it wouldn't be dry. I don't hang with dry people.
We took my car, and I drove as Kimbrea gave me the directions. I parked across the street from the house and marveled at the scenery. It was a secluded location, at a mansion. I mean, all the houses in this town were mansion-worthy, but this one took the cake. You could hear the bass of the music and you could see the movement of people inside.
"What time?" Kimbrea asked, referring to when I planned on leaving.
I shrugged my shoulders. "When its over."
~
It didn't take long to find Jessica posted outside resembling a baby doll. We merged in, greeting whoever greeted us. It was then we saw Anything, along with the other Basketball Team and Majorettes, huddled by the couch as a V.I.P section. I giggled as we entered, seeing a girl trip on her four inch heels. I missed this.
" You actually showed up?" Jenny, captain of the dance team, joked.
"She probably can't really hang."Anthony responded, jokingly waving me off as he sipped from a cup of-what smelled like- beer.
"Did you just sip beer?" I asked, taking the cup from him. Without farther notice, I chugged the remaining half cup. After smirking at his stunned expression, turned to Jessica. "So...When is this dude coming?"
"Any minute."
"Well until then," I sat my cups on the table. "You shouldn't let him see you standing off somewhere. He needs to see you having the time of your life!"
I grabbed both of their hands, going towards the dance floor. Just as we squeezed in the middle, Work by Iggy Azalea began to play.
" I've been up all night, tryna get that rich/ I've been work work work work working on my shit..." Of seemed every girl started to pop their butts- imaginary or not- as the hook came on. I couldn't help but glance around the suddenly familiar atmosphere. It seems no matter who I'm around, or what school cred they have, a party is still the same: No one caring who saw what, because they were free.
I felt like I belonged.
Glancing around, I saw Anthony staring at me, and decided to give off a show. Staring in his eyes, I slowly started to rotate my hips as I went im a circle. Then I grinded in place slowly, and popped my but in his directions. Smirking at him, I turned my gaze somewhere else, his glossy eyes still in my head.
Tonight would be interesting.
~
Seven songs later, I was slightly buzzed- still fully buzzed and sitting on the couch with Anthony. Somewhere on between dancing and talking, he managed to convince me to talk to him. It was actually...nice. I don't even remember my last decent conversation with someone of the opposite sex. The words flowed, because I didn't care what he thought. I was me, and if you didn't like it, fuck off.
"You was trynna give me a heart attack out there." He continued his point, wrapping an idle arm around my waist.
"Boy, nobody was worried about you." I sipped from my cup, casually scooting closer to him. "You shouldn't of been staring so hard."
"Oh, so you were watching me?" I heard the smile in his voice before I even looked at him to roll my eyes.
"Maybe. You were staring bullets at me." I smirked at him, licking my lips.
He laughed, not once denying it. "Well, beautiful girls like you don't come back that often."
I looked down to hide the blush in my cheeks and swished the liquid in my cup around. "Yeah, right."
"Why you stay that?"
"Because... I'm so broken I don't know how the cracks don't show..." I chugged the rest of the tequila in my cup and sat it on the table to my left.mI wanted to break completely. Everything in my life was going perfect- but I couldn't even enjoy it from the fear of it being snatched from under me.
"Hey," He took two of his fingers, placing them under my chin and turning me to face him. "Its a miracle none of ours show either."
Not even thinking. I allowed him to move closer and place his lips on mine. They for perfectly, and his were soft with just enough force. It would be a lie to say I wantedto pull away, but I did anyway. The only thing I focused on was his green eyes staring in my hazel ones.
"Milly!" I heard someone call over the music. I turned to see Jessica. "He's here!" I stood up, allowing her to maneuver me through the crowd. "Right there."
I looked to where she pointed her head and almost fell out myself. He was easily over the six feet mark, the clearest milk chocolate skin I ever saw, with juicy lips and hazel eyes. His hair reached his neck in neat dreads, but that's not what caught me.
"I know him.!" I told her. "That's Killa, well, Keith."
"Keith?" She scrunched up her face. I shrugged my shoulders. Then, her face widened as her eyes brightened. "You have to introduce us!"
I froze. The only reason I knew him was because of Xavier. Killa was his right hand man! They rarely did things separately, almost to the point it annoyed me - or was I jealous because I never had any one like that?
Then another realization hit me. If Killa was here, so was X-and that meant everyone else in the crew. Was I really ready to see them again? After four months? They probably think I abandoned them or something- but it felt like they abandoned me.
"Please," Jessica begged, grasping my arm. "Please."
I sighed, nodding my head. We walked over there, and as soon as I was within sight Killa directed his attention to me. I was close enough to see his smile, and that he was with some people from the crew I never talked to but always saw.
"Where have you been,Milly?" He asked, engulfing me in a hug.
"Relocated." I answered when he let me go. "Out here."
"Causing trouble?"
"Do I ever?" I shook my head, he laughed. "Oh," I grabbed Jessica's arm, pulling her closer. "This is my friend Jessica, Jessica this is...Killa." You could obviously see them giving each other a once over, until both nodded their heads slightly in approval.
Killa reached out his hand. "Keith." Letting go of me, she shook his hand. Killa focused in on something over me. I tried not to look, I'm case of was nothing, but when he nodded his head and them nudged it at me, I couldn't help but turn around.
It was Xavier.
~
Sitting on the upstairs balcony, the wind caressed my face as I stared at the stars. I could still hear the music two floors down, but it was easily drowned by my thoughts. The smoke I inhaled only worked for so long. They were too strong. And my leg continued to bounce up and down despite my mind wanting to freeze it.
Seeing Xavier was like a slap in the face. His mocha skin and hazel eyes, with his sleeve style tattoos almost knocked me completely out. Its been so long since I saw him... I forgot how angelic he really was. The shock of seeing each other was mirrored in our eyes, and I found my throat tightening. My lungs itched for the once familiar smoke, and I was so happy to see Kimbrea once I evacuated the small circle that suddenly felt claustrophobic. She always kept a blunt on her, and I don't think I ever needed one more than then.
Blowing the smoke out, I felt my system releasing the nerves and quickly relaxing. I heard the door open, and looked slightly to my left as Xavier sat next to me. I didn't feel the need to run as I previously did. Why did I feel caught when I did nothing wrong?
"Where are Nicki and them?" It shocked me to not see them here. They were always ready for a party.
"Jail." I almost choked on the smoke in my mouth, and Xavier gently rubbed my back. "They were caught for killing that girl, and Kelsi took the wrap for putting one of them in a coma."
I could feel the tears in the brim of my eyes, but refused to let them flow. I couldn't imagine the three of them in orange jumpsuits, confined to rooms with time schedules. But I had to. This isn't something he would joke about, right?
"But she didn't do it..." I took a long drag of the blunt. I let it flow inside my mouth and down my throat until human nature forced me to take a breathe.
" Are you going to share, or nah?" He questioned, holding his hand out.
With no hesitation I handed of over to him. He took a puff. and then his eyes traveled from my legs to my face.
"Why are you so nervous?"
"Who said I was nervous?" My gaze never left the moon.
"Your leg always shakes when there's something on your mind."
The wind blew my hair in my mouth. After a failed attempt to ignore it, I moved of with my hands.
"Its been four months... seeing you is surreal." He spoke. "And I don't know how to feel about it...I love you, no doubt, but I don't know if I love you, or protecting you."
"You don't fuck your sisters." My words came out sharper than I meant them, but that didn't take the validity from them.
"True." The smoke cascaded over his face.
I leaned back on my arms. I felt the moon shine on my face, and the stars twinkling in my eyes seemed to be telling me something. The wind was blowing around in every direction, lifting me up. Despite my insides, there was no tension, but I felt my defense weakening. Here was my everything...telling me he didn't know whether he saw me as a Lover or Little Sister.
I found the thought too much to bear. standing up, I went in the room and stumbled a little as the weed and alcohol consumed me. I could still control myself- my tolerance was high- but the edges of everything seemed to shine and my emotions rocked my body before I could even stop them. A rough sob echoed through the room and I held my breathe. A stray tear dripped down my face, and before I could wipe it away someone else did.
I looked up to his intense staring, boring holes into my skin. "You don't understand." He said. "When the police came, the first thing I thought of was you. And when I found out why they were looking, I had to practically threaten them to make sure you're name wasn't mentioned. And then I had to go to the girl and make sure she didn't describe you to the police. And all I thought of afterwards was how much shit you would go through with me....Autumn, you are so young you don't even know-"
"Do not use that shit on me!" I slapped his hand away from me. "You're only three years older than me!"
"The difference between a college freshman and a college senior." He ignored my attempts to push him away and locked his arms around my waist, pushing me closer to him. "I need you to think."
But I couldn't. Not with him this close after so much time apart. Not while inhaling the scent of his Calvin Klein perfume. Not while feeling his warm skin against my cold exterior. Not while remembering the lazy days we sent together in his house. Not while reminiscing on how his lips would comfort me. Not when or silences use to be comfort. because we understood each other without words, but now its awkward because I don't know what he's thinking and he doesn't know what I am.
"I always knew you would do this." I whispered, letting the tears flow freely. At least my mascara was water proof. "But it still hurts. It hurts!"
And I knew I was only proving him right. I was nowhere near ready for his life, with his people. I couldn't hurt people without detaching myself, and of that failed I was a wreck. I couldn't see people get hurt, and...
"You don't know anyone but me and this life."
He's all I know.
"You can do something with your life, Autumn. You could go somewhere and do something better. I want you to know something else. That's how much I love you. Autumn, don't ever think I don't love you. Ever! Just know I love you so much that I see better. And I want you to see that before its too late like it was for Nicki, Kelsi, and Shell."
My tears had stopped, but sobs still rocked my body. I was losing everything. And his hands still held me, but the safe feeling was gone, because I realized...
Once I left the room, he wouldn't be there to protect me anymore.
So I left my hands run around his neck quickly, pulling him to me as I stood on the tips of my toes. He didn't give his all to stop me, and I was glad for that. When our lips met, that familiar tingle vibrated my spine. He hesitantly placed his hands lower, grip tightening. I moaned lightly.
And I knew when he let me go I would break if I wasn't strong enough.
But I had to be strong enough.
For him..
~
Ignoring the slight burn between my legs, I pulled my pants up and buttoned them. I slipped back on my shoes and made sure my hair looked close enough to normal. I looked out the window as the moon shined my face, but not with the same amusement as before. It disappointed me now, because it felt like it was telling me something I couldn't understand. The clouds rolled over it, black against the navy blue sky. It reminded me of the Lunar Eclipse.
This was my new beginning.
Looking at Xavier's sleeping face, wrapped in a blanket, swooned my heart. I wanted to run to him, and cradle him in my arms, and beg him to not abandon me like others did. To give me another chance and let me show hi that I know what I'm doing.
But then I would be lying, because everything he said is true.
And he's not abandoning me, he's trusting me to see his perspective.
He does love me, so much that he's willing to leave me alone...because he sees things getting bad.
And he wants to protect me.
So he had to leave me...
***
Discussion Questions:
Do you think the distance between Milly and Xavier will last?
What about Anthony...he did kiss her!
And is Milly breaking?
What about the folder?
Until next time!