*LOUIS POV*
It's been an entire week since Marcel has started University. An entire week where we've been sitting together at lunch and having small talk whenever we've seen each other. An entire week where it's been hard for me not to just forgive him whenever he apologized and kiss the living daylights out of him.
I hated the fact he and Zayn have gotten so much closer. I hated the fact they were staying together. Why couldn't Marcy go and stay with Niall and Liam? Why did it have to be Zayn who he cheated on me with? At the minute I have this strong hatred for Zayn. It's his entire fault I had to break up with man of my dreams. If he could only keep his dick in his pants we wouldn't be in this situation.
Fuck I miss my famous boxer so much. So freaking much it hurts. I've had to go an entire week with watching everyone gawking at him and drooling over my Marcel. Like can they not? Everyone knows we dated, everyone knows he was once mine but nobody knows why we broke up. But for fuck sake can't they stop drooling and day dreaming over my boy?
I guess I'm quite the jealous type but who wouldn't be when they have, I mean had, a famous boyfriend. And I guess I'm still really mad at Marcel but I'm also pissed at myself the same time for actually breaking up with him and not trying to somehow fix things between us. Why did I break up with him so easily why didn't I at least try to talk things out with him?
Maybe it's because I can't find it in my heart to just talk to him without wanting to scream and yell at him for everything. For lying to me for who he was when we first met, for taking drugs and blaming it on me, for almost killing himself and for cheating on me. That's why we're in the University's bathroom right now yelling at each other, you could say. I just can't keep my mouth shut.
"You fucking hurt me so bad! What else was I supposed to do just carry on being with you?" I screamed at him.
"You don't know how much you hurt me. How many times I forgave you! Did you forget about all those time Louis or are you really that selfish?" He yelled back, keeping his distance as he knew how easily he lost his temper.
"Right I forgot how I supposedly made you start taking drugs again! Why would you blame it on me if you just wanted to take them!?"
"Because it's you who was stuck in my fucking brain and I took them to forget! I wanted to forget about you and how much you hurt me!" He screamed his face flushing a bright red.
"You hurt me too Marcel! And it wasn't only bloody once. It wasn't only me who hurt who and I don't think I did hurt you. Ever!"
"I know I hurt you! At least I'm confessing my mistakes. I hurt you, I admit it! So many times but you're not saint Tomlinson. You did just as much damage as I did."
"Bullshit!" I screamed and he narrowed his eyes at me.
"Don't bullshit me! You self-absorbed fool! You really think you did nothing wrong? You really think you were a God throughout this relationship? Do you?"
"I was better at being a boyfriend than you were that's for fucking sure! I showed up at your boxing matches and took you out on that date. You were never there for anything that I love."
"Oh my fucking God!" He said to himself, throwing his hands in the air like he couldn't believe a word I was saying. "Can you hear yourself? Are you ever aware of what is coming out of your mouth? I took you out whenever I could and made sure we had nice nights in if we didn't go out. I helped you practice your scripts for drama classes and if you didn't break up with me I would have come and seen you first performance. I would have been the first one fucking there, sitting in the front row cheering you on."
I was left a little speechless at that because I believed every word he said. He was being honest with me he would of been there no matter what even if he had to pull out of a boxing match for me.
"Unlike you I would of been there Louis. Why didn't you come to the boxing match?" He asked his voice a lot softer now, almost like he was giving up.
"Why would I show up when you cheated on me and literally broke my heart into a million pieces?" I yelled breaking whatever calmness was created in the room.
"You broke mine too so stop trying to be the innocent one! You think I actually meant to sleep with him? You think I feel proud of myself? I can't even sleep at night because I feel so fucking guilty!" He screamed grabbing his hair in frustration.
That's when one of his sleeves rolled up a bit, revealing his cut wrists. I couldn't help but look at them and feel that little bit guilty. I couldn't help but want to mutter a thousand times 'sorry' to him. Though I quickly realised that they seemed to be a lot more cuts on his wrists than I saw the last time and that had my eyes widen in realization.
"Marcel..." I whispered and he opened his eyes to look at me, they were misty and glassy with tears and I frowned. "You-" I gulped. "-You've hurt yourself again." I whispered and he quickly removed his hands from his hair and pulled his sleeves over his hands to cover his wrists up.
"I uh..." He trailed off looking down at the floor. He didn't say anything and I took a small step towards him. He then raised his head a little to look at me and I saw the tears running down his cheeks. I gasped as I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around me pulling him close to me.
He just broke down. He held on to me for dear life as he sobbed into my shoulder. I rubbed his back soothingly and whispered things down his ear until I started to cry as well. Seeing him so broken hurt me so much, more than anything else that happened between else.
"Please baby, please don't cry." I begged.
I was sure that we had missed at least one lesson and probably the beginning of the next one but I could care less at the moment. When he finally seemed to calm down, I pushed him away from me slightly and held him at arm length.
"Can I have a look?" I asked my voice barely above a whisper and he just nodded as he held his hand out towards me.
I took his hand and held it mine as I gently pulled up his sleeve with the other. I audible gasped at all the new marks and he quickly pulled back his arm and covered it back up again. He couldn't even look at me but what broke my heart even more was the low and broken 'sorry' he whispered at me.
"Why did you do that yourself babe?" I wondered and he looked up to meet my eyes again.
"It hurt so badly I didn't know what to do." He whispered still staring into my eyes.
"What hurt?"
"Losing you." He said a single tear rolling down his cheek.
I brought him a little closer to me and cupped his cheek with my hand. I wiped the tear away and caressed his cheek with my thumb. He leaned into my touch and I smiled sadly at him. How could I do this to him?
Then I suddenly remembered that Zayn promised me he would look after him. He promised me he would make sure that Marcel wouldn't physically hurt himself and I found myself even more pissed at Zayn than I was before.
So the minute I heard the bell ring I was ready to go find him and yell at him for it. I looked over at Marcel and whispered a bye to him as I turned on my heel and walked over to the bathroom door. I grabbed the handle and was about to open the door before I took a deep breath assuring myself that I wasn't going to regret my next move.
I let go of the handle walked straight up to Marcel cupped his face in both my hands and pressed my lips to his. I felt him freeze at first but he soon relaxed and he kissed back. It didn't last long though I pulled back and stared at him. He stared back dumbfounded.
"Just a reminder that I still love you. Oh and I'm sorry for screaming at you before." I apologized and he nodded.
"I'm sorry too." He said and I half smiled. I walked up to the door, pushing it open and stopping once again.
"And um...you're right I'm no saint. I hurt you too." I finally admitted and then I left the bathroom, in search for Zayn so I could make his life a living hell.
One thing for sure was that I was still madly in love with Marcel. Though that had never changed. The only thing that had changed though was that I could have forgiven him then and there for everything and just begged him to take me back. And that thought scares me.