this chapter is for DIGITALLYADRUGLORD because they have wonderful stories, and they left a bunch of comments that made me so, so happy :)
unfortunately, this chapter is not so happy, especially near the end. the trigger warning is in place for those who need it. please, be safe, i love you all dearly.
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"STILL SULKING OVER your drawing?"
Josh glanced at Hayley without moving his chin from where it was against the lunch table. He quirked a brow, and she shrugged. "Ash told me."
Josh didn't even deny he was sulking; he knew he was. Sitting up, he ignored the grumbling in his empty stomach as he tilted his gaze back to Tyler, who was in his usual spot.
"I tried to redraw it last night, but it's way harder without a reference," he muttered. Hayley hummed, sitting down next to him. "Why'd you even rip it up in the first place?"
"Because I panicked! You are the only one who knows about my... hobby or whatever you wanna call it, and, well, I guess Tyler knows now too because of the project, but... I don't know, Ash doesn't really know that side of me, I guess."
Josh looked around, suddenly noticing the aforementioned girl to be missing.
"Speaking of Ash, where is she?"
"Skipping. Said something about meeting a friend she knows who goes to the community college nearby. Gerard or something."
"Gerald," Josh corrected. "Ash can't keep her mouth shut about him in study hall—and they're not friends."
Hayley cocked her head, and Josh just leaned back, hands behind his head. "Dating," he elaborated.
"Ah. Had my suspicions, but I didn't want to assume."
Josh nodded, before letting out a groan as he stretched his spine, hands linked as he pushed them above his head.
"I bet they're fuckin' around right now—god, I need to get laid, man," Josh sighed, making Hayley laugh. "Tyler keeps giving me 'inopportune erections,' as he called it—which for some reason sounds hotter than saying boners when it comes out of his mouth—and I don't think I've been this sexually frustrated since sophomore year."
Hayley whistled. "That bad, huh?" Josh let out a dry chuckle. "You have no idea."
He was staring again, but Tyler had yet to notice. The brunette was munching on some carrot sticks, eyes glued to his book, and glasses slipping down his nose. He looked up from his book and caught Josh's gaze, making the punk smirk. Josh winked and wiggled his fingers in a wave, watching Tyler roll his eyes.
The older almost laughed when the brunette held his book up higher to cover his face and turned away, not even needing to hear Tyler's signature scoff to know he had. Josh could see the bright red staining the boy's ears from across the lunchroom, and he smiled, humming contently to himself.
"You two are ridiculous," Hayley laughed, having watched the whole ordeal from next to Josh.
"It's weird," Josh stated, his gaze unmoving from Tyler. "Sometimes he acts like some high and mighty, little brat, but he blushes when I flirt with him, and other times he's like a fuckin' minx, flaunting himself around like the snack he knows he is."
"Which side do you like more?" Hayley mused, making Josh hum in thought. "I don't really know if I prefer one over the other. I mean, they're both him, right? There are probably a bunch more sides to him too, sides I'll never get to see, sides no one will get to see."
A frown etched itself into Josh's feature at the thought of a teary-eyed, vulnerable Tyler huddled in some dark corner, all alone in a house far too big for one boy.
"That's pretty mature for a meathead like you, Josh."
Snapping back to the conversation, he scoffed, rolling his eyes and shoving Hayley. He gave a muttered, "Fuck off." and she laughed. Giggling, the girl raised her hands in mock defense.
"Hey, man, only being honest. With the way you are around other guys, you don't strike me as the type to think about stuff like that,"
Josh seemed taken aback by her words, his eyes narrowing slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?" he accused, but Hayley only shrugged.
"You and most of the other guys in the grade have some kinda alpha complex goin' on, where the toughest gets to beat up everybody else, and I guess that's you right now," she explained. "But I think Tyler's throwing everything off, because when he annoys you, you don't beat him up, and I think some of the other guys are catching on."
"Catching onto what?" Josh tested, seeing if Hayley was really suggesting what he thought. He'd definitely caught onto the topic change, and he was not looking forward to the next subject at hand.
Hayley rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. "Catching onto the fact that whenever Tyler's around, you're not the big, bad alpha they expect."
Josh snapped.
"Just because I don't beat up the fucking brat everytime he gets on my nerves doesn't mean I'm fucking head-over-heels for him, Hayley!" he barked.
"Josh, I never even fucking said you were head-over-he—"
"First Ash and now you, too! I literally don't even fucking like him! I could go over to that table and beat him up right fucking now if I wanted to!"
"Josh Dun, fucking sit down and stop before you do something you regret, for fuck's sake."
"Y'know what? Fuck you."
Josh grabbed his bag and swung his feet around the bench. He stood up and walked out of the cafeteria, without looking back at Hayley yelling at him.
He ignored his empty stomach, Hayley, and Tyler for the rest of the day.
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"Dammit!"
Josh slammed his fist down on his desk, his pencil falling from the surface and onto his bedroom floor.
He crumpled up yet another failed attempt to draw a stupid beaded lizard and practically hurled it across the room. It hit the wall above the trash bin next to his bed and bounced onto the floor.
Muttering angrily to himself, he started again on the next sheet of paper on his notepad, squinting at his computer screen at the animal. He went to begin before realizing his pencil was still on the ground. Groaning, the boy snatched it from the hardwood floor and brought it back to his paper.
Why was he even doing this dumb project anyway? If his partner were anybody else, he would just make them do all the work and threaten to beat them up if they refused.
He rolled the pencil—the same pencil Tyler had given given him in biology—between his callous fingers, staring at it.
Anybody else...
So why was Tyler any different?
That's easy, he thought. Tyler is... well, Tyler's Tyler.
What?
Josh let out a huff at his own thought, confused and frustrated. He didn't understand; what did that brat being himself have to do with anything?
With a groan, the yellow-hue rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, sighing irritably. His phone read one o'clock in the morning. He needed to get some fucking sleep before that brat kept him from losing any more. Josh slumped his chin on his desk, closing his eyes with a sigh, but all he could see were those curves; those sinfully tempting, sloping hips were burned into the back of his eyelids, and, god, it drove him mad.
For the first time that night, he attempted to redraw his sketch by memory. Keeping his eyes closed, his let the pencil follow the arc of Tyler's back while it replayed in his mind. The pencil traced his hips and his crossed legs, down to his dainty ankles and back up, just as he had done in the classroom when he first drew the boy.
Josh finally opened his eyes when his pencil was at the boy's neck, curving up his pudgy jaw and into the locks of curls atop his head. He drew the mechanical pencil in the boy's small hand as he remembered it, eraser tucked between his ruby red lips while the brunette's eyes were shut in concentration. Josh bit his lip as he barely brushed the paper with the pencil tip, drawing the delicate curve of his fluttering lashes on Tyler's soft cheekbones.
A noise of both surprise and excitement left Josh's mouth when he realized he had redrawn it almost to perfection. He stared at it with a goofy grin, holding it above his head and examining it from a better angle.
tw// gay slurs, alcohol, and verbal and physical abuse from a parent. please, please be cautious continuing.
"What kinda pansy shit it that?"
Josh had no time to react before his drawing was torn from his grip. The color drained from his face at the voice, and he didn't dare turn around. He couldn't believe he didn't hear the man walk in; he must have been so preoccupied drawing that—
"Look at me when I'm talkin' to you, boy!"
Josh spun his chair around and was immediately met with the stale breath of his father, who was glowering down at him. He flailed the paper around in front of Josh's face, and the punk was tempted to snatch it back, but he knew better. "You heard me! What the fuck is this faggot nonsense, huh?!"
"I was jus' drawing, s'all," Josh muttered, looking anywhere but the drunken gaze of his father. "No, you were just drawing like some kinda fairy boy! Look at this shit; it's disgusting!" Josh's chest stung when he heard the shredding of paper.
After finally redrawing it, all his hard work, gone.
"Oh, y'got more? What other gay bullshit have you got, huh?"
Josh panicked when he realized his father was reaching for the animals he had spent all night drawing for Tyler and his project.
"N-no!"
Josh lunged for them, throwing his arms over his sketches and protecting them. His eyes widened when he realized what he had just done.
"Oh, sh—"
"You think you're the one callin' the shots here, boy, huh?!"
His father yanked him to his feet and practically threw him to the floor. Josh cried out as his nose collided with the wooden floorboards. He struggled to stand when a beer bottle shattered against his back and caused him to collapse again, groaning in pain.
"Get up, get up! This is what being a faggot turns you into, you little pansy," the man spit. His father was laughing now, but Josh was used to it, blinking away the stars in his vision while he stumbled to his feet. He knew the man would be finished with him in a few minutes if he just kept his mouth shut. Josh stumbled forward not really sure if he was trying to get to his bed or get back to his desk to protect his work.
"Oh? You think you're so tough, huh?" A fist collided with the left side of Josh's face and he slammed into the wall next to his bedroom door. The boy didn't make a sound that time, he only winced, his nose throbbing and his spine on fire.
"Let's see how tough you are now!" his father roared, charging towards him and tossing him to the ground. Josh's knee clipped the corner of his bed, and the boy could feel it split open. Josh didn't even have time to move before a leather boot was collided with his hip making him hiss and squeeze his eyes shut.
"That's what I fucking thought," the man spat, stepping on Josh's ankle and twisting his heel painfully before walking out.
//safe to read! there's a brief injury description, but it's not too bad
Josh laid there for God knows how long after his father left, his breathing ragged and his head throbbing. The punk's elbows burned from where they had skidded across his wooden floor, his lower back screamed from where the beer bottle had burst and cut his skin, and he was pretty sure his nose was broken, but he didn't care.
All he cared about was the pile of paper shreds on the floor in front of his face.
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i love you all to the moon and back and million, billion times!! you are worth everything!!