I decide that doing this is the only thing I can really do to make a difference. Well, almost the only thing.
It takes all my strength to force myself up the stairs that lead to my front door.
After school, Will and I went out for ice cream. This was so I could wait for both my parents to get home so I didn't have to wait around for them. I'd be pacing back and forth and probably bail.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Will had asked as we stuffed our faces with ice cream from the Burger Place, where we had our first "date", if that's what you would call it.
I shook my head. "No. Mom and Dad will be more honest and open about it if you aren't there. But... will you maybe come by later?"
My knee bounced continuously under the table. I felt a hand on my knee and Will gave me a soft look.
"Yeah, I'll drop by. Just text me when."
I reached down and grabbed his hand.
Now as I stand at my front door, there's nothing I want to do more than walk away. I can't do it. I can't tell them about how weak I felt when he hit me. How low I felt.
I hated to feel that way, let alone talk about it.
You can do it. Will's voice echoes in my head. I close my eyes and before I know it, I'm pacing the living room floor as my parents watch me from their seats on the couch.
"What's wrong, honey?" Mom asks. She's been watching me so intently ever since I told them I needed to tell them something. Her eyebrows are knotted together in concern.
Dad starts to stand up, to move over to me, but I stop walking and hold my hand out. "Stop. Please, just sit down."
"What's wrong?" Dad demands. They're getting impatient.
He opens his mouth to say something, but I blurt it out.
"He hit me." I can't stop myself. "He hit me, he almost hurt another girl and that's why Will was in trouble but then he came back for me and then Connor and... Kyla." I don't want to cry, so I quickly raise my hand to my mouth as if it would help.
Dad was in his feet the moment he heard "he hit me". Mom stands right behind him, scared to even come closer to me, like the truth may become reality.
"Slow down, Jessa. Tell us what happened."
So I tell them, starting from when Will was sent away after the boat fire. I tell them about Will finding Connor and the girl in the boat, what he witnessed, and how he took blame for the fire. I tell them about Connor getting so angry with me all the time until he would finally just hit me. Mom looks away when I explain the bruise on my cheek and how it wasn't from the car accident.
And then I tell them about the arrest warrant and Kyla Black. Oh, sweet Kyla.
Dad walks away for a moment and I stand there alone. I'm half thinking he'll come back holding a shotgun, but instead he's got his coat and a set of keys.
"Where are you going?" Mom asks him. He gives her a blank look that is hiding anger.
"I'm going to find this boy. I'll be back soon." And he's gone before we get a chance to stop him.
"Mom, no," I cry and lean into her and she hugs me, holding my head against her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry I accused you of getting into fights. And I'm sorry I wouldn't let you see Will, and for everything, Jessa. I'm so sorry sweetheart," she coos. "I'm sorry I didn't see what he was doing to you. Tori mentioned it, but I never believed it."
"It's okay Mom, it's not your fault," I say back quickly. Because it's not.
"What about cheerleading? Is that the reason you didn't want to?" She asks as she grabs my face between both her hands.
"No, Mom," I laugh through the lump in my throat. I only laugh because she's still worried about that - and she's worried about me. "I was just being my irresponsible self when that happened."
She smiles and wraps her arms around me.
For the next few moments, we hug and tell each other what we've been holding back. She tells me she's sorry at least ten more times and I have to tell her to stop.
"I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about things, Mom. I should've told you about Connor," I tell her.
She pushes a strand of my blonde hair away from my face. "I'm happy you finally have, and I'm glad you're okay. Please, Jessa - please come to me about anything. I will be ready to listen."
I nod and smile. "I think I'm going to head to my room. And Mom, thank you."
She kisses my forehead, a look of concern still evident in her face. "I'll wait up for your dad. I love you."
"Love you too," I call out before I head to my room. Once inside I can take a breath. They finally know. I'm not hiding this secret and I can finally rid myself of it - and him.
I walk over to my closet to find some sweatpants, accidentally knocking a book off my desk. I glance down to see the Bible I had gotten for my 13th birthday. I used to read some every night, but then life got in the way.
It fell open to a page, so I bend down to see what page it was. The book was Ephesians 4, and there are a few verses highlighted in bright pink.
"Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ."
I find myself staring at it as if there's no way the book could have just fell open to that verse.
I don't have to hate him. He's done so many things to me and other people... I can forgive him, but I never have to forget what he's done.
For the first time in a long time, I take a deep breath, and I actually feel it.
*
Dad came back empty handed last night. Mom came in my room around 11 o'clock to tell me what happened since Dad didn't want to.
Dad went to his house, and when he found out that Connor wasn't there, he instead had a conversation with Connor's parents. They knew about the charges against him and the arrest warrant, but there was nothing they could do. They would fight for their son always.
I just nodded my head and rolled over to go back to sleep, thankful that the next day was Saturday and I didn't have to leave my house.
When I wake up, I lay there on my back and stare at my white ceiling. My room is bright with sunlight, but I don't want to get out of bed.
I think about the past few weeks. A few good things have come out of the bad times - and that's Will. He actually came back to me, and now he's mine. I get to love him and kiss him and just be myself with him.
It brings me happiness out of all the sadness around me.
I even catch myself smiling about it for a second, and I quickly decide that I need to see him today. He ended not coming over last night, so we video chatted until I started falling asleep.
It was the simple thought of just getting to talk to him that made me feel like things were okay. And seeing that bible verse last night... it changed my perspective on things.
I even had to tell Will about it.
"You'll never believe what happened to me this evening," I told him excitedly.
"What?" He asked in a high-pitched, girly voice.
I rolled my eyes. "I came in my room after telling my parents everything, and I accidentally knocked over the Bible that's always sitting on my desk."
"That bible has been on your desk since I could remember," he added
"I know. I don't read it very often... but anyway, it fell open to this verse, and I think it was fate. I was supposed to read that verse."
He didn't say anything for a moment and I thought he had fallen asleep.
Then he speaks up. "Well, are you gonna tell me what it said?"
I giggle and read it to him, to which he replied, "That really was fate, then. That's so weird."
I fell even more in love with him knowing that I could talk to him about those things.
I grab my phone off my bedside table and send him a text asking if he wants to hang out today. He's most likely not awake, but I hope he answers soon.
I set it down again and plug it into its charger as I get up and pull on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.
I hear a car pull up out front and my curiosity gets to me. Mom and Dad are out today. Doing what, I don't know. Are they back already?
I glance at the clock to see it's only 10 o'clock in the morning.
I walk to the kitchen to peek out the window and see a familiar car. In a hurry, I run to the door and swing it open only to see Connor staggering up to my front door.
_________
Hey! What do you think about this chapter?
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