**
I'm tired of fighting.
My father would be ashamed of me if he heard these words coming out of my mouth. "Leslie," I can imagine him scolding me. "Don't you ever quit fighting. My girls are fighters; they never quit."
I suppose if my dear father understood the circumstances that currently plague me, he would have a change of heart. I should have talked to him before going to Venetia; he probably knew the extent of Ramona's 'fury.' Now that I think about it, talking to him should have been the priority. I could have asked him about what happened between him and Genina and about Ramona - my grandmother. But I didn't. I was too eager to meet her, and now I'm left not empty handed, but with a threat in my palm. Ramona had apparently guided my life this entire time, and I didn't even know.
To put it simply again, I'm tired- my boyfriend is in another country, our only contact being a burner phone. Sebastian and I are slowly drifting apart and I'm sure it's mostly my fault. My Grandmother has pushed me away from my maternal mother, and I'm confused. I'm tired, and I'm confused.
As you would imagine, I left Venetia the moment Ramona left me and booked the first flight to Glasgow, Scotland. I'm waiting to call Alejandro again but I'm not sure what I'm going to say. Our last call, he told me that he loved me. But what hurts me is that I don't know if I'm brave enough to say it back yet. It's just three simple words: I love you. He said them, but I can't. I feel like a coward, running away from everything. I suppose this is why I decided to visit my grandmother instead of attending Sebastian's event. I landed in Glasgow and got into a cab, instructing him to drive to Glencoe. I texted Sarah that I was stuck in traffic and wouldn't be able to make day one, but day two and three of the festivities, I would be there. Surprisingly, she wasn't too upset.
"It's fine. Just make it to the hotel safe, alright?"
I nodded, even though I was headed in the other direction. "Yes, of course."
I turned off my phone and opened my purse, only to find the burner phone inside - the one I need to contact Alejandro. I want to call him. I want to call him and say those three words back to him, but my fear and anxiety prevent me from doing it; the phone is covered in Ramona and Garrett's influence. So, my judgment is telling me to breathe, stop my tears and focus on the journey ahead.
The drive to Glencoe - my father's home village in the Highlands - is very quiet. An hour in, we're forced into a dirt road towards the village. Rolling hills and high scaling green mountains surround me, consuming me. It's empty and isolated out here, and I take advantage of the Scottish beauty; I want to forget my responsibilities. Just for a moment. Scotland is the part of me that I know; I want to forget Venetia. It doesn't want me.
Once we get to Glencoe village, it starts raining heavily; the cabbie finds it hard to even see out of the windshield.
"Do you know the address, darling?" he asks me.
"It's actually half a mile on the other side of town - a lonely farm house."
He nods and continues driving through the rain until we arrive. I haven't visited my grandmother in a few years; I remember running around the plains with my father and uncle, playing tag when I was little. She has no idea I'm here, and frankly, I have no idea how she'll react. Since my father isn't with me, she'll grow a little curious.
When we arrive, a loud crack of thunder sounds off, startling both the cabbie and I. I open my umbrella, cursing myself for wearing the wrong shoes; it's freezing, the wind blowing relentlessly enough to make even the miles of green grass obey its command. One great thing about getting out of the car after two and a half hours of driving is the fresh air and the ability to stretch my legs. In the distance, I see my grandmother's farm animals hiding out in the barn, an old man helping them inside.
"Do you need help getting your things up to the porch, lass?" he asks me. His voice is a lot like my father's. I almost smile.
"No, it's okay. I've got it. Thank you so much."
I pay him double the original amount for his services. He looks at me, shocked at the money I have given him. Even more shocked that I don't seem to care. He's more deserving of it than I am, that's a fact.
I start getting my things out of the trunk. The moment I open it, I see the front door swing open. And there she is - bright red hair, chubby frame and a smile to rival the rain. My grandmother - Granny Fae - runs down the porch steps with a few others following close behind. One of them, I recognize is my uncle Alan. I hope he isn't drunk; it's a well-known fact that the Scottish are impossible to understand while drunk.
"Christ almighty!" Granny Fae screams happily before embracing me. "What did I do to deserve such a surprise!?"
She doesn't even let me answer before forcing me into the house. Uncle Alan helps with my bags and sets them into the kitchen. I see the cabbie pull away from outside the window in the kitchen, the rain blanketing much of it.
"I flew in for business but decided to visit instead," I explain to Granny Fae while I take off my coat and put it on the coat rack. "I hope that's alright."
"My sweet girl, that is more than alright," Granny Fae laughs. "Christ, I'm so excited you're here, I can't even believe it! Tell me you'll stay a while, darling?"
Now that is a suggestion I can't live up to. Although the fresh air and peaceful serenity is nice, I still have to check back into the real world - the real world of responsibility and stress.
I feel an arm snake around my neck and pull me into a firm chest. My Uncle Alan - tall, burly and friendly like my father - pulls me in for a hug.
"Bah," he grunts to Granny Fae, pointing to my mud-covered heels. "Little Muireall is a businesswoman, mum. She don't got time for us country folk." he kisses my head. "T'was yesterday, you were just a wee lassie, running around the house with your cousin. Now, look at you? Jesus, I'm getting old, aren't I?"
I hate that name - my middle name. My father would call me that often when I was little. Hearing it again makes me cringe.
Uncle Alan's children (who are my age) welcome me warmly coming down the stairs. My Aunt, Judith, is as surprised as Granny Fae to see me, too.
"Your father ain't with you, love?" she asks as she hugs me.
I shake my head, "He's still back in the states. I came to Glasgow for business and decided to pay Glencoe a visit."
"Well, you came at a great time," Aunt Judith tells me. "Right when we all come to visit Ma and Pa when the highlands get slammed with a storm." Aunt Judith laughs. "We'll be snuggled close for a nice while, you reckon Ma?"
Granny Fae nods, squinting her eyes at me with a smile. God, the questions are about to flood in worse than the storm.
"Give her some room to breathe, everyone," Granny Fae says.
Aunt Judith grabs my things. "I'll take your things upstairs - "
"Oh no, I'm...I'm only staying for a couple of hours. I have a couple of business expenses I have to tend to this week."
Everyone in the room looks at me, slowly turns to the rain-pounded windows, then back at me. I do the same thing before smiling at every body.
"The rain will let up," I assure them. "I'm certain."
**
The rain hasn't let up. It has actually gotten worse.
I have been standing in the kitchen while everyone is in the living room socializing and having the grandest of times. But me? I'm panicking. I told myself I would stay for a while at my grandmother's house, then head back to Glasgow once the rain stopped. But the moment my grandfather - Papa Jules - came tumbling into the house, soaking wet and dazzled from the wind, I knew I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.
Papa Jules offered to take me all the way to Glasgow once the rain let up. But as I look out of the window, it's getting worse and worse.
"Leslie, won't you come sit down?" Granny Fae calls to me from the fire-lit living room. "Enjoy a cuppa, darling."
"I'm fine." I sigh, tapping my heels anxiously as I wait for some sign of hope.
"The rain ain't going to let up anytime soon," Uncle Alan tells me, but I wave off their words. They don't understand what's at stake for me - I already blew off day one of the events, but to blow off day two and three? That would kill me.
Granny Fae approaches me and brings me a cup of tea. I thank her, but am too rattled to drink it.
"What's on your mind?" she asks me. "You come visit and then just like that you're in a rush to leave?"
"I'm sorry. I just...I have a lot on my mind."
"I can see that."
She guides me to the island where we sit on the stools surrounding it. She sits next to me and places a hand on mine.
"What's got you troubled?" she asks me.
"I don't even know where to start," I tell her honestly. "I guess I can start with Genina."
Granny Fae freezes at the name. I nod, letting her know that I'm aware of exactly who she is.
"Oh." She doesn't know what to say for a while. "How did you find out about that?"
"Someone...close to me." I can't even bring myself to say Sebastian's name. "They ended up finding out that she was my biological mother. I thought it would be a good idea to meet her for the first time."
"And what did your pa say about that?"
I bite my lip. "I...I didn't tell him."
Granny Fae groans, "Muireall..."
"I know, I know, but I knew he would disapprove of it so I just decided to go to Venetia. And now I realize how stupid that idea was; maybe if I would have talked to dad first, he could have warned me about Ramona Malatova."
Granny Fae made a noise out of disgust. "Oh, shite. You let that witch get in your way?"
The way my grandmother said the words made me feel pathetic like I was never supposed to even let Ramona into my hotel room in the first place. But if Granny Fae knew what Ramona had on me and my past, she would understand my change of heart in terms of meeting Genina.
Granny Fae sees how somber I've become and comforts me more. "You should have never let that woman get to you. That devil is the reason the mess between your father and mother escalated to where it shouldn't have. They were in love - the purest type of love anyone could find. And she ruined it."
"She did?"
Granny Fae nods, her blue eyes growing a little dark. "Of course," she says. But that's all she tells me. I want to know more, but I can tell that Granny Fae isn't the one I should ask.
Thunder cracks outside, reminding me that I'm stuck at my grandmother's house instead of on my way to Glasgow. Granny Fae urges me to relax.
"There's no point in worrying about what you can't change," she tells me. "Come into the living room and relax. Why don't I make you some food, and you go on and warm your feet by the fire?"
Granny Fae won't even let me protest. The fridge is already open, ingredients being pulled out and laid atop the counter. I drag myself into the living room, where Aunt Judith, Uncle Alan and the rest of my family laugh and tell stories. I sit on the love seat by myself and check my phone (a hopeless feat - the service is laughable).
"Muireall," Uncle Alan says. "Come on and play with Susan."
Susan - my younger cousin - sits by a game of checkers, placing the pieces back where they belong. Her eyes are big and hopeful, but I am in no mood to play a game; I wouldn't be much fun to play with.
"Maybe later. I have to call one of my clients. I'm sorry."
Uncle Alan and James, Aunt Judith's husband, share a look. I know what that look means: what a stuck up prude.
"Aw, that's mince," Aunt Judith complains. "Just one game, love. Just one?"
Now everyone is trying to pressure me to play checkers. Granny Fae calls Aunt Judith and Uncle Alan's wife, Chloe, into the kitchen to help her with dinner, but still, everyone left continues to push me to play.
"I'm sorry, everyone. I've got a lot of work I need to get to."
That quieted them. But in the awkwardest of ways. Susan ends up playing with someone else. I get up, flush faced, and retreat to the empty dining room. I almost regret coming here; I only succeed at bringing the mood down a notch. My intention coming here was to forget all of the shit I have gone through the last two and a half weeks, but being alone only makes these thoughts more persistent. I want to take Granny Fae's advice: don't stress over what you can't change. But I could have fought back against Ramona; I could have stopped Alejandro from leaving somehow; I could have approached Sebastian in a way that wouldn't make him feel attacked. I'm slipping away from all of these, no matter how hard I try to hold on.
I reach into my purse and bring out the burner phone. I open it and hover my thumb over the call button - over Alejandro's number. But right before I call him, my personal phone rings.
Sebastian.
Surprisingly, I quickly answer it. "Hello?"
"Leslie?" I hear him say. It's almost therapeutic, hearing his voice.
"Thank God," I sigh out. "Look, Sebastian. I'm so sorry I didn't come to your event today -"
"Don't worry about it," he says, almost as if he knows all of the shit that I've been through. "Are you alright?"
I'm taken back by his concern. I skip on my words before I finally answer him.
"I'm...fine." I rub my eyes. "I'm stuck at my grandmother's house in Glencoe. The rain here has gotten too bad to travel back to Glasgow."
I hear Sebastian talk to someone in the background. The voice sounds like Claude.
"Two-hour drive," Sebastian says into the phone. "Shit."
"I'm trying everything in order to make it back to the city by tomorrow."
"Why don't Claude and I come get you?"
"What?" Claude says in the background, obviously unaware of his involvement.
"No, no, you don't have to do that -"
"Leslie, don't worry about it. The rain isn't that bad."
I can't help but laugh at his persistence. "Yes, it is Sebastian. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Glad to know you care so much about me," he teases. "We'll be fine."
I know there's no swaying Sebastian out of this, and grandpa won't even step back into his truck after coming back into town.
"Leslie, I'm already going to the car. If you don't want us wandering aimlessly for hours..."
"Fine." I roll my eyes before telling Sebastian the address. The reception starts going in and out when he tells me that he'll be here soon.
"Sebastian wait." I ponder on the words I want to say to him. "I want to apologize before you go."
"What?" he says, muffled.
"I want to apologize," I say louder. "For what I said to you at Claire's party."
"What about Claire's party?" he asks. Despite the horrible reception, I can detect the sudden drop in Sebastian's tone.
"I talked to Alejandro in Venetia over the phone. He told me that he made you keep quiet about where he was. I...I shouldn't have yelled at you. I realize that -"
"Leslie, I can't hear you," he says through the static. "Just tell me when I get there, okay?"
Somehow, I don't have the will power to wait two hours before I can apologize; I need to apologize now. But I can't - the phone disconnects. And when I try calling back, I can't get through the nonexistent service.
"Fuck," I stress out, setting my phone on the table. Sebastian and Claude are on their way now to pick me up, and I find this moment appropriate to regret letting them even suggest it. It seems the rain has become completely relentless outside. They can't drive through this. Not possible.
"Boys! Go help your Pa outside!" Granny Fae yells from the kitchen. All the men in the living room get up and ask Granny Fae what he needs help with.
"The tree outside's all shoogly and needs tying down," I hear her tell them. "Caw canny, will you? The winds making a fuss outside."
Great. Just what I needed - news that the wind is so bad, even the giant tree outside is having trouble standing taut. Anxiety filling me up to the rim, I try to call Sebastian back to tell him to just stay in Glasgow. But my luck with the reception was short lived; my call keeps dropping.
I get up and rush into the kitchen, where the girls are helping prepare dinner. "Hey, is anyone getting a signal? I need to call someone back."
Six pairs of eyes lock onto each other before everyone shakes their heads at me. Judith takes out her phone, checks the reception and tells me that she has no luck. Granny Fae sees the apparent worry in my eyes and pulls me gently into the kitchen.
"Help me with dinner," she says to me. "Cutting the carrots might ease you."
"I don't think I can be trusted around a knife right now," I mumble to her, showing her how badly my hands are shaking.
She smiles uncomfortably. "Then you can stir the rice, yeah?" She hands me a wooden spoon and directs me to a pot of boiling water, the rice barely added into it. I stir slowly, continuously staring out of the window. One of Uncle Alan's eldest daughters jumps up at the lightning outside.
"Dreich," she exclaims at the mess outside, but soon, she begins laughing when she sees her brother falling into the mud as the boys try and stabilize the tree. I feel bad that I'm the only one in the kitchen not laughing.
"You bloody dunderheids!" My grandpa yells at them - all of them - against the wind blowing in his face. This is how it goes on for the next two hours, with the men trying to tie the tree down and the women in the kitchen, laughing and getting dinner on the dining room table. I try to map out where Sebastian should be right now; he should be nearing the village. That's where he should be. But what if he isn't anywhere near the village? Fuck, my anxiety is starting to paralyze me. I just want to see him come through the door. Granny Fae doesn't know why my nerves are so tense. She doesn't even know that Sebastian and Claude are coming. I wonder how my cousins are going to react when - if - she sees Sebastian Harrison at the front door.
Aunt Judith calls the boys inside for dinner. The sky has become completely darkened now, not only by the storm but by nightfall. I peak out onto the porch to see if a car is approaching. The only lights come from the faint ones down by the village. I'm surprised the power hasn't gone out yet.
The boys come inside, soaked and irritated. Apparently, they got the tree up to the best of their ability but advised everyone to stay clear from it even when the rain stops.
"That stubborn ole tree was a bastard to get still," Grandpa Jules complains to Granny Fae as she takes his wet coat. "And your grandchildren weren't any help."
My cousin rolls his eyes and curses under his breath as he takes his coat off and stomps off into the dining room. I slowly follow everyone into the dining room, but freeze completely when I see headlights shining through into the kitchen.
"Who's that coming in?" Chloe questions.
I want to tell her that it's for me, but I don't know if it truly is him. So, I wait. I wait unit there are knocks on the door. My heart beat quickens at the possibility. Granny Fae walks to the door, but I'm already jogging there.
"It's for me!" I yell to her. She starts spewing confused and sometimes incomprehensible Scottish slang at the situation before I open the door. And it is then that I feel the most overwhelming feeling of relief wash over me - the only genuine weight lifted off my shoulders since I left home.
Sebastian doesn't know if he should walk into the house, but Granny Fae quickly invites him inside for two reasons: 1 - he's completely drenched, along with Claude right behind him. 2 - it's unbearably cold and windy outside, and 3 - she immediately recognizes who Sebastian is upon seeing his face.
"Christ, I've seen you on TV!" she yells at him, shocked and excited at the same time. Sebastian laughs at my grandmother's reaction but suddenly yelps when I hug him. I seem to have no self-control; I didn't even know I would embrace him in this way without restraint. I couldn't care less that me wrapping my arms around him is dampening my entire outfit; it seemed through his wet coat, I could still feel his body heat.
I can tell Sebastian is a little surprised by my reaction. I suppose that my emotions have been very fragile the last few weeks, slowly deteriorating and making me a sensitive mess. It didn't help that most of the evening consisted of me worrying about what had happened to them on the road.
"I'm sorry we're late," he says to me. I can't break away from him. Not yet. "I didn't think the roads would be this bad -"
"No, please don't apologize. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even agreed to have you come up here. I'm so stupid, I-I -"
"Hey, we're alive. We had a few close calls -"
I pull away from him and give him a grave look that makes him laugh.
"I'm kidding. We were fine."
"Thanks to me," Claude speaks up behind Sebastian. "I'm the only one between us who knows how to drive the cars out here."
Sebastian wears a slightly annoyed look that feeds Claude's pride. And in that moment, I realize that everyone is staring at us. And by 'us,' I mean Sebastian and I. I think it has to do with the fact that Sebastian Harrison is inside the house, randomly appearing to my 'rescue.' Or, it may be that I hugged him a little too tightly and for a long period of time. Either way, everyone is either excited, shocked, or confused.
"I'm sorry," I apologize profusely. I begin to introduce Sebastian and Claude to everyone, my grandmother first. My cousins begin freaking out slightly in Sebastian's presence, Sebastian thinking their reactions are entertaining (Scottish accents apparently make their responses even more entertaining).
"Muireall," Uncle Alan says to me. "You didn't tell us you were sweet on a lad?"
Goddammit.
I hope that Uncle Alan is joking, but he's completely serious - he really thinks that Sebastian and I are dating. And with his statement, comes an entire room of expectant faces. I know that a few of my cousins are aware of Sebastian's relationship with Claire. But as for everyone else? They need answers.
"We're not dating," Sebastian says.
"Yes," I add. "I mean, yes that we aren't dating. He's just my client. That's it."
Sebastian nods. "Yeah, I'm just her client. We just work together."
I hate the smile on Uncle Alan's aging face - that big smug jerk believes me but is pretending like he doesn't only to fuel the fire. I look to Claude for help, but he's purposefully avoiding my eyes. I feel my face getting hot under all the attention.
Please don't blush. Not right now!
"I have a boyfriend, Uncle Alan," I blurt out, wiping my damp palms on the dry portions of my skirt. "He's in Colombia right now."
"Ohhh," everyone says in unison. I'm almost glad that I've gotten everyone off our backs, but there's still one person who isn't convinced - Granny Fae, who looks at Sebastian and me with prying eyes. It's bad enough to have your grandmother involved in your love life, but try having your Scottish grandmother curious about your love life. She might as well just ask if Sebastian and I are sleeping together in front of everyone.
Knowing her, she'd ask us right in front of the children.
I give Claude a warning look, and thankfully, he sees my distress and asks me where my bags are. Granny Fae's face falls a little.
"You're leaving?" she asks me. It's hard to say 'yes' to a face as fragile and as sweet as hers.
"I have to head back to Glasgow. We have a busy week ahead of us."
"You can't possibly head out in that rain, my girl," Uncle Alan says.
James agrees. "It'll only get worse later on in the night."
I shrug. James is right, but I feel as if I don't have a choice. It's funny - I almost had an anxiety attack waiting for Sebastian to arrive safely, but now that we're driving back together, I don't mind the risk too much.
I'm taken back by how sad and worried everyone is at my departure; I don't know what to say. I look up at Sebastian, who looks a little conflicted.
"Will the three of you stay for dinner before you go?" Aunt Judith suggests. Everyone loves the idea and pleads with us to stay just an hour or two.
"I don't know -"
"I don't mind it," Sebastian says. When he looks at me, he sees that I'd rather go back to the city so I can get back to work. So, with a regretful face, he agrees with me. Claude is silent through the entire discussion, carrying my bags to the door.
I can see the disappointment on Granny Fae's face as I put on my coat. I don't know if it's because I'm putting several lives at risk, or because I'd rather get back to work than relax with my family. She knows how much I'm dealing with and is upset that I continue to add the weights on my back.
"At least let me pack you three a couple of carry-away plates for the road," Aunt Judith proposes. She and Chloe grab a few styrofoam places and begin making plates of food for us. It seems like the action is taking an eternity, with everyone's eyes on us. I'm beginning to feel the guilt for my decision to leave.
"You alright?" Sebastian whispers to me. The concern on his face only makes me feel guiltier. I just nod, ready to leave the awkward air of the house.
I watch Judith prepare the third plate of food, suddenly stopping when a creaking noise is heard outside. Everyone's chatter completely stops. We turn to the window, looking for the source, only to stare in horror when we find it - the tree that the boys were in charge of tying down. The force of the wind pushes relentlessly into the tree, making it lean on one side until it starts falling down. I suck in a sharp breath and exhale it out as a scream with Granny Fae and Grandpa Jules as the tree descends.
"Timber!" Uncle Alan yells fearfully until the tree lands loudly on its side. Everyone jumps before running to the windows. And when we see what the tree landed on, I almost faint.
"What is that underneath it?" Little Susan asks.
"Our rental car," Claude growls angrily. The alarm blares for a few moments until eventually dying out with the rest of the vehicle smashed underneath the tree. I can see it in Claude's face - he wants to curse, he wants to scream, he wants to run out into the rain and kick something. And I do, too - all three of us do. But more importantly, I want to. Why? Because that was our way back to Glasgow. Forget my grandpa's truck; he'll never take us to Glasgow in this rain, let alone allow us to use it. The reality is clear. In fact, it's crystal-fucking-clear.
We're stuck here. Against my wishes, we are stuck here.
**