There is nothing quite like being held by someone know will do anything for you-you're lucky if you experience more than once in a lifetime. For the longest time, I knew that there were two people to whom I was the whole world, two people who gave me anything and everything I could ask for, who taught me who I was and how to become who I wanted to be. With their death, I should have lost all of that-that knowledge that no matter what, there was someone on my side.
But I didn't. I was devastated, but my foundation was strong, and now there was someone new helping me rebuild. Someone, who, if I hadn't known better, would have scared me to no ends with their power and utter determination. Someone who had sacrificed weeks of his time and thousands of dollars from his own pocket to nurse me back to health.
Someone who I had just kissed.
Someone who was currently holding me so tightly that our heartbeats had synced. I knew in that instant that there was no one on earth who cared about me more than this man. I didn't want to leave that safe, comforting moment, but his arms tightened fractionally around my chest, and I found myself unable to draw a breath.
"Lex." I finally wheezed. "I can't breathe."
He startled, and let me go. I wriggled away from him, and stood up, stretching my cramped spine. I was still in my pajamas, even though it was gone four in the evening. I knew at some point I would have to shower and change, but a part of me never wanted to leave this study.
Lex took my hands, and drew my in, so I was standing between his legs. "You haven't eaten yet today."
It was more of a statement than a question, but I nodded anyways. Lex shook his head slightly.
"You need to eat, Ruth, or you won't heal." He said. "Come down to the kitchen, and we'll find you something." He rose in one fluid motion, resting his hand on my lower back. "But first, get dressed. There are men working for me, and I don't want them to get used to seeing you in this state."
I arched an eyebrow at the assumption that he could dictate what I wore, but I realized quickly that I wouldn't feel comfortable being seen by anyone else in my state of undress, anyways.
"Can you change the bandage on my leg?" I asked, as we approached my hallway. "The tape is getting unsticky and it's bothering me."
Lex laughed a little, and held my bedroom door open for me.
"I'm not sure that 'unsticky' is a word, my dear." He said. "But I can change it. Is there gauze in your bathroom, or shall we go to mine?"
"Yours has the good stuff." I said, and followed him back out of my room.
We repeated the scene from the night before; me on his counter, with him rifling under the sink for rubbing alcohol and medical tape. We had yet to remove the old bandage, and I was nervous to see what would lay underneath. It had been stitched, and I knew at some point they would dissolve, or be taken out, but beyond that, the healing process was a mystery to me.
Lex finally resurfaced, juggling several boxes. He set them down, and then took my hand in his.
"You don't have to look." He said, and then ripped the bandage off. I shrieked, and gripped his hand, but the pain subsided quickly.
I looked down, and nearly vomited.
My leg was shades of purple and green, swollen, with deep red lines emanating from the exit wound.
"Is it infected?" I asked. Lex shook his head, and ripped open the box of sterile strips.
"It's healing just fine for a wound as deep as it is. I'm actually surprised at how much you can walk. I expected you to be a wheelchair for a least another month."
I shrugged, and lifted my knee so he could roll the soft cotton around my leg. "I'm a trooper."
"I'll say." Lex smiled at me, and taped the ends down.
Just at that moment, my stomach growled loudly. I blushed, and put my hands over it. Lex laughed, and tossed the empty boxes into the garbage.
"Someone's hungry." He said, and helped me off the counter. I yelped as I caught the edge of my thigh on the marble counter. Lex pulled me forwards, and bent down to inspect the fresh dressing. There was no blood, but I felt tears prick my eyes anyways.
"Are you alright?" Lex asked, worried. I nodded, and placed a warm hand over the bandage.
"It just surprised me." I said. "But it stings a little now."
Lex bit his lip, and then walked out into his room. I could hear him muttering to himself-and then a pair of grey sweatpants came flying into the bathroom.
"Put those on." He called from the bedroom. "And I'll carry you to the kitchen."
I smiled to myself, and slid my bare legs into the warmth of the sweats. They were huge on me, despite Lex's small frame, and I rolled them over at the top.
"I'm ready." I called, and Lex came back in, a blue cardigan in hand. He draped it over my shoulders, and I burrowed into it gratefully.
"Alright." He said. "Hold on." He picked me up from below the knees and shoulders, so my arms wrapped around his neck.
"I feel like I'm too heavy for you." I said, as he made his way to the stairs.
"Nonsense." He held my legs with one hand, and steadied himself against the rail with the other. "I've carried you before, Ruth, once out of the rubble, and again while you tripped out on codeine. At least this time you're cooperating."
I didn't say anything, and I felt a laugh rumble in his chest.
"What do you feel like eating?" He asked, as we descended the final stair into the kitchen. Two women were working at the island, their hands kneading bread as they chatted between themselves. When they caught sight of Lex and I, they both went still and pale, the dough abandoned.
"Ladies, this is Ruth." Lex said, his voice pitching up again.
Both the women nodded, and went back to work, silently.
Lex placed me on a stool at the large island, and opened the industrial fridge.
"There's nothing prepared for tonight, Mr. Luthor." One of the women said. "But we have tomato soup chilling. We can heat it up, if you like."
I nodded at Lex, who smiled at the two ladies. The older one pulled a bowl out of the fridge, and a pot from above the stove. I watched in fascination as she expertly flicked switches, drawing flame into the element.
"Do you like cooking?" Lex asked, following my gaze. I nodded, entranced by the grandeur of the kitchen. It was restaurant scale- I supposed it had to be, for all the dinner parties Lex threw.
"Baking, actually. I used to want to own my own bakery." I said wistfully.
"And now?"
I shrugged again, looking down at the shiny metal of the island.
"Now I don't know."
Lex rubbed my shoulder comfortingly.
"You'll find something, Ruth. Until then, though, the kitchen is open to you. What's mine is yours."
I smiled, first at him and then at the woman who put the soup in front of me. I tasted it experimentally, and when it proved to be good, hot and rich, I ate quickly. Lex watched in amusement.
"I don't think I can carry you back up those stairs at this rate." He teased. "You'll have to sleep down here."
My mood soured slightly at the thought of the impending night. Lex noticed, and too the spoon from my hand, setting it down on the island.
"Ruth," He started.
"I'll be alright." I said, cutting him off. "I just need a nightlight."
His face betrayed no emotion, but his words came out commanding, with no room for argument.
"I'm not leaving you alone, not again. I'll sleep on the couch in your room, for now."
I opened my mouth, but Lex held up a hand.
"No, Ruth, listen. I know I can't help you with your nightmares, or even begin to imagine what you've been through. The least I can do is make sure you sleep."
"You've done more than enough for me." I said. "Lex, really, you don't have to."
He stroked a hand over the line of my jaw, and placed his thumb on my lip, pulling it down gently. I remained frozen in place, my heart speeding up as he carefully kissed me. His hands stayed on my face, pulling me to him, and I didn't try to break away.
"I do have to." He said, his mouth millimeters away from mine. "I do have to."