No no no . I thought to myself . I was freaking the fuck out . I was definitely not telling her . out of all people . I mean .. maybe I could . she is my favorite teacher but ... what will she say . what if I say yes and she asks me why . when id be forced to tell her about .. him . and no . no I cant .
I kept a blank face but I knew my hands were shaking so I stuffed them in my pockets before slowly shaking my head . "no" I answered quietly . I avoided eye contact at all costs . i tried to calm myself as much as possible . I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't dare look up .
"liam" she paused as if trying to choose her words carefully . I just shook my head .
"can I go now I don't want to be home to late" and just as I said that I was up and ready to leave . I was about to leave but she stood up .
"liam I really think we should talk about this . maybe you should stay after tomorrow and we could talk about this I can h-" but I cut her off . I don't know why but I just got so angry . she was treating me like some child . I know I needed it I know ! she was just going to cause me more trouble . I turned around and tried not to glare .
"I don't need help and I don't need to talk to anyone . im not fucking crazy and no I don't cut ok so can I just leave now" I snapped . I didn't even wait for her answer I got out of there as fast as possible . I quickly walked out of the school and made my way home . I slowed down not wanting to be home just yet . maybe I could walk around all day . its not like mom would be home and j would definitely not be home and I definitely am NOT going home to him . I walked to the park and sat under a tree . it was a nice tree . not to sound weird but it was it was really big and it seemed to have the greenest leaves compared to all the other trees . weird observation but I don't know it seems relaxing . I sat there for a while staring at nothing in particular until I almost had a heart attack when I heard someone come near me .
"liam ? hey what are you doing here" he asked . it was zany of course it was it always was . he was the only one who talked to me that didn't insult me .. well at least I don't think he did . I tensed up and looked up at him . of course I didn't answer I just looked up at him through my lashes to shy to even make eye contact . he sighed and sat down but I scooted away leaving enough space between us to fit 4 other people .
He stared at me for a while . he just sat there legs spread out and him leaning against his arms . zany was a weird kid . he was attractive .. actually scratch that he was practically a god . obviously I didn't say that . but he was weird because you would expect someone like him to be popular but he was the opposite . yeah he talked to people lots but he wasn't popular . people teased him because he wasn't that smart . also he hung out with what people call "the rejects" . he was a really nice person with a weird personality . I guess I was staring because then he blushed a bit before looking away .
"is there something on my face because if there is that would be ... embarrassing" he said and I almost chuckled almost . he tried to see if there was anything actually on his face by 'discreetly' wiping at his face . that time I couldn't help but let a tiny smile slip as I shook my head at him . he sighed in relief .
"great" he said before sitting with his legs crossed and faced me . he propped his elbows on his knees and rested his chin in the palm of his hand .
"so what are you doing here at the park all alone ?" he asked . I just gave him a blank stare before looking away .
"oh I see . not talking huh" he said laughing slightly . I thought he would beat me like chris did when I didn't answer him but he didn't he just shrugged .
"ok well I'll talk for you" he said before sitting up straight and pretending to crack his neck and knuckles . "so liam whats up" he asked and turned sideways before answering in what I assume he thought was what I sounded like "great and you ?" he responded to himself . that went on for I don't even know how long . zany was weird . really weird .. but there was just something about him that made me feel . I don't know .. safe ? no that sounds so weird . I don't know I guess I feel comfortable around him . hes chilled and doesn't seem to care about anything .
"you can stop now" I said so quietly im surprised he heard me . he chuckled .
"good people were starting to look at me weird " he replied before looking around and scooting a little closer . I tensed but there was still a bit room left between us .
"you still didn't answer me " he asked again .
"just ... don't want to go h- to my house" I almost called that place home . that's not home . that's far from a home . that's nothing but hell . I took a quick peek at him and saw his face soften . great hes going to pity me .
"well this is the perfect place to come too . you don't mind if I hang around with you right ?" he asked and I just shrugged . its not like I could say no . and even if I could I wouldn't want to . he sort of made me forget about thing , ya know?
I don't even know how long we stayed out there but by the time I noticed it was already dark . zany talked pretty much the whole time . I only responded with nods or yes , no , and maybes . I was walking when zany suddenly spoke up .
"well it was great hanging out with you liam . your pretty cool ya know . maybe one day you'll feel comfortable enough to talk more . see ya around" he said before leaving the park . I let out a long sigh . that was probably the first time in a long time that ive actually talked to someone besides my English teacher . it felt kind of .. nice . maybe I could talk to zany more .. baby steps liam baby steps . I quickly got home and walked in . no surprise that mom and j weren't home . I tried to be as quiet as possible as I walked upstairs . just as I was about to close my room door he pushed me in .
I quickly scrambled off the floor and looked up at him . he was smirking at me . he bent down to my level but I quickly backed up . no no cant he see that I didn't want this . I shook my head but he just got closer . he pulled me by my shirt and pulled me against him . I gasped about to scream but he put his hand over my mouth . I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes and I stared into his cold hard brown eyes .
"shut up I don't want people hearing us " he said before lifting me by my shirt still clamping a hand down over my mouth . he threw me on the bed making me hit my head on the wall before he crawled on top of me I thrashed and pushed but he wasn't budging by then I was sobbing . his hand still over my muffled sobs . I know he had done this so many times before but this time he was even more aggressive . I guess since no one was home . I managed to punch him but that was a big mistake .
He chuckled darkly before slapping me so hard I could taste the metallic taste of my blood in my mouth . I screamed but my voice was hoarse and it came out as a painful whisper . I screamed and screamed as he got more angry and frustrated throwing punch after punch to my stomach , sides and he even punched me once in the face . I was crying so hard trying desperately to scream so someone could hear .. but no one could . he left me there not even doing what he first intended on doing .
"you such a pathetic kid you know that?" he said before leaving me there in my dark room chocking on my own sobs . I eventually calmed down to just sniffles but that didn't stop the pain from exploding throughout my body . hes right .
I am pathetic