I woke up to my mom knocking on the door . I rubbed my eyes trying to rid them of sleepiness . I heard the knocking again this time more frantic . jeez what the hell did she want its not like she cared . my vision was blurred so I blinked several times trying to get my eyes to adjust a bit . then I saw it .. the cuts . my bloody arms . the carpet was stained with red some brown from the dried up blood .
"honey im coming in" she said without even waiting for my response . I quickly closed the closet door before she got the chance to even fully walk in . I started to panic . what was I going to tell her ? I couldn't . I wouldn't .
"NO! I mean im ... n-naked don't come in " I mentally cursed myself for thinking of such a lame excuse . it seemed o have worked thought because she responded with a soft ok before leaving . jesus what was I going to do . I peeked out from my closet before going back and hiding my blades once again in the very back of my closet . I ran to the bathroom that was across my room and locked the door behind me before stripping my clothes off and getting in the shower .
I let the hot water cascade down my back taking deep breathes . I closed my eyes and just stood there for a minute . i felt my muscles un tense and for a minute I kind of let all the bad thoughts go .
Until I opened my eyes .
I saw the water turning redish before looking at my arms . oh yeah I forgot .. I washed away the dried blood from my cuts before finishing my shower . I dried my hair them changed into some jeans and a long sleeved shirt . before putting a flannel over it just in case . I didn't usually wear them actually .. I hated them I used to wear them all the time like 3 years ago . I just wore it so someone didn't accidentally see . I brushed my teeth and avoided looking in the mirror for obvious reasons . its Friday I reminded myself . I hope I didn't get a lot of shit today .
I left the bathroom not even bothering to brush my hair . not that I had a lot I had buzzed it a couple of months ago but it grew back its not to long so I just ran my fingers through it . I grabbed my bag before heading down stares grabbing my phone before walking out of the house . I didn't even bother saying hello or listening to how mom has to leave because of work . I made my way to the school with my head down . avoiding anyone that came close to me . I felt my skin crawl as a guys arm brushed against mine . I hated it when people touched me . especially men .
I picked up my pace breathing fast . I need to calm down . I need to . I took deep breathes but that didn't seem to be helping either . I arrived at the school quickly walking in avoiding any ones touches . I practically ran to the bathroom and almost broke down . but I managed to calm myself down enough to were I could make it through the day . but of course as I was making my way to leave the door opened my breathe hitched but I was surprised and relieved that it was just that zany kid .
"oh hey liam right? Listen I heard you were at the hospital are you alright" he asked me taking a step forward only to have me take a step back . he frowned but quickly smiled I just stood there . I didn't want to talk to him what if I said something wrong ? what would he do ? would he beat me , rape me , kill me ? I took another step back before his eyes softened with concern .
"are you ok ?" he asked . I didn't respond my mind was racing with all the things that could possibly happen . I felt like I was about to pass out before he stepped away from the door and I quickly made my way to it almost touching him before running to my first class . I went to the back in my usual seat before putting my head down . the rest of classes seemed to go by like that . me with my head down until last class . it was English which was my favorite . I always seemed to pay attention in that class and peoples seemed .. I don't know nicer . but I still stayed quiet .
I walked in and sat in the middle considering we had assigned seats in here . not that I minded I sat alone so it was ok . we were discussing about what book we should read next . the teacher was asking if we should read Anthem a book were its talking about the future and a group called equality 8-2521 and they manage to escape the city because they were different and considered outcasts . and the classic Romeo & Juliet . I personally wanted to read anthem . it sounded good and it was kind of a short book . so the teacher told us to take a vote .
"alright raise your hand for romeo and Juliet" she said holding up the book . of course most of the girls raised their hands . even though there was about 8 only 5 raised their hands . the teacher looked around counting before writing the number on the board . I waited until she said anthem .
"ok 8 people . raise your hand for anthem " she said putting the marker down . about 12 people raised their hands and I hesitated before raising mine . she scanned the room counting I assume before she stopped at me . I could practically hear her gasp before she quickly told us to put our hands down . I stared at her confused she was still looking at me but she walked to her dest telling us we could talk quietly . why did she react like that . did I have something on my face ? did I smell ? what did I do . the bell rang signaling the end of class and I got up to leave before her voice stopped me .
"liam .. can you stay back I need to talk to you about something" she said hesitantly . I turned around and walked to her desk she checked making sure no one was left in class before turning to me .
"liam ... do you cut yourself ?" she asked .
SHIT