- THOMAS' POV -
Alex and James just got home from the park. I truly am happy that they found each other after all these years. We sit for a while, James and Alex telling stories to me about their childhood. It seems like Alex is getting a little better. But he crashes on the couch as soon as James leaves and I know it was too good to be true. I just want him to be happy. I want him to not have to struggle so much. I go through every single idea in my head to try to help him, even making a list on my phone. But I keep going back to one. One I know he'll hate, but it's the only way to really help: therapy.
I open Google on my phone and type:
anxiety/depression therapists in NYC.
That's a good start, I think to myself. Hopefully I won't have to drag Alex there kicking and screaming. I click on a link for a fairly cheap but high rated therapist. She has a fairly open schedule from what I can see. There's also a quiz to see how often you'd need to come. I fill it out with Alex's problems and it tells me 2 times a week. That isn't too bad. I keep looking on her page before deciding it's the one for Alex. I scroll through some social media for a little while until Alex stirs and wakes up.
"Hey, love." I say quietly. He rubs his eyes and sits up slowly.
"Whatcha doing?" I had switched from Instagram back to the therapist website. It's now or never, Thomas, I think to myself. I draw in a breath slowly.
"Alex, I really want to help you get better. I was thinking of every idea I could, and I found a cheap but good therapist. I know you probably won't want to, but it might be the only way..." I say. His eyes widen but he nods his head a little. He clears his throat and says,
"I've been thinking about going for a while now, I just didn't know what to do and then I found you and I just... it's so hard without someone and I can't--" his rambling was cut off by his own tears, streaming down his face. I envelope his gently shaking body in my long arms.
"Shh... it's ok. I'm here, and I'll stay with you at therapy whenever you want, and I'll help you through this. We'll get through this, baby, it's ok." I tell him, rocking like when he has a panic attack and petting his hair a little. He wipes at his face and smiles at me.
"God, what did I do to deserve you?" He asks and I just smile.
"You stayed alive, and that was enough." I smile sadly this time, knowing the time we would be spending together over the next few months at therapy would be hard on him. I hug him again and kiss his hair.
"We should go to her office and set up an appointment. Is that alright?" I ask and he nods. I stand and and grab his hand to assist him off the couch. I lock the door and grab my phone for directions. Her office is a 15 minute walk, and I figure we still need the fresh air, so we walk. Since we live near Central New York City, there are easily accessible things everywhere. I'm just lucky we don't have to take a 40 minute drive to a clinic for an hour long session. We get to the building after walking in silence; I knew Alex wasn't really in the mood to talk.
"Ready?" I ask him, as we stand hand in hand outside a small, light blue building. He nods again and we walk inside. It's nice. There are medium sized black chairs against the windows in the waiting room, and a big gray desk with a nice looking woman. There are about 10 doors, which I assume hold people being counseled. I walk up to the desk and Alex is a little behind me, looking nervous and shy.
"Hi! I need to set up some appointments for my boyfriend, Alexander?" She smiles at me and nods, handing me a clipboard, pen and a couple papers.
"Our main therapist is free every Wednesday and Saturday from 2 to 3 pm, so we recommend that for him. If you could just fill those papers out, I can finalize everything and we can talk payments!" She says and I nod, thanking her. Alex and I walk to the chairs and sit down. I fill out the papers, occasionally asking him things.
Name: Alexander Hamilton
Age: 19
Sexuality: Bisexual
Gender: Male
Diagnosis's: Anxiety, Depression,
Insomnia, PTSD, and slight Anorexia.
Self Harm of Suicide Attempts: Cut since 8th grade, trying to stop, 4 suicide attempts.
I go through and fill out the rest. Alex looks nearly asleep in the chair next to me, so I carefully get up and walk to the desk, handing the papers back to the woman there.
"So... you're bringing him here I assume?" She asks, and I nod. "Ok, two sessions a week will cost you about $85 per week. I that alright?" I nod. It's a reasonable price for such a nice office and therapist.
"Well, we can start tomorrow as it's Tuesday today, if you want."
"Yes, that would be wonderful. 2 to 3, correct?" I ask her and she tells me yes.
"Thank you so much." I tell her.
"It's no problem. See you tomorrow!" She says happily and I wave, walking to Alex who's waiting in a different chair near the door.
"Ok, baby, we're going to come tomorrow and Saturday." I say. He looks pale.
"Are you ok, Alex?" I ask him.
"Fine, just tired and sort of hungry." He says, looking at the ground. I know that isn't it all the way. After a second he looks up, confused as to why I haven't answered him.
"Baby, I know that isn't it. Please, you can tell me what's wrong. Was it James?" I question.
"No! It wasn't James. It's just... lately I've felt worse. Even after James. I feel probably worse than ever. I... I want to die." I look at him in shock. This wasn't exactly the thing I was expecting him to say.
"Alex, I love you so much, you can't even begin to fathom it. Your friends, your brother, George and Martha, they love you too. If you died, this world would lose a hell of a person. Please, please don't attempt again. That why we're helping you. Because we love you." I grab both of his hands and kiss him.
"I'm sorry. I always forget there's people who actually want me here, who want me to keep going. I'm sorry. It just, my brain is always telling me to do these things and it's so hard to not." He tells me and I nod.
"It's ok. It isn't your fault. We're here to help you." I rest my forehead against his, our noses barely touching each other. We jump apart when I hear a phone ringing. Alex pulls his out of his pocket and answers. I see the screen: Maria.
"Hey Mar, what's up?" He says. I hear a mix of jumbled words and crying from Maria's end. Alex's face goes paler then I've even known was possible and he almost drops his phone on the concrete, his mouth hanging wide open and eyes brimming with fresh tears.
"Ok." He chokes out, staring at me. I hear the other line go dead, and suddenly, Alex is off in a sprint.
"ALEX! WHAT HAPPENED?" I scream after him, catching up to the small Caribbean man.
"Call a taxi! Call- c-call a god damn taxi!" He says and I do. Tears are dripping fast down his cheeks.
"Where to?" The cabbie asks with an odd look at Alexanders read covered face.
"Princeton Hospital." He chokes, and the cabbie nods in understanding. We get in and I ask again,
"What happened?" This time he explains.
"E-Eliza. Was hit by a car walking home from school. Maria almost got hit but she didn't. Eliza's in the hospital now in critical condition!" He sobs into my shirt. I gasp and pull him almost onto my lap. A few tears slip out of my eyes. Eliza is one of Alex's closest friends. They're basically siblings. If Eliza died-- no. I can't think like that right now. I hug Alex tighter and we pull up to the hospital.
"Hey, I heard your story. Free of charge, ok?" The cabbie says and I thank him, but hand him a 10 dollar bill as a tip. We get out and the taxi drives away. We run inside and go to the waiting room.
"I'm here for an Eliza Schuyler." I tell the secretary at the desk.
"Room 1854." She tells us and we speed off. Angelica, Peggy, Maria and Lafayette are already there, gathered around Eliza. Alex takes one look at her and lets out a sob, falling to his knees.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This cannot- no, no, no, no, NO! Eliza, you can't do this to us! We need you! We need- we need.. we need.." he trails off and I help him off the ground. I hug him as tight as I can without hurting him and then hug everyone else in the room. I'm crying hard now. Eliza's body really is in critical condition. One of her arms is in a cast, as well as one of her legs. Bruises litter her face, along with cuts. Her shirt is lifted up and I can see a huge, green and purple bruise there as well, with a large gash that must have just been stitched up. The heart beat monitor is going very slow, and her breathing is choppy and uneven.
"Eliza.. we need you with us. We can't bear to see tomorrow without you in it." I take her hand that isn't in a cast.
"Eliza, if you can hear me, squeeze once." I feel a small squeeze, and then the heart beat monitor goes flat, and lets out a long beep.
AUTHORS NOTE: Aaaaand that's chapter 14! I told you I wasn't done torturing our characters. Don't worry though, things will be fine in the end... probably. Anyways, sorry for the heartbreak. New chapter should be up soon!! Thanks so much for reading!💕