**Authors note: im just writing what comes to the top of my head.
Enjoy.😊
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"Damn, was all the words I could form in my brain as I gaze at the straight forward walls in my room. Those uninventive white walls that have a sharp, edge corner at the tip are irritating to a imaginative mind. The windows without a trace of sunshine or a place of comfort. The off brown stainless cushion floor is sunken by my weight as I lay aimlessly staring at the chipped ceiling. My rough, blackened palms overlap each other as I place them behind my thick , nappy hair.
My lengthy, worn out legs are intertwined with each other wearing my purposely ripped denim jeans smothering my lower body. My dearest jeans that I designed myself ; I would classify myself as a fashion designer in the making, but I can't even imagine being devoted to anything again.
My bed, well let's not discuss the cardboard , stiff mattress. I could elaborate for months on in about my hell hole. Life? NO! my existence is not considered a life. Although, if you consider being in a hell hole from the time you could first inhale oxygen , then you could say it's not even awkward.
Starring.
Just starring. My head is about to explode with all the time I have. All this time, but I stare. I stare at the same old chipped wall wishing it could magically renovate itself, so I'd have something new to stare at. My head is spinning uncontrollably , and my brain is compacted with thoughts , ideas , and a feeling of emptiness. All I could possibly do to react is grieve in my own sorrow.
I am destroyed from the inside out . Inside out. Surprisingly I'm not dead, or from as far as I'm concerned. I force myself to raise up from my position with my 'man hands' and place my face in between the arch of my two knees while wrapping my arms around the front of my legs. I pull my legs tighter until it's difficult to breathe.
Still in between my knees, I managed to control my breathing. Breathe deeply.
In through the nose . Hold it . Out through the mouth.
In through the nose. Hold it . Out through the mouth
•••
I wonder if you can imagine being a girl like me. Then again, if you knew about Adrian, you'd know why I'm screwed up in relationships, in friendships, in me... Look what he manipulated and destroyed in me. LOOK AT ME! I don't have anybody anymore; they all abandoned me. Or was it I who abandoned me?
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Birth certificate:
Kayleigh Johanna Downs
November 3, 1995
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K.
Just call me K. I despise my name that was forced upon me without my approval. Those wretched bitches that kicked me out the house have become invisible to my eyes. Every aspect of them is loathsome and scornful. You wonder why I would make such despicable remarks on behalf of my 'parents', but once again, people react differently to circumstances. Horrible circumstances.
You see, it wasn't majority of my wrongdoings. Adrian, my ex- boyfriend and ex baby-daddy I suppose, manipulated my naïve personality and transformed me into his bad bitch as he would classify me. I should have realized at that moment that he was the 'typical thug' and his "respect" could only go so far, but my defiant, obstinate manner is a massive problem for me.
Innocence .
A guilty pursuer of the human race. How could I have possibly knew what innocence's deadly venom injected inside me, suffocating my conscious to no end."