• — • — •
SYet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word.
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword
-OSCAR WILDE
• — • — •
"So that is where you've been hiding," a low voice whispered, soft as a bated breath, into Lia's ear from behind.
Heart hammering a mile a minute, she somehow recognised the voice through the alcoholic haze clouding her thoughts.
She would recognise it anywhere.
Sirius pulled her down the dark passage, one hand still covering her mouth, the other tightly coiled around her middle. It was a good thing, too, because all the drinking left Lia clumsy and light headed, not to mention foolish enough to not run away, despite the rational part of her brain screaming that going anywhere with Sirius could ruin everything. Months of planning — wasted in seconds. For some reason, that didn't seem to matter very much at the moment.
Pausing outside an empty classroom, Sirius peered inside before pushing the door aloft and dragging Lia in after. Once he'd closed the door quietly behind him and leaned up against it, he finally let her go, seeming somewhat reluctant to do so.
For what seemed like an age, he didn't say a word. Lia could see displeasure rolling of his glowering frame in waves, but it was hard to care when she drank as much as she had. Her blissful indifference seemed to only add to his annoyance.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he finally asked. "Sitting next to my brother at lunch and Snivellus in Potions is one thing, but skipping off the grounds with them hand in hand and then coming back drunk with the most depraved students in all of Hogwarts is far stupider than anything even James would have dreamed up."
He took a forceful step forward, and she took a matching, albeit teetering, one back. Before she could process what was happening, his hand shot out toward her face, leaving Lia with no time to do anything besides flinch. His lips thinned at her reaction and he narrowed his eyes as he cupped her cheek, nudging it to the side for better inspection.
"Is this blood?" he demanded when his fingers came away red. "What did they do to you?"
"It's from all the shattered glass," she defended, ducking clumsily away. "Alecto got it much worst. She was actually drinking from the bottle when it got hit."
Sirius stared for a moment, brow raised skeptically, and Lia knew instantly that he couldn't have cared less about Alecto's wellbeing if he'd been payed. Despite her weak protestations, he managed to use the edge of his robes to wipe the blood from her cheek.
"Bloody hell, you're hammered," he decided after he finished, wrinkling his nose in distaste.
"Am not!" she cried, stepping forward in indignation, only to stumble slightly over thin air, hoping he didn't notice. "I am perfectly sober."
"Evidently," Sirius said flatly, not at all impressed.
Lia reached into her robes and pulled out the flask, raising it to her lips, only for Sirius to snatch it away in the next instant.
"Hey! That's mine!" she complained, batting him furiously to retrieve it. "Give it back, you mangy mutt!"
"That's enough of that for you." He flipped it over in the air, catching it with his other hand. "For the next ten years, I might add."
"You can't just take my things," she muttered mutinously.
"Watch me." After a time, consisting mostly of annoyed scowling on Lia's part, he said, "I've thought about it, and I've decided that I don't believe a word you've said these last few months, possibly ever. You're definitely up to something..." His jaw clenched ever so subtly at a sudden, intrusive thought. "Both you and Remus. He tried to convince me to leave you alone, can you believe that?" He shook his head incredulously. "He says to let you be, but then half the time when I check the Marauder's Map late at night your names are right next to each other — what's up with that? What makes him better than me? How can you avoid me like dragonpox, only to run to him? And don't even start me about my brother and the other Slytherins!"
Unscrewing the cap, he threw back his head to down the contents of Lia's flask in one fluid motion. He'd have a hard time finishing it, if that was his goal. The flask had been magically expanded by generations of drunkards so that it could drive the whole of the Ministry plus Hagrid into a weeklong drunken stupor before emptying. The entire government would crumble before Lia would have to go sober. She had her Great-Uncle Alexi to thank for that. His drinking exploits were stuff of legend.
"Hey," she complained, somewhat lamely. "That's mine!"
Taking another step forward, he repeated, "What is Remus to you? Do you like him? Is that why you hate being around me so much now?" Each question came out quicker than the last, more demanding. "Is it because he came to you on your birthday, and I didn't? Are you two... together? Is that it? Do you like him?"
"Of course," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "He's my best friend."
Seemingly before he could think better of it, he said, sounding hurt, "I thought I was your best friend."
Lia shook her head, letting her hair obscure her face.
Smiling vaguely from blissful inebriation, she continued. "I do love Remus," Sirius flinched as though he'd been slapped, but she continued, "as a friend. I can tell him anything and I don't have to worry that he'll do anything rash."
"You used to tell me everything."
"You're an idiot," she said simply, shrugging. "You jump into things without thinking. You'd do anything for your friends. I bet you'd even die for them." Lia closed the last distance between them, so their chests were nearly touching. Before she regained enough sense to stop herself, she added, "And I can't take that chance, because I don't want you to die. I don't want to be the one to kill you, Sirius. I don't want to be the reason you're dead — or anyone else."
Abruptly, he squeezed right on her shoulders in a I'm-going-to-shake-into-you sort of way, and Lia felt her knees give out, sending them both crumbling together to the ground. Luckily, was too much alcohol in her system to properly register the pain, but that didn't mean she wouldn't feel it in the morning.
"I'm not going to die, Lia."
"Famous last words," she whispered into his shoulder, more to herself than anyone else. "I'm sure my brother didn't think he would die, either. The girl you think you remember — the one you still want to be friends with — died with the rest of her family. She doesn't exist anymore."
"No." He gripped Lia tighter, as though afraid she'd slip through his fingers like ash. "You're right here, Aeliana. You loved them, and they wouldn't want to see you heading down this road." He leaned back, far enough so that he could see her face, their breaths intermingling. "I don't know what exactly you're doing, but I know for a fact Caius would want you to move on. He wouldn't want your grief to consume you. He'd tell you to pull yourself together already, even if you don't much feel like it!"
"You're right. I don't feel like it."
"Of course I am." There was no trace of humor in his voice, only a harsh, desperate longing. "I know you better than you know yourself."
"I'm beyond saving." Lia found it in herself to force a bitter smile. "It's not worth the effort."
Sirius pushed a mussed lock of hair out of her face, letting his hand linger. "I'd like to see you try and stop me from trying."
Their noses touched. Lia didn't even remember moving closer, but they were like two magnets, drawn together naturally. Effortlessly. Lia knew she wouldn't have let herself fall into this situation had she been sober. She wouldn't have spoken a word, but right then, she couldn't find it within herself to care. Sirius felt safe, familiar. It was so easy to fall back into his orbit.
A blanket of raw moonlight filtered through an open window, bathing Sirius in its glow and reflecting off his dark eyes and raven hair. It made him look younger, more perfect, like something sculpted onto marble. Perfect, at least to her. At least right then.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked, so close she could feel the soft texture of his lips forming the words against hers.
Strange.
He never bothered to ask for anything before in his life.
In response, Lia only had to stop what little fight she had left and let the magnetic pull draw them together. It was soft — sweet — despite the sharp tang of alcohol on both sides.
Drawing back only slightly, she felt Sirius' mouth whispered into hers, "Let me save you, Lia."
"I can't," she breathed back, just as softly.
He crashed their lips together more forcefully, before repeating, "Let me save you."
"I won't," she replied, just as determined.
Each time she refused, he let his anger and despair show only in the fierceness of the kiss, growing stronger each time. Lia didn't know how long it went on, only that in a perfect world, it would have gone on forever.
Eventually, they merely laid together on the cold stone floor of the classroom, alone under the moon's soothing caress. Despite the floor's hardness, it was the most comfortable she'd been in ages, with her head tucked safely under his.
"I will save you," Sirius whispered into her hair, not bothering to ask permission this time. "From... from whatever it is you're doing."
"You don't even know I'm up to anything," she said wryly, peaking up at him.
"Please," he scoffed. "It's obvious."
The last thing Lia thought before letting the soothing tide of sleep pull her under was, Well, if anyone could save me from myself, it would be you.
It would be you.