I dozed on the couch for another two hours, napping in between watching Lex work. He was so intent on what he was doing that he hardly noticed my gaze. Every so often I reached up to brush my lips, still drunk on disbelief. I had known him for a month, that I could remember. I had never kissed a boy that fast, not once. It took me weeks and weeks to build up the courage to even talk to them-and now this.
I was blushing almost constantly, embarrassment crashing over me every time I woke up. It wasn't that I regretted it, but that I was worried that he did. Lex was a complex man, and I had no way of knowing what was going on in his head. I wanted to ask him, but even talking made me burn red with shame, and so I ducked under the blanket again, trying to steady my breathing. At least, I reassured myself, you're not panicking over the accident this time.
Weight dipped the sofa down near my feet, and a hand rested on my knee. I pulled the blanket down, so my eyes were visible. Lex was sitting next to me, his face amused and a little worried.
"Are you alright?" He asked. "You're very quiet."
"I'm fine." I said back, my voice muffled by the blanket. "Just resting, you know. Long night, and so on." Instead of coming out nonchalant and confident like I had hoped, the words came out squeaky and shaky.
"Ah, yes, I imagine those mental gymnastics you were doing over here are quite tiring, hm?" He laughed slightly.
I frowned at his joking tone, kicking at him from my spot on the couch.
"Don't make fun of me!" I cried. "You're the one who started it!"
Lex placed a hand on my ankles, stopping them from contacting his thigh. I wiggled them free, and drew my legs up to my chest.
"I'm sorry." He said, but his tone was still teasing. "I was under the impression that you kissed me back, or am I wrong?"
I blushed an even darker shade of red, and pulled the blanket up over the top of my head again. Lex laughed, and tugged it away from my face and chest. I crossed my arms, and eyed him. To his credit, he tried to straighten out his face, letting a dark look settle over it.
"I am sorry, my darling." He said softly. "I don't mean to embarrass you."
"Too late for that." I grouched. "Far, far too late for that."
He took my chin in his long-fingered hands, brushing the tips of his fingers over my cheekbones. I shivered and shut my eyes.
"I must confess something to you." He said, reacting to smooth my hair. "Something you may not entirely like."
I squinted up at him, my mind flickering to a blank.
"What is it?" I asked. Lex took a deep breath, and smiled tightly.
"My intentions may not have been as pure as I once led you to believe."
I snorted a laugh, and covered my mouth. Lex's face clouded with unreadable emotion.
"You don't say." I said. His face cleared, and he rolled his eyes.
"Not quite what I meant, but it's a start." He said, and stood, still holding my hands.
"All these years, I've been looking for leverage against Superman. Something, anything that I can use as definite proof that he is not the god we believe him to be."
I tilted my head, and Lex let go of my hands and began to pace, hands tucked neatly behind his back.
"You see, everyone has this unfounded love of our alien deity. But I don't believe he can be as pure as we think he is. He has killed in his quest to be beloved."
"Okay, but Lex, what does this have to do with me?" I asked from the couch. Lex spun on his heel, and pointed at me, his face lit up.
"Don't you see? It has everything to do with you!" He grinned like a child. "You yourself are the poster child for loss-your leg, your parents, your home, everything!"
I wrinkled my face at the mention of my parents, the bomb of grief threatening to explode within me, reducing me to ash and bone.
"So you saved me because you wanted to use me?"
Lex crossed the room in two great bounds, taking my face between his hands.
"No, my darling, no, no, no. I saved you because you needed me. I saved you because something so sweet and fragile needs to be protected from this evil world. Your salvation has become the key to my own."
For the first time in my weeks spent with him, I became afraid of the man before me. His eyes fluttered with unbalanced rage, and his face revealed the depth of his grudges. I shivered and leaned away, adrenaline pumping through my veins, cold and sick.
"I don't know what to say." I managed to whisper. "What am I supposed to do?"
Lex laid a hand on the top of my head.
"Nothing, my pet. You leave the heavy lifting to me. I will have your revenge soon enough."
"I don't want revenge!" I finally burst out. "I just want to heal, to become myself again."
Lex straightened.
"Ruth, you don't know what you want. I do. Let me do this for you."
I shuddered, my shoulders shaking violently. Lex wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, but his proximity made me even more nervous. I cringed when he lifted a hand, afraid that he might strike me in his passion.
He looked at me, and at his raised hand, and lowered it slowly into my lap, lacing his fingers between mine.
"I don't want you to be afraid of me." He whispered in my ear. "Let me protect you."
I relaxed into his arms, the rigidity melting out of me in one long movement. His heart thundered in my ear, racing in time to my own. He combed my hair between his fingers, the movement lulling me down from the height of my fear.
"It's all right, my dear." He hummed. "It will all be alright. You let me take care of you."