Chapter 35: Tris – Invasion
Cara suggests I try to sleep, but there's no way that's going to happen. All I can do is lie here, gritting my teeth against the pain while wondering what the others are doing right now. I hate not knowing if they're safe…or even still alive.
The only thing that comforts me is knowing how focused Marcus is on the mission. He can't complete it successfully without Tobias, which at least means my boyfriend is likely to survive. Assuming he's still my boyfriend.
It's difficult to decide how I feel about him right now. I'm not really mad – or at least not nearly as mad as Cara thinks I should be. I have almost no voice to answer her with, so she rants freely about how Tobias almost killed me and how he clearly can't control his anger and how I shouldn't trust him again. And objectively I have to admit she has some valid points.
But I also know he never meant to hurt me, and that he'll punish himself far more for his actions than anyone else ever could. Far more than I want.
Besides, I'm not exactly blameless in this, either. It was foolish to step into the middle of that fight – there's a reason none of the others did it. So, I find myself more frustrated than anything else. Frustrated, and worried, and unsure what will come next.
Eventually, Cara helps me get up so I can try walking. I've never been good at accepting assistance from others; it's part of the pride I struggle with. But I have no choice at the moment. I can barely stand even with help, let alone without it, so I let her wrap an arm around me and steady me as I take a few steps.
At first, it reminds me of how I felt during initiation, after my fight with Peter. But it quickly becomes obvious that this is much worse. The pain pierces my ribs more and more with each step, until it feels like someone has inserted a knife and is twisting it with each movement. And there seems to be a direct link between that point and my lungs, because the pain takes away my ability to breathe like nothing else ever has. Still, if there's one thing Dauntless taught me, it's that I'm stronger than the limits of my body. So, I push through the agony, finding a way to keep walking despite it.
The effort is exhausting. By the time I've hobbled around the room once, my eyelids are as heavy as the rest of my body, and I think I might finally be able to fall asleep despite everything. Cara helps me sink back to the floor, and I close my eyes gratefully.
I open them immediately when I hear voices. The sound is faint, but it's definitely there, and I turn to the door, seizing Cara's arm to get her attention. She stiffens, her eyes wide and fearful, but she doesn't lose her wits. Instead, she rises in silence, helping me to my feet again, and we move as quietly as possible to the back part of the room, where we're hidden by all the pipes and equipment.
She leans me against a large pipe so I'm facing towards the door, and she hands me my gun. I can barely stay upright, and it hurts to grip the weapon, but I do it anyway. I shift a little to the side so I can see the door through a small gap between the pipes, and I place my gun carefully into the opening. I should be able to shoot reasonably well from here if the need arises.
Beside me, I'm aware of Cara doing the same thing, but I keep my attention on the door. Belatedly, I realize we should have turned the lights off to hide our presence, but I suppose we can at least see to aim this way.
We don't wait long before the door opens and soldiers enter. My heart rate increases with each one I see, so it may be just as well that it's difficult to count them through my small viewing hole. I can make out six clearly, but there are definitely more than that. This is not good.
It gets worse when they start talking.
"This is where we stayed each night," Amar's voice sounds, betraying us to his captors. I shift very slightly, trying to catch sight of him through the soldiers. When I do, I wish I hadn't. His face is badly bruised, and his eyes are blank. Worse, as he turns, I see that the side of his head has been shaved and that some type of device is now attached there. With a twist of nausea, I remember him saying that the military inserts a probe directly into their prisoners' brains before questioning them. I didn't expect it to be so…big.
"I swear, I didn't know anything about this," a man's voice says. "It was just my ex and her friend. I never saw anyone else." Simon.
"That's true," Amar responds calmly, almost in a monotone. "Margot distracted him while Christina let us into the building. He had no idea we were here."
One of the soldiers makes a dismissive sound, clearly not willing to let Simon off the hook that easily.
"How many of you were there?" she asks Amar.
"Four," he replies, reluctance in his voice. But the answer sends a surge of relief through me. He's lying, and that means the serum hasn't overtaken him completely yet. That must be why they're here and not by the Control Computer – he's giving them a half-truth to buy us time, like he promised he would.
"Four," the same soldier says thoughtfully. "Does that include the woman you killed?" The relief vanishes as quickly as it came. Pari must be dead.
I don't hear an audible response, but I think Amar nods. A moment later, the woman asks, "Why did you shoot her?"
Amar's voice is quiet as he answers. "She would have talked." Something about his tone is familiar – dejected, as if he has to speak when he doesn't want to. It takes me a second to realize he sounds the way Tobias did under truth serum.
"She would have talked about what?" the woman prompts Amar.
He sighs. "She knew our plans, and I didn't want her to reveal them."
There's some satisfaction in the woman's voice as she asks, "Exactly what plans are those?" I suspect she's been trying to get Amar to answer that question for hours. This time, he does.
"We were very angry…. I don't remember why, but we were. And we thought that if we planted bombs in some public places, it would scare people, and then they'd think that the government couldn't keep them safe. We thought it would lead to rebellion." He pauses before adding, "It all sounds strange now. I don't really understand what we were thinking."
The woman smiles a little, watching him closely. In that moment, I find myself aiming at her, my finger twitching on the trigger as I once again debate whether or not to attempt a rescue. Amar is clearly doing what he promised – buying us time – and he seems to be good at it. But I don't know how long he can keep it up, and if we have to rescue him, this is undoubtedly the best chance we'll get. Part of me says we should take the opportunity before we lose it.
Before I can decide, the soldier cocks her head and asks, "Which areas were you planning to attack?"
"I only know one of them." Amar now sounds as if he's embarrassed. "I'm not from Philadelphia, and Pari was in charge of picking the locations, so I only know the one we went to earlier today. I can take you to that one, though."
"Okay," the woman says in a calm, reassuring voice, as if she's talking to a child. "But first we need to find the others. Where are they now?"
"Margot and Christina left here a couple of hours ago," Simon says, clearly anxious to help.
Amar nods. "Then they must be at the backup location. I don't know the address, but I can lead you there."
"Very well," the woman comments in the same tone as before. "As soon as we've cleared this building, we'll go."
It takes a moment for her words to sink in, perhaps because the tone is so soothing. I don't really get what she means until she gestures to the other soldiers to spread out and search. But as they begin winding their way through the room and the hallway just outside, a spike of adrenaline finally jolts through me. We can't hide from them for long.
Amar turns calmly in place, his eyes roaming the room, looking unconcerned. And then his gaze meets mine through the narrow opening between the pipes. He freezes for a split second, alarm passing over his features before he hides it. He must have assumed we were long gone, or he never would have brought our enemies here.
"The others won't be here," he says firmly, doing an impressive job of keeping his voice level. "We were very careful to avoid the cameras except when Margot was distracting Simon. We should go to the backup location now, before they leave."
The woman in charge seems to be debating this, but before she comes to a conclusion, the closest soldier rounds the corner of the pipes that shield us. We're out of time.
Cara and I fire simultaneously. Her bullet takes out the soldier who was in the process of discovering us, while mine goes exactly where I was aiming. Their leader drops to the floor, blood gushing through her hair.
The reaction is immediate, chaos abruptly filling the room. I shoot repeatedly, aware from the noise on my left that Cara is doing the same and that the others in the room are returning fire. Meanwhile, Amar sweeps the legs out from underneath a soldier by him and then drops low and launches himself into the stomach of another. Somewhere in the process, he must grab a gun, because suddenly he's shooting at point blank range, helping to eliminate the remaining troops.
It's all over within a minute. Amar checks each soldier to ensure they're all dead as Cara helps me walk over to him. I feel a moment's sympathy for Simon, killed in the middle of a battle that had nothing to do with him, but there's no time to linger on the thought.
"What the hell are you still doing here?" Amar hisses at us, fear and anger blazing from his face. But then he sees how I'm hobbling along, barely able to move with Cara's help, and his expression changes to something like pain. He swears.
"There are soldiers all over the building," he says desperately, meeting my eyes. "There's no way to get you out of here."
For several long seconds, we just look at each other, and then I nod. "You two run," I say hoarsely, finding my voice for the first time since Tobias' fist slammed into my chest. "It's okay if I'm captured. I'll buy you time."
Amar and Cara exchange a glance, looking torn, but then Amar clenches his jaw and nods.
"Be brave," he whispers to me before he grabs Cara's arm and pulls her from the room in a run. I see her glance back at me once before they disappear from sight, and I try to look reassuring, to look confident that I can do this. It's a lie, but it's a selfless one, and despite Amar's words, right now I need to be Abnegation.
As their footsteps fade away, I lean against the wall, trying to ignore the pain that is working its way back into my consciousness. It seems like a very long time passes. I'm debating sitting down when I begin to hear additional gunfire echoing from somewhere in the building. It's difficult to tell how close it is or who is being shot, and again the frustration digs into me. I hate not knowing what's going on, hate being left behind, hate being helpless.
I've always hated feeling powerless. All of the obstacles in my fear landscape were ultimately about that, and I only got through them by changing things so I became more powerful. Even when I was a captive in Erudite, I found ways to gain some control over my situation. Striking a deal with Jeanine so she would show me my test results. Defeating her simulations. Little acts of rebellion that helped me deal with the fear. But now I'm stuck here, with no options.
Something my father said once flits through my mind. There are always alternatives. Was he right about that?
My eyes roam the room, looking for possibilities, and then an idea occurs to me. I fire my gun down the hallway, aiming at nothing in particular. I just need to create a distraction – anything to lure some of the soldiers away from Amar and Cara. I fire at random intervals, changing my aim enough to create different sounds. When my gun runs out of bullets, I retrieve another from one of the fallen soldiers and continue to shoot into the hallway.
Eventually, it works. Footsteps pound down the stairs and then freeze as I fire near them. Voices shout, and more soldiers come. By the time I have nothing left to fire, I no longer hear shooting elsewhere in the building. I can only hope that means my friends have escaped.
"I give up!" I say as loudly as my lungs will allow. "I don't want to do this anymore."
There's silence for a moment, and then a man shouts, "Throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up!"
I make a point of throwing the gun I'm holding out into the hallway, letting it spin gradually to a stop before I walk out. It's almost impossible to stay upright without support, but I don't dare lean against the wall right now. Someone would undoubtedly shoot me if I do. So, I stagger forward as best I can, holding my hands up.
"I'm hurt," I gasp, trying to take advantage of my small size and injuries to generate sympathy. It's hard to do, particularly after just thinking about how much I hate feeling weak, but Tobias was right. Sometimes it helps to show vulnerability, even if it isn't real.
And it seems to work. Two soldiers come forward and handcuff me, but they aren't overly vicious about it, particularly when you consider that I was just shooting at them and that I'm surrounded by the dead bodies of their companions. I doubt I'd be as gentle in their position.
They each grab one of my arms, so they can march me between them, before they lead me back to the rest of their group. And then we're climbing the stairs – or more accurately, they're half-dragging me up them. The experience adds a whole new meaning to the word "pain." It seems to last forever, but then we're finally outside in the cold night air, marching toward the unknown location where I can expect some new torture.
I just hope that Cara and Amar got away. That will make whatever happens to me next worthwhile. But I'm not foolish enough to ask about them; even if I could talk with the current fire burning through my ribcage, it wouldn't do any good. It's obvious from the soldiers' eerie silence that they're not allowed to talk to me.
At least not until I have serum flowing through my body and a probe on my head like Amar's. I can't help but shudder at the thought.