"She has some nerves to be eating publicly with a body like hers. A body full of fats and rolls. Where does she even find clothes this big?"
Yes, these words are said about me.
And yes, they are said loud enough for me to hear.
But no, I didn't say anything.
I just looked towards my untouched tray shamefully.
You see, I don't exactly fit society's standards.
You can say I am little too big.
Since I was a little kid, I was a little too tall for kids my age, and soon enough my weight caught up with my height, and I became not only too tall for kids my age, but too fat as well.
I didn't gain weight because I was traumatized or because it was my escape or any of that, but because simply I enjoy food.
No, I don't have to have a sad ass back story to be allowed to eat freely.
You see, I am a hardcore believer that life is simple, simple enough for you to just do whatever the fuck makes your heart happy.
Eat, dance, cry, pray, kiss, love. Anything.
Also, I am a hardcore believer that my 'rolls' are not an ugly disgrace, but instead just beautiful, tasty strawberry rolls.
I mean, have you even tasted these gorgeous heaven bites?!
But society doesn't exactly agree with my beliefs.
Society is a hardcore believer of labels.
You eat? Then you are fat.
You dance? Then you are an attention whore.
You cry? Then you are an oversensitive crybaby.
You pray? Then you are a terrorist.
You kiss? Then you are a slut.
You love? Then you are soft.
Over the years, I have silently coped with the bullying and learned to give up on the whole 'let's change society's views for the sake of our futures' bullshit.
Why?
It didn't really get me anywhere, but the nurse's office with a beaten up face that I had to blame on the volley ball in the gym so I don't get beaten up again.
Yeah, that wasn't really fun..
Also, I don't really have 'friends'.
Surprised you, didn't I?
The thing is, usually when people approach me because they want to be 'friends' it ends up being some sick prank to humiliate me, and I end up crying my eyes out.
Yeah, that wasn't really fun either..
I snap out of my thoughts when someone plunks down in front of me.
"What the fuck do you want?" I spit in venom, my eyes narrowed.
If I were a beautiful, slim girl I would be more than flattered that Derek, the hottest guy in Ever high, himself decided to take a seat on MY empty table.
I would have been actually flattered if he didn't trash me every fucking day behind the fucking bleachers, and shove me into lockers whenever he gets the chance to.
"Chill, Ms. I am a feisty cow." He raises his hands in surrender.
Of course, he had to find a way to call me a cow in the middle of conversation that is not cow related.
"What the fuck do you want?" I repeat my question again a little slower for his slow mind to process, and he gives me a sly grin that would make anyone's heart melt.
Too bad mine is busy hating him.
"Can't a guy hang out with the prettiest girl around Ever high?"
Yeah and Shrek is a vegan.
"Just spill the goddamn milkshake on my hair already." I groan, shutting my eyes tightly- embracing myself for the cold substance.
"You think I would waste a tasty, expensive milkshake on you?" He snarls, "It's a sour spaghettie."
And on cue, the slimy substance made it's presence known on the top of my head.
"Fuck you." I get up and walk away calmly, and confidently out of the cafeteria and to the toilet; they don't get the privilege of torturing me, and also seeing how much it affected me.
It always affects me..
I clean up as much I could with just water and tissues available, trying to quieten my pathetic cries, suddenly, one of the stalls' doors opens revealing Gwen, the school's not so loved 'slut'.
She has been rumored to hook up with a lot of guys even if they were in a relationship which didn't exactly make her the most 'lovable' person..
She stares towards me for a second, sympathy clear in her eyes before fishing in her back bag quickly, and coming up with a pack of wipes. She leaves it beside the sink wordlessly and rushes out of the toilet not once uttering a word.
Her eyes were red.
♡
One week later, I had just left the school's library, and I was making my way through the school's empty hallway while searching through my bag for my keys, to suddenly, be pushed forcefully inside of the janitor's closet.
"Seriously?!" I yell. "Come on, are you actually this pathetic?! Waiting around for a whole hour till I leave the library just to bully me!" I bang on the door angrily, but no one replies.
Fifteen minutes later, I hear the door unlocking, and I look up to see it opening slowly revealing Gwen.
"Sorry for being late; I didn't really know where he left the key." Gwen explains hurriedly, and I just stay silent, staring at her startled.
"Come on, do you like it in there?" She grabs me by the hand and drags me out quickly.
I collect my thoughts, "Thank you so much, Gwen." I manage to say- so grateful.
She rolls her eyes, "Stop being so dumb, Olivia, it's nothing at all." She offers me a warm smile, and tells me she will see me around before rushing to leave.
What the hell just happened..?
♡
One week later with no spoken words between me and Gwen- only smiles and nods-, Derek decides to try his luck with bullying me once again.
I swear I don't even understand why is he so goddamn dedicated to making sure I am miserable.
A crumbled paper hits the side of my face before landing in front of me on the desk. I look around to see Derek grinning towards me.
Normally, I would have just thrown it away, not bothering to read what's inside of it, but this time I let my curiosity win and open the paper to see what's up.
'Moo.'
Really?
God, he is so immature...
I flip him off, and go back to my book.
Three minutes later, I receive another note causing me to let out a long, tired, and bored breath.
'I don't know how this poor desk is handling all of the weight sitting on it.'
I don't even turn to look towards, I just throw it away.
After class, as I am walking down the busy hallway harmlessly, I suddenly find myself being pushed roughly onto the ground.
I feel my elbow burning, and I know I accidentally cut it when falling.
Everyone turns to look towards the fat girl laying on the ground with a colorful mouth, and a stupid boy towering over her, finding joy in her constant pain.
I want to cry in anger.
"Can't you just leave me alone?!" I scream, fed up with the suffering I have to go through on the daily just to pleasure an air headed bully.
Suffering I have to go through on the daily because of something that concerns no one, but me.
"I hope your daughter goes through all of the shit you put me through, Derek." I get up, looking him dead in the eyes.
He slaps me.
He slaps me so hard right across the cheek that it stings.
I couldn't mask my shock.
"All of the shit, Derek, all of it."
He pushes me to the floor again, and quickly some guys interfere, and hold him back from kicking me.
I watch him intently- how his eyes were hard, his arms fighting against the hold of his friends, how his mouth was yelling shit that would make me cry for days.
Gwen appears by my side, offering me a hand to help me up. I stare at it for a moment wondering if maybe this was another stunt that would break my heart.
I shake off the negative thoughts, and took her hand. She pulled me up back to my feet.
"Don't you dare hit a woman again, Derek." Gwen turns to him.
"Don't you dare talk shit about a woman again, Derek." Gwen takes a step closer to him.
"And don't you dare hurt my friend ever again, Derek." Gwen slaps him.