Shannon was surprised that her mom or her dad hadn’t called her to tell her how the doctor’s appointment went. Maybe something was wrong. As soon as the thought formed she banished it. Nothing was wrong. Nothing could be wrong. It couldn’t be. She needed her mom. She needed her mom now more than ever. Nothing could be wrong. Again she pushed the thought away.
Right now she was spending time with Faith. Since it was a pretty day, she had decided to take her daughter to the park. So far so good, Faith’s mind was on something else – like having fun – other than on the death of her father, or at least she hoped it was. She had her Bible with her. She took it out and turned to Ecclesiastes. She began to read where she had left off from earlier today.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
She stopped reading and started to think. ‘A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance;’ Well, it was her time to mourn and her time to weep, but when will it be her time to laugh and to dance.
“Mommy, look! Look at me, Mommy!” Shannon looked at her daughter. She was swinging on the swing by herself. By herself! She smiled at her daughter.
“Wait ago, honey.”
“I’m doing it all by myself, Mommy!” She could see the smile on her daughters face. It filled her heart with joy when she seen her daughter so happy, but it also broke it because Ryan should be here to see this. Tears filled her eyes. God, why’d you have to take him? Faith needs her daddy and so does this unborn baby.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
She was still watching her daughter swing by herself, when her phone rang. It was her Dad.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, honey. So your mom and I were wondering if we could all get together at your house and have dinner. I’ll bring some steaks that I can grill, and you and your mom can choose whatever else that we should have.”
“Sure. That’s fine with me.”
“Ok, well, I guess we’ll be there around 5:30.” He sounded tired.
“Ok, see you then. Bye. Love you.”
“Love you too honey. Bye.” And with that they hung up. She looked at her watch. It was 5:00. Wow, she hadn’t realized it was that late.
“All right Faith, it’s time to go. Grandma and Grandpa will be at our house soon.”
“Really!?” she squealed.
“Yep, come on.”
“Kay.”
They walked to the car, and she put Faith into her car seat. She started the car, and then they were on their way home. The song You Raised Me Up was playing on the radio. They were almost home when she heard Faith’s deep breathing that signaled she was asleep. She sighed; she was hoping that she would stay up until after dinner at least. But what can she say; they were gone most of the day.
When she pulled into the driveway, she could see that her parents were already there. She was glad that she had given them the spare key because she didn’t know how long they had been there since it was already almost six. Her father was cooking the steaks, and her mom was swinging on the porch swing. She got Faith out her car seat and started walking to her mom. Her mom stood up, walked to the door, and opened it for Shannon and walked inside with her.
“Mom, you didn’t have to do that. I could have just came down and sat by you with Faith in my arms.”
“No, that’s ok. Plus I wouldn’t want something to wake her up.”
She laid Faith down on the couch and walked back outside with her mom; she sat down on the porch swing with her mom.
Her mom turned to her and said, “Shannon, there’s something I have to tell you.” Shannon didn’t like were this was going. The only time her mother said that was when she had bad news.
“Tracy, I really don’t think this is the time to do this,” my dad warned. Now she was getting worried.
“I think this is the perfect time. I don’t want Faith to overhear us; she doesn’t need to know yet.”
“It could wait till after dinner, Tracy.” Her mother glared at him.
“I don’t think it should. It’ll just be that much harder to tell her. We need to tell her now, Rick. Not later. And you know it.” Her father shook his and then slowly nodded. Shannon thought she could see tears in his eyes.
“Ok guys, what’s going on?”
“Honey.” Her mom stopped and squeezed the bridge of her nose and then started crying. Her dad came over, and Shannon scooted over so that he could sit down. He put his arms around her mom and said something to her that Shannon couldn’t quite make out.
“Shannon, honey. I really don’t know how to tell you this,” her father said.
“Just spill it out,” she told him. If she was honest with herself, she really didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know this news that her father was about to tell her because she knew that it was going to be horrible news.
“I have cancer, Baby. It’s back, and it has spread,” her mother said while looking up at her. Her face was tear stained. Her mother didn’t just say what she thought she said. Could she have?
“What did you just say?” she whispered.
“The cancer’s back, honey. And it’s gotten worse,” her father said. Shannon thought she could see tears in his eyes.
“What…What do you mean it’s gotten worse,” she whispered.
“I only have a month or two to live, Shannon. That’s all. That’s all.” After she had said that, her mother started weeping.
“No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening; this can’t be happening,” she whispered. She knew tears were falling from her eyes. And she had a feeling that she was on the verge of having a breakdown. She couldn’t lose her mom too. She just lost Ryan; she couldn’t lose her mom. “Mom, no,” she whispered. Her chin quivered wwhen she said it. “Not you too. You can’t leave me too,” she whispered. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She got up and went inside, well, she ran inside.
“Shannon, Honey, wait. Please,” her mother called after her. She ran to her room and closed the door and flung herself on the bed and started crying. She felt like a teenager again. She always used to do this when she was a teenager – when she was upset. She heard a knock on her door, and then her parents came in.
***
Rick couldn’t stand to see his daughter like this. Shannon had always been strong; she never let herself fall apart. But now it seemed like she was crumbling apart, like she was coming undone. They shouldn’t have told her. They should have waited. This was too much for her to handle.
“Mom,” she squeaked, “This is too much. I…I can’t…I can’t…” she started bawling into her pillow.
“Honey, it’s ok to cry. I know this is hard – it’s hard for all of us – but it’s gonna be ok,” Tracy told her.
“But what about Faith mom? How are we going to tell her this? She just found out that her daddy’s dead. How are we supposed to tell her this?” Shannon cried. She was sitting up in bed now and had her hand on her swollen belly.
“I don’t know honey. Maybe we can wait to tell her.”
“First I was slammed with the news about Ryan, and now I’m slammed with the news about you. And it all’s happened in two days. Two days.” When Rick looked at his daughter, it seemed like she was in a faraway place. And then she started crying again. “Ryan’s dead, and he’s not coming back. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back. I’ll never be able to hold him again or kiss him again or tell him I love him ever again because he’s gone.” It broke his heart to see his daughter like this. There were a lot of things that he could mend back together again, but he couldn’t mend this. He couldn’t mend a broken heart.
He wanted to spend some time with his daughter. As if she heard him, Tracy looked up and nodded.
“I’m gonna go check on Faith ok,” Tracy told Shannon. Shannon nodded, and Tracy walked out the door.
He walked over to his daughter. He wasn’t for sure if she noticed him, so he just sat there. She looked up at him. Her face was tear stained, and tears were still falling from her eyes.
“Daddy,” she whispered, “Daddy, why? Why’d he have to go? I wasn’t ready for him to leave,” she sobbed. Rick put his arms around his daughter and held her like he used to when she was a little girl. Then he realized something. He was feeling the same way as his daughter was. He wasn’t ready for Tracy to leave, and she wasn’t ready for Ryan to leave. Except, he did. He wasn’t for sure which one was worse: knowing that the love of your life was going to die in a month or two, or having someone come to your door to tell you the love of your life is dead. And then something else hit him. Tracy was forty, and Rick thought she was too young to die. But Ryan had only been twenty-five. Rick had always known that anyone’s life could end just like that, but it had never happened to him until now.
“I don’t know why, honey. I don’t know why.” He held her until she stopped crying and stopped trembling. “You ready to go get something to eat because I think Faith is up?” His daughter nodded her head, and they both walked out of her room and into the living room.
***
After her parents left and Faith was in her pjs, Shannon went to check on Faith. She walked down the hallway and was about ready to enter her daughter’s room, when she heard her daughter talking. She was holding the picture of her and Ryan. Shannon put her back against the wall of the hallway so that she could hear her daughter speak.
“Hi daddy. Is it true that you’re not coming home? Mommy says you’re in heaven with Jesus and the angels. Is it true? Can you hear me daddy even though you’re in heaven? Can you see me?” Faith gasped and said, “Mommy’s getting bigger and bigger. It’s hard for me to put my arms around her now.” she giggled. “Guess what! Guess what! I can swing on the swing by myself! I did it today when Mommy took me to the park. Mommy didn’t even have to push me cause I did it all by myself! Could you see me do it? I hope that you did. Oh and guess what! Tonight, when Nanna and Poppa came over and had dinner with us, I ate all my vegetables including the peas. I never used to eat them before, but tonight I did.” Faith paused for a second and for some reason Shannon knew her daughter was crying. “I don’t wanna believe that you’re in heaven daddy; I wanna believe that you’re coming home. I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to come home and tuck me in and kiss me ni-night. Please, come home daddy. Come home daddy, please.” Faith paused and then sighed. “I love you daddy. And I’m gonna leave the night light on just in case you come home. I love you. Nigh-night.”
Shannon slid down the wall and started to cry silently. She lifted her trembling hand to her lips to stop the sobs from coming out. All that she could think about was her daughter’s last few comments. She wasn’t for sure who was hurting more her or her daughter. Shannon knew that when Faith got older some of the memories of her father would disappear. And she prayed that her daughter wouldn’t be able to remember this. This hurt.
When Shannon walked into her daughter’s room, Faith was already fast asleep. She wondered if Faith cried herself to sleep because Shannon was out in the hallway crying for several minutes. She looked down at her daughter and studied her for a few minutes. Faith had Ryan’s honey blond hair, and Ryan’s cheek bone. Faith looked so much like Ryan, but she looked a lot like her too. She bent down and gave Faith a kiss on the cheek. Ryan’s funeral was tomorrow. She needed to get some sleep.