Forbidden twenty eight
A/N: okay so I'm not sure if any of you guys read my author notes at the end of every chapter but just incase you don't, there's a bit of an announcement thingy I guess in this one. And if you don't want to read the boring part of my A/N, skip to "THE ANNOUNCEMENT THINGY IS HERE :--)" ily guys x
Was Luke still going to love me when those 12 months are over?
-
It had been 2 very painful and sleepless nights since I found out that Luke was in rehab. All I wanted to do was just be in his arms again, with him reassuring me that everything was going to be alright. But unfortunately reality was that Luke was somewhere in a rehab facility that I did not know the name of because of me. He went there because of me. If I hadn't of broken up with him, if I had of given him the chance to explain, and possibly redeem himself maybe things would've turned out differently.
Despite the boys, Alex and Ella's constant reminders that none of this was my fault, and that it was for the best, I couldn't help but blame my foolish ignorance for Luke running away.
I promised Luke that I would always be there for him, no matter what. But when he needed me the very most, all I could do was push him away.
A soft knock on the hotel room door awoke me from the deepness of my thoughts.
"Are you ready Dans? We have to get going", Alex's voice was muffled through the door, but I could still hear the sincerity and sympathy in her voice.
"Uh yeah, one minute" I replied quietly.
I stood up from my place on the bed, wiping away the stray tears on my cheeks before collecting all of my luggage and opening the door to see Alex and Ella standing there with soft smiles and their luggage.
"Hey," Ella greeted, giving me a genuine smile as we continued walking down the hallway and into the elevator. "Hi" I replied softly.
I think they both got the message quite quickly that I wasn't in the mood for a proper conversation, as that was the last of talking we did until the elevator dinged open, and everyone's heads turned to the three of us.
It was as if I had risen from the dead or something, there was not a single person in the room apart of the crew/tour that wasn't staring at me.
"I would very much appreciate it if all of you stopped staring at me, Jesus Christ you're all fully grown adults, stop acting like children!" I spoke firmly, and loudly, startling majority of the people in the room.
Everyone's eyes shortly turned away from me, except for 3 familiar pairs who quickly got closer and closer.
I was soon surrounded in a genuine embrace, and a few sniffles.
I then knew I definitely wasn't the only one taking this whole thing so hard, and I figured I needed to stop being so selfish about it.
Calum, Michael and Ashton were all suffering greatly, maybe even more than me. Their best mate that they had known for years was in a rehab facility too, one they weren't allowed to visit either. Even Alex and Ella were both suffering, Alex had known him for so long, and she cared about him so much. Although Ella hadn't known him for very long, they bonded in such s short amount of time, and Ashton's suffering would've affected her so much.
All 6 of us were going through as much pain as each other and it was so selfish of me to completely shut myself away from them because I thought I was the only one suffering.
"I'm so sorry," I cried into what looked like Michael's hair.
They all pulled away, "it's not your fault Dans, don't apologise" Calum sighed, pulling me in an embrace.
"He left because of me, of course it's my fault" I replied.
"It's no one's fault but his dans, he took the drugs. Sure, there probably would've been other solutions rather than him running off to rehab, but he was going to have to go to rehab to get better anyways. None of us could've helped him through a heroin addiction. He did what was best for everyone, especially himself. You can't blame yourself for any of that." Michael spoke.
Every bit of what he said was true, yet part of me would always feel guilty for this, always.
I nodded in reply, not finding the words to say.
John walked over to us, "Guys we need to get going or else we'll miss the flight. Our cars waiting out the back." He instructed.
None of us spoke, just simply nodded and followed him to the car outside.
John sat in the passenger seat, in the middle row was Calum, Ashton and then Ella, and up the back was me, then Alex and Michael.
The short drive to the airport felt like hours, it was so painfully silent. I think all of us were still trying to get used to not having the absence of Luke.
Soon enough though, we were all at the airport, going through customs and such which seemed to drag on for hours, before sitting in the airport food court where none of us found the courage to eat.
Finally our flight was called, and we all entered the terminal and then the plane, sitting in our allocated seats.
For the whole entire plane ride, all I could think about was the empty seat next to me.
It was so painful to look at.
He should be there.
But he isn't.
And that was something I was no where near ready to deal with for 12 months.
- - -
"Daniella!"
"DAD!"
I practically jumped into his arms, I had missed him so much.
"I missed you" he sighed, kissing my hair.
We pulled away, and the following confrontation was one I had mentally prepared myself for.
"John called" he said quietly.
"I know" I sighed.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart," he apologised.
"You figured it out, didn't you?" He sighed, "Yeah.. I did"
"I'm sorry for never telling you, I just, I've never been ready to tell you. I didn't mean for you to find out like this" the tone of his voice was so fragile, I was afraid he was going to burst out in tears right in front of me, which was something he'd never done before.
"It's fine dad, I just, I don't know" my voice cracked, as tears started to spill out of my eyes.
"Hey, hey, come here" he sighed, pulling me in for a hug and rubbing my back. I swear I heard him sniffling.
After what felt like hours, he pulled away from the embrace,
"How about a movie night? We haven't had one of those in ages!" He suggested, trying to lighten the mood.
"Sounds great daddy"
-
OKAY SO I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AGES AND I'M ACTUALLY SO SORRY OMG
The last few weeks were super busy and hectic for me, I had the last week of term last week and I had so many exams and tests etc and ugh I just really haven't had much time to update.
I was really looking forward to school holidays so I could update much more regularly, but then the laptop decided to break :(((
It's still broken, but I'm on my brothers iPad because I loveeeee you guys.
WHO GOT TICKETS TO SEE 5SOS IN AUS?
I did! If any of you guys are going to the melbourne one on may 4th ill see you there! I'm so excited, it's going to be my 4th time seeing them!
Who's seeing them in their American tour?! Have fun!
I apologise for any spelling mistakes as I'm horrible with iPads holy Jesus
THE ANNOUNCEMENT THINGY IS HERE :--)
OKAY SO I'VE GOT SOMETHING I REALLY WANT YOU GUYS TO HELP ME WITH!!!!!!
Okay so for a while now I've really wanted to make a forbidden playlist on 8 tracks!
And I really want to get you guys involved in it!
So please comment songs that remind you of forbidden! Before the next update ill try my best to put together a playlist of most of the suggested songs so you guys can listen to it whilst reading or whenever else!
I thought you guys would like that :-) so yeah, commented any or all suggestions! They'll all be taken into consideration I promise!
I love you all so much, thank you sooooo much for 600k reads! This shits getting crazy guys :')
- ash xx
Instagram: @hardcoreluke