I showed up pretty early for school. Not because I wanted to be on time but because I couldn't really sleep last night. Woke up at about 4 and just stayed up. Phil and I walked to school together and were talking on the side of the building. There are a few metal picnic tables there. Nobody's around and it's actually a hard place to find so I won't look insane talking to Phil out here.
"You're nervous Dan, just admit it." Phil pokes my cheek with a grin on ha face. "I'm not nervous It's just...I don't know. We just stopped talking. Am I supposed to just walk up to him like, hey buddy let's hang? It's just gonna be awkward. I can already feel the awkwardness." I say with my head hanging. "Look, you're a really great friend. I'm sure Pj really missed you." Phil smiles in an attempt to reassure me. "I know that you're just trying to push him away, the only reason you haven't done that to me is because you can't." Phil says tilting his head and taking a sip of the Starbucks we got before coming here.
"I don't push people away Phil, I just see if they really ever wanted to stay." I say flatly and Phil frowns. "Clearly Pj didn't so." I shake it off and decide to change the subject. "I think we should talk about you." I say quietly. Anyone I try to figure out what happened to Phil and what's going on he just shuts me down. "Nah, no reason for that. It's your first day!" He exclaims but he's just trying to cover up the act he's scared. "Phil, you know we have to talk about this." I say sympathetically. He looks up at me and jut stares for a moment before nodding and looking back down.
"I- I know it's just..." he trails off. "We're gonna get through this." I assure him takin his hand as he looks back up at me again. "I think that maybe soon people will be able to see you again." I say smiling. "I mean it started that day when I touched you and you were real, remember I said I couldn't live with out you then you hugged me? I was so shocked I cried." I reminisce, I felt like I was insane back then and that hug gave me hope. "Dan...." Phil looks at me with those big blue eyes of his and I can see that he really doesn't wanna talk about it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed. Things are fine and I'm happy with you the way you are." I smile and he smiles back. I'm still curious about him, an if he will be visible one day, but for now lol I care about is that he's here. And this might be selfish but, he's all mine.
I made sure to be about two minutes late so that the teacher wouldn't have any expectations of me being on time this year. Phil went home, he seemed to be in a better mood. I sit in my back corner desk and I don't realize who's sitting next to me until I've gone through all my notifications and changed my background multiple times.
"Dan?" I hear Pj's familiar voice coming from next to me. "Pj, hey." I say awkwardly. It wasn't even really awkward until I talked, great. "It's really great to see you, it's been forever." Pj smiles at me like he always used to. It makes me sad in a way, I think.
"Yeah, it really has." I nod and fiddle with a pencil I must've pulled out earlier. "I'd really like to hang out, lunch with me?" Pj asked rollin his shoulders and smiling, he's always been a goof. "Me too, sounds great." I say keeping that smile on my face. He looks as f he's about to say something else when the teacher asks everyone to quiet down. "The printer isn't working today so we'll just be solving problems on the board." She smiles but she's clearly annoyed. "Who decided having a maths in the morning was a good idea?" Pj said dropping his head on his desk. "Who decided maths was a good idea ever." I raise my eyebrows at him. "Good point." He nods in agreement. "So, whatcha been up to?" He asked me, now giving me ha full attention. "I, uh, not much I guess. You?" I hate when people ask me what I do over the weekends or where I go during holiday. I don't do anything and I rarely leave the house.
"Honestly I haven't done much, the school I was at sucked. There was this really nice girl though, Emily. We hung out I guess." He seems to look of into to space. That's apparently the end of our conversation since the teacher is now angry and yelling at the class to just shut up.
Lunch rolls around, finally, and I meet Pj at the table we used to sit together. Every other day he'd sit with his other friends but I couldn't be mad at him for having more friends than just me. Instead of getting the hot lunch Pj brought his own crisps and a soda bottle.
"Dan...I've got to tell you something." Pj says with a serious look on his face. "The reason I didn't keep trying to stay in touch with you is because I was figuring myself out and going through a rough time a I-" he rambles on and I can tell he's trying to stall whatever it is he really wants to tell me. "It's okay Peej, just tell me." I smile at him and even set down my food. He takes a deep breath, "I- I'm gay." He says very quietly, but I hear him. "Oh, okay." I shrug and go back to my food. I thought something bad had happened or something with the way he was talking, I'm relieved.
"....what?" Pj says looking a bit shocked.
"It's no big deal, you can be with whoever you wanna be with. You're still Pj." I give him a reassuring smile. "Wow, my dad flipped when he found out and my mom was okay with it but she did give me a look. You just- just don't care? You don't think I'm a freak or something?" His eyebrows scrunch together.
"Nope, I do think you should share those crisp with me though."
School finally ended and I had my last class with Pj so he's walking me home. "So, have you talked to Chris or Louise? Mark?" I ask Pj about his other friends. I got along with Louise pretty well but I didn't like hanging out with all of them. They're nice and all but I don't like large groups. "Not really. Marks been all about Sean lately...me and Chris haven't talked since the day I left and me and Louise were fighting before so..." He say with a sad look. He must miss them. I'm boring. "Sorry, maybe try to talk to Louise. I bet she's not mad anymore. It's been two years." I shrug. They couldn't have been fighting about something so serious that she'd still be mad two years later. "I guess, you and Louise hung out, you still talk to her?" He asks me as we turn the corner. "Not really, I only talked to her when we were all together so I guess after you left I just stopped." I shrug. Pj makes a face at me that's I seem to constantly get. "Dan...I wish I understood why you do that." He says than directs his attention ahead. "Do what?"
"You know. You'll just quit. Relationships don't just happen, you've gotta work on em. All types of relationships. Unless you feel like you have to you won't talk to anybody and you lose the relationship you had with them. It's not that people don't like you Dan, you just don't give people the chance to know you." He finally finishes his speech and suddenly we're outside my house. "I'm sorry Peej." I say after we stand in silence for a few seconds.
"What for?" He looks at me, puzzled.
"For being such a crappy friend."
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Sooo here's chapter 2! I really wanna know why people think so comment! Anyway the pizza is done and I'm starving so bye
See you next chapter!