|Keeping Promises|
"Something wrong, Irissa?"
Yes, something is wrong. I'm in another vehicle, sitting next to someone I may, or may not trust. The desert is dark, and we're speeding at an alarming rate. Last time I was in this situation, it didn't end so well.
I look over at Hanna. "Let's keep this car on all four wheels. Better yet, let's not have it explode."
She laughs, her eyes flickering repeatedly in the rearview mirror. "I promise we'll get to PURE in one piece."
Kyler sits quietly in the back, next to Chase, who happens to be sleeping. I'm not sure how he manages, but soft snores escape from his lips. Turning to my side, I glance in Kyler's direction, hoping to make eye contact, but he continues to stare blankly out the window. His head presses against the glass as his breath fogs the translucent barrier.
The headlights from behind stay close to the back of the car. Adam and Finn rode together. I can only imagine what their conversation might be. Adam is probably telling Finn to stay away from me when this is all over with.
I don't blame him. I sigh, pushing away the thought of losing Finn permanently. Out of nervous habit, I twirl the silver strand of hair around my index finger, contemplating what I will do once I'm face to face with Sylas. I'm so tired, not only physically, but emotionally, too. This is all new for me. These emotions pouring in from all directions. Hanna yawns loudly, pulling me back to reality.
"I can't figure you out," I admit cautiously.
"Then stop trying," Hanna refutes. "Once we arrive at PURE, you can find out whatever it is your little heart desires. I promise you that, okay?" In the darkness of the vehicle, the headlights from Adam's vehicle outlines Hanna's face, a frown pulls at the edges of her mouth.
"I will find out your true motives, I have that feeling," I say quietly, refusing to look at her.
The only feeling I have this instant, is the warmth inside the car. Even with the cool air escaping the vents, crawling over my skin, I'm getting uncomfortable. My palms are clammy, and an overwhelming pain jabs at the pit of my stomach. Gripping the edge of the seat, I lean forward, resting my head against the dash board.
"Something isn't right," I say, pushing away from the dash.
Kyler leans between the front seats, pressing his hand against my shoulder. "Hang on, okay?" His voice soothes me as I try to take calming breaths to relax.
Hanna says to Kyler, "She needs the pills." Tilting my head, I glance between them both.
"I'm dying, aren't I?"
"I can't say if you are or aren't."
I sit up straight, still feeling unstable. "You're my doctor! Now tell me the truth, for once!" Chase stirs from the back, his long legs bumping into the back of my seat.
"What's going on?" he says, rubbing his eyes.
Kyler says, "Irissa isn't feeling well." He doesn't want to say that I'm aging rapidly on the inside, even though we all know that's the case. I pull down the visor in front of me. Tiny lights around the mirror expose my face.
Pressing my fingers against the skin around my eyes and cheeks, I say, "At least I still look seventeen."
"Not for long," Chase says, now leaning toward the front. He looks at Hanna. "Can't this damn car drive any faster?"
She nods. "Hold on tight."
The vehicle accelerates, suctioning me back into the seat. I watch the winding road weave through the desert, thinking about the lives that have been lost since this all began. I'm not sure how many more will add to that list. I can't stand thinking about Finn and Kyler protecting me, when I'm not even sure if I'm worth protecting.
Bright dome lights scour the sky in circular motions up ahead. We're getting close. Kyler and Chase check their rifles, hiding them down beneath their feet. Trying to pull myself together, I reach for mine and hand it back to them. Hanna sits up straight, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
"Here we go," she says under her breath.
I look back at Kyler again, this time he's staring straight at me. Something in the way his brows are furrowing takes me back to when Kyler vowed to be with me every step of the way. It makes me think of Finn, when in fact, it shouldn't. He did save me, so it's only natural to constantly think about him. Though my feelings for him are in a tangled mess, I can't help but feel a connection to Kyler. Maybe it's the way he's looking at me right now, a look that makes me want to wrap my arms tightly around him and never let go.
"Hey," he says, trying to smile. "We'll get the pills, okay?"
I nod, still trying to push back the nauseous feeling.
The vehicle rolls slowly toward the gate. I sit back, crossing my arms over my stomach, looking casually ahead. Hanna rolls down her window as we come to a stop in front of two Borrowers holding rifles. One of them walks up to the window, shining a light inside.
"Hanna, welcome back," he says. "Who are they?" His light flashes to each one of our faces causing me to look away. "Hart, is that you?" The light stays on Kyler's face for a slight second.
"Presider wanted me to retrieve them," she explains. "It's important we get inside as soon as possible."
The Borrower points his flashlight to Adam's vehicle. "What about them?" he says.
Hanna says confidently, "They're meeting with Presider. Now please let us through." The Borrower looks over at his comrade, who just shrugs, and walks over to their post to activate the gate.
We're waved on through, and my heart begins to beat at a slower pace. No longer does the sickness affect me, I can only think about my meeting with the man who created me. What will I say, or what will I do? Can I outright kill him, now, this very moment? No, I need answers first. I'm going to have to protect him from Adam and Chase. I know they might act impulsively as soon as they lay eyes on this man who produced a scared following.
I can't let him die yet. Not until I know facts.
Hanna stops the vehicle. Swinging open the door, I step out first, and walk quickly back toward Adam and Finn, who stare widely up at the massive building. I tug on Finn's arm to pull his gaze down at me, and when he makes eye contact, I see sadness fill his piercing blue eyes.
"You don't look good, Iris," he says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers brush against my cheek, and I find myself pressing my face into his palm. I could close my eyes right now and be completely content with only his touch.
I take a step back, clearing my throat. "I need to make something clear." Finn steps closer, to clear the gap I created between us. I stare into his eyes, trying to make a connection. "Don't let your dad get near Sylas. I need answers first, okay?" He runs his hand over his head, looking back at his father.
"I will try," he says. "If this means we can finally be together, I will keep him under control. I promise." He means what he says. I can tell by the way he holds my gaze. I'm not sure if I should look away. I'm not sure what I should be feeling after our first fight back at camp.
"Irissa, are you ready?" Kyler calls from behind. I turn away from Finn, and awkwardly nod, my face feeling warm. He glances between me and Finn without a recognizable expression. He seems immune to the intimacy that I share with Finn. He walks toward the building.
"That guy bugs me," Finn says. "I just can't read him at all."
I know what you mean...
"He's fine," I say, still watching Kyler walk away. "I think we better head inside before the Borrowers become suspicious." Finn nods, waving over his father. We follow behind Hanna and Kyler, walking along the white corridors that are brightly lit with fluorescent lighting.
Bianca. I had promised her I'd be back. Now I can't tell if my nauseating feeling is from not taking my pills or from the guilt that weighs heavily down on me. Two weeks have come and gone. I'm sure she must think I've abandoned her. I have to make this right. I have to see Bianca.
"Hanna," I call out, walking quickly to reach her side.
She looks over at me curiously. "Yes?"
"Take me to my group," I demand. "There's someone I have to see." Hanna shakes her head, causing anger to rise inside me, festering inside my chest.
"That isn't an option," she says, looking down at me again. "We're here to get you answers, pills, and to end Sylas's reign. What more could you want?" I grab her arm, causing the rest of the group to stop behind us in shock.
"I made a promise to a friend," I argue, "and I plan to keep that promise!"
Hanna glares at me. "The day you're no longer nagging me, I will be the happiest woman alive." She glances back at Adam. "We've got to take a detour."
Adam pulls the hat from his head, running his hand through his disheveled hair. "Alright, let's make it quick," he says, never once looking my way, or making eye contact with Hanna. He's still hurting from her unclear motives.
"I will take her," Kyler says, stepping forward. He has two rifles slung over his shoulder, and it makes me wonder which one Adam plans to use to kill Sylas. Finn mumbles something nearby, and I imagine it's over Kyler. Chase walks up to me, embracing me. He doesn't share any words, only silence. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I've learned that much over the past few years of my voluntary seclusion.
"Okay, let's go," I say, trying to defuse the tension forming. I walk ahead, waiting for Kyler to catch up. The others split off in another direction. I can only hope that Finn stays true to his end of the bargain. Keeping Sylas alive.
Kyler catches up to me, and I notice he no longer possesses the guns. This situation has just gotten a lot worst now that Adam holds in his hand the very thing that will kill Sylas.
"I see your ankle is feeling better," Kyler idly chats, pointing down at my foot.
I'm pulled from my thoughts, and shrug. "Honestly, it hurts a little," I say.
Kyler stops walking. "Wait..."
I back track, standing in front of him now. His dark eyes absorb my own, keeping me from trailing over his wounded face. "Kyler, I'm the one that should be sorry for leaving that day in the city."
He shakes his head. "No, you shouldn't be sorry, because you made the right choice."
"What?"
"I'm okay with just being your friend," he explains. "Just promise me that you start to accept who you are." Kyler's forehead forms perspiration, a bead of sweat trickles slowly over his brow.
I step closer, pressing the back of my hand to his cheek. "You have a fever, Kyler."
"It's nothing," he says, pulling away from my touch.
Then I notice it, something that I've should have seen back at the camp. Near his temple, his dark hair is speckled with silver. He turns away from me, slouching. Walking up behind him, I press my hand on top of his shoulder, coaxing him to face me, again.
It's not what you think..." he says, gazing down at his feet.
I huff. "Well it sure as hell looks like you're the same as me, Kyler."
Pushing past him, I walk away angrily. The sounds of his footsteps follow closely behind. Always, he's in the distance, and right now, I want him far, far away.
"Stop, Iris!" He pulls at my arm.
I push him hard so he stumbles back. "You're a liar!"
"Okay, I know you're angry, and that's understandable," he says. "My intentions towards you have always been genuine, that's the honest truth." His chest rises and falls quickly.
"Sylas made you befriend me, didn't he?" I say. This very moment, I can almost feel tears swelling in my eyes.
Kyler nods. "He's the reason we met," he says. "I was always meant to watch out for you."
"Why?"
"He wants us to be together, Iris," Kyler says, hinting at this notion. "We're the same."
I pace the width of the hallway, and pound my fist against the wall. "What does this all mean?"
"You were never meant to be a Borrowed, it was a distraction," he says. "I was assigned to your region, school, and made into a Borrower to keep close watch on you. I'm so sorry." I push off from the wall and charge toward him. My hand connects to his cheek, the slapping noise echoes through the hall.
"I've been nothing but a puppet on a string," I say through gritted teeth. "And you? This whole time you were nothing but his little prodigy!" Kyler touches his cheek with his fingertips, looking away from me.
"You're wrong. I don't believe in his cause, Iris," he says. "Please believe me that I'm just as much in the dark as you are."
There's chatting at the end of the hallway. Kyler pushes me against the wall, leaning his body against mine. I glance past his arm, noticing two Borrowers making their rounds. I freeze up, trying to stay still. Kyler presses further into me, his face close enough that I can feel the warmth of his breath on my lips.
"Hey, Hart! Get a room!" a Borrower says. He and the other guy burst into boyish giggles as they disappear out of sight.
Kyler locks eyes with me. He inches closer.
"Don't..." I say, softly pushing him away.
"I'm sorry –" he begins to say again, but I walk around him, noticing we are in front of the room where Bianca and the rest of the Borrowed sleep.
Raising my hand to my lips, I say, "She's in there..."
My heart drops into the pit of my stomach when I realize we can't get in without a key card. Kyler nudges me aside, pulling one from his side pocket. Relief sweeps over me, and for a second, I want to hug him no matter how traitorous he may seem.
The door unlatches. I nod to Kyler to stand back while I enter the darkened room. Its familiarity brings back the memory only two weeks earlier when I walked past these bunk beds. Now they're filled with girls. Tip toeing I make my way to each bed, hoping she's on a lower bunk.
I'm about to give in, when I hear the box spring of a mattress squeak. Looking to my right, I see Bianca standing calmly in her lilac gown. Her legs seem wobbly, dark circles wrap around her once beautiful blue eyes. It's taking everything inside me to not run to her, say I'm sorry a thousand times for making her think I would never return. Instead, she runs to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
She cries softly into my shoulder, "You're really here."
"I'm here..."
Bianca releases me, and stands back to look into my eyes. "What happened to you?" Her fingertips trace across the cut on my cheek and forehead.
"It's a long story," I say. "I will tell you everything once we get out of here."
She shakes her head, taking a step back. "No, it's too late."
"What do you mean? I've got other people here to help –"
Tears streak down her face, rendering me speechless. The moonlight from the tiny slit windows lining the top of the walls make them glisten like the stars in the sky.
"They've already implanted it inside me," she whispers, her voice trembling. "I'm a surrogate now."