Date written: July 13, 2017 7:31 pm
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*Alexandrielle's POV*
Sweatbeads trail down from my forehead and to the pillows. My body is covered in sweat as my chest heave up and down dramatically. My heart is beating so fast and hard in my chest that if I'm not mistaken, my chest is pounding too.
My mind reeled over what happened for the past hour.
It feels surreal. I don't even think it happened. But with my naked body covered in sweat beside Tyler with the same condition, I know it did happen.
Did I really do it?
Uncomfortable knots formed in my stomach, churning and twisting painfully. My other side kept growling at me, so furious of what I just did. She kept on lashing out, baring her fangs at me and walking agitatedly. She was beyond furious alright. But why did I do it?
I kept asking that to myself. 'Why?' And for once I was blank. I couldn't answer. Maybe because I wanted to move on? Or maybe this is some kind of payback? But something in my gut tells me it was none. There's always a certain point in our lives where we do something that bothers us. We ask ourselves why we did it only to have no answer. It's frustrating but frightening at the same time.
What is the consequence of my action?
That is something that frightens me.
"Did you regret it?" Za-I mean, Tyler asked me forlornly.
I looked away from him. His eyes are so upset that I couldn't stomach it. What should I say? Yes. No? I don't even know if I regret it myself. My mind is blank and my emotions are all jumbled up. I want to tell him no because I don't want to see him hurt. But I'll only be lying. I don't know myself and I don't want to lead him on. I know he has deep feelings for me but I could not lie to him. I could not just go around and tell him I feel the same way just to make him happy when I really don't. I'm not a sadist. I wanted to tell him things that will make him happy just to clear a message to Zach that I don't want him anymore but I can't.
"Honestly...I don't know. I don't know what to feel anymore and I don't even know what just happened or why did it happen. I'm confused, Tyler. I want to tell you that I don't regret it but how could I if I don't know what I should feel." I admitted - upset. "I don't know if I regret and I also don't know if I enjoyed it. I'm a mess right now Tyler but I couldn't lie to you. You have been such a great friend to me. Always there to the point where it is clearly shown that you are being used. I don't want that. I don't want anyone including you to think that I'm using you. I don't want to lie to you because I know it will hurt you more. I just need time to understand myself. I'm sorry if I dragged you into my mess" I faced away from him, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
This whole confusion is killing me. My mind tells me to move on and be happy but my heart is screaming at me to give Zach a chance. But how could I? He broke me. He made me feel such fascinating and amazing things only to be bitten with slytherine snake lies. He had made me weak to let him in, he broke down my walls with his sweet gestures and words only to kill me slowly and painfully from the inside out. Now I'm a weeping mess. My head and heart in a conflict, my emotions all jumbled up, my decisions uncertain and worrisome, and people are being dragged with me in my pain.
"Alexa" Tyler made me face him and his eyes show sadness and understanding. How could he have such an understanding heart? How could a guy like him standing up beside me always without me returning the favor? Why does he have to be so perfect? Why can't he just be the guy that both my heart and mind wants?
"I understand you, Alexa. I understand that you are having such a hard time. I know you don't reciprocate the feelings I have for you but I just want you to know I'll always be here for you. I'm willing to wait for you until you finally realize that it is I you need. I love you and that's the end of it. You may not feel the same for me but I will wait until you're ready to love again." my heart turned into a mush at his sincere words. The tears leaked out from my eyes as I hugged him to me.
"Thank you" I sobbed my gratitude in his chest. My heart swelling in gratefulness of having him in my life. Tyler is the only one that sticks with me through my hardest times.
Why can't I just love him?
*****
An hour or so, both Tyler and I are finally showered and dressed. We decided to go back down to the gathering. I told him about my desicion of leaving Zach, cutting out the engagement and cancelling the wedding. He asked me many times if I'm sure and I will always answer the same answer confidently...Yes.
All the while, my other side kept growling and throwing tantrum in my mind especially when Tyler offered for me to stay with him. I agreed. I am willing to try out a relationship with him. It's not that bad. I'm just deciding for what really matters to me in the first place...my happiness. Although finding it again is hard, I know I can get through it.
Walking to the gathering side by side with his hand lightly holding mine, most heads snapped towards us. Some looked at us curiously, some sneered in disgust, while some look triumphant. Those who looks triumphant whispered at each other with victorious smiles, having the word spread immediately.
My whole body tensed. Anxiety creeped to me as I started to breathe harder. Having all eyes on me has me so agitated that makes my other side nearly take over. Tyler squeezed my hand in support and I relaxed a bit. He then lead me to the crowd with his dominance seeping out of him, warding off any of those who dares to oppose 'us' - it kind of sounded wrong...a bit.
As I look agitatedly at the crowd, I spotted Tyson with a shocked look. But what really has me squirming is Tyron's furious gaze at me. I also met the eyes of the woman I saw when I performed on stage looking at me with an emotion close to disgust and judgemental.
When we reached a table, everyone started whispering although you couldn't call it 'whisper' since they're talking too loud.
'Isn't she engaged to Zach Harrison?'
'Man, I thought so too'
'But why is she with him? Are they hooking up?'
'I think so. Especially when both are always with each other'
'They reek of each other. They should be ashamed.'
'Wow such a whore. Poor Zach. Picked a whore as a wife'
I tensed at that last statement. My eyes flashing dangerously red as all my muscles tensed. The veins in my arms popped into view as my battle reflexes came alive. How dare they talk to me like that?!
Tyler placed a hand on mine that has my other side baring her teeth at him.
"Don't let them get to you. Reacting to them will only add to their pleasure of getting under your skin" he coaxed me to calm down.
Taking a deep breath in, I nodded. He's right. They don't deserve any attention from me. They're not worth it. I didn't ask for their opinion.
Tyron made his way at us with dangerous eyes. His blue eyes which is darker than his twin somehow turned even darker if that's possible.
"What's the meaning of this?!" He bellowed at us.
"Ron..." Tyler tried to explain as he stood up to calm his brother.
"Shut up, you!" He growled angrily at him. "I don't even know you!" He screamed at him in anger. His eyes challenging his in a dangerous way that has me stunned.
If you would have told me that Tyron could scare me before, I would've said that you are too silly that you have a plant as a brain and laugh. I mean, who would thought of Tyron or Tyson as scary people? Those boyish rascal attitude of them, you really would've laughed your ass off. But I never thought he could be this scary.
Now that explains why he's at the highest floor with the Harrison's.
Before Tyler could speak, he turned his eyes at me. The intensity of his anger and betrayal has me nearly crying.
"How could you? Hooking up with this pathetic excuse of a brother? Did you even think of what Zach would feel? He sacrificed everything for you and this is how you repay him? By hooking up with him?!" He pointed an accusing finger at Tyler.
The fact that he couldn't even call him brother had me really wishing I was dead by the guilt I'm feeling. They're having this conflict because of me, and this brotherhood will be ruined because of me.
"He had suffered ENOUGH!!" he screamed at us that has my lower lip trembling with my emotions. "He doesn't need to go through anymore torture" he said sadly as his voice cracked with how much he cares for Zach. And a dominant never shows weakness. Whatever Zach may have gone through, I know it is something traumatic that has Tyron feeling for him.
"And when I thought you'd be the light in his life." Was his last words to me before turning his back. Tyler grabbed his shoulder said something a keen to explanation while Tyron just stared at him like Tyler is a stranger.
Tyron then faced him fully with a meaningful message in his eyes before saying something that I know have scarred Tyler's heart.
"Thou shall not take what's not YOURS"