December 31st, 2011.
The excitement for the new year to come was covered, as always, by the nausea of forward thinking.
The first day of the year had been, many years ago, chosen by my parents as the day of big family lunch. And you know how I feel about my family.
We'd spend the day with grandparents and other members of the family on roughly every big festivity, so I had time to recover between one special day and the other, but Christmas and New Year's Day happened to be so uncomfortably close.
So, even though there was no family plan for it, I could never fully enjoy New Year's Eve. Instead, I had to think about what a travesty the next day was going to be.
Guys my age would celebrate New Year's Eve by meeting with their friends, maybe going to Times Square, and doing cool stuff like that.
My mom actually encouraged me to spend the night with friends... as long as I stayed in Queens.
And if I forget for a moment the fact that I didn't have any friends, I'd point out that literally nobody stayed in Queens on New Year's Eve. But, unfortunately, to my parents New York looked like another planet.
So, in the end, New Year's Eve was to me just another day spent at home alone.
But this year was different. Because, this time, there was someone I could hang out with without ever leaving my house.
"So what are you doing tonight?" I texted Evelyn.
– Oh, the usual. Hang out by the sea with friends. Wbu?
– LOL I'll just stay at home. Usual.
– Hey don't worry. I'll be here with you.
– Wish you could be here for real, though :/
– I wish you could be here. It's so cool, looking at fireworks over the sea. You almost forget it's a freezing cold day of December.
– I don't really like the beach.
– Yeah, you told me that. But you just have to stand there, you don't have to go into the water or whatever.
– Hmm if you say so. Wanna watch a movie?
– Yeah! There's this new movie that just came out, it's called 'New Year's Eve'.
– The one with Zac Efron?
– Yeah!
– Heard it sucks.
– Who cares what others say, c'mon. I'm sure we can already find it online.
– Ooookay.
I sighed because if there's one thing I hate is watching a bad movie.
Every time, I feel like I wasted hours of my life that I'd never get back.
And looking at the reviews of this movie, I already knew how I was going to feel in the end.
But, strangely, this time I didn't care much. As long as I was doing something with her, everything was fine.
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
"So how do you feel about kids?" she interrupted my yawn as the movie was coming to an end. We had started a Skype call to watch.
"Woah," I exclaimed, "okay! It's been just a few days, Avsam. I don't think I'm ready to discuss family."
"Come on," she smiled, "I just want to know."
"Okay," I said, "well, I hate kids. I find their never ending crying and shouting grueling, and I get nauseous around them always running around without ever stopping to catch a breath. Not to talk about how they always touch whatever they see, which gets pretty annoying around my wrestling action figures."
"Oh..." she murmured.
I sighed. "But I suppose I hate all kids that aren't mine. Because, sometimes, I stumble in some videos online with fathers playing with their daughters and... I don't know. I think I'd like to be in their shoes."
"You would?" she wondered.
I nervously nodded. "Yes, I think I would. I'd love to give love and, of course, receive it. And, most importantly, I think I'd love to be the parent I never had."
"Hey, that's sad," she commented, "why do you say that?"
"C'mon, I don't want to talk about that now," I avoided the question, "this is supposed to be a happy day."
"No, please," she insisted, "tell me. I want to know."
I took a deep breath and resumed the yawn that was interrupted earlier. "Well... I never, um, really experienced any love in my family. My father is like a stranger to me and my mother... well... she's not really the most affectionate person. So, for basically all my life, I thought that the day I was going to be a parent... I'd just show my child unconditional love... make them feel loved and, hopefully, have them love me. I guess it'd be a win-win situation... you know."
"I want to hug you right now," she suddenly said, "mainly kiss you a thousand times. But also hug you for at least half a hour."
I blushed a little. Fortunately, we didn't turn on our webcams. "Why?" my voice came out a little funny.
"Because you're a poor little puppy," she said, "and I want to love you."
An embarrassed laugh was the expression of the so many feelings I was having in that moment. "Well, the movie sucked. Told you." I switched the subject.
"I liked it, actually," she contested.
"What? It was such a bad movie, girl," I insisted.
"No, you're just saying that because the video was recorded at a theater," she protested.
"No, I'm not talking about the video quality. I'm talking about the movie quality. It was boring and stupid," I pursued.
"You thought so even before you watched it because you read it online," she lectured.
"Yeah, but now I watched it and I can agree with the critics," I explained.
"How about you don't think about the critics and think with your own head for a moment?" she argued.
"Really? Why are we even fighting over a damn movie?" I fumed.
"Cause you're as thick as they come," she answered.
"Nah, it seems to me like you're the thick one here. You won't accept the fact that I didn't like a movie that you liked," I boasted.
"Listen, I gotta go, bye," she hung up.
What the hell? I thought to myself. One moment she wants to hug me for thirty minutes and the next she's insulting me?
I wondered if I did or said something wrong, but couldn't come up with an answer.
Unless being honest and saying that I didn't like a movie is wrong.
Problem is she thought I didn't like it because I was compelled by the reviews. Was I? No. Or maybe yes. But I found the movie stupid anyway.
I listened to some music for more than a hour, trying not to think about the situation.
Thinking that she was the one in the wrong, I wanted to stay in my pride and wait for her to come to me. But she didn't. And I started to miss her.
Not hearing from her for more than one hour felt like living locked in an empty tower.
Only then I realized how lonely I actually was, and how much I was starting to get used to having her around, without actually having her around. I realized I needed her in my life so bad.
I wondered if she felt the same. If she too felt the urge to text me and make up. But I wasn't getting any text from her, so maybe no. Or maybe she was doing the exact same thing I was doing. Waiting for me to text her.
"I'm sorry, please don't leave me." I wrote to her.
"Was it so hard to apologize?" she replied.
And I wanted to say yes, it actually was since I have nothing to apologize for, except the fact that I miss you and I need you and I can't live without you anymore. Haven't you missed me yourself? but I didn't.
Instead, I just said that I was sorry again and that I loved her. She said it back. And we were kids in love all over again.
I went back to doing the same things I was doing before I apologized to her, but this time there was no constant thought of her haunting my levity and I could once again enjoy my solitude.
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
My parents were arguing half an hour prior to midnight. I tuned a random song with my lips closed, desperately trying to cover the vexatious noise of their voices.
My mother was complaining about how she was forced to spend New Year's Eve stuck at home with a lazy, good-at-nothing, senile husband.
My father was complaining about how she would break his balls in the only few days of holidays he had away from work, most of which he'd already wasted by spending them with family.
And then of course he started complaining about how the next day he was forced to hang out with family once again, alluding to how pointless it was to see his own parents again after they just saw them less than a week ago.
I would've easily agreed with him, if only he didn't just so happen to be the primary reason of my distress in the family jungle.
I wanted to enter the conversation and point out how they both talked about 'forcing' one another to do something when, in reality, they were a married couple and the only ones forcing anyone were themselves.
But insanity is uncomfortable around rationality, so I grabbed my jacket and flew outside.
The dim blaze coming from the few street lights of Clyde Street was completely useless.
Some five years ago, the lights used to be brighter than daylight, and one street light was enough to illuminate the whole neighborhood.
But then, they started talking about energy saving and how great it was that we could have a light that was at least ten times more durable than the previous one. And that's how they gave us lamps instead of street lights.
If they wanted energy saving, then I guess they could've just saved the energy to put those stupid lights and left us in the dark, which wouldn't be much of a difference.
Anyway, New Year's Eve was probably the only time I was able to see that toxic neighborhood alive, as almost everyone was out of their house and the usual dead silence was replaced by a mall-like chatter.
I took out the phone. Eleven fifty-two. And a text from Evelyn: "Stay online."
"What do you mean?" I texted back and she immediately replied.
"Don't put your phone back in your pocket. Wait for midnight with me."
I smiled and texted an okay.
"So you're in your dead neighborhood, right?" she asked.
"Yep. A little bit of people around, so there's some noise this time."
"Okay. Good. I'm gonna need you to use your imagination now."
I raised a brow. "What do you want me to imagine?"
"Imagine that chatter you hear closer to you. Imagine all those people surrounding you. You almost can't breathe because of how many people are around you."
"Oookay, not too comfortable with that thought."
"Are you comfortable if you imagine me beside you?" she asked.
I looked at my left. The shut door of my house, naked and cold, with no Christmas decoration whatsoever. I smiled and shrugged, and the image of Evelyn appeared at my eyes, in front of that door.
She didn't look all that real, but I had the idea. And everything around her seemed to have gained brightness.
"Definitely more comfortable now," I said and it was eleven fifty-eight.
"Okay, now look forward."
I did as she asked. "I am. Dark dead trees, dark dead sky and deserted bright road ahead."
"Forget all that. Get some light in your head. Screens all over the place, music in your ears, people shouting and dancing around you. You're... we're in Times Square."
I smiled again. "Oh, I can see that."
As I was immersed into my fantasy, my house's door opened and my mother came out, quickly followed by my father.
They didn't say a word. They just looked ahead with me, as people around us started a shy countdown.
As they reached the 'three, two,' I looked at the screen of my phone. "That's it, Avsam. We're in Times Square and I'm kissing you right about..."
The people reached the one and started cheering aloud. The four digits on the screen became three zeroes. The date changed to 'January, 1st 2012'. And, soon after, a new text from Evelyn read "NOW!".
I couldn't help but smile and jump a little. Just enough to avoid my father noticing it. "I love you so much, Avsam. Happy new year." I typed.
I looked up and the Avsam fantasy was momentarily replaced by the distant fireworks shooting in the sky. They looked distant but sounded close. And they were close enough to light Clyde Street like the good old days for a few minutes and make me feel nostalgic.
That's what my New Year's Eve was like. Something old and something new.
I opened the notes app on my phone and under '2010: 7' I typed '2011: 9.5'.
And I wondered what 2012 was going to be like.
But, dear Future, if I have to tell you now, well, I wish 2012 would've never come. I wish I could have stayed in those last moments of 2011 forever. It was the best of times, but nobody told me at the time.
***
And of course, it wouldn't be a chapter of this book without a little melancholy.
Now, Robbers, I hope you enjoyed these last few happy cheesy chappies, 'cause shit's about to get real... once again.
In the next chapter, it's the return of the Peter-Tyler bromance as the days before the return to school start to fade away. If you're hooked right now, wait 'till you see Andrew Hook again.
Make sure to VOTE and COMMENT as usual, and come back for more next week!
***