"Get ready for your photoshoot, bitches!" Brendon calls out as we walk up to the park.
It's Thursday after school, and the four of us decided to go to the park and take pictures with a fancy camera that Brendon stole from his parents.
We stand in the middle of a field and Brendon shuffles through his bag to pull out the camera. While he fiddles with the buttons and settings, he rambles about its features, talking about the special lenses and zoom.
I ignore his talking and turn to Pete. "Do you think this'll be fun?" I ask him in a soft tone.
He nods and smiles. "I really think so. Brendon will probably get the photos printed out on special paper, and I'll keep a little picture of you in my wallet."
I beam up at him. He's such a gentleman. Of course he'll keep a picture of me in his wallet.
Brendon motions for us all to come forward. Ryan stands closest to Brendon, with Pete and I to the left. Brendon switches the camera around and snaps a selfie of us.
We all gather around the screen of the device to see the outcome.
"That's a really nice photo," Ryan says upon seeing it.
The photo shows just the four of us, standing in a field, smiling at the camera. We look surprisingly normal, like just a few kids messing around with their parent's expensive lenses. With our carefree smiles, it seems as if our biggest worries in the world are whether or not we'll win a football game, or if we'll ace a history test or not. We look like a picture-perfect group of guys.
I long for that to be the reality. A picture can speak a thousand words, but maybe they're just not entirely accurate.
Suddenly the camera is being shoved into my hands. "Get some pictures of me and Ryan!" Brendon says, backing up and positioning him and the other boy in front of me.
"Um, okay." I hold the device up to my face, aiming it at the boys. I can't find where the button is to snap a photo.
"Here," a voice behind me says. Pete puts his hands over mine and positions my fingers on the right buttons, and takes the first picture for me. I smile at the flash of warmth that his hands send through me.
For the next ten minutes, Brendon and Ryan pose together as I snap photos of them. Somehow Brendon ends up in Ryan's arms, bride style. I laugh and take a picture. Click. Brendon pecks Ryan's cheek. Click. Ryan's face turns a deep red, making us all laugh. Click.
For a moment, it seems like everything is going to be okay. It seems like Pete isn't moving away and it seems like I don't have an abusive stepfather and it seems like we're happy.
But really, we aren't. I'm just clinging onto this moment because I'm going to want to relive it for my entire life.
"Alright, now you two." Brendon takes the camera from my grip and stands in front of me and Pete.
Suddenly feeling exposed, I look down. "What do we do?" I ask quietly. I've never had photos taken of me.
"Just act natural, pose, be cute," Brendon tells me.
Pete holds me in his grip and smiles at the camera. I look up at his face. He doesn't smile very often, and when he does it's a blessing. I wish I could lose myself his features all day. The way the corners of his eyes crinkle up when he flashes a grin almost makes me giddy.
This is why I'm gay.
"Next!" Brendon shouts out, yanking me from my reverie.
I frown. It's barely been two seconds... and I forgot to smile at the camera. "Aren't you going to take the picture?" I ask.
Ryan chuckles. "He already did."
"Really?"
"I took like, five pictures," Brendon tells me impatiently, "Next pose!"
We shuffle to our next position, which is us just standing side-by-side with our arms draped across each other. Pete copies Brendon's moment from earlier and presses his lips against my cheek, catching me by surprise.
Panic sets in. Brendon and Ryan don't know about me and Pete... right? What are they gonna say? Me and Pete never discussed who we were going to tell, or if we were going to tell anyone. What if Brendon doesn't like the idea of me and Pete together? I know he can be very protective of his best friend...
"It's okay, Patrick." Pete murmurs into my ear. "Relax."
I take a deep breath and look at Brendon and Ryan. Ryan is raising his eyebrows and Brendon snaps another picture. "Cute!" He says.
"Why aren't they surprised?" I whisper to Pete.
"I'm not an idiot, and I can see the way you two look at each other," Brendon tells me, rolling his eyes. "Now smile."
I push my thoughts and worries out of my mind. All that matters is that I'm here with Pete. Who cares what other people think of us?
The four of us continue taking photos together for a good hour after that. We take singles of each other and ask strangers to snap pics of all of us together. It's surprisingly fun, walking around to find the best lighting and background. I kind of feel like a model. I think we all do.
Later, we end up sitting in the middle of the field looking through the pictures we took and deleting the shitty ones. After we sort through Brendon and Ryan's mess of a photoshoot, Brendon clicks through me and Pete's. The first couple pictures are of our first pose, with me in Pete's arms. He's smiling at the camera, looking normal, but I'm gazing up at him with a look of awe in my face.
I furrow my brows at the photo, realizing how ridiculous I look. "Delete that," I tell Brendon.
"What? No." Brendon clicks to the next one. It's basically the same picture.
"And that," I urge.
"Why?" Brendon asks.
"I look stupid." I suddenly feel immature, demanding for him to delete the picture, but it's slightly embarrassing how I'm looking up at Pete as if he's the world.
But he is the world, in a way. Why should I be ashamed?
"I think you look adorable." Ryan tells me.
"I second that," Pete confirms. "It's quite flattering. I didn't know you were looking at me like that when he took the picture."
I feel myself blush a dark red, not knowing how to respond. I stay silent.
We continue through the rest of the pictures, voting on which ones we want Brendon to get printed out on paper. At one point, Brendon passes through a picture of Pete. I barely get a glimpse at it, but I'm already in love with the photo. "Go back," I tell him.
Brendon clicks back to the picture. It's a black and white photo of just Pete, sitting on a rock. His hands are resting in his lap and it looks like a relatively normal picture, except for the fact where he's in the middle of laughing.
Pete chuckles. "That must've been in between takes. I was definitely not ready."
I shake my head violently. "It's-It's-" I cut myself off from finishing my sentence. Beautiful.
He looks beautiful. It's that damned smile, not the fake one that he plasters onto his face for most of the other shots. He's genuinely happy, likely laughing at some dumb joke Brendon told. I stare at it, taking in his features.
I take a gulp of air. I didn't realize how remarkable this boy's features were. "That one."
"What?" Brendon asks.
"Print out that one."
Pete nudges me. "I like the other ones better. How about print those out, eh?"
I shake my head for the second time. "You're too serious in the other ones. I like this one. It's candid." And it's true; all the other photos in this set are of Pete looking away from the camera dramatically. And although he looks attractive in those, nothing can compare to this one. It's amazing.
Pete shrugs. "I guess."
The four of us stay at the park until sundown, messing around with each other, laughing and talking. It seems peaceful, but I notice that we tend to desperately stay away from the topic of Pete's move.
Like nobody wants to accept it.
I don't want to accept it either, though.
He can't leave me.
He just might be my everything, the only one keeping me from falling over the edge. He's the glue holding my porcelain cracks from inevitably breaking apart.
Watching the boy talk, smile, and laugh, I realize that I just may have given my heart to Pete Wentz.
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A/N
aw this is chapter is so sweet yet so heartbreaking I'm sorry :(
Also I dont think I could count how many times I've said "photo" and "picture" in this chapter.
ANYWAY everything is going to hell after this, I'm going to have a two or three part finale pretty soon (maybe next chapter, maybe not) so prepare yourselves!