We all love Christmas. I mean,don't lie to yourself, we all expect a comely,brilliant harmony of lights blinking on a green beauty called Christmas tree. Moreover,we all know how much we want the Christmas presents! And what's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear Christmas presents? Right,Santa Claus. A jolly man with a huge bag of presents that comes every year to reward the good kids.Even though I'm already 15 and too big to believe in Santa..3 years from now, father who dressed up as a Christmas spirit giving man.. ruined our Christmas.
My father was a good man,I never thought something like this will ever happen to my family,but oh well, if Lord wanted it to happen, it was destined to be this way. The thing that made my father a bad man was something that took away my oldest brother and granddad from their families..the name to this catastrophe is alcohol. My family is of deep Christian beliefs, we were a religious family until my father began to fade away into emptiness of secrets he hid from my mother. Mom was always gullible, she always trusted Dad with everything. It was a big mistake she had done for all of us. I don't blame her, she didn't know what she was doing. My siblings on the other hand, my older sister and another brother who is a middle child at this moment, blame Mom for our loss. Dad provided us with money and warmth of his heart. He was not a bad husband nor he was a bad father, something just made him...made him confused in himself. Every single night and day I pray to the Lord,I want my father to find his way out of that trap he is in.
Every Christmas since that year, is just a regular day of the year,nothing special, absolutely no spark. My mother refuses to celebrate it, I understand why. Memories from last Christmas when our dad officially left us haunt her everywhere she goes. It is so tough for her, she blames herself for not giving us something every family should give their kids. Raja and Bernadette became so cruel, they've changed even before dad was gone. They changed when my oldest brother, Alvaro, left his wife and his 2 year old kid, 3 years ago.We haven't heard of him ever since.
They started following their own subcultures, Raja dyed his hair blue and shaved a piece of his temple on the right side of the head,the rest was about neck length. Got several ear piercings and pierced his tongue and lip. Once came back with a tattoo sleeve which completely shocked my mother. Spit on school like it was nothing, doesn't pick his butt off the chair in a principal's office which really shatters my mother. Bernadette is a whole another story, earned an honorable title of a school drama queen/heartbreaker. Doesn't get off her phone even on a minute,texting,calling,texting again. Her room is full of posters with cheesy boy bands like One Direction. As well is her room is full of men that she calls boyfriends. It's a new one every day. Dresses like she's going to a night club just to take out the trash and spends hours on her glittery heavy makeup. Bathroom is always busy with her.
And then I'm here, I'm like a third wheel on a bike,useless and pointless. I'm quiet, I never have a word in a family dinner conversation, no one ever listens to what I say. I'm not important, I'm just there to fill in some space. I'm only used as a helper or a slave. Chiyo do my homework,Chiyo wash the dishes,Chiyo walk the dog,Chiyo do this, do that. My mom never made me sad. All that was my siblings...my mother is just too weak to stand up to them. I am just regular,boring, normal.I'm not different, I have light brown long hair and green eyes, not too tall not too short. I like books and school. Yeah,I'm a nerd I guess,but hey,books and learning are the only things I'm good at. I'm not talented, not too pretty either,well compared to Bernadette which lots of people I know find gorgeous, I'm pretty ugly compared to her I guess. I'm like a gray mouse, barely anyone knows I exist and when I try to talk they consider it a squeak that they find necessary to ignore.
I'm insulted by Bernadette all the time for some reason, I don't know what I've done to her,but for some specific reason she doesn't like me at all. Raja is neutral to me, he's very rude on the outside,but I know that he's a kind boy on the inside. He's cold towards me, well that's how he acts, but I can see through his cold behavior that he loves me more than Bernadette does. He sometimes can come into my room in the middle of nowhere and just lay on my bed while I'm doing homework or watching TV. Sometimes looks through my book collection and scoffs every time he sees something hard to understand. I'm not like them, which makes me unique and weird in my own way. Maybe because I'm not rebellious and reckless they don't find me important. I'm just in my own little world, a world of imagination and fantasy. A world I call home.
I have no friends in school once again because of my weirdness. My best friends are books, I enjoy their company better than talking to real people. Book characters are something I've always wanted to be...I've also, how funny that might be, fallen in love with a book character. Reality love is the last thing I want to get into...anything but that tough and cruel world of human x human relationship. The only real life crush I had was Raja when I was 5, it was a simple sister to brother crush. Which girl who had an older brother didn't have a crush on one? He was a sweet boy back in the day,now this happened. Oh well, he is my brother and I love him like I'm supposed to.
"Hey Chiyo," Raja called out as he came home with a couple of his bad influence friends. "Make us some food,we'll be in my room, got it?" I nodded in response.
Yeah I was also a sandwich maker..how fun. I was okay with his friends ,but well, they were just like him, except different personalities at some points. He had three main friends, emo boy Tristan who never saw where he was going because of his tar black hair that closed most of his face. He was tall and slender, our door way was always too short for him so he has to bend down every time he comes in one of the rooms in our house. He is very shy and quiet,you can barely hear him talk, it's like he doesn't even exist, he's a white crow in a circle of my brother's friends,I understand him. His second friend Harvey was a hot head that tried to destroy everything he touches. No one knows if he did it on purpose or by accident. He played on our school's basketball team, was pretty popular among girls and even guys...not as odd as it seems. Listening to him speaking was a pain for my ears. Curse words were jumping on his tongue in ever single sentence. Even if they weren't necessary, he still said those words. He was blonde, wavy, carefully combed hair were sparkling from his overuse of shampoo. Harvey was pretty arrogant which bothered me along with the way he spoke, but I couldn't do anything about it because he was my brother's friend. Raja's best friend was a guy named Christan, they were best friends since elementary school and still are. He's the person I would personally stay miles away from. He was the one that brought Raja to the world of rock music and punk culture. He gave him his first cigarette and until this moment, Raja smokes at least a pack a day. He hooked him up with his very first girlfriend,which broke his heart completely. Christan tried teaching him drink,but Raja refuses to do anything with alcohol. They have sort of a bromance,I think...or they're BFF's? I don't know how it's called,I never had friends.
I made some sandwiches and put them on a plate. Took some soda cans out of the fridge and headed to his room. I knocked on their door and Raja opened the door right away as if he wad expecting and sitting by the door. Tristan was sitting on the bed and listening to music,Harvey was shirtless, posing and flexing in front of the mirror then took out his phone and started taking selfies. Christian was laying on the floor,staring at the ceiling and breathing out cigarette smoke in the air and deeply sighing.
"Um..I brought sandwiches." I quietly mumbled when Raja took the soda can and threw it at Christan.
"Put the rest on the table and leave." Raja took out a cigarette and put it to Christan's so it can light up without taking out his lighter.
"Aw bro, let her stay. We'll have some fun here." Christian seductively murmured while picking his head up so he can look at me.
"Hell no, you won't lay a finger on Chiyo, over my dead body." Raja aggressively growled in response.
"Man,calm down,I was kidding, she's too little for me." he laughed as he breathed out the smoke.
"You're only 18." Tristan took one ear bud out of his ear.
"Why that's considered pedophilia." Christian picked up his index finger in the air and wiggled it from left to right. I couldn't be in a more awkward position than I am now..
"Chiyo,you can go now." Raja waved his hand for me to leave so I did. I gently smiled and closed the door. Boys are so weird, especially these ones. But I guess that Raja enjoys their company, that's all that matters...except Christian is such a horrible influence it's not even funny. I'm always worried when he's gone for the whole night..it's just a pain in the heart knowing that your own brother is wandering around somewhere dangerous and might die or take drugs. It's like no one even looks after him,he's all on his own, and I can't do anything about it.
As I lied in bed,I heard boys in the room messing around and talking. They slept over pretty often so what I like to do when I can't sleep is listening to their conversations by putting an empty glass to the wall. I always have one on my table just in case something interesting occurs.
"Hey Raja," I heard Harvey speaking when I put a cup to the wall."When is your hot sister gonna be home?" oh almost forgot that Harvey keeps chasing Bernadette,but gets rejected every time.
"She's home." wait a minute, Bern isn't home...oh mama.
"Can I go check if she's alright?" Harvey didn't get it or just didn't know who he was talking about.
Raja just murmured something as I heard Harvey's footsteps,but Tristan started talking which made him stop and listen.
"Bernadette is not home, if she was, I would smell her perfume..he's talking about Chiyo." Tristan made it clear for everyone,including me. Me? Hot? Is Raja kidding or is he on crack? Couldn't possibly be true! He's messing around for sure.
"Wait, dude, are you serious? You called your youngest sister hot just now." silence, I could not hear a thing until I heard Raja's voice.
"I didn't make myself clear? Did I?" he seemed so confident and serious about something so...odd.
"Raja, are you crazy? It's your sister,you are siblings...it's weird. Calling your sibling hot? And Chiyo? She's nowhere near hot!" well...offensive,but yeah it's true, my classmates consider me pretty damn ugly.
"Don't talk like that about her," Raja snapped.
"Oooh, someone's got a sister complex." I heard Christian's snaky voice echoing. His voice always threw me into shivers, it was nasty yet seductive, girls loved him especially for his voice.
"You do not understand this." I heard Raja's irritated voice. He was getting angry. Christan loved messing with him when he was mad.
"How come not? You have a serious sister complex,my dear friend. You need a chick!" Christian suggested.
"Why would he have it?" Tristan said so quietly that I could barely hear it.
"Well you see, Tristan, in his thirsty eyes, Chiyo is just too cute and innocent. He has an easy access to her and he seems to protect her like a dog protects its bone." Christan's nasty way of talking disgusted me go the point where I couldn't handle it and decided to come into their room to say "goodnight". I got up from my bed and ran to their door not realizing that I'm only wearing a big shirt, I grasped the door handle and opened the door forgetting that I wasn't supposed to hear and know about their conversation.
"Umm hi guys!" how awkward...me standing in their room with nothing on,but a big shirt a some underwear on the bottom...what was I thinking?
"Ooh, hello there little one."Christian smiled with lust on his lips and I quickly looked away so I can hide from his lustful gaze. With a corner of my eye I noticed Raja's scarlet face..he was blushing,even more, his whole face was red.
"B-brother? Are you okay?" I came up to him and he just stood there still.
"Umhmmm.." he moaned in his sleep. I tried separating his arms from his head or at least each other but got into his grip.
"Raja! Wake your butt up!" I could feel his hot breath against my head. And every time I tried getting out, his grip got tighter.
"Uhmmmammmmhh.." he kept mumbling in his sleep like a baby.
"Raja..come on." I was talking in a normal voice now.
"C-Chiyo..is that you?" his voice sounded deeper than usual, sleepy and raspy a little. If I wasn't his sister,I would call it sexy and seductive.
"Wake up for breakfast." I poked his cheek.
"Chiyo..you smell good.." what in the world is he saying? Is he really on drugs?
"Okay,let me go." I tried getting out of his grip.
"No..you're cuddly." he hugged me tighter and fell on the floor.
"Raja!" I exclaimed.
"Ooh, Raja is having fun." Christian woke up and rubbed his eyes.
"Christian! Stop him!" I exclaimed because Raja's grip was getting tighter around my waist.
"Ugh,he won't like it,but oh well."Christian got up,gripped Raja around his shoulders and squeezed hard enough for him to let go.
"Thank you," I sighed and shook Raja once more for him to wake up.
"Uh God...Christian.." he grabbed his head and took a deep breath.
"What's that,bae?" his usual playful/flirty behavior towards my brother was weird even though I knew that Christian was straight.
"I smell food." Raja's pupils got bigger as he emerged from the floor and sprinted to the kitchen forgetting to put on his shirt.
"He is fast like lighting,isn't he?" Harvey chuckled as he stretched and headed to the kitchen as well. Tristan was still sleeping so we decided not to wake him up until he chooses to get up himself. Christian got up and yawned,he went to the kitchen with absolutely no rush while rubbing his abs.
I followed them to the kitchen and when I got there I saw Raja destroying his portion of food with the speed of light.
"Big brother...were you that hungry?" I raised my eyebrow.
"Your food is just so good and yes,I was." he drank a whole glass of his favorite orange juice in one breath and breathed out once he finished.
"I'm glad you like it," I smiled.
"Yep,Chiyo's food tastes amazing." Harvey remarked as well.
"Now where is the hillbilly of the house?" Christian said as he said down and started eating. His language,like always.
"Bern is out,still..." I sighed."Anyone wants anything else?"
"Your cute thies roasted," Christian purred like a cat, but didn't notice when Raja whacked the back of his head with a whistle from the air.
"Umm..." I nervously laughed as I noticed Raja's angry expression behind Christian.
"Bro,chill." Harvey held down Raja." He's just messing 'round with ya."
"Don't you dare." Raja growled.
"Raja,it's okay," I put my hand on his shoulder and calmly smiled.
"Did you hear what he said?"he couldn't calm down.
"Brother, it was a joke," I petted his head. " He was messing with you." I kissed his forehead which made him shut up because he was too busy blushing.
"Now that's how you make his trap shut down." Christian laughed."What if I do it?" he purked his lips together in a kissing position which made Raja punch him in the face.
"Quit it." he scoffed on which Christian just laughed.
"You guys are so gay." Harvey laughed and everyone laughed with him as well.
Shortly after they were done with their food the main door opened and Bernadette walked in, her hair and clothes were messed up and she was holding her high heels in her left hand,her makeup was smudged and she was preferably drunk.
"Chase," she called a tall muscular guy behind her back and gave him a kiss."Bye boo." she slyly smiled and closed the door.
"Morning," I put some food on the plate for her.
"Drunk again,aren't you, slut?" Raja couldn't hold his long tongue behind his teeth. He didn't like her not only because she drank alcohol,but because she was a magnet for men that always hung around our house.
"Hahaha,shut up, Rainbow Dash." she stung him like a bee. Considering that he likes My Little Pony, but tries to hide it,it was also for his blue hair and sparkling green eyes.
"Was it Chase Normus?" Christian looked at her with his foxy eyes.
"Yeah,why the hell do you care?" she was always so rude.
"Just curious, you know." Christian took a sip from his tea cup.
"Hey,you, you forgot the tea." she never called me by my name, it's always "Hey you". I poured her the tea and left back to the kitchen.
"What's cookin' good lookin'?" Harvey sat next to her and put his elbow on the table.
"Leave me alone, therapist's dream case," that insult made his eye lid flinch. She always put him down, but he never lost hope.
"Okay...." he sighed and turned on the TV.
"Where's mother?" Bern asked.
"She's at work, hospital emergency." I wiped off the crumbs from the kitchen counter.
A few hours later, Raja knocked on my door and asked.
"Chiyo, we will be going to order pizza,wanna come with us?" Raja took the car keys. He never in his life wanted me to go anywhere with him and his friends, something happened.
"Sure, just let me get ready. I'll be ready in a few."
"It's okay, we need to wait for Tristan,he's still in his pajamas." Raja looked at Tristan who was wearing batman pj's, Tristan's face covered with blush.
"My grandma gave them to me," he said shyly. His grandma was a very nice lady, he didn't have anyone except her and valued her attention and presents very much.
"Oh yeah huh..you are just too cute." Christian rubbed his cheek against Tristan's.
"Okay, Chiyo,go change." I did as he said and ran to my room to change. I then asked myself,what should I wear?I was looking through a small amount of clothes I had and thought about it for a second. Then just decided to throw on some jeans and a T-shirt, maybe even put a hoodie on since it was chilly outside.
Once I undressed and started putting on my bra, I heard a knock on the door.
"I'm almost ready! Just give me a minute!" I shouted while clipping it behind my back which I was very bad at.When I was almost done with the bra the door flew open and Christian was standing there.
"AAAAAH CLOSE THE DOOR, I'M CHANGING!" I screamed while closing myself.
"Chill, it's just me." he smiled while I wrapped myself in the blanket.
"What are you doing in here?" I exclaimed.
"Wanted to talk with you about somethin'."he sat down on the bed.
"How about you wait outside until I change and then we can talk." he shook his head.
"It's an emergency." he seemed pretty serious so I just listened to him.
"Have you noticed Raja's weird behavior toward you?"
"Yeah..what's wrong?" I raised my eyebrow.
"You see,it's hard watching your cute sister grow into a fine lady, sometimes,the temptation can be irresistible." he was playing with a cigarette that was in between his fingers.
"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow.
"You really are a little dumb." offensive but okay."He likes you that's what." I was stunned.
"Wait are you joking? It's impossible,we're siblings!" he just shrugged.
"Change, we're in the car." he shut the door leaving me in confusion.
Stunning..he's my brother and it cannot be. It just can't. It's silly,incest is out of fashion since the 1800 or even before that. I will just pretend this conversation did not happen. Yeah that's right. I threw on a hoodie and ran outside. It was the beginning of December so it was kinda cold,but for California it was quite enough. I breathed out cold air and could see my own breath when I was going to the car.
"She slowly came up to the car and grabbed the handle with her smooth skinned, firm hand." Christian was narrating while I was doing it.
"Dude, stop." Raja barked at him."Chiyo, buckle up." he started the car and we took off.
"So, which pizza you idiots want?" Raja asked.
"I want a Hawaiian.." Tristan said quietly.
"How about pepperoni?" Harvey and Christian agreed on that.
"Chiyo, what do you want?" I was surprised that he asked for my opinion.
"I like cheese pizza very much.." I put the strand of my hair behind my ear.
"Cheese pizza it is."
"RAJA." everyone exclaimed.
"Fine..we'll take 3 pizzas.." he mumbled and guys calmed down.
After we pulled over to the pizza place, Raja came out of the car and went indoors while we were waiting.
"Hey Chiyo," Christian called from the front seat.
"Huh?" I answered.
"So you know his birthday is soon,right?" oh yeah,Raja's birthday was on the 17th of December which was a week away.
"Uh yeah." I smiled.
"What are you giving him?" he looked at me.
"I really don't know..." I didn't think what to give him yet."What do you think?"
"It's simple," all guys chuckled all of a sudden." Give him a night of his life." that made me jump.
"Are you coco for coco puffs? He's my brother!" they all laughed.
"Your choice,but he would be very happy." he winked,after that I got out of the car and headed to the pizza place.Raja was there,waiting.
"Can I sit with you?" I sat in a chair next to him.
"They're being idiots?" he cocked an eyebrow.
"Yeah..Christian in specific." he laughed.
"He's the real definition of dumbass."
"Brother..what do you want for your birthday?" I hugged his arm.
"Eh,nothing. You already take care of me every day,that's a lot to me." his words warmed my heart.
"Your order is ready." a lady behind the counter called out. While she was packing up ranch and extra cheese she kept hungrily looking at Raja.
"So,is that your girlfriend?" she asked which made Raja blush.
"No,that's my sister." he mumbled.
"Oh, my name is Tiffany, and you are?" she said sweetly.
"Raja," he responded flatly.
"That's quite of a name,it's unique." she smiled. Seeing her flirt with Raja made me angry for some reason, I wanted to devour that girl and stuff her with pizza to make it more Christmasy,but held in my anger.
"Uh,thanks."
"So, what are you doing this weekend?" she leaned on the counter which showed the inside of her shirt.
"He's busy." I stepped in front of him with a frown.
"Chiyo..what are you?" I took our order and went outside. What have I done? I can't be so selfish... It's all my fault. Raja came out the place and looked at me.
"Chiyo..why did you do it?" he took the pizzas from me.
"I'm sorry...don't listen to me...you can go out with her! Just don't listen to me!" I closed my eyes in shame.
He laughed."Chiyo,you're so naive,I didn't want to go out with her. She's not my type. So don't worry." he kissed my cheek and headed to the car. A blush ran across my face,I could feel my stomach drop and my heart skip a beat. What's happening?
"Hey lover birds! The pizza is getting cold! Let's go home!" Christian yelled out.
On the whole way home I was looking at the window,I could still feel myself blushing. I might not have noticed how we got home.
"Pizza!" Christian opened the pepperoni box and started without us.
"You're like an animal." Raja opened a soda bottle and poured some in a cup.
"It's some awesome pizza." Christian along with everybody were munching on their pieces and we ended up eating all three pizzas in no time.
"Phew! That was nice." Harvey fell on the couch and petted his stomach.
After guys were on the couch playing video games,I cleaned up the table and headed to my room. I stretched and decided to lay down. The thought of Raja liking me couldn't leave my mind...but what if Christian is lying? That will explain everything. But something about him saying it was so...different. I do not understand.
Closer to the evening I heard guys leaving,it was time for them to head home.After some time I decided to go to the living room but right when I opened the door a little, I heard Bern and Raja arguing so I decided to listen.
"For how long am I gonna take this?" Bernadette was shouting.
"Why the hell do you care about her? We're all tired of you,not her! Let her be!"Raja screamed back.
"How can you not understand! Tell her the truth so she can shut up about calling you Big Brother! Pisses the shit out of me!" like I thought they're talking about me. But that didn't make me less confused.
"She is not our family! She's a child of a whole another family! I don't need an impostor living for mom's money!" impostor? Another family?I carefully listened.
"Chiyo is a much better sibling than you and she's adopted! You're just a hillbilly!" what? No,no,no it's not true...I can't be adopted..mother always told me that I'm family...I just can't be..I could feel tears rolling up my lower lashes as I walked out the room and looked at both of them. They were completely shocked..they didn't know I heard it.
"Ch-Chiyo! It's.. why..oh God,please don't cry.." Raja ran up to me and hugged tightly..I couldn't think about anything else.I am adopted...my parents left me..I am here. This just doesn't make any sense.. Why didn't they tell me? For 15 years it was a secret..why..
"Well now she knows." Bernadette scoffed,Raja got mad and slapped her across the face.
"Don't you dare say another word." his eyes were drowning in agony and hatred for Bernadette.
"What are you gonna do? You're just an emotional little kid who is still stuck in his emo stage! Ha!" she loudly laughed in his face.
"Stop...please.." I couldn't hold my tears behind,they were like boulders rolling down the hill. Heavy and unavoidable.
"Chiyo,please,don't cry.." Raja got his mind away from Bern and turned to me."Please, listen,just because you're adopted,doesn't mean you're a stranger,you're no impostor. You're family." he wiped off my tears and squeezed a small smile out of himself.
"Such depression." Bernadette said sarcastically as she proceeded her way to the room.
Who knew this Christmas will turn out to be like this? I didn't....it almost seems like it becomes worse every year. I never lost hope,but there,this time came when I have all the circumstances to be hopeless and drown in my thoughts. I always thought that better things will come upon my behalf,always prayed for our sibling relationship to get better. It got worse...God,why?