~~Perrie's POV~~
I was still shocked. About a month ago Charlie told me about her brother Jake. She gave me permission to tell it to Zayn, so I did. He was really positive about it saying 'If he's coming home that's amazing!'. And we've been going around thinking that she actually, like, was starting to fall for Liam. How silly of me.
So, her brother is coming home. Does that mean she is gonna live with him? Would she rather be with him? Of course she would. It's her brother for gods sake. She probably doesn't even want to be here. But she is starting to warm up to Zayn and the boys. And she got along quite great with the girls too.
I pushed all the negative thoughts aside and looked up at Zayn. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and hands folded together.
"What?" I asked.
"I've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes now. What are you thinking of?" He asked.
"Charlie" I said being honest. As Zayn was about to reply Charlie walked into the kitchen. She was looking at her phone.
"Something wrong Charlie?" Zayn asked. Iooked at her with raised eyebrow as well did Zayn.
"No. No not at all. Just. Harry texted me, asking if I wanted to go for lunch today. I just wanted to ask if that was okay" She looked at us. I smiled and looked at Zayn. If she wants to go thats great! Harry is a great guy and if he just protects her if any paparazzi or fans happens, then it's all good.
"Sure. You don't have to ask." I told her.
"I know. But I wanted to" She said and smiled. Then she dissapeared back upstairs, probably to change into some other clothes than pyjamas.
~~Charlie's POV~~
I replyed to Harry's text message and ran back upstairs to change into some proper clothes. I took my suspender shorts and my superman crop top, with my white flat shoes. Then I walked into my bathroom. I stripped down my pyjamas and and walked into the shower.
After I'm done showering I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body. I walked back into my room, my face still uncowered and left with the old bruises. I blowdried my hair and once I was done with that I turned around to find the clothes I picked out, but instead I came to face Perrie. When she saw me her eyes widened and her jaw slightly dropping.
"Wha-what happened?" She asked stuttering. I turned around around and began to collect the clothes.
"It's nothing" I mumbled walking into bathroom. I put the clothes on and some makeup to cover all the bruises and some mascara. The usual routine. I walked back out and Perrie was still there sat on my bed.
"Charlie it's not nothing. Please. You scared me. I'm really worried about you" She said in a calm tone.
"Please. Just. Don't give up on me" I said wiping the single tear that has fallen down my cheek. Usually if they see some of my bruises or get a hold of my pills-which I have to remember to take before I go- they give up and send me back. I don't want that. Not with these people. I actually see a future now. Hopefully some happiness. That's all I'm asking for.
"Of course I'm not gonna give up. You're a part of the family now. C'mere"She said spreading her arms out. I know, she knows, that it's a chance she's taking with the hugs. But I accept it and wrap my arms around her waist. I mumbled a quiet thank you and she just hugged me tighter.
"Okay. Now go. Harry is waiting. Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded my head and smiled. I quickly put my makeup on to cover the bruises and ran downstairs silently counting the steps down. When I reached the bottom I almost jumped into Harry.
"Woah. Hey there." He said and smiled at me. I shyly smiled back."Jesus I feel small now" I said quietly. Harry chuckles lightly. I can't help it that he's giant. "Ready to go?" He asked. I nodded and started walking to the door.
"Keep her safe if anything happens Harry!" Zayn shouted. "I will!" Harry shouted back. I called out a quick bye and we started walking towards his car. It was a black Range Rover. Quite cool may I add. I was about to open the door but Harry beat me to it. He opened it and closed it agian as I sat back down. I thanked him and he jogged over to the drivers seat.
"So. Charlie. Tell me about yourself" He said. I looked at him. "Well. What do you want to know?" I asked.
"Where you from. What do you like to do. Stuff like that" He said. I thought for a moment.
"Hmm alright. I'm half Irish and half Spanish. I like to sing, everything that includes music, reading and painting. Oh and dance is also a passion of mine." I told him. He nodded.
"Can you play any instruments?" He asked. "Yeah" I answered.
"Really? Which one?" He asked.
"The guitar, drums, piano, keyboard, bas, most of the thing that are usually in music, and maybe some things beside that. But thats really it." He took a quick glance at me with raised eyebrows and wide eyes.
"You have to prove it to me before I believe you" He said. "Fair enough" I answered.
We pulled into a parking lot beside a small diner. And as the gentleman he is, he quickly jogged over to my side and opened the door for me. I don't really know how I say the name of the diner but it was a nice small one. We sat down at a table in back, hoping that there won't be many fans, or any, that wil recognize him.
"Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to" I nodded for him to continue, while I was looking at the menu.
"Why are you scared of getting too close to us? To Zayn? You have to tell them at some point." He asked. I put the menu down and looked at him. I let out a deep breath.
"All the other times I got adopted I didn't want to tell them about my past right away. And when about a month after and I still didn't want to tell anything they gave up. You have no idea how much I just want to tell everything. I'm scared how people will react. And if I end up telling, then they'll just.. I don't know. I'm just so damn terrified" I said. I could feel tears starting roll down my cheeks but I held them back. He's right. If I really want this to work I have to tell them at some point. But not all at once.
He nodded and a waitress turned up at our table. Harry started to order the food after I told him what I wanted.
I suddenly became really upset. Shit. I forgot to take my pills this morning. Harry looked at me with worried eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded and politely excused myself to use the bathroom. I quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears away. I duck into my purse and took two pills out and drowned them without water. How come I get side effects now? I forgot to take them two days ago and I didn't even realise it. Then I remembered yesterday but forgot them today.
After I had some time to calm down I walked back out. The food was already on the table, so I hurried over and sat down agian.
"You okay now? What happened?" He asked. What do I tell him. Think Charlie, think! Oh well.
"Uhmm. It was nothing. Just forgot to do something" He sighed.
"Just Charlie. Whatever it is, please just tell Zayn and Perrie if it isn't too big of a thing." I nodded. "I will" I answered. We ate an talked. I asked about his life, family, just random stuff. We got to know each other. He asked about me but I kept zoning out of it. What he said earlier keeps on bugging me. Maybe I should tell them? Or maybe they should find out themselves. No then they'll just be upset. But if I tell them then they'll probably just send me back. Or would they? I really don't know. But they did tell me that wouldn't let me go back no matter what. Can I trust their words?
I snap out of my little- I don't know what to call it- dream, by two hands clapping in front of my face. I shook my head and looked up at him.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" He ask. I really have to do something about this... guilty feeling in my stomach. I Have to get out of here and talk to Zayn and Perrie.
"I'm sorry Harry. But I really have to get home now" He smiles and gives me and nod. He knows what I'm doing. I dig into my purse and take some money out but Harry beat me to it. "Don't worry about that. I'll pay. Now go" He said smiling. I give him a quiet thank you and start on my ten minute journey home.
~~~~
As I said before, after ten minutes I walk up the three steps to the door. I let myself in with my key ad walk into the kitchen. Zayn and Perrie where talking quietly. Perrie was making tea I guess and Zayn has his arms wrapped around her waist from behind. A big visible grin on his face. I've never experienced any kind of parent figures in my life being in love. I guess there's a first for everything.
Zayn slowly unwrap his arms whenthy notice I'm back. They smile and Perrie ask if I want tea. I accept the offer and take a deep breath. It's now or never Charlie. You can do this.
"I have to tell you something" Perrie sat my tea on the table and nod for me to continue, but before that, she speaks up.
"We have something to ask you first. We found this, in your room when I came in to collect your tea cup from yester day" She my bottle of pills out from one of the cabinet. "Can't you just explain this?"
"I believe the description says it all" I said quietly. I look down guiltiy. They probably don't want anything to do with me anymore. What if they send me back? What if they hate me now? I really wanted to stay here. I like it. Zayn's bandmates seems really nice. And as well Perrie's bandmates. How am I gonna tell them about the scars on my face? Perrie already saw but I want to make it real. That I tell her myself. I don't want anyone to feel left out or anything.
"If I'm one of the lucky ones I can end up not having to take the pills at all. But that would take a years time." I say quietly. "Who told you that?" Perrie asks.
"Every once in a while I go to psychologist to see how it goes. I went there a couple of days ago and she told me it. And she also told me that it was a big bonus that I found a place and some people that I like." I mumered. They glance at each other. Oh no. That is never good. "We're happy that you're happy here. Okay. Now we got this sorted out. Now, what did you want to tell us." I muttered a 'I'll be right back' and ran upstairs.
While searching for the makeup removal I thought it all over. Should I really tell them this? Yes. They would be happy I did. And it will help me. Also, if I want to start getting comfortable and really feel at home here I can't wear makeup all the time. I don't want that. I want to be myself around them. And if I want that. I have to show tell them.
As I continue the search of my makeup removal- which I can't seem to find- I wonder about all the things in general. Will I everbe happy? Fall in love? Get married? Have kids? Live my dream? And things with Zayn and Perrie. Will I ever get to the point where I can tell them everything? Will I ever trust them enough? Will they never get tired of me? Zayn told me I was going on tour with them both. Switching places whenever I want to. I know that whenever one of them are in Ireland, I want to come and be there. I want to visit someone, and just, look back at my life and see what I've got now.
I push these thoughts aside and start on the present thoughts. I really want to start some dancing. Just to do something instead of sitting home and doing nothing. And besides I love to dance, so why not?
Once I've found my makeup removal I walk downstairs agian. Is this really the right thing to do? Yes. Yes it is. I have to do this. I need to be strong and start to get over my past. O can never forget. It wil always be a part of who I am. But I can put it in the back of my mind.
I step into the kitchen with things in my hand. I'm standing in the doorway looking down at my feet. And when I look up Perrie has wide eyes and Zayn looks confused. She knows what I'm about to do.
"You have always told that I should make myself feel home and comfortable here. And I can't if I'm alwys have to wear makeup and hide things from you guys all the time." I said. I begin to remove my makeup until my whole face is uncovered. I hear Zayninhale a sharp breath. Guess he didn't expect it coming. The scars aren't that bad but they're still there. It will dissapear sometime so it's almost invisible. But it will always be visible when you get close enough.
Zayn isn't saying anyhting. Why isn't he saying anything?! Now I feel bad. I shouldn't have told them. I knew Perrie reaction because she already caught me. But Zayn is a whole different story. He's done so much to gain my trust and when I finally show him that I'm willing to try he doesn't say anything. Is it really that bad? I set the things down on the kitchen counter and turn around to walk upstairs.
"You idiot Zayn! Why didn't you say anything?! Now she probably thinks we don't want her anymore! Gosh you're so stupid sometimes!" I heard Perrie say just as I'm out of eyesight. I heard a mumble, something in the way of 'I'm sorry'.
I walk into my room and grab my guitar and walk out on the my balcony. Why is this all so hard for me? Why can't I just be like the other orphans. Say it like it don't bother me. Oh wait, I know why. Because it does bother me. Ithaunts me every night. I have nightmares everyday. I haven't stopped dreaming about it for years.
I begin to strum my guitar with the tune of 'Who You Are' by Jessie J. It's an amazing song. I start to sing lightly knowing the lyrics by heart.
"Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are" I end the first chorus and continue to strum the guitar, letting a small tear fall down my cheek. I continue to strum just without singing.
"You have a lovely voice y'know" I jump startled at the voice. I turn my head and see Zayn standing at the entrance of the balcony. He walks out and sit on the chair across from me. I look down at my guitar, not really knowing what to say.
"Thank you" He says. I look at him confused. If anyone is being thanked here, it's him.
"For what?" I ask. "For telling me. Perrie told me she caught you while you were in your room. I'm just glad you told me too." He explained. I smiled slightly. I'm glad I told him too. He deserved it. They've done so much for me. A bed to sleep in, roof over my head, food on the table what else could I ask for?
We sat and talked for a while and tomorrow- when his tour starts agian- I'm coming with him cause it's here in London. So I get to see him live. I've never to such a big concert before. I've been to small gigs here and there. But I've never been to an actual concert. It just doesn't feel the same without my mom. God I miss her like crazy. I have to visit her. As soon we step foot in Ireland I'm going straight to her.
I think we've been talking for an hour before we head downstairs agian together. I can't believe this. It feels wierd that they know, but still want me. I guess the luck is on my side today.
When we entered the kitchen Perrie was looking at some reciepes. Guessing she is trying to find out what she's making for dinner.
"What do you guys want for dinner? You know what. Forget it. I can't cook. We'll just order some chinese or something today." She said and closed the cooking book.
"I can cook something" I suggested. I really want lasagna so I can maybe make some.
"You know how to cook?" Zayn asked. I nodded. "I used to cook almost everyday for my.. for my dad." I muttered. They nodded and told me to make whatever I want.
***
An hour or so later my lasagna was done. I called Perrie and Zayn from the livingroom where they were watching TV. Theycame into the kitchen and looked wide eyed at the lasagna. Does it really look that bad? Or smells bad? I'm gonna admit, I love my lasagna.
They walked over and took a plate and some lasagna. They still haven't said anything and it's worrying me.
As soon as Zayn takes a bite and swallow his eyes are wide. I mean seriously. It looks like they're going to pop out any minute now.
"Jesus Charlie. This is amazing! How did you learn to cook like that?" Perrie agreed stuffing her mouth with more and so did Zayn.
"I used to cook for my dad almost everyday. And I was self taught. If there were something he didn't like. And I mean to every little detail. It could too much salt or the sauce was too thin.Then he would spit it out directly in my face." I told them. It was true though. But that was after it all went wrong.
"Hey Zayn? Where are you guys on the 29 september?" I asked.
"I think we're in Ireland at that time. It's Liam's birthday then, so we're probably trying to see if we can fly his family in for the show. Why are you asking?" He said.
"I want to visit someone. So I was hoping I could come with you then. But I want to fly out to you a few days before we're in Ireland, or I can fly with Liam's family." I said. "I'm sure we can arrange that. Who do you want to visit?" He ask. I bite my lip. Do I tell him? What if he want to come with me? Easy. I'll let him go with me. He is gonna know at one point or another.
"Uhm. My mom" I say honestly.
"Of course. I can drive you there if you want me to" He says. His face is like one big smiling flower. Do I ever get to be so happy. Without faking it. It seems so easy. But he also have it all. Living the dream. A nice girlfriend. Four best friends with him. On tour. The money. Everyhting. But I know not to judge a book by its cover. He has his problems. And I just put more on his plate if I tell them about it all.
"No. No it's alright. Hope you enjoyed the dinner. I'm going to bed. Goodnight" I said just above a whisper.
"But it's only seven" Perrie states confused. "Yeah I know. But I'm tired. Goodnight" I said and speed walked upstairs. I wasn't really going to bed. But Ichanged into my pajamas and laid in bed with my reading classes on and a nice book.
About half an hour later a knock was heard on my door. Ianswered with a quick come in and laid put the book down beside me and took my classes of. Perrie came and sat at the edge of the bed. I knew what was coming.
"Are you alright Charlie. You suddenly seemed upset when he asked about your mum" She had every right to be confused. They didn't know anything. I could feel water gather in my eyes but held them back. But I couldn't help the sniffle that escaped me.
"She lives in the cemetery. She's dead."
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Hi! Just wanted to thank you if you've readed this far! Please vote if you like it and comment what you think or share ideas I can use later on! Thank you very much
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