It's been a week since my parents told me that they wouldn't be able to make it to my graduation. They called back a few days after and asked me if I was okay. I told them I wasn't feeling well and they set me up a meeting with a psychiatrist to get some sleep aids. I'm glad I am able to get a good nights rest now but it seems they are making me groggy in to the day too.
The psychiatrist also suggested that I begin keeping a journal where I jot down all my feelings before I seep and I will say it's been quite helpful. I've started writing things down throughout the day.
I hear the bell ring and stuff my books in my bag and head to my next class.
***
Later that night I unpack my backpack in search of my journal. I have a panic attack when I can't find it but reason that I must have left it in my locker at school.
I take a cold shower, brush my teeth and pop one sleeping tablet into my mouth.
***
At school I notice people are staring at me. I try my best to avoid eye contact and make my way to my locker. Real panic sets in when I realize my journal isn't in there either. To my relief I see Ed and Eddy pass me.
"Hey! Ed, Eddy!" I wave trying to get their attention.
"Oh..uh....Hi Edd." Eddy rubs the back of his head with his hand and Eddy stares at the floor.
"Have you guy seen my notebook?" I ask.
"Nope, sorry." Eddy quickly replies and walks away.
What's his deal?
I try my best to clam myself and head to my first class, P.E.
I enter the noisy locker room and it falls silent. Everyone looks at me and once again, I try my best to avoid eye contact.
"I'm impressed." I hear a voice say behind me. "I didn't think you'd have the guts to show your face here ever again."
I turn and come face to face with David, a linebacker on the football team. "I-I'm not sure what you mean David."
"I mean this." he pulls out a black notebook with my name written in cursive on the front. "I always suspected you were a fag."
"T-that's private." I attempt to snatch it from him.
"What are you even doing in here Double Douche? Shouldn't fags have to change in the girl's locker room?"
I feel a lump form in my throat and my eyes begin to water.
"Oh, now you're going to cry?" He pushes me "You really are a little bitch."
I spot Kevin staring horrified from the other side of the room. He looks away quickly. I grab my things and run out of the door blinded by my own tears.
At home I attempt to contact Eddy.
[to: Eddy]
Eddy, did you know that David took my notebook?
[to: Eddy]
Please Eddy, why wont you talk to me?
[from: Eddy]
not in the mood rn.
Toss my phone. Not only does everyone know about my questioning sexuality, my friends have abandoned me because of it. I just wanna sleep, for the rest of my life. I make my way to the bathroom and grab my medication. On the label it reads 'Take one before bed'. I take one and stare at myself in the mirror. I take another tears fulling my eyes again. I continue until the bottle is empty.
My head begins to feel light and I sit on the bathroom floor. Everything feels spaced and dream like. Not 10 minutes later I hear the front door open. Footsteps echo through the hallway. I hear a distant voice call out my name. The door opens and I see my parents.
"Welcome home." I slur before blacking out.