"I'm not afraid anymore, what makes you sure, you're all I need?"
CHAPTER NINE
Nursing a hangover should've been one of my many skilled professions, but it was not.
My only method of coping with a hangover was to drink more, so there I was, stumbling into school on a Monday morning.
Such a fuck up.
My suspension days were up and if I had another absence, I'd be in an hour long detention, and I was not doing that.
So inevitably, I was forced to show up partially drunk.
Not my fault.
"You look great." Imogen greeted sarcastically, her back leaning against my locker.
"Thanks Imogen." I smiled, taking a drink from my water bottle.
"Is that ....?" Imogen questioned, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Vodka? No. No way."
"Give me that." Imogen hissed, snatching the bottle from my hands and grabbing my wrist, yanking me with her as she led me to the bathroom. She poured my cure down the drain of the sink, shoving the bottle into the trash.
"Bag." She ordered, narrowing her hazel eyes at my book bag.
"There's nothing in there detective." I lied, avoiding her scrutinizing gaze.
She didn't buy into it, ripping my bag off of my shoulder and tearing it open, taking my last bottle out.
"Are you serious Oktober? One wasn't enough for you?"
I laughed finding the situation very amusing, but she didn't, not with the death glare she gave me.
"In my defense, that was just a back up one in case something like this," I spoke, gesturing to her dumping the alcohol contents down the drain. "happened to my first one."
"Drinking at a party is one thing. Drinking at home is another thing. But drinking at school is stupid and completely idiotic. What's wrong with you?" She questioned seriously, turning to face me.
"I know I know." I sighed dramatically. "I'm a fuck up. I've messed up everything."
Her harsh gaze on me softened at my words, turning on the faucet.
"Splash some cold water on your face, maybe that will sober you up." She ordered, taking her bag then walking out the door, leaving me by myself.
"Mental note, don't tell Imogen when you're drinking at school." I said out loud, making myself laugh.
I splashed the cold water on my face, which did me good, feeling slightly better.
The first two periods of the day flew by, most likely because of my nap in both classes, sleeping off the alcohol. I slightly stumbled into history, luckily not catching anyone's attention, but Axel's.
I mentally groaned, hoping and figuring that he would have ditched class, but it was just my luck that he didn't. I sat down in my usual seat, a desk away from him, his eyes still focused on me.
"Can I help you?" I sighed, arching an eyebrow at him.
"Are you drunk?" He replied boldly, making me slightly laugh.
"Are you not drunk?" I retorted, watching his jaw tick with annoyance.
"I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Oktober."
I sighed dramatically, pulling my gaze off of him. "You don't fucking care Axel." I reminded him. "So act like it."
"You're right." He laughed coldly, standing up from his seat. "I don't."
***
I fell down in my seat at the lunch table, not so gracefully, making Dean laugh. He was sitting across from me, making me roll my eyes at him for laughing at me.
"Rumor has it, you're a little drunk." He smirked, making me deadpan.
"People know?"
He laughed again, making me realize he was joking, causing me to laugh too.
"Not funny."
I felt someone's eyes on me so I looked up, only to meet with Axel's angry ones.
Hm, thought he left.
They flickered from Dean back to me, which left me confused. I might have been a little slow due to the alcohol, but even if I had been sober, I still didn't think I'd understand.
Archer seemed to have saw it as well, nudging Axel's arm which took his agonizing gaze off of me. Archer looked at him knowingly, nodding toward the lunch table, making my breath hitch at the realization that they were walking toward us. Luckily Imogen sat down beside me, still looking mad, Chase sitting on the opposite side of her.
"Hey man, where were you during fourth?" Dean questioned to Axel.
Archer quickly sat down next to Dean as if he was some barrier between the two, only managing to further confuse me.
"Wasn't feeling it." Axel replied coldly, making a confused look come across Dean's face.
Archer gave Dean a pointed look, making Dean's face morph into realization. He stood up from the table, angrily walking away. Axel stood up abruptly, following Dean out of the cafeteria, making Archer sigh.
"Excuse me." Archer spoke, giving us a small smile as he stood, practically running after the both of them.
What the fuck?
Later that day I saw Dean sporting a fresh black eye, surprise coursing through me at his sudden injury. I wasn't extremely oblivious so I was able to put two and two together after seeing Axel's busted bottom lip and bruised jaw.
I walked into chemistry preparing myself to ask Axel what the hell happened, but he wasn't there, he never showed.
My leg bounced anxiously as I watched the clock, each minute passing by dreadfully slow. I was determined to make sense of the drama between Axel and I, and Axel and Dean. I wanted answers, though I couldn't figure out why.
When the bell rang I practically ran out of the lab, thankfully catching Archer's tall figure walking down the hall, the person who I thought would be most reliable for the task.
"Archer, hey." I greeted, slightly out of breath from running after him.
That boy could move.
"Hey." He replied, a look of surprise on his face.
"Could you do me a favor?" I smiled sweetly, watching him narrow his eyes down at me.
"Depends."
I paused for a moment, taking a minute to truly evaluate the situation before me.
Fuck it.
"Could you take me to Axel's?" I questioned, feeling nervous by his sigh.
Archer was quiet for a second, a conflicted look appearing on his face. "I'm not sure if he really wants company right now."
I sighed, pulling the strand of hair that was in my face behind my ear. "What happened? I know something's up."
"Him and Dean just had a little dispute, no biggie." Archer replied causally, making my suspicion grow.
"Look, I wouldn't be asking you this if it wasn't necessary, trust me." I muttered. "And I don't have my car, so I need a ride."
Archer caved as I guilted him, opening the passenger door of his truck for me. "Get in."
I mentally cheered, smiling at him gratefully before climbing in. Archer got into the drivers seat, starting the truck, making the engine roar to life.
If I heard that thing coming down the street, I'd be running away.
It didn't take us long to get to Axel's house, making my nerves bunch up oddly.
Why am I doing this?
I wouldn't know.
"Thanks again." I spoke gratefully, nearly breaking my neck as I jumped out of his truck.
"Don't mention it." Archer nodded, pulling off after I shut the door.
I watched as he drove away, suddenly feeling regret and almost running after him. I looked back at Axel's driveway to see that the only car there was his.
Shit.
My fist knocked on the door before I had a chance to rethink my decision for the hundredth time, making my heart plummet to my stomach.
"What are you doing here, Oktober?" Axel sighed as he opened the door, the bruise on his jaw looking worse than before, his bottom lip plumper than usual, a bright red cut on it.
"I wanted to see if you're okay." I answered dumbly, mentally face palming myself.
"I'm fine. Is that all you wanted?"
His voice sounded like he wasn't trying to be hostile, but failed miserably.
I sighed, debating on what to say next. I didn't want to make him angrier than he already was, but I also didn't want to leave us in the mess that we were in. It took me awhile, but I realized that I was tired of constantly fighting with Axel. I would rather have us be friends or nothing at all, saving us both the headache of our never ceasing feud.
I really didn't think this through.
"Are we really going to keep doing this forever?" I questioned, continuing when I saw his confused look. "The back and fourth, the fighting, the hating each other. Wouldn't you rather just, hate me from afar?"
Axel closed his eyes, letting a breath out through his nose. "I don't hate you, Oktober."
"You're great at showing that." I mumbled, suddenly finding my shoes interesting.
I heard the door creak open wider, making me look up again.
"Come in."
A foreign feeling rushed through me as I stepped foot in his house. It could've almost been mistaken for joy, but I wrote it off as surprise.
I was me, I didn't feel joy.
Axel led me up the stairs to his room and I felt my stomach doing flips, focusing on the music playing lowly in the background.
"So what happened, with you and Dean?" I questioned nonchalantly, sitting across from him on his bed.
"It was a misunderstanding." Axel spoke, licking his lips as if he was checking if the cut was still there.
"A physical misunderstanding?" I pressed, knowing I was stepping over the line, but I couldn't help it.
I was nosy, it was Imogen's fault.
"You can't do that." Axel shot down, shaking his head.
"...Do what?"
"Ask me things and expect me to answer them truthfully when you can't do the same."
I paled as I realized what he was hinting at, feeling my palms begin to sweat.
He wanted to know what happened with Davidson.
I never spoke about it to anyone and I vowed to myself that I never would, but something about the way he looked at me, it made me feel like I could almost trust him.
You can't trust anyone.
"It's a sensitive subject." I admitted, avoiding his questioning gaze.
"So is mine."
I sighed, playing with the strings of my hoodie, not believing myself for what I was about to say.
"Freshman year something happened to my family. I was dating Davidson at the time even though we went to different schools. Him, Imogen, and Chase were basically all I had and he was my rock through a lot of it." I muttered, feeling my eyes begin to water. "Sophomore year, we had been dating for a year but he started to change. He started hanging out with the wrong people, drinking more, doing drugs, not to mention getting a lot more attention from girls. One night I caught him cheating on me with Taylor of all people, and I was broken. After everything I had gone through, everything he had witnessed, he had the nerve to cheat on me. I was heart broken but too in 'love' with him, I couldn't leave him. At that point, he changed completely. He started putting his hands on me, hitting me. At first it was only when he was drunk or angry, but then it turned into a regular thing. He became abusive and I still couldn't leave him." I laughed coldly.
I looked up briefly to see Axel watching me intently, wearing an expression that I couldn't read, his blue eyes filled with warmth as they stared into mine.
"I wasn't a mess back then." I smiled fondly. "I was well preserved, had good grades, never swore. I was happy."
"You're not a mess." Axel whispered, his eyes never parting from mine.
I am.
"Imogen would notice different bruises and scratches on me, eventually putting two and two together. Chase ended up giving Davidson a piece of mind, but all it did was make it worse. Imogen begged me to leave him but I couldn't. I was convinced it was just a phase and he'd grow out of it, but I was just holding onto nothing. It was November when my birthday weekend rolled around. Davidson started acting different, almost like his old self. He planned a weekend trip for just the two us, to a cabin his parents owned in the mountains. I had no idea that he was planning on taking my virginity that weekend."
My breath hitched and I felt Axel grab my hand that I had not realized was trembling, keeping it in his warm grasp.
"You don't have to tell me, Oktober." He spoke assuringly, looking remorseful. "I'm sorry. You can stop."
There was one thing I hated more than reliving old nightmares.
Pity.
Pity meant that someone was feeling bad for you, as if you were weak and they were sorry for it.
I wasn't weak.
"When I found out about his plan, it was already too late. I tried to stop him because I wasn't ready, I tried to convince him that wasn't the way it was suppose to happen, but it only made him angry. He beat me until I could barely fucking breathe, then raped me. Not once did he ever feel mercy for me or regret, the girl he supposedly loved. That night when he fell asleep I called Imogen, she and Chase came and got me. They begged me to tell someone, the police, my family, anybody really, but I refused. I made them swear they'd keep it between us and they didn't want to agree to it, but they eventually did. From that moment forward I stopped seeing Davidson, I stopped answering his texts and calls. I just stopped, everything." I finished, blinking the tears away.
I wasn't going to cry in front of Axel after telling him my life story like some cringy hallmark movie, I had too much pride to.
Axel sat there, staring at me with an unreadable look, his jaw clenched unbelievably hard. "I knew I should've fucking killed that asshole when I had the chance."
"Wouldn't change anything." I muttered, peering up at him.
"It means a lot that you told me." Axel admitted, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "I'm sorry I tried to force it out of you. I feel like a fucking jerk."
"You are a jerk." I gave him a small smile, watching him chuckle light heartedly.
"Despite what you said, if he comes near you again I'll fucking kill him." Axel stated gruffly, making me laugh.
I watched his eyes light up as he looked at me, soon joining in on the laughter.
If only we could stay like this.
"So, do you think this whole being nice to each other thing will last?" I questioned, looking up at his chiseled face, suddenly feeling butterflies under the gaze of his eyes.
"I'm sure we can make it work." He replied, a small smile on his lips.
"Friends?"
"Friends."
***