The library was still with silence. Beyond the rows of books, the faint scattering of footsteps and voices could be heard. Carter sat in a far back corner, staring at nothing, her muscles aching from remaining stasis so long. She wasn't aware of how much time had passed since she had entered the library and hidden away. There was a hollow ache in the pit of her stomach and tightness around her chest that hadn't lessened.
The bell cut through the quiet, stirring up the world. Carter remained where she was, uncaring. She was vaguely aware that she should be somewhere else, but couldn't find it in herself to get there.
A shadow fell across the her feet and she looked up.
Donovan stood above her.
"How long have you been here?" he asked.
She shifted, her muscles groaning in protest.
"I don't know," she said.
Carter uncurled her legs, wincing as discomfort skidded through the knotted joints.
"You didn't come to lunch and from the tightness in your muscles, I'm going to guess you skipped the last two classes as well."
"What should I care?" she said, in a flippant tone. "I would be bored in them anyways."
"Why did you get called into the office?"
Pain darted through her face and she froze with a flash of memory. Donovan studied her. Forcing her features into a neutral expression, she shrugged.
"It was nothing," she said.
Donovan slid his hands into his pockets.
"That's a lie."
She looked up at him with annoyance.
"You know, just because you can see everything doesn't mean you have the right to know everything?"
He raised his eyebrows.
"That's rich coming from you."
Carter dropped her gaze, unable to find the energy to fight back. They stayed there in silence for a long moment, Carter staring at the floor, Donovan quietly scrutinizing her.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice even.
She shifted her features in a blank canvas.
"Nothing," she said.
He gave a slow nod, not convinced. Tired from overburdening thoughts and a weight in her chest she couldn't remove, she leaned against the wall, forcing nonchalance and crossed her arms.
"What do you see, Donovan?" she said, carelessly. "A girl who didn't feel like going to class. That can't be something new."
He said nothing. Irritation budded inside her at his weighted silence.
"Link and I are your friends," he said.
A thousands words dropped onto her tongue, only to be blocked by a wall she had created years ago. For a long minute they regarded each other, each trying to read the other's unspoken thoughts.
"Force people away for long enough," Donovan said, "they won't be there when you need them."
"I don't force people away," Carter said. "They leave."
He narrowed his eyes, challenging her statement.
"People fail you," she said.
He said nothing, but his skeptical expression spoke speak his disagreement. Carter scowled.
"What could you possibly know about any of this?" she said.
Donovan gave a shrug. The gesture seemed to taunt Carter.
"You pretend to be fine. You're not," he said.
Carter's scowl morphed into an glare, confirming Donovan's words.
"You don't understand what is going on," she said.
"Maybe not."
Carter pushed herself off the wall and strode past Donovan. He halted her with a hand on her arm.
"You have friends," he said.
She met his gaze for a moment, his look was steady and open. Turning away she yanked her arm free and stalked off.
****************
Whitish gray clouds crowded out the sun, as Carter stepped off the bus. Once again she found her mind playing a loop of Donovan's words. The chaos of muffled voices reached her before the deli came into view. Light beamed from the windows. Carter pushed through the doors and the incoherent conversations took became clear.
The noise was a mixture of scolding from parents as they tamed their children and camaraderie as groups shared their memories with each other. Carter surveyed the scene before turning to the counter.
Maggie hustled back and forth, pieces of her brown hair floated before her face, unnoticed. Her employees wore the same focused expression, their movements a dance, in sync with each other as they filled orders. Carter fell in line behind a mother and her son. After a minute and an order taken, she stepped up to the counter.
"Oh, hi, hun," Maggie looked up, distracted.
"It's so busy," Carter said.
Maggie nodded as she looked around the crowded room.
"Yeah, today more than most, but it's not uncommon for this time. How come you are so late?" she asked, puzzled. "It's almost six."
Carter shrugged and stuffed her hands into her pockets.
"I walked for a while. Lost track of time," she said.
Maggie frowned in concern.
"You never lose track of time."
Carter opened her mouth to respond, but the bell over the door dinged and a large group entered.
"I'm sorry, hun, but I can't talk now. Steve already picked up sandwiches. I might see you later tonight but don't count on it."
Outside, the night felt colder as Carter's mind remained burdened. She left the deli behind and crossed the street, heading into the alley. Her footsteps on the staircase rang out in the evening as she jogged up. The door was unlocked and she stepped into the warmth of the apartment.
Her father sat at the table, a computer and a neat stack of papers sat before him.
"Hi Sarge, how was school?"
Carter pulled off her satchel and was about to dump it on top of the coffee table when she froze. Her eyes snapped to her father.
"She was here today," Carter said.
The smell of citrus lingered in the air, too fresh to be from the previous night.
"Yes," her father said.
The hollowness that had been enveloping Carter was burned away by a hot flash of anger.
"Why?" she said. "Why are you doing this? Why did you let her come back here?"
Her father stood, his face calm.
"I have my reasons, Carter," he said. "I know you don't understand-"
"You're right!" she said. "I don't understand! At all! I don't get why she's back! I don't know what she's doing here! Why are you even letting her into our house? Don't you see how truly terrible a person she is? How do you not get that - "
"Enough!"
Her father's face was hard and his body rigid.
"I've had enough of this, Carter," he said. "I will not have you talk to me like that."
"But Captain, why are you allowing this? Why-"
Her father's fierce expression cut Carter's rant short. Her own troubled thoughts blinded her from the look of pain in his eyes.
"I said enough," he said. "I have my reasons. This is the end of this conversation."
Carter stood, stunned. A moment later his phone rang and he answered it.
"Yes, sir?"
He left the living room and Carter heard his door closing. The sound of his voice filled the silence that hung around her as she stood, unmoving.
Eventually, her thoughts came crashing back. She turned on her heels and left the apartment. The endless canopy of stars held no answers for her and seemed to echo her loneliness.
In a troubled daze she headed out of the alley. She caught a bus, unsure of where she was going. Her feet seemed to have a mind of their own and directed her from the bus to the metro. It wasn't until she had ascended the metro steps did she realize where she was.
Carter joined the scattering of pedestrians on the sidewalk and made her way to Link and Donovan's apartment building. The same man, dressed in green, opened the door for her. The elevator played the same classical music but to Carter it felt as if it had been weeks since she last heard it, not merely a few days.
The doors slid open and she took a hesitant step into the hallway. Behind closed doors could be heard the sound of TVs and the hum of voices. She headed down the hallway and stopped before the apartment door.
For a long moment she stood there, staring at the smooth wood and golden number. She raised her hand to knock but froze with indecision. Stealing herself, she rapped her knuckles against the door. No sound came from within.
She was about to knock again when she heard footsteps. The door opened.
"Carter?!"
She slid her hands into her pockets, suddenly over taken by self consciousness.
"You have a minute to talk?" she asked.
**********************************************************************
Cookie dough!
Well what are we thinking today?
It could be about the story or things in general. Tell me a random thought and I promise I will beat it in oddness. Also if you write an amusing comment I will share it on Instagram because clearly your brilliance needs to be given to the world!
What did you think of her turning down talking to Donovan?
Did you expect any differently? (I mean it is Carter after all. The girl is like a vault when it comes to sharing her emotions)
How mad at me are you that this was a cliffhanger?
(An assault of tomato emojis worthy?)
Well, not a lot of questions today but is there anything more you want to say to me? If you put it in all caps I will naturally assume you are shouting it from the roofs tops.
Now! Frågestund! (Swedish) This question is from the glorious bookgirl190403: How do you deal with hate comments you receive on your books?
Answer: I can't answer that because YOU ARE AMAZING!!!! I haven't had a single hate comment and that's because you are wonderful, awesome, loving and supportive! I would hug you if I could! Here is my virtual hug! (>**)> Seriously I wish I could give you ice cream and a teddy bear the size of Africa. Might be hard to carry around and the world would quickly be overrun by massive continent size teddy bears, but STILL! you would know how much I completely love you and absolutely love having you in my life! (No lie) From the deepest, most insecure part of my heart, thank you.
Now! I have a question for you! It's kind of random but here goes. How do you find new books? Do you:
Look at other people's reading lists?
Go to the hot list? (How far do you go down? Top 10? 50? 100? 500?)
Go off the news feed? (I bet mine is really boring because it's just me answering comments)
Other?
Let me know! I am weirdly curious about this since everyone is different.
Vote for something you love, comment on how awesome you are and follow the sunset (it's prettier and far more interesting than me)
Also here is Grant smiling to really let you know how much I adore you!
(Yeah, it's cool Grant I didn't need my heart anyways. Gosh that smile! 🙈)