This has been a massive journey for me. If you are bored by long rambles then you might want to skip this. I will go over some of the things regarding the making of the story and where certain ideas came from, but it will mainly be me gushing about having finished. But do check out the acknowledgements towards the end, because they are important to me and to the work as a whole. Without them, this wouldn't be the story it is and I wouldn't be the author I am.
HOW IT STARTED: I started this fanfiction randomly, after tossing an idea around in my head for probably about a month. It had struck me how much I enjoyed reading fanfiction, but also how often I didn't like it. I am not criticising particular works or writers, but I will say that the following classic tropes annoy me in Dramione fanfictions: Ron is always an abusive cheater, Draco is always super smarmy, Hermione is always incredibly voluptuous and either prudish or boy-mad, and nobody is ever affected by the war. This meant that a lot of the time I wasn't getting to read fanfics I could wholly support, and it was becoming increasingly few and far between that I found a fic I could enjoy until the end. I realised that if I felt this way, then dozens of other Dramione shippers probably felt similarly, or at least wanted a different take on the pairing as I did.
THE TITLE popped out of nowhere; the idea that Draco self-harmed and that Hermione had nightmares regarding the war was one of my main initial plotpoints, so I wanted the idea of healing and scars to be a prominent feature. But the title is just one of those things that just always seemed to be around. I can't remember the moment I came up with it, or the particular thought process that got me to 'Scars That Heal', but I personally really like it.
THE COVER was made by me on Microsoft Paint, because I am a professional... The fanart of Draco and Hermione's hands with their scars was one I had seen a long time ago and really liked, so I thought I would use that as it worked well with my title and themes. I just edited on the title and my handle, and it was done! It took a few tries to crop it correctly, mainly so I could fit on my title dead-centre, as I am a perfectionist when it comes to these things.
STARTING WRITING: I was very weirded out by the idea of publishing things live on here. I am a writer by trade, but I never usually share anything I write unless I am certain it's good, and definitely not while it is a work in progress. I was encouraged, however, by seeing how many poorly-written fanfictions were still incredibly popular, despite how obviously terrible they were. That may sound cruel, but it honestly gave me the courage in knowing that at least mine wouldn't be the worst on this website!! I wrote the first chapter in one sitting with minimal editing, and published it. It got a few views, and that made me happy. I also very quickly got a lovely comment from somebody, encouraging me to continue it. Seeing as one of my main fears was that nobody would mind if I didn't bother updating, it really put my mind at rest, but more on that later. As a result, I wrote and uploaded the second chapter the next day. Honestly, looking back at them, those chapters weren't very good. I don't like their quality, but I think I've improved as a result of writing this because it's forced me to write regularly.
VARIOUS IDEAS: The idea that both Draco and Hermione would suffer from PTSD symptoms and find each other through coping came early, and was my initial starting point. Soon after that, the idea that Hermione would attempt suicide came, and I debated it for a while before deciding it would work. The illness and death of Hermione's father was one I came up with while writing earlier chapters, and again debated before I decided on it. The subplot with Astoria was similar, and I thought it would be another interesting one to continue. I also considered having Hermione' and Draco's mothers meet at Lucius' trial, but scrapped it as it seemed pointless. Maybe in the sequel they can meet? I also canned the idea of having Draco as Head Boy. This is one of the main features in most Dramione fanfics, and I don't like it, really. Draco's changed, but not that much. He's still not good enough to represent the school! The Support Sessions were an idea I had quite liked, then considered the logistics of and nearly decided not to include it. They were chunky chapters that didn't serve a huge amount of purpose, but as Hermione's suicide attempt loomed I decided they were a good plotpoint as it gave her both a reason to live and another overwhelming responsiblity to push her towards death.
CHAPTER 26: Hermione's suicide attempt was such a hard chapter to write! I had such a good time writing it, though. It was one of the chapters where I really felt the need to do a good job, and as it was so crucial I didn't want it to feel flat. I wanted it to be the chapter everyone reading as I uploaded deserved, because I had left them with such a cliffhanger. I wrote it once, then rewrote huge chunks of it because I wasn't satisfied, and edited it about three times before I was happy it was as good as it could be. I then did my final edit before uploading... And it felt like I had written my final piece of writing ever. If it had been, I think it would've counted as going out with a bang. I was so proud of it at the time. As I am writing this author's note I haven't re-read it since uploading it, so maybe it isn't as good as I remember, but the catharsis of uploading it (finally) was overwhelming. I definitely want to re-write it a little, though, as circumstances have changed since writing it and I am sadly now more familiar with trying to help friends with suicidal thoughts.
WRITING SCHEDULE: As I write this, I have one more chapter to go on the book. But I have managed to get into a routine for each chapter that has been nearly the same since roughly chapter 19, obviously excluding weeks I have had to write in advance as a result of holidays.
The chapter for the week will have already been written, so I spend Monday doing a final edit on it and then posting. For all the working week, I will either be coming up with ideas for next week's chapter, or will be writing it depending on how well the idea-generating is going. If I am really at a loss for what it will be about, I re-read last week's chapter and look for somewhere to continue from. Then I will ramble about something, and usually at that point my brain blesses me with an idea I can fill a chapter -or sometimes two - with. Over the weekend I will finish up the chapter and edit it at least once on Saturday or Sunday. And on the next Monday, I do my final edit and post.
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I think that is all I've wanted to say about the book. It is something I am so, so proud of as an accomplishment. It is the first proper writing project I have ever finished and my first Wattpad story I have completed. It has been so much effort, but it has also been totally worth it. I am really pleased with it as a story, and I have already announced that there will be a sequel to it because I just love the characters and world I have developed, and the potential for so much more has been unlocked throughout this book.
I cannot take credit for Draco and Hermione fully, as they are the brain children of the wonderful Jo Rowling, but I take full credit for their arcs, highs, lows and personas in this particular fanfiction regarding them. It has been an absolute joy to become a part of this... community, I suppose? I have gained so much new enthusiasm for my writing and for future works from doing this, so I will possibly become more prolific after this? Don't hold me to that statement, whatever you do!
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
These are the people I have really appreciated since the start of the book. Even from day one I had loyal readers and supporters that make it clear to me this was worth my effort. So here are a list of people I am incredibly grateful for and the reasons this story wouldn't have been this good without them.
abaumann13 - This wonderful human is my longest reader, who wrote me a message a few hours after I had uploaded the first chapter telling me it was really good, and they hoped I would continue with it. It raised my spirits so much, and they have been loyally reading my book ever since, messaging me encouragements and generally keeping me going until the very end. Thank you!
HaileyHult - One of the most regular commenters on this book, Hailey has done a fantastic job of reassuring me when I am uncertain about the quality of my writing and generally encouraging me by telling me I'm doing great. Thank you!
ah9032 - This lovely person has commented so many funny, intelligent and inspiring comments on my book, making me smile and generally making me proud of my work. I've really appreciated all your little quips and analysis of the world I've expanded on. Thank you!
Those are the three people I immediately think of that I have appreciated through my time writing this book, but rest assured I haven't forgotten anyone else. I read every single comment (and normally reply), notice every single vote, and check the profile of every person who follows me. I have loved all the support I have received, and truly appreciate it. From the bottom of my stale and rusty heart, thank you. You are great people.
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EDITING AND THE SEQUEL:
It only remains for me to say that this story will go through some severe editing, certainly towards the beginning of the book, over the next month/few months. But I promise that none of the plot will change. It will only be minor tweaks to the content, but mainly rescuing terrible sentences and correcting typos.
And once that is finished, I will begin the sequel to 'Scars That Heal'. I currently have a few minor ideas, but it will mainly be fluffy domestic adult Dramione because I would like to write some soppy stuff after the emotionally-charged depression/PTSD/death/self-harm/suicide fic this has been. I've loved writing about darker stuff, and there will be remains of that in the next book (they aren't new people!) but I would love the focus to be on their relationship and their happiness, because I think they deserve it at this point!
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Q&A, ABOUT THE BOOK
I will not be doing a character Q&A, because I didn't write this book from a first person POV so I don't think it would fit, but if you have any questions about the plot, the characters, anything to do with writing, or a question about myself, I will happily answer them in the comments. I won't write them up in this chapter, because I personally find it daunting to ask questions when I know everyone will read what I've asked, but I always read comments and nearly always reply, or you can message me privately if you'd prefer.
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That's it, then. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this really long author's note, and the book itself. A writer is nothing without a reader, after all. So this is dedicated to you, for sticking with me until the very end. Cheesy, I know, but befitting.
Thanks for reading, and I will see you next update - which will be the first chapter of the sequel!
Your loyal and very grateful author pal,
- KM.