I carefully positioned a final candle on the small, wooden coffee table next to the sofa, standing back a few metres to admire how the room looked. I’d spent the whole morning chasing my own feet, trying my best to tidy up the sitting room area of the apartment. I’d filled an entire bin bag with empty food cartons, and accumulated an entire mountain of lost, lonely shoes. The highlight, however, was finding a slice of I-don’t-even-want-to-know-how-old pizza hiding under the sofa, coated with an appetizing layer of dust and smelling like something that had died. The delights of living here, I thought to myself.
In my mind, everything had to be perfect for tonight. It wasn’t just another evening with Kylee, not just another movie in bed with Chinese; tonight was going to be special.
Because tonight was the 14th of February.
Valentine’s Day.
I knew it wasn’t exactly textbook behaviour for Fuck buddies to be each other’s Valentine, but I was determined to make the night special, to show her how brilliant I could be, what good care I could take of her. I was decided on convincing her that I could be so much more, that I could be everything she needed – romance, friendship, love, lust – that I could be more than her best friend. There was no point in keeping everything inside anymore, I convinced myself, no point in hiding my feelings because I was scared of myself, and letting my fear hold me back like a prisoner while the girl I loved walked right by and out of my life. I’d never wanted anybody more in my whole existence, and I was the sort of man who got what he wanted.
I was going to tell her everything. All of the feelings, all of the longing. I’d come clean with her, and make sure she knew how I felt.
It terrified me, the thought of being rejected. Of her telling me she didn’t want me back, the way I wanted her, but it was better than not knowing. It was better than sitting around and watching her pass me by. I was sick of it, of being overlooked…and of being ‘friends’.
In the worst case scenario, even if she said she didn’t love me, at least then I’d know. At least then I could start working; start trying my absolute hardest in every little way to make her see that she should love me. I could make her love me back.
I admired my handy work; the room looked very much tidier, and everything was in place for how I pictured our evening – eating dinner by candlelight, how flawless she would look in whatever perfect outfit she wore. We’d eat strawberries with cream and drink champagne, before I would blindfold her and guide her cautiously into the sitting room, tearing off the cover to reveal the romantic scene, the sofa strewn with blankets and hoards of cushions, and scattered with rose petals. We’d make love in the dim light, with her soft moans of my name echoing off the walls and spurring on my confidence. Then, when it was over, I’d kiss her and tell her everything. If things went well, we’d kiss and have sex in the tangled sheets and then we’d be together. Properly. She’d be mine, and I’d be able to show her off and kiss her in public, and everything would be how it was supposed to be.
If she didn’t feel the same…my stomach churned at the thought. Well, I’d cross that bridge if I came to it.
I glanced at the ticking clock on the wall, feeling my heart race with sudden nerves, excitement, anticipation of the night ahead. I couldn’t deny I was scared stiff, but it would be worth it, I told myself. Worth it just to know that she knew how I felt.
It was rolling up to six, so I finished up in the sitting room, readjusting the candles just a little here and there, spraying a little air freshener that had the pleasant aroma of some kind of flowers that I couldn’t put a name to. I traipsed into the kitchen in my low slung jeans, beginning to fiddle with the knobs on the stove. this was where I ought to be nervous; I’d bought steak, and had little to no idea how to cook it. Looking back now, I wondered why I’d bothered. Should have stuck to the fajitas, I told myself, stick to what you know.
I smiled slyly to myself as I lobbed the chunk of meat into a frying pan that was smeared with olive oil – fuck it, tonight was a night for taking risks.
Just as I’d settled the pan on the hob, humming quietly to myself under my breath, I heard a low, almost inaudible knock on the front door. My heart hammered faster in my chest – Kylee couldn’t be here yet, could she?! I wasn’t even dressed. I turned the heat down to a simmer, turning to answer whoever it was that was insisting on distracting me.
I pulled the door open, expecting to see perhaps Kyle's arriving early, or even Louis back from Eleanor’s after forgetting something. What I saw instead, made my face fall drastically.
“Harry!” the tall, blonde woman smiled enthusiastically at me, grinning wildly as she bounced a slightly bored looking baby Lux in her arms.
“Hey,” I mumbled uncertainly, slightly scared of what was coming next, my mindset becoming instantly vigilant, unwilling to get myself into anything binding.
This can’t happen, I thought darkly to myself, you can’t spoil my night. Not tonight.
“Harry,” Lou began, that telltale innocent chirp in her voice that set alarm bells ringing in my brain. She’d been our stylist for too long, and a friend long enough for me to know when she was about to beg for a favour.
“No,” I asserted automatically, shaking my head in defiance, “You can’t do this, Lou, I’ve got plans!”
She fluttered her long, black, clumped eyelashes sweetly. She was all made up, and wearing a blue dress – evidently, she had plans too. “Harry, you don’t even know what I was going to ask!”
I rolled my eyes tiredly. “I can tell, I’m not stupid, and I like hanging out with Lux and all but not tonight, please!”
She furrowed her brow in a mix of anger and confusion. “Why? It’s valentines, you’re not seeing anybody.” Her expression switched quickly, returning to the same innocent, begging for sympathy mask. “C’mon, Harry, please! We’re going out for dinner, could you just take Lux for a few hours?”
She glared piercingly at me, a glance that made me feel guilty for things I had never done wrong. I gulped uneasily. Lou was a good friend, but it was times like these I wished I’d never confidently admitted to her that I ‘loved spending time’ with her baby.
“What sort of plans do you have anyway?” she questioned, swaying slightly on the spot as little Lux became slowly more impatient, grabbing at hair and whining every so often.
I shrugged. “I’ve got a girl coming over, it’s important to me. Isn’t there anybody else?”
She shook her head. “It’s short notice, I know, but the babysitter cancelled and you’re the only who who’s home…” she sighed, and I could tell she was getting desperate. Once again, I felt guilty. I could feel my reserve breaking and I hated myself for it – what had happened to the images in my head of me and Kylee making passionate love on the living room floor, sweaty and panting and shouting as loud as we liked, all alone together and without any reserve? What had happened to building the ambience, the atmosphere, until it was just the right moment and I admitted all my gushing feelings for her?
“Please, Harry, I’ll be forever grateful. Girls love babies, I’m sure you’ll have her swooning, whoever the lucky lady is!”
I scoffed, shuffling my feet as I thought back to the night at the ice rink and Kylees’ assertive words - “I don’t think I ever want kids.”
“Not this one, I promise,” I sniggered, shaking my head in disagreement. Lou was quiet, gazing at me expectantly. I groaned internally. I knew there was no real way of getting out of this; I was sort of stuck with it now whether I liked it or not. Whether it fucked up my plans or not. I glanced down into the little smiling face of Lux. She really was adorable. My little princess, I always said. It was nice spending time with her, mostly because in her world everything was black and white and simpler than rhyming off the alphabet. No complications, no troubles or worry, simply childish abandon and giggles and rainbows. And while I was with her, everything in my world was giggles and rainbows too.
I sighed again, taking a deep heave of breath, knowing that Lou could read my expression like a book and already knew she’d won. A grin spread across her features in delight as I lifted my arms in weak surrender.
“Fine,” I mumbled, holding my hands out as she passed the comforting weight of Lux into my arms, lifting the cream coloured baby bag over my shoulder, the one that was squidgy and fat from being so full of necessities. “Only a few hours, right?”
Lou nodded, beaming at me gratefully. “Yeah, not too long, thank you so much Harry, I won’t forget this! You’re a dream!”
I smiled modestly, holding Lux to my hip. I grinned at her as she slowly recognised me, a tiny, gummy grin plastering over her sticky little pink face.
“I’ll see you then; you know when to feed her and everything?”
I nodded. “Yup, I’ll be fine. Have a nice evening.”
She smiled over her shoulder at me as I swung the door closed, leaving me standing rocking the child in my arms. She started to giggle and I giggled back, carrying her into the kitchen where I settled her on the floor with her toys and a blanket, keeping an eye on her as I began clearing away the candles and rose petals I’d put so much thought into.
I was disappointed in having my plans spoiled, but I decided to make the most of it; I could still have dinner with her. Fair enough, it might not be quite so satisfyingly intense and romantic as I’d hoped with Lux gurgling and spitting mashed puree potatoes all over herself, but it was still a chance to spend time with Kylee. And when Lux was down for the night and we cuddled on the sofa like a pair of naughty teenagers left to babysit, I’d tell her then.
Nothing was stopping me from making my confession tonight.
* * *
The chirpy theme tune of yet another episode of Pingu chimed through my apartment, rattling around irritatingly in my brain. I heard Lux from behind me giggling delightedly, clapping her tiny hands as the show she adored so much began to stream through my laptop screen. Personally, I didn’t worship it quite so much. A cartoon penguin making a noise like a bugle is only funny so many times.
I literally felt like my head was about to fall off. It was true what they said; men were not cut out for multitasking. At the moment, I tried desperately to turn the steak over beneath the grill, simultaneously knowing the vegetables were about to boil over, whilst also needing to keep one eye on Lux, and all the while conscious of the fact that it was almost seven, so therefore I needed to be changing into my dress shirt and dark chinos. Now I knew why my mum had always been fond of a glass of wine in the evenings – children were difficult when there was nobody there to hand them back to when you got bored.
I stirred the veg quickly, checking on the homemade garlic potato slices in the oven, and when I was satisfied the food was all going well, I turned on my heel at the speed of light to go change.
My busy mind startled with horror suddenly as Lux had crawled along the floor towards me, and I found I was about to step on her head. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she stopped, watching her looking up at me through innocent little pools of blue. I couldn’t leave her in the kitchen on her own with a hot oven and knives lying around, so I hoisted her into my arms, treading across the floor with her into my bedroom.
“Off on a little trip, eh, Lux?” I chimed in a singsong voice, and she gurgled in reply. I smiled, kicking the door of my room shut lightly before planting her in the middle of the bed. I pointed one finger at her in warning to stay put as I turned towards my wardrobe, pulling out the crisp white shirt along with a dark grey blazer. I set the clothes on the edge of my bed, beginning to peel my t-shirt over my head before an uncomfortable uneasiness settled into my stomach. I paused, raising my eyes slowly to the baby who was rolling around my bed, eyes bright with laughter and trained directly on me. I licked my lips uncertainly – somehow, it didn’t feel quite right to be stripping in front of a kid, especially one that wasn’t my own.
I felt myself blush awkwardly as I held the baby’s eye contact. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just…” I mumbled, my face heating as I spun clumsily to face the wardrobe.
I began peeling my t-shirt over my head once again, replacing it with the shirt, which I left unbuttoned a few at the top. Kylee liked it when I left it that way. I grinned at the thought of her arriving soon – although I dreaded her reaction when she realised she had to share a date with a one year old.
I dropped my jeans, stepping out of them in just my socks and tight grey boxers. I gulped, feeling strangely self conscious and uncomfortable as I heard Lux’s baby-ish chuckled from behind.
“You like my bum?” I cooed jokingly over my shoulder as I stretched to reach the top shelf of my wardrobe, knowing that was where my wine-red coloured chinos were, but as I did, there was a sudden, almighty smash from behind me.
I felt my heart in my throat as I looked around, a million crazy theories flashing through my panicked mind in that split second – Lux had fallen off the bed and split her head open, she’d gotten onto the floor and pulled some furniture down on top of herself – instead, I took in the scene, unsure of whether the reality was happier or more miserable than my theories.
My favourite bottle of Dior cologne lay shattered on the wooden floor, shards of glass strewn everywhere – one particularly large piece lay dangerously near to my foot. I groaned loudly, anger swirling in my guts as I pictured how long it would take to clear this mess up, to sweep every tiny, gritty bit of glass out from under my drawer and my bed. I’d be getting shards in my feet for the next 6 months.
“For fuck sake, Lux, what are you doing?” I yelled harshly, glaring at the tiny baby who sat culpably at the top of my bed, hands reached out to my bedside table where the bottle had sat mere moments ago, obviously having curiously pushed it off the edge just to watch it break. I pointed a finger sternly at her, feeling livid at her stupidity. “No, that was bad, Bad Lux! Look at the mess!”
I immediately regretted raising my voice so much as her tiny, angelic face crumpled and she began wailing at full volume, not a great help to my growing headache.
I sighed, pissed now at myself, and wondering how I was ever going to get her to shut up. “No, baby, don’t cry, it’s alright,” I soothed, plucking her up from the bed and bouncing her in my arms, pressing small little pecks to her forehead where her soft, light brown hair started. “It’s okay, Lux, look, I’m not mad!” I tried to distract her by making funny faces, sticking my tongue out and crossing my eyes, but it somehow only seemed to agitate her more, and her screams got even louder. I groaned, irritated, as I rocked her in my arms, breathing in a deep breath to calm myself…
A foul, stale scent wafted up my nose, a sort of stinging burnt aroma that made my eyes water. I scrunched my nose, having an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. My thought process suddenly caught up with me, and I nearly dropped Lux on her head in realisation.
The steak.
I sprinted into the kitchen, hopping to my bedroom door like the floor was made of lava to avoid the glass, with Lux still bawling her tiny eyes out in my hands. I set her down in the midst of her toys, ignoring her escalating cries for attention as I pulled out the smoky grill, gazing in a thwarted disappointment at the charred pieces of meat that were now black in colour. The vegetables had boiled over and frothy water dripped down the side of the cooker, and the potatoes were glazed with a black coating of burnt-ness.
I felt emasculated by the fact that I felt like crying.
I ineffectively began attempting to mop up the mess the veg had made down the side of the stove, turning the whole thing off at the wall. I was angry, frustrated, and I picked up the grill furiously, hurling the whole thing viciously into the bin as I cursed under my breath, the froth still rolling down the side, and I now realised it was leaving a horrifying stain on our expensive pine wood cupboard doors. Lux was now positively roaring behind me, and I wanted to scream. Things couldn’t get worse, could they?
Knowing my luck, they obviously could.
The doorbell chimed through the apartment and I felt my head about to burst with the pressure. I groaned long and loud, traipsing across the room, scooping the shrieking baby into my arms as I approached the door, throwing it open carelessly – I really could not have gave less of a fuck at this point.
Kylee stood smiling happily at me in an immaculate, short, plum coloured dress that stuck to her curves and revealed her soft, slightly tanned skin beneath the two cut-outs on her sides. The fact that she looked perfect only added to my irritation and rage – I wanted so badly to fuck her sideways on the floor, to bang her backwards, from behind, to make her scream. But unfortunately, the wriggling howling child in my arms was a blaring reminder that I wouldn’t be getting any tonight, and definitely not sideways on the floor.
Her cheerful expression melted away as she gazed horrified at the screaming baby in my arms. While Lux was usually an adorable delight, she now looked like a snotty, howling nightmare. And Kylee was clearly less than impressed.
“I, eh,” she stuttered, looking taken aback as I bounced the distraught baby, trying to calm her unsuccessfully. “Wow, I didn’t know this was what you had in mind when you said Valentine’s surprise…”
I rubbed my forehead, noticing the thumping pain in my brain, staring back at her with an indifferent shrug. “I’m sorry, Kylee, I wanted tonight to be so great and special and then I got dumped with Lux, and then she knocked my cologne over and it smashed and I yelled at her and so she’s crying, but then the steak burned and so there’s no food, and I’m pissed off and I’m sorry I wrecked the whole night…”
My words tumbled out in an overemotional gush of frustration, and she rubbed my arm soothingly.
“Hey, slow down, Harry,” she murmured, smiling weakly at me. “It’s not your fault. Now let’s get things in order. First of all…how come you have no pants on?”
I furrowed my brow in confusion, glancing down to see all that covered my lower half was a pair of tight boxers.
I sighed, the memory rushing back to my mind. “I was changing when Lux knocked my cologne on the floor and I got distracted…everything sort of went downhill from there. I guess I forgot.” I stared at my feet, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity, but I glanced up as I heard her musical giggle escape her plump lips.
“What’s funny?” I huffed, glaring at her as she continued to laugh. “You don’t know how annoyed I am, everything’s ruined, and I wanted it to be special…”
She gazed at me, evidently fighting back another titter as she bit down on her lip. “Harry, you’re so…I don’t even know what to say. Hilarious? Adorable?!” she continued chuckling like my suffering was something humorous, and I became even more huffy, frowning sulkily at her. She reached up, smoothing a gentle hand across my frown lines.
“Don’t sulk with me, Styles! Come on, I’ll help clean up…”
She stepped into the apartment past me, tottering along in her heels, and grimaced as she faced the cooker that was soaked in foam. Lux had begun to calm in my arms, simply whining and whimpering for attention every now and again. Kylee turned to me; a shocked glance passed my way.
“Quite the mess…” she mumbled, smiling feebly.
I nodded, shrugging. “No food. I’m sorry.”
She shook her head, walking over to me and, to my surprise, plucking Lux from my arms to nurse her. “It doesn’t matter, Harrry, we can order something in and watch a movie or something. Like the good times. It’s still nice to spend time with you!”
I smiled gratefully despite the still present sinking feeling in my stomach. “I know, but I wanted it to be special…just you and me, something nice and…romantic.”
I immediately felt dumb admitting it in front of her, and I realised quickly I had every good reason to be.
“Special? Romantic?” she scoffed, chuckling lightly under her breath, “Harry, you couldn’t be those things if I paid you! And anyways, it’s uncalled for, I mean, you’re not my boyfriend, right?”
I looked at her, feeling a quivering lump build in the back of my throat. “No. But it’s not that wild of an idea, is it?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips, but it was too late to retract them, and they continued falling like word vomit. “We’d make a good couple. We get on well, we like each other. You make me happy. It’s not that crazy, really…”
I swallowed hard, looking up from beneath my lashes at her innocent, thoughtless expression, feeling my palms become slick with a nervous sweat. There was tenseness in my stomach, and coldness in my blood while I awaited a reply, a reaction, a response. Anything that said she had acknowledged my words.
A short, sharp snigger escaped her little mouth. That single sound alone broke me, and destroyed all hope that had lain inside my heart.
“Yeah, okay, Harry. Don’t go all Mila Kunis on me, that’s not what we agreed, right?”
She stared back at me coolly, and if she didn’t mean what she said she sure as hell hid it well. I tried my hardest to ignore the sting inside my chest and the regret, the embarrassment, the anger at my own foolish ignorance. Stupid to think she felt the same. It was just me; she didn’t feel what I did. I was stupid, and that was all.
“Yeah, I guess.” I feigned a grin, knowing that it probably looked strange and fake but not caring. “Sorry, thoughts ran away with me.”
She smiled, shaking her head and chuckling like it was all some big joke. She strolled away towards the sitting room, still laughing quietly at the idea of us being together, and still carrying a bewildered looking baby in her arms, one that was unsure of the new person who held them. Meanwhile, I stood in the kitchen staring at the mess, feeling rejected, and thinking about the other one that had been made in the bedroom.
That was where a lot of messes started, it seemed.
I picked up a roll of kitchen paper, beginning to mop up the spill, pouring the vegetables into the bin along with my long anticipated garlic potatoes. I plucked the grill out of the bin, where it had been sloppily discarded in a moment of thoughtlessness. A bit like my feelings and dignity, I reasoned.
I grabbed a dustpan and moved to my bedroom, getting down on my knees as I began to clear up the shattered pieces that lay around me.
I began cleaning up all the mess I’d made.
* * *
Kylee's POV
I hated myself for doing this to him.
I hated the wave of sadness that washed over his expression as I laughed at him. At his suggestion of us being together - the one thing I wanted most in the whole world.
I didn’t understand where that giggle had come from, that mocking satire in my voice. I wanted to scream, “Let’s be together, let’s make this work.” But as always, fear stood in the way.
Look at me, again, I thought solemnly, letting myself fuck everything up. Never even attempting to fix it. Simply because I was scared of letting people in. Everybody I’d ever loved had either died on me or betrayed me. That left a scar.
And at one point, it had left several down the inside of my thigh. The ones that Harry had seen, but never acknowledged.
I had no family. The few real friends I’d ever had had hurt me. My stylist who became a close confident. Who then became a tell-all source to the national papers.
If I admitted me and Harry could have a future, then maybe he’d hurt me too. And as difficult, as heart wrenching as it was to see his crushed face, the colour drain from his eyes, it was easier to hurt him than to be hurt myself.
I had to protect myself, it was my instinct.
I’d been through too much already to risk losing the shred of self belief I still clutched to so desperately.
* * *
Harry’s POV
I yawned hugely as the end scenes of Bambi flashed across the LCD screen, the only thing that currently illuminated the dull sitting room. I blinked repeatedly, trying hard to keep consciousness but becoming weaker by the second. My eyelids felt like the heaviest weights on the planet as I watched the credits scroll to the typically cheery music, and I moved to shut off the TV with the remote next to my hand.
2am. So much for looking after Lux for ‘a few hours’. After calling for some pizza and munching on it leisurely in front of yet another fifteen minutes of Pingu, I had slotted Finding Nemo into the DVD player and settled on the sofa with Lux on my right side, and Kylee lying cosily in my left arm. I wasn’t going to pretend to myself that my insides didn’t ache with heart wrenching pain, or that my heart hadn’t been broken by her thoughtless words. But I wasn’t going to kick up a fuss; I had to keep up the charade. At least if I acted like it didn’t hurt, we could still be friends. We could still have the benefits, and in my head I could pretend that every time we had sex, I was whispering all my desires and feelings to her.
At least that way, I could still have an excuse to see her.
My arm was dead beneath her soft weight, her eyes clamped shut, breathing level and mind drifting in the clouds with her dreams. Around 12am, when the second movie of the night – Beauty and the Beast – had ended, Kylee begged me to put in her favourite, Bambi, and we’d curled up together to watch it. Unfortunately, less than a half an hour in, she’d drifted off to sleep in my arms. A sound asleep Kylee was one of the most amazing things in the world to me, and I didn’t take her for granted. It hurt my heart a little now as I my tired eyes flickered over her supple, perfect features, peaceful in her slumber. She wasn’t really mine at all. Not mine to have or to hold, or to spoil or love and nurture. She was like a book I’d borrowed from the library – only mine for the moment. I could enjoy her while I can, before that dreaded fat envelope arrived in the post telling me she was overdue, and somebody else – somebody more deserving – wanted to have her. Then I’d have to give her up. How cheery and jolly it would be to her, I thought, the idea of having a faultless, rosy relationship with some perfect, rosy guy. She wouldn’t miss me all that much, would she?
As I sat grazing her face with my sleepy eyes, the doorbell chimed, knocking me flat from my sluggish haze. I sat up, abruptly more alert, before smoothly, slowly easing Kylee off of my arm, laying her down on the sofa so as not to wake her. I treaded to the door, thinking it was about time Lou collected her daughter, who was now also snoozing in her carrier.
I pulled the door open, ushering the blonde woman in as she whispered her sincerest apologies and a typical excuse for being so late – talking to an old friend, finished dinner too late, traffic delay, car tires eaten by a crocodile – before picking up her child, evidently not before having a good long, astounded gawp at the sleeping girl on my sofa.
“Wow, you were serious when you said you had a girl coming round!” she chuckled quietly, still staring at the gorgeous blonde, eyes sceptical. “You and Kylee Roberts? How come I never got wind of this?!”
I shrugged, too exhausted to construct a well thought out answer. “We’re not really dating as such, it’s a fling.”
Lou raised an eyebrow at my dubiously. “And that’s why you spent Valentines together?”
I groaned, feeling the combination of cranky fatigue and bitter sadness bubble up inside of me, threatening to take hold of my emotions, my eyes stinging uncomfortably.
“It’s nothing, okay? Don’t push it, please.”
The resentment and sullenness in my tone thankfully warned her not to persist. She quickly thanked me for my services, and I politely assured her that Lux had been no struggle to take care of, before she left, letting the door lock behind her.
I ruffled my hair despairingly, already half asleep as I leant down and scooped the dozing beauty into my arms, carrying her bridal style to my bedroom. I laid her delicate body down lightly on the sheets, not bothering to flick the lights on –it would only wake me up, which I didn’t want. I wondered how on earth I’d deal with her clothes as I turned towards the window, gazing out at the distant lights of the dark city as I stripped down to nothing. I wondered how many lovers out there in the depths of London were making love right now, to a person who wanted them. To a person they could call their own.
I sighed, clambering onto the top of the bed, shifting to sit by her side. I ran my green eyes along her cute little nose, the shape of her closed eyes and the shadow her lashes cast over her cheek. The soft, smooth skin of her face and her plump, pink lips, and the way her carefully applied mascara and makeup had smudged across her face as she rubbed herself against my shoulder in her sleep. She still looked like a perfect mess to me.
She was good at making a fucking mess, wasn’t she? At screwing with your head and hurting you beyond all recognition.
My careful, cautious hands began to tug at the hem of her dress, dragging it up along her soft, fleshy thighs, thighs I wanted to feel beneath my tongue. I hitched the material up over her hips, revealing the scanty black lace she’d worn just for me, and a thrill ran through my gut. It felt wrong, running my hungry, lustful eyes all over her modesty while she lay sleeping. But I liked that she was vulnerable.
I pulled the fabric further up, to just below her bust, before I stopped. To get it over her head I’d have to pull the zipper down on the back, which was near impossible giving the way she laid. I licked my lips in concentration, trying my hardest to make my touch soft and unnoticeable as I tried to slip my hand beneath her back in the most awkward of ways, trying to fish for the zip with my fingers…
“Harry?”
I stopped suddenly. Her soft, trickily voice made goosebumps rise on my skin, and I caught her fluttering eyes as she slowly woke up.
“What are you doing?” she mumbled, her voice deep and throaty from her sleep, seemingly confused by her surroundings. “What time is it?”
She watched me curiously as I removed my hands from below her back, my fingers moving to stroke her face instinctively. “It’s after two, you fell asleep in the sitting room so I moved you here. I was trying to undress you without waking you, but I failed…obviously…”
I attempted a joking smile, watching in wonder as she mirrored it. She sat up slowly, effortlessly pulling the dress over her head, her limbs graceful and her body all but naked as she dropped it to the wood below, peering up from beneath her messy hair with a darkness in her eyes that I’d missed all evening.
“All done,” she breathed, teasing her feather light fingertips along my length, which twitched in response, having begun to harden the moment I’d discovered she wasn’t wearing a bra. She pressed her body against mine, lips brushing my cheek, soft hands palming my growing erection. I was stunned, hesitant, scared of how this would affect my broken feelings. Given how confused I was about her right now, it didn’t necessarily seem clever to be having sex, which would only prove to fuck my head up more. But as her mouth moved to my ear and all her dirty, pent up desires crawled from her lips, I couldn’t bear it. Our lips crashed to one another’s, tongues twerking excitedly as my greedy, thoughtless hands travelled swiftly up and down her spine, her delicate body writhing against my own as we kissed.
I pulled her onto my lap, her chest pressing to mine as our embrace became more heated, the silence of the apartment being only interrupted by the soft smacking sounds of our lips meeting. She was irresistible; her wet crotch rubbed tauntingly over my ever stiffening length, and I was dying to be inside her. I dragged her underwear down her slim legs, sitting back before fisting my hand in her hair as she straddled my lap. Her kisses deepened, and I pulled her into it, her tongue gliding more forcefully over mine, our lips locked together. She moaned softly, pushing her body into mine. I felt her breasts pushed against my torso and it drove me absolutely crazy.
She ran her entrance along my tip and I felt how wet she was. I growled lustfully, wanting more of her, wanting absolutely everything she had to offer. Her lips were hot and frantic as she moved to my neck, and I could tell she was just as worked up as me. She kept teasing and I growled as she grazed her silky, soft, wet opening over my tip, just about brushing me. She giggled quietly at my frustrated reaction as I gasped for air, groaning her name loudly.
“Stop that and fuck me,” I sighed, burying my face in her slight neck. I planted short, sweet kisses along her shoulders, waiting patiently as she positioned herself at my tip, slowly sliding down onto me, letting me fill her up.
She whimpered at the new sensation, holding still for a moment, getting used to my size and shape inside her. Her big, bambi eyes opened and latched onto mine, and I felt a fizzle of burning, stinging, aching love in the pit of my stomach. I wished I could see in her eyes the spark of emotion that must have shown in mine.
I bit down on my lip as she started to slide up and down, hearing her moan every so often as I met her hips with a quick thrust. She moved slowly, softly, building me up. I held her hips tenderly as she moved, our eye contact sticking. I felt the gradual build of warmth in my abdomen, and it was amazing - it was everything - but eventually I needed more.
I put my lips gently to her ear, murmuring tenderly, “Let me on top of you.”
She obliged willingly, pulling off and laying out on the bed, her hair flipped sexily over her face a little. I situated myself and thrust into her, and she gasped breathlessly into the sweaty air. I began pumping in and out, feeling her so much better from this angle. She was so tight and I could get so much deeper, so much faster. She moaned harder now, running her hands up and down my sides.
I was getting closer, and I knew she was too. Her eyes were glazed over with lust, her face a picture of sexual pleasure and she was groaning so loudly, growling my name. I hadn’t expected her to be so noisy, considering she’d been asleep barely minutes ago. Our lips connected once again with a spark of electric, and I began to feel the familiar growing heat flowing through my limbs, trickling along my nerve endings like hot wax. I felt warm flushes and my mind was a blur, my stomach knotted and tightened and I groaned hard. I could feel her tightening around me, and her soft cries of my name became louder, higher. I pounded into her a few more times, before my orgasm took over, washing through me, a wave of explosions, fireworks, a heat that blinded me of all thought and awareness…absolute ecstasy.
She came in nearly perfect synchronization, sighing my name again and again as she relaxed in my arms. I lay back, contented for once all night, and pulled the sheets over our clammy bodies, holding her close – so close, I felt her heartbeat beneath my hand. She dozed off almost immediately, comfortably and safe in my arms.
I lay awake and thought about how my plans for the night had been crushed, all the while scheduling my next move. Like I’d decided earlier, if things went badly, I’d stick around. I’d lie in wait, in the offing until she realised that she needed me, as much as I needed her. Eventually she’d see how perfect we could be together. Or at least, that was what I hoped, and what I thought of as I drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, with the lights of the city still blurred in the distance outside my bedroom window.
*
*
*
*
*
So.. I promised a friend that I'd put 'tongues tweaking' in this story so.. yea. that's what I did. I really hope you guys are enjoying not inky this story but all 3 of my stories.
ALSO I am sad to announce that this fan fiction is conning to an end. There's probably going to be about 12/13 more chapters until it's finished. so enjoy, vote and or comment.