Her legs unable to support herself because they're trembling uncontrollably, she falls into her knees. Youngmin rushes to her.
"Ji-hye!" He calls her, but she can't move. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?"
It hurts everywhere, she thinks.
"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I'm just saying this to you now even if I've known since months ago."
Hearing this, Ji-hye turns to him, not saying anything but her face demanding an explanation. Months ago? He knew all along but he didn't even bother telling her? How could he keep her in the dark like this?
Youngmin heaves a deep sigh. "Jisoo..." he says before pausing. Ji-hye still can't take anything yet. Even just the way Youngmin mentions her sister's name is shocking to her.
"Jisoo was a classmate from middle school. Then, she was a transfer student from overseas, but she was so friendly that you'd think she wasn't someone new in our town," he begins to explain.
"She was from the same class as Yongbin." Ji-hye suddenly feels a shooting pain in her head as Youngmin mentions his brother, his twin brother.
"I liked her from the very start. The moment I laid my eyes on her, I felt something different... And because of stories about her from Yongbin, I found myself having stronger feelings," he stops for a while and looks at Ji-hye. "But I only admired her from afar because I was shy and awkward and in no way likeable, and I thought she wouldn't even notice me so why bother, right?"
He says this so easily like it's nothing to him.
But Ji-hye suddenly feels as if her airway is constricted as she finds it hard to breathe.
Because she suddenly remembers something all too familiar...
Because with the way Youngmin described the way he felt for her sister... She is reminded of how she felt for Youngmin, starting three years ago.
Maybe the only difference is that Jisoo hadn't been mean to Youngmin the way he had been to her.
Youngmin suddenly speaks again. "The moment I decided to confess was the same moment I had my first heartbreak, Ji-hye. Can you believe it?" He chuckles. Ji-hye glances at him again, thinking how he could still do that at a time like this.
"Because Yongbin beat me to it, and I found out that she actually felt the same way for him. The whole school rooted for them, because who wouldn't? They're the it couple. They had everything; they were the best," he shares.
"I wanted to be mad... Because I felt like I was cheated? You know how that feels? But I can't be... I just can't bring myself to feel that way."
Ji-hye thinks that yes, she does. Because that is exactly how she feels right now. She feels cheated, but she can't bring herself to get angry at Youngmin.
"Because they were two people I cared deeply for. He was my brother, she was my first love. Why would I not wish them well?"
You're a fool, she thinks silently.
"Over time, I finally learned to accept. I started to be genuinely happy for them..." He trails off. Ji-hye is not sure but she thinks she heard a slight crack in his voice.
"Until that day had to happen."
Suddenly, Ji-hye feels numb all over.
"It was the day of our field trip. Everyone was so excited. But last minute, mom withdrew her permission for me and Yongbin to go because there was a hurricane. However, since Jisoo insisted that Yongbin come, he disobeyed mom for the first time ever," Youngmin explains as Ji-hye is looking intently at him. She can sense, by the cracks in his voice and the way he's starting to breathe heavily, that he is about to tear up soon.
And Ji-hye gestures for him to stop talking. Because she knows the rest of the story, and she doesn't need to suffer through it all over again. More than this, seeing Youngmin in this state made her hurt twice as much.
Youngmin, however, continues. "Ji-hye... It cost him his life..." And he breaks down into sobs.
"I lost my brother," he says despite the heavy stream of tears on his face. "And all these years, I blamed your sister for it."
Suddenly, Ji-hye feels teardrops fall from her own eyes.
"My family was so devastated that we had to move away," he pauses as he tries to brush his own tears away. "We decided to start anew in this place, so imagine how difficult it must be when suddenly, I encounter a face that is a hundred percent similar to that of the one who I blamed for my twin's death?"
By now, Ji-hye's tears are racing down her cheeks as well.
"But I said I wanted to leave it all behind, so I didn't give it much thought, how you looked exactly the way she does. At first, it fucked me up everytime I see you, so I tried to ignore you," he explains. "And for two and a half years, I was doing so well that I almost didn't feel your existence in my world..."
Ji-hye bites the inside of her cheeks, thinking that if she hurt herself that way, she wouldn't feel the growing pain in her chest any longer. However, it does not help.
"Until I saw you that day when you left Hayoung under the rain. I was so angry because it triggered my worst memory... One that I wish I could forget." Youngmin looks up and blinks rapidly as an effort to stop crying.
Ji-hye doesn't even need to ask. She already knows what he's talking about.
"Starting that day, I started seeing you in a bad light," he says. "I don't know, maybe because apart from your looks, the way you treated Hayoung reminded me of how selfish I thought Jisoo was?" He directs his gaze to Ji-hye.
"But at the same time, I don't know why I was all the more drawn to you," he mutters softly but enough for Ji-hye to hear.
"Suddenly, I find myself stealing glances. I find myself waiting for you to smile -- and painstakingly at that -- considering how rarely you do. I remember you in the simplest stuff I encounter everyday. I notice the little things about you," he says and he gives her a smile, even with tears in his eyes.
He then looks away again. "I was so scared of my feelings that I tried to push you away."
"I thought that if I were rude and mean to you, you'd hate me so much that you would avoid me at all costs, making it so much easier for me to live normally, as normally as I could, again."
Ji-hye feels something heavy in the pit of her stomach.
"But months ago, the day we did the English project and you left early to come here, I came here too."
Ji-hye's jaw drops. Youngmin smiles slightly at this and holds the tip of her chin gently and pushes it upward to make her close her mouth.
"Yes, I did. And I saw you. I heard everything," he tells her. "I found out how you were actually Jisoo's twin, and at first I was so angry I wanted to come to you right then and there."
Ji-hye bites her lower lip, unable to say anything because of the shock she feels from his revelations.
"I'm glad I didn't though," he pauses and reaches for her with his one hand as he is still holding the umbrella above them as steadily as he could. "Because that night, I couldn't sleep. I realized that I shouldn't be angry at you for something you were never involved in, and..." He strokes her hand gently.
"I may be hurting because I lost my twin so early in life... But you must be suffering more because you lost yours without even knowing her."
With this, Ji-hye breaks down. Youngmin holds her hand tight enough to let her know she is not alone. They stay this way for a few minutes. Once Ji-hye starts to calm down again, he continues.
"And then, I felt the need to start treating you better, and no, not because I feel sorry for you, but because finally, I realized how much you truly mean to me."
They stare at each other's puffy eyes in silence for a minute or so.
"But when my birthday came, I went back here to celebrate with Yongbin... And once again, I am reminded how messed up the situation is," he says as he breaks the eye contact.
"Imagine, I fell in love with your twin Jisoo but she fell in love with my twin Yongbin, and they both passed away. I blamed your sister for it. But then, I meet you, and as much as I wanted not to, I grow feelings for you too..." He hesitates for a second but continues. "And I feel like you somehow started to feel the same way..." He bites his lip.
"Fucked up, right?" He then shifts the umbrella to his other hand.
Ji-hye, despite trying not to, feels her hot tears again. She's so tired of crying but she just can't stop.
"God..." He says under his breath. "What the actual fuck is this?"
She cries harder. She bows her head.
"I'm so sorry, Ji-hye," he says as lets go of the umbrella he was holding all along to pull her to himself and to hug her so closely to his chest that she could actually feel his heartbeat.
"I'm so sorry that this had to happen to us."
---------------
Hello!!
How is everyone feeling?
I FEEL SO SAD THAT I ACTUALLY HAD TO STOP MULTIPLE TIMES WHILE WRITING "YOUNGMIN'S HEART" TT TT
Anyway, I was so nervous that someone actually guessed the plot right, so I'm happy that you were all still surprised by the plot twist (I'M SO SORRY TO SHOCK EVERYONE THAT WAY THOUGH)
We are two or three chapters away from the end, so brace yourselves BYE LOVE YOU ALL