"Forever in my arms you shall lie and I'll bath in the healing light of your love. Be sustained by the liquid nectar of your kisses. I shall care for you like my treasure- breakable, fragile and priceless."
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One month. It had been an entire one month of me going out with Xavier. And yes, I didn't say The Xavier Tynan anymore. It was just Xavier now. And yes, I was still conscious about the attention we got. And yes I still wore Xavier's shirt to bed. That was because everytime I bought myself a new pair of PJs, they ended up either being chopped or vanished. And last time, when I confronted Xavier about it, I was threatened that if I bought anymore PJs he would jack off on them. Oh yes, that was precisely the exact warning he gave me!! That insufferable man!
I think he has some kind of a fetish with me wearing his shirts. Although I've come to love that now. Sleeping in his shirt gave me a sense of comfort. His scent all around me. I liked it. Actually... I loved it.
The few insecurities I had, in the beginning were now completely gone. And today, we were finally going on another date on our one month anniversary. Cool isn't it?
Xavier cannot possibly be a better boyfriend. Sighs.
Right now, I was just going through Netflix looking for some movie I'd probably watch tonight after I come back. I was looking for a chick flick to watch. I'll just make Xavier watch it with me. I smiled.
"You bitch! What are you doing in my house!?" My smile disappeared. I didn't look up at her.
"Answer me brat!" She screamed at me. My eyes stung. I didn't speak.
"I told you to never show me your ugly face ever again!!" She shouted again. This time I looked at her.
"Momma.." I whispered quietly. I saw something change in her eyes. A quick hope passed through me. But then it was masked by disgust all over again. My hope crushed.
"I'm not your mother. You.." She pauses shakily, her lips twisted in a sneer. "You are not my daughter. " I breathed in sharply. Everytime. Every single time it hurt like this. Equally.
"I'm still your daughter Momma." I begged.
"Daughters don't ruin their family!!!" She screamed at me.
"Pleaasee.. Momma.. Don't."
"Why not? The bitch you are it shouldn't hurt you. It didn't hurt you when you killed my husband you bitch!!" Mum was crying now. She was sober, but still angry at me. Like always.
"I didn't kill him." I said shakily. I shook my head furiously.
"You did and you fucking know that you brat! She sneered.
I didn't say anything. She was right. I deserved this. All of this. I did this to her. I made her do whatever she does now. It was my fault.
" I'm sorry momma. Please forgive me. Please." I said brokenly. Fury flashed into her eyes. Weren't those the warm eyes that used to squint with concern of me every time I got hurt. Why weren't they squinting. I'm hurt. Then why aren't they!!?
"Get out." She said lowly. I shook my head.
"No.. I'll stay with you always." My heart ached. What happened next happened so quickly, I didn't get the time to register until I felt my cheek stinging. Mum had slapped me. For the first time in these years, mum had slapped me. It was always words. For the first time, today it was physical abuse. I looked at mum with disbelief. She herself was staring at her hand, probably wondering the same thing. And then she looked at me.
"Get. Out. Please." Her voice shook.
There was no reason for me to stay anymore. Wiping my tears off my cheek I got up. And without a backward glance, I left. I went out and gasped for air. What happened had left me breathless. I was trying to come to grips with it. I found myself walking. Fast. And more fast. Faster until I was running. I ran until my legs went jelly. I stumbled on a rock and came crashing down to the cool pavement. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. This time I didn't fight it, I cried. I cried loudly. I think I probably got up and started walking as well. Normally I would've gone to Nora's place. But not today. I wanted to see no one. I let my legs decide where to go. And they took me to a park. I recognized the park. Ofcourse that's where I had to come. It was the park I met them. This is the park where everything began.
I entered. I searched for that swing. I looked around frantically. And then I found it. A girl was sitting on it while her Dad probably, was pushing her. She was laughing. I cried even more.
I sat down under a tree and stared at the girl. She was around 11 or 12.
I was that old too when it happened. I was 13. People say 13 is a number that brings bad luck. I think they are probably right. When I was thirteen, my entire childhood was snatched away infront of my very eyes.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn't know how long I stayed under that tree. I don't know how long i cried. I was snapped out by the soft drops of water soothing my burning skin. I looked around. It was raining. That Dad was now carrying the girl in his arms and going away. Probably so that she doesn't get sick. My eyes welled up again. I looked up at the sky and let the raindrops be my comfort.
"I think you'll look ridiculously cute with a puffy nose and a flu." I froze. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. I'd recognize that scent anywhere. I stayed right where I was. A tear fell down my eye. It was dark and raining. He wouldn't know I'm crying.
"So do you stay naked under your blanket when you're sick?" He asked me again. A small smile spread over my face. I didn't let him know that either.
"Please don't cry." He said quietly. That had me turning around. I tried to spot where he was but I couldn't. It was too dark now. Suddenly I felt arms around me and then I was picked up and settled on someone's lap. I sighed with a smile. Xavier.
"You keep smiling at my jokes, I love your smile." He said softly. I smiled more.
"Just like that." I didn't ask him how he knew I was smiling. I wasn't even facing him.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
He didn't answer for a long time. Just when I thought he wouldn't, he did.
"I went to your house and met your mum." I tensed. "After we were done talking, I set off looking for you. An hour and a half later I find out creeping at little girls."
"Hey I wasn't creeping at little girls!" I protested.
"Baby, you looked like you were gonna kidnap her and make her your personal house slave." I glared at him.
"I'm not a pedophile!"
"Oh god I'm dating a pedophile!" He said dramatically.
"Oh shut up." I huffed. Xavier chuckled. I sighed in contentment. This guy...
I smiled while I leaned against his chest.
I think he should know about my past before things spiral out of control.
Xavier's point of view:
I cradled Hazel on my laps while her head nestled perfectly against my chest. I knew I should ask her what had happened but for some reason I couldn't. I wasn't sure I wanted to know about something that hurt her. Why I felt so mad after talking to her mother was beyond my comprehension. What even made her mum hate her so much?
"I was 12 years old when my Dad died." Her melodic voice snapped me out. I looked at the back of her head. I suddenly felt my chest clenching.
"He died infront of me. He committed suicide." I tightened my arm around her waist to keep her going.
"Do you know what drove him to do that?" She asked me.
"What?"
"Me." I looked at he, unsure how to reply to that. I kissed her bare shoulder, massaging her tension away.
"Eversince I first started walking, it was my Dad and I's thing to go to this park nearby our house. I loved the swings. Dad took me there and played with me until we both were completely exhausted." She smiled at the memory. I shifted her so that I could see her face when she smiled. What I saw was a broken one though. I kissed her cheek softly, urging her to continue.
"One day I saw my parents in a real frenzy. Mum was all jumpy while Dad was frowning and scowling. But me being the selfish idiot I was, I wanted to go to the swings. When Dad told me that we'll go tomorrow, I whined until he scolded me. That made me so mad.." Her voice cracked.
"Nobody's judging baby. Let it out." I said softly. She looked at me with those beautiful eyes shiny with unshed tears. I felt my chest closing up.
"I got so mad that I left for the park all alone without telling them. On my way I met a few huge guys and when I saw my Dad's photo in his hand, I went to him and showed him our house. Can you believe it!?! He didn't even know me nor did i! And I took him to our house." There was so much pain in her voice. And for some weird reason I just wanted to hug and kiss her until all that pain vanishes.
"You didn't know baby. If you would've-"
"That's the point!! I didn't know them! And I showed him to our home. And then do you know what happened!?" She gave out a bitter laugh. I was suddenly not sure if I wanted to hear. Not because I would judge her, but because I wasn't sure I wanted to know a story where she gets hurt.
"Apparently my Dad owed them money which he couldn't return. So they tied us all and then raped my Mom. Inf-front o-of my D-da-ad." I sucked in a sharp breath. Hazel was trembling in my arms.
I cupped her soft mouth.
"Shh baby.. You don't have to tell. Shh.." I cooed.
"No! I wanna tell you." She sniffled. "They raped my Mom while my Dad cried and begged them not to. And then they even molested me but the police arrived shortly so they left me alone. " I tightened my arm around her. I felt furious. At those sick fucktards. At myself. At life. How can someone survive after facing this at the young age of 12 years? Yet this girl was infront of me who fought and argued with me. Laughed and made me laugh with her. Her eyes. God damn those eyes of hers. When they smiled, it was like a fucking miracle unfolding before me.
"I saw my Dad grovelling and crying on the road. Screaming but not for once did he take his eyes of my Mom. From what they did to her. He kept them there. And cried even more. Every time Mom screamed, my Dad whispered and I love you baby. And do you know what mum used to say?"
She looked at me. Her eyes were red. I could see the pain. God damn they were fucking beautiful.
"What?" I asked softly, placing a feather kiss on either of her eyes. I tasted her tears.
"She told him to look away. But my Father tortured himself with the view. And then those guys left. Left us with shatters of life. And a week later.. My dad killed himself. " She sniffed and then shook her head and corrected herself. "No. I killed him. I drove him to those people in the first place and then brought them here too. How could I?" She looked at me. I saw those eyes again. And then they told me that entire story again. They told me about the pain and the torture. All about those tears it shed. I took a sharp breath.
"Do you wanna know what i think?" I asked her softly. She nodded. But then quickly shook her head as if not sure she really wanted to know.
"I think you're stronger than any person I know. I would salute you at the way you smile and laugh even after going through all that. I think your Dad is very proud of you. I think he wants to wipe these tears in your eyes right now. And I'm gonna honour his wish. I'm gonna kiss these tears away and then I'm gonna make you promise me that they will never appear again whenever I'm around because they physically pierce through me." I without any further ado then kissed her eyes. Chaste pecks. That's a they were. But for some reason they were stronger than anything else. They was too much intimacy in that. I wondered whether to share my story in return or not. And then decided against it.
"I got one question though." I felt her tense up. A wicked smile tugged my lips.
"It's a little personal." I said.
"I don't mind." She said quickly.
"Are you into thongs or g strings?" She blinked. I saw crimson creeping up her cheeks.
"You're unbelievable. No. You're crazyy!!!" She said with a laugh.
"I'm your crazy." I corrected her.
I wasn't sure how all these rush of feeling just kept on coming to me. Or why I felt this strong towards this girl. But I was sure of one thing. I was addicted. And these hazel eyes are my drug.