(a/n: im gonna stop saying 'miya's p.o.v' bc its always her p.o.v tbh)
"Smells good," Kate cheered, walking into the kitchen with Rosaline and Lip.
"Thanks," I forced a smile even though I wasn't feeling too cheery at all.
"Why'd you want to have this family dinner again," Lip asked, setting Rosaline down in her bouncey chair.
"Uh, we haven't had one since Carl announced he was leaving. It's been awhile, you know," I lied. Lip looked at me funny and part of me believed that maybe he knew I was lying. Maybe he knows what's wrong with me after all and is just waiting for me to confess before he says anything about it.
"You doing okay," Kate asked me. She must've noticed I was in deep thought. I have been all day long. "You seem down."
"No, I'm fine. I still don't feel too well," I lied again. Fuck, I hate lying.
"You sure you still wanna have this dinner," she asked.
"Yeah, maybe if I eat something I'll start to feel a little better," I forced another smile, then got back to cooking.
•••
I finished cooking dinner around 6:30 pm, which is when everyone started showing up. Fiona, Debbie, Franny, Carl, and Liam showed up, but, no Ian. It made me a little sad not seeing him. Kev and Vee followed in right after. Once everyone was sitting, Carl and I started setting the food down at the table.
"So, have you thought about what we're going to say to them," Carl whispered to me once we got back into the kitchen where the food was and away from everyone else.
"No," I answered truthfully. I've been thinking more about their reactions.
"Miya," he whisper yelled at me.
"Look, you can't just leave me to all the decision making. We're in this together," I stated, grabbing the salad and dressing and walking back to the table where everyone was at.
I forced a smile as I set the salad down and sat myself down in a seat next to Debbie and Franny. Carl followed, sitting down next to me and everyone began to dig in.
"Hey Mi, thank for inviting us all to dinner," Fiona said. "We haven't done this in such a long time."
"Yeah, no problem," I told her, again forcing a smile. I made myself a plate and ate everything on my plate quicker than anyone else.
"Wow, Miya," Kev said. "You hungry?" He laughed and I let out a small chuckle.
"Haven't eaten all day," I told him, making myself another plate.
Soon enough, everyone was just about done eating. I know Carl wanted to tell everyone the news as soon as possible. I, however, wanted to hold it off as much as I could.
"Everyone," Carl stood up and grabbed everyone's attention. "Miya and I have an announcement to make." God, he's making it look like we're getting married or something.
"You're not getting married are you," Kev yelled out. Everyone sent him a weird look and he shrugged. "You never know with these two." I let out a light chuckle and scratched the back of my neck. My heart began to race and my stomach began to twirl. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"Uh, no. Not yet atleast," Carl said. "But, Miya is pregnant." Right as that last word left his mouth, everything went silent. Everything. I felt all eyes on me.
"What," Fiona asked, breaking the silence. "Well, are you keeping it?"
"I don't-" Carl interrupted me.
"Yes," he breathed. "We're keeping it. We already have a plan and everything."
"You already have a plan," Kate asked, she looked frustrated and angry. "You're seventeen!"
"Yeah, but Mi will be eighteen soon and she can drop out and do online schooling. I can get a job and-" Debbie interrupted Carl.
"Carl, I don't think you understand how hard it is to raise a child as a teen," she stated. "It's pretty hard. I'm all against abortion, but I'm smarter now than I was back then. You don't want to do this to yourselves." I nodded my head, agreeing with Debbie.
"M-Maybe Debbie's right, Carl. Now that I've been thinking about it, I'm not sure that I want a baby," I stated.
"What-What do you mean? You told me that you wanted to keep it," he argued.
"No. I just said that I didn't want to kill it," I argued back, becoming angry.
"Sweetie, you do not want to have a baby right now. You're young and you have a great body," Vee told me. "Don't fuck it up now."
"Miya, you aren't having this baby," Lip stated. I looked over at him, seeing a disappointed look on his face and that's when my stomach dropped completely and my heart shattered to pieces. Seeing Lip disappointed in me makes me feel terrible. He's like a father to me. He told me he was proud of me and now I have disappointed him.
"That's not your decision, Lip," Carl half yelled.
"She's not having that fucking baby," Lip yelled back. I felt my eyes began to burn and tears began to well in my eyes.
"No, he's right," I said. "I can't have this baby. I won't." I looked down at my lap, trying my hardest to fight back the tears that were begging to spill out.
"Miya," before Carl could say anything else, I stood up and walked upstairs as calmly as I could. As soon as I got up there, I ran into my room and shut the door. I finally let out all the tears that I'd been holding back. I slid down against the wall next to the door and put my head in my hands.
Why did I ever agree to this idea in the first place? I was right all along, I can't have a baby. I knew it but I just wanted to make Carl happy. But, maybe if we had this baby, we really wouldn't be happy. Not because the baby would be a burden on our lives, but because we're too young. We haven't even made it to senior year yet. I atleast want to graduate before I even think of having kids.
"Hey," I heard a muffled voice through the door. "It's Debbie. Can I come in?" I wiped my tears away and fixed my face before opening the door and letting her in.
"Hi," I tried my hardest to put on a smile. However, it didn't work. Debbie could see right through me.
"You don't have to do that with me," Debbie said. She walked in a little more and shut the door again. "I'm sorry if we made you feel bad down there. Well, mostly if I made you feel bad. I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did."
"I don't feel bad. I feel relieved actually," I let out a breath. "I know I can't take care of a baby. I can't even take care of myself. I don't even think I've completely matured yet."
"That's 'cause you haven't," she laughed. "Trust me, it takes awhile. I'm not even there yet."
"Yeah, I just thought agreeing to it would make Carl happy," I told her.
"Yeah, I mostly did it because of Derek. I wanted his family to take me in like his sister in law. I guess the sound of being a teen mom was cool to me. Well, news flash, it isn't. It sucks ass and it took me a couple of years to figure that out."
"I just don't want to end up dumped with a baby on my hip. I don't want him to leave me like Derek left you," I knew right after I said those words that I shouldn't have said them. "I'm sorry, Debs. I didn't mean it that way."
"No, it's fine. No one wants that because it sucks. It sucks more than anything that I can't even talk to the father of my child over the phone. He doesn't even want to make an appearance in Franny's life and I honestly hate him for it. But I know Carl would never leave you hanging high and dry whether you're pregnant or not. He truly loves you, everyone can see that." Her words warmed my heart. "Don't take him for granted and, most importantly, don't take yourself for granted because if it's one thing I know, it's that women are stronger than anything in this world." I laughed a little at Debbie's words.
"Thanks, Debs. It's nice to have someone like you in my life," I smiled. "Like another sister, but I think you understand me more."
"Hey, anytime you need me, I'm here. No doubt about it, sis," she put her arms around me and wrapped me in a warm hug. I gladly hugged her back.
God, what would I do without someone like Debbie?
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a/n: this sucks and i haven't updated in forever because im a lazy piece of shit :)