I visit with my friends for a while before my dad finally decides it's time for me to get some rest. I call into class on the way to the house with Riley sitting beside me. When we pull up to the house I wander inside and I'm taken back by how weird it feels to be home. Riley follows me to my bedroom and I'm stunned by how not me the space feels. The paint feels wrong, the posters on my wall seem so juvenile and my music collection has nothing from Josh's band. "What's wrong?" Riley asks as she watches my gaze.
"Everything" I admit with a sigh as I plop down onto my bed. "I'm gonna try to get some sleep" I add as I pull back the blankets and climb underneath them. She smiles and climbs in beside me. She seemingly falls asleep instantly but despite the fact that I've been up for almost twenty-four hours I can't seem to fall asleep. I turn the other direction and stare out my window, wondering if Josh made it back to campus alright. I pull out my phone and open our text thread.
MAYA: Hope you made it back okay.
I don't expect a response but I get one anyway.
JOSH: I didn't go back
I sit up suddenly and stare at my phone in shock.
MAYA: What?!
JOSH: I was too tired to drive
Oh.
JOSH: And I wanna see you
Before I can think better of it I send him my address and ask him to stop by in the morning. I put my phone away and let my eyes flutter shut, finally falling asleep.
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When I wake up I'm disoriented and confused. There's no Josh lying beside me and as my eyes adjust I realize I'm not in his dorm or even mine. That's when it comes rushing back. My mom. Josh and I's argument. "Riles?" I call out, remembering the brunette was sleeping beside me. She doesn't answer and I figure she must be downstairs eating breakfast. I climb out of bed and head downstairs and just as I thought I find Riley in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. "Morning" I whisper, my voice rough from sleep and all the crying I did yesterday.
"Hi" she smiles softly. "How'd you sleep?"
"Okay" I rub my eyes. "Where's my dad?" I ask as I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of orange juice.
"Hospital" she replies as she takes another bite of her breakfast. "He said we could take the subway there when we got up. He wanted you to sleep."
"How nice of him" I mutter in annoyance as I take a sip of my juice.
"You talk to Josh?" she asks hopefully.
"Mhm" I nod as I hear a knock on the door making a smile pull at my lips. I put down my bottle and sprint to the door. I yank it open and find my boyfriend on the other side.
"Hey" he smiles making my heart flutter as I throw my arms around him. He kisses the side of my head as he squeezes my waist tighter. "I'm sorry. I was just tired and frustrated. I saw how your dad reacted to me being there and I wanted to make it easier for you" he explains as he pulls away from me and gazes down at me. "This is already hell. I don't want to make things worse with your dad."
"I need you right now" I say seriously. "You and your niece. I can't get through this without you. Please stay" I beg as I look up into his blue eyes pleadingly.
"I'm here as long as you need."
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I take a quick shower and Josh eats breakfast before the three of us head to the hospital. When we get there Riley dashes ahead of us while Josh hangs back with me. He intertwines our fingers as we continue walking in a comfortable silence. "What if she never wakes up?" I ask softly, catching my boyfriend's attention.
"Don't think like that" he replies. I commend that fact that he doesn't try to fill me with false hope by saying things like it'll be okay, she'll be fine.
"It's hard not to" I sigh, squeezing his hand. "I don't know what I'll do if I lose her."
"Well. At first there will be a lot of tears. A lot of blame, a lot of regret. A lot of anger. But after a while acceptance will settle in. You'll move on as best as you can and live every day to the fullest, wanting nothing more than for her to be proud of you" he says making my gaze flick up to him in shock.
"You speak like you've been through this before" I reply softly. It's then that I realize we've stopped in the middle of the parking lot with Riley standing a few feet away waiting.
"Yea" he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I'll tell you all about it later but right now we need to go check on your mom" he says, squeezing my hand. I want to argue but he's right so instead I give him a soft smile and lead him inside. We make it up to the ICU and I take a deep breath. "I'll wait here" Josh says as he lets me go.
"But-."
"I'll be right here. If you need me just come and get me" he smiles as he leans down to kiss me. "I'm not leaving again. I'm right here" he assures me, kissing the top of my head.
"I love you."
"And I love you" he replies sweetly. "Now go" he insists. I sigh and take Riley's hand and together we walk down the hall to my mom's room. I gently push open the door and find my dad clutching her hand tightly.
"You can't leave us Katy" he whispers. I take another deep breath and squeeze Riley's hand as we step further into the room.
"Hey dad" I say softly. He lifts his gaze to meet mine and a soft smile pulls at his lips.
"Hey kiddo."
"How's mom?" I ask as I grab a chair and pull it over next to the bed.
"They say the swelling in her brain is going down. They think they may be able to get her out of the coma in the next few days. It's still a little early to tell" he explains. I nod in understanding. "Hi Riley."
"Hey Uncle Shawn" she smiles as she squeezes my shoulder.
"It's sweet of you to be here for Maya."
"Of course" Riley replies sweetly. "I'll always be here. You can't get rid of me." My dad smiles as my phone buzzes. I dig it out of my pocket and smile.
JOSH: Making a coffee run. Want anything?
MAYA: Venti nonfat latte
JOSH: Nonfat? Really Penelope? Live a little
MAYA: I may be out of school for a few days but I'm still a ballerina who needs to be in shape for the winter showcase
JOSH: You're perfect just the way you are but I will get you your nonfat latte
MAYA: Thank you baby
"Who are you texting?" my dad questions. I realize I zoned out for a few minutes.
"Oh um, it's just Josh" I shrug, placing my phone onto the bedside table.
"I'm glad he took my advice and went back to campus. All he does is distract you" my dad snips making my blood boil. I was getting really sick of this.
"He's not a distraction" I argue softly, taking my mom's hand in mine.
"Yea? What would you call him?"
"My boyfriend" I supply.
"Honey I've known Josh for years. After his freshman year in high school some switch flipped. He became a player. I just want better for you."
"He's the best thing for me" I assure my dad as a knock on the door pulls us out of our argument.
"Sorry to interrupt. Babe your coffee" Josh says, holding out my cup. I smile as I stand up and wander over to him.
"Thank you" I smile, wrapping my arm around his neck and reaching up to kiss him. He pulls back after a second or two and shakes his head.
"You're trouble" he whispers. "I'm going back to the waiting room. I love you."
"Stay" I insist, tugging his hand.
"Um that's an awful idea babe."
"No, no" my dad insists. "Please stay. It's not like she'll be focused on her mother anyway with you blowing up her phone." Josh sighs and steps inside with me. I let him sit in my seat and decide to sit on the edge of my mom's bed. "So what made you stay?" my dad asks Josh bluntly as my boyfriend sips his coffee.
"I was exhausted and I didn't want to leave town during an argument."
"Well now that you've gotten some rest and you and my daughter have made up what are you still doing here?"
"Dad?" I snap. "He's here because I need him here."
"You have Riley" he points to my best friend who is sitting in the windowsill peacefully.
"You know it's not the same thing" I argue.
"He's just using you Maya. You're vulnerable."
"With all due respect Shawn I'd appreciate it if you'd stop implying that I'm only with Maya for sex because one. We haven't had it. And two. I respect your daughter way too damn much to have sex with her under these circumstances. I know she's vulnerable and I'm here to comfort her not fuck her. Excuse my language" he snips. "Babe I'll be in the waiting room. I'll drive you home when you're ready" he says sweetly, kissing my cheek before leaving the room.
"Mom may die" I say bluntly, turning to my dad. "And you want to spend your time judging my relationship?"
"We just want you to be cared for in the way you deserve."
"I'm done" I announce as I hop off the bed. "I think I'm gonna head back to Manhattan until something happens."
"Maya."
"If she wakes up then I'll be here. If she takes a turn for the worst I'll be here but I can't sit in this room and listen to you anymore. I love you dad I really do but you need to focus on mom right now and I need some space" I explain decisively. "Riles?"
"Coming" she replies as we both walk out of the room, leaving my dad stunned and confused.
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It's days like this when I'm reminded why I started dancing. The second we pull up to campus I rush out of the car and head straight to my room. I grab my ballet bag and make a dash for the studio. The second my ballet slippers hit the hardwood floor I feel like I can breathe again. I put every emotion I've been feeling into my movements, letting my pain and frustration out in the only way I know how. I don't even register the tears falling from my eyes until I collapse onto the ground in a puddle. Suddenly the chords of See You Again start flowing from my iPod and I pick myself up off the ground and take a deep breath. I start to move, letting the words carry me across the floor. I stop in the middle of the floor and start to sing the chorus softly. "I will see you again. This is not where it ends. I will carry you with me. Till I see you again" I sing in strangled sobs. I take a few more deep breaths before letting my eyes flutter open.
"That's your showcase piece" Josh smiles, leaning against the doorway with tears in his eyes.
"But we were-."
"Maya" he says seriously, stepping inside the studio. "Baby that was moving. That was raw and real. It was beautiful."
"You really think so?"
"Yes" he laughs lightly as he meets me in the middle of the studio. "You are so amazing" he gushes, caressing my cheek with his hand. "I'm sorry about what happened today" he says softly, wiping my tears.
"Me too" I reply softly, staring into his eyes. "How did you know I'd be here?"
"Just had a feeling" he replies with a smile. "You wanna get something to eat? Head back to our room?" he asks making me chuckle as I wrap my arms around his neck.
"Our room?"
"I mean" he shrugs making me smile as I gaze into his eyes lovingly.
"I love you so much Joshua Gabriel Matthews" I whisper.
"And I love you Maya Penelope Hunter" he says sweetly before leaning down to kiss me. "Come on, let's go" he smiles, wrapping his arm around my waist and leading me out of the studio.
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"You know what hurts the most about the possibility of losing my mom?" I ask Josh as we lie in bed later that evening, my head on his bare chest as he draws shapes onto my back.
"Hm?" he hums questioningly.
"That our last words will be so hateful. The last conversation we had was a fight. What if that's it? What if I never get the chance to fix things with her?" I ask sadly as I nuzzle my head into his chest.
"I don't know baby" he says softly. "But listen to me. At the end of the day, no matter what happens. She's your mom and she loves you. Even if she doesn't make it and the last conversation you had with her was a fight you have to know that she loves you. A parent's love is unconditional Maya, even though we may screw up from time to time" he adds making me chuckle as a tear rolls down my face.
"Josh who did you lose?" I ask softly, tracing his muscles with my fingertips.
His chest rises and falls beneath me as he takes a deep breath. "Her name was Savannah" he says softly. "I called her Savvy" he adds with a smile. "She was my best friend growing up, we did everything together. She was my everything. I realized I was crazy about her in eighth grade when Kevin Carlyle asked her out for ice cream. I didn't really understand why I was so upset, I mean I had already had my first kiss and I had been on dates. I had crushes on girls but suddenly I was jealous of some guy going on a date with my best friend. I was epically confused. Eventually I worked up the nerve to kiss her. It was amazing, everything I thought a kiss could be but the second I pulled away she started crying. I was even more confused then. That's when she told me she had been diagnosed with leukemia. She fought but she lost. She died the summer before we were supposed to start high school."
"All the girls" I trail off, suddenly making sense of the playboy that was my boyfriend.
"I stopped giving a shit. What was the point? I could do everything right and I still lose the person I care about the most in this entire world."
"And then you met Sophie."
"Yea" he sighs, "she was the first girl I let in after Savannah."
"Is that the real reason why it was so hard to let her go?" I ask curiously, propping my head up on his chest so I can stare into his eyes.
"I think it was a big part of it" he agrees, rubbing his hand down my back.
"Does she know about Savannah?"
"No" he shakes his head. "Only my parents do. And now you."
"Thank you for telling me" I whisper, kissing his chest. "I love you."
"I love you too Penelope" he whispers, lifting my chin and bringing my lips to his. We share a soft kiss before pulling apart. "You wanna get some sleep?"
"Mkay" I reply as I snuggle up to him, resting my head back on his chest while his arm wraps around my back. "Goodnight Josh."
"Goodnight Penelope" he whispers, kissing the top of my head before we drift off to sleep.