bzzzzzz... bzzzzzzzz... bzzzzzzzz....
I turned on the lights and groaned at the annoying vibrating sound my phone is doing as I drag myself to sit up and reach for it. My half awaken mind is silently cursing as I squinted to find out who the bloody prat is calling me in the middle of a chilled autumn night.
Sarah Shelby, the name appearing as my phone's screen continued to blink...
"Sarah" I said as I keepon yawning over the speaker.
"Love, it's ten in the evenin'... Can we just talked about whatever it is you're gonna say, tomorrow mornin'? I'm just really tired right now... I hmmm.. wanna.... go back to sleep....."
Sarah, still mumbling words over the phone about several things I really don't give a damn to talk about tonight.
"Yeah, I know.. But I need more time for it. Just tell Big Chief that I'm working on it, yeah..? And, will you tell him that I am fine.. I am, perfectly fine. He doesn't have to worry, alright..? Tell him that, huh..? Good night, love. I'll call you tomorrow" I said as I hit the end call button without even hearing her parting words...
I dimmed the lights as I went back lying on the queen-sized bed. I pulled the duvet and covered myself up. Staring back at the sterile white ceiling as I tried to lull myself back to sleep.
Then, as if on cue, thoughts of you came drifting by...
It's been five years..
And yet, it still felt so strange.
Lying here naked, all curled up, knowing that I am all alone...
That there is no identical room adjacent to mine...
That there won't be knobs silently twisted and creaking doors opening in the middle of the night...
That, there will be no warm body crawling up to my bed and cuddling me until the wee hours of the morning...
That there will be no one caressing my already messy hair...
That there will be no one singing me newly composed songs until I fell softly sound asleep....
And that there will be no one planting me morning kisses before going back to the other room we used to have back in London.
It's been five years of having no one...
It's been half a decade of not having you around...
Five painful years of living each day knowing that you've taken half of my heart and soul to wherever you might have been...
Five long years, of knowing that this other half you left in me are slowly dying...
~~~~
It's already eight in the morning, and as promised I made a phone call back to London. Sarah, my long time friend and PR/manager is already starting her long speeches as she tries to convince me to fly back to the real world and finish writing the book sequels.. .
"You should come back home. Everyone's waiting for you here.
And by mean everyone, that includes several publishing houses all keen about the progress of the second installment of your previous book..!
So you better get your arse up and finish writing that next best selling bloody book of yours or else...they'll lose interest.. . We don't want that to happen, do we?" She said in a matter of fact tone.
I can imagine Sarah, holding her purple pen as she list down all the possible events, speaking engagements, photo shoots and other publicity stunts she plans and expects me to attend and participate. And knowing her, she may probably have some reporters right now in her office, listening to our conversation and to what I'm about to say.
"You better have pulled yourself together and have sorted things out, darling. You've been away far too long. You know, you have to move on, haven't you? Because if you don't, I'm gonna sue that bloody therapist you hired who have deliberately planned about this moving away to find and heal yourself up crap!" She muttered breathlessly on the other line as I bursted into series of chuckles while shaking my head in amusement.
"Oh Gods! Sarah.. slow down, will you..? Your squawking again... Ahahaha...!!!"
"I'll probably have a couple of more days before I leave this paradise. I really needed some time off. Please... I promise, when I go back to work I'm gonna do everything you'll ask me to do. I'll attend whatever press conferences, TV guestings and radio interviews and podcasts you want me to and answer all of their questions as long as its about my book or about Captured! and nothing else.
I'll keep you posted, dear. I'll ring you once I have myself booked for a flight back to London."
I pleaded her to extend my vacation as my mind went back to that awkward situation I was put into during a live tv guesting I made a couple of weeks ago about the surprise announcement I learned from Angel the female lead vocalist of a symphonic rock band from Norway:
"So Angel, we heard you're dating someone now. We heard you met him in Germany? In one of those Summer Music Fest they hosted anually?" The interviewer was very eager to know who that lucky man is because it's Angel , that sweet pretty face with a voice that could lure any men's heart they were talking about.
"Oh yeah, I knew him already. Way back when he was just starting his career in the music industry. I used to work with him in the past even before I became a vocalist myself." Angel said with so much glint in her eyes.
"And would you tell us who this charming man is? Who've captured our dear Angel's heart, eh?" Is he from Norway as well? Because you seemed to have a history together". The TV host asked enthusiastically as he looked back at the audiences who were all excited as well.
I suddenly felt odd when Angel looked at me and grinned deviously.
"He didn't captured my heart.. I think he's the one who fell into my charms..." She said playfully.
"And nope! He's not from Norway, but I think you all knew him already. He's from America but have stayed here in London for quite some time now." She said as her cheeks were then tainted in red and her eyes twinkled with so much delight.
"And we're not just dating!" She exclaimed as she told on national television that she heard her boyfriend asking his executive assistant to look for an appropriate ring for his Angel.
"I think Requiem is going to propose to me." She said as she looked back at me and grinned madly hinting that I already know perfectly well who she's pertaining to.
"Requiem? As in Requiem Strauss of the band Amethyst?" The overwhelmed interviewer asked as he tried to squeezed out the unexpected new which surely went out as headlines at the next days' tabloids and broadsheets issues and has invaded the entire social media platforms for the last few weeks already.
I felt stunned and caught off guarded as I heared gasps and sighs and murmurs around the set as all eyes and even the cameras seemed to focus on me and waited for my reaction. Knowing that their beloved Angel's boyfriend and future husband used to be the man I married. And divorced.... Twice...
~~~~~
Sarah and I had a much longer conversation as we talked about Captured!, the photoshoots and then the book sales and reprinting of Across the Blue Horizon.
It took us a good five - hour conversation before Sarah bids goodbye unintentionally for she has another engagement to attend to later that day. But before she hungs up, she again reminded me to divert my attention back to writing and finish the book because that's what the people wanted. That it is what my loyal fans want me to do, to continue writing and start moving on.
~~~~~
And everyone are wondering when will my next book be published...
People don't seemed to understand these days. They'd expect you to come up with a follow up book considering that the first poetry book I have written took ages before it was published.
Besides, I'm on hiatus. I have to declutter my mind, unload this burden my already shattered heart has been carrying for the longest time. I need some time off. Some time away from home (or used to be home) from family and close friends and from those bloody paparazis who seemed to know every detail of my whereabouts and have kept on following me around Europe ever since that announcement went out unexpectedly.
I need peace of mind...
I need some time alone...
To nurse my already dying heart...
To move on from all of the pain...
To convince myself that there is still life after the divorce... two divorces...
To forget him...
The man I married...
Who left me... Twice...
and that all of these will someday, make sense...
A/N:
Within the last few years.. I have written some drafts of poems about Requiem and Heleigne. Some of it were already published in my other book.
Their topsy turvy and consistently unpredictable love story has been haunting me in the last five years.
These were all just in my thoughts.
But it never occured to me that I will be writing it and publishing it here.
So here it is.. . Oh by the way.
Well, I am not going to start how their relationship or love story have started.. That's quite a cliché... And I would like to break some traditions. As what Helena Bonham Carter have said "I want to shock everyone!" (though I really don't have any clue if this will really be that quite of shocking story. Maybe a little bit tragic and depressing...)
So for a change, I am going to tell you how their supposed Odd but Grand and Super Ideal relationship ENDED.