Taehyung is stuck.
And this time it's not because he's trying to have sex with this one guy who has a horribly tiny asshole.
That particular event, he's still trying to forget but it's really difficult when he has to suffer through Yoongi's constant snickers whenever Taehyung as much as mentions any sort of intercourse.
It's not Taehyung's fault he had to contact Yoongi (his favorite hyung, of course) while he was still struggling to find a way out of the satanic asshole because Yoongi had a slightly questionable amount of lubrication for situations only Taehyung could impeccably land in.
Taehyung has stayed away from topping for a bit now.
Granted that taking it up the ass could possibly, somehow end up in a similar manner ('Jesus, stop moving, I'm trying to pull out, okay?').
Enter Yoongi. He's seen Taehyung's dick a scarring number of times now and Taehyung would almost feel sorry for him if it weren't for his inevitable 'hey Taehyung remember when you tried to have sex with Hyungwon and his asshole....' whenever he visited after the incident.
You get the gist.
Yoongi's kind of cute when he isn't trying to be (when he's trying, he's just downright disgusting but Taehyung doesn't want to lose a thumb so he doesn't tell Yoongi).
But Yoongi is also kind of terrifying and raps about forty syllables per second in his mixtape (that had spontaneously showed up on Taehyung's door.)
That bastard. He knows Taehyung gets hard when his Yoongi hyung raps. Curse him.
He loves Yoongi. The hyung is great and basically feeds off of Taehyung's compliments. But everything he does always caused Taehyung a mild headache .
Yoongi's iconic line 'the only fifty shades of grey I want is Goose' still haunts him and Jackson still hasn't forgiven him for hiding his stash of alcohol when Yoongi ended up attending the New Years Party.
Anyway. Taehyung's still really stuck.
This time though, it's not particularly in a situation he would manage to find himself in usually, no.
(Cough tiny demonic asses cough)
He's stuck as in he's stuck inside an elevator and the world doesn't seem to be favoring him at the moment since he has a lecture to attend (given by a very bald, very mean and very ambidextrous teacher) in maybe five, ten minutes tops.
He wishes he'd taken the stairs now and he can hear Jimin lecturing him in the background but it's not always easy to climb up two flights of stairs to get to a lecture hall for art history when walking from his apartment to his campus (it takes three minutes) is the most exercise he gets.
Enter Jimin. Orange haired, hilariously short in comparison to Taehyung (and most guys on campus), ambitious dance major and possibly the spawn of Satan.
He's always had a selective liking towards making Taehyung suffer. He makes him drink healthy shakes in the morning despite the younger's clear dislike (Taehyung has and will throw tantrums. Jimin's broken blender had it coming) towards them.
There is kale in them.
Taehyung didn't even know such a vile vegetable existed until Jimin found that website befitting hell about eating healthy.
Shu-fucking-dder .
He can't think about Jimin now, though. It makes his BP levels rise dangerously. He's still stuck. In quite the predicament.
There's a guy with him, too and if that doesn't decrease Taehyung's will to live even more he doesn't know what does.
There's nothing better than being stuck in an elevator with a hot boy when he's running late to a boring class. He can't wait to get home and take his anger out on Jimin's blender. Again.
Enter raven haired boy. Stussy hoodie (fuckboy material), tight jeans, dark eye bags.
He has wide doe eyes that look so childlike and hold a galaxy of stars in them but his arms strain against the hoodie with clear signs of protruding biceps and Taehyung swallows his inner distress (and inevitable boner).
Raven haired boy is handsome. Not in the incredibly muscular, impeccably Caucasian and straight kind of way. No. He's just really pretty.
Cute, even.
His face would be gentle if it weren't morphing into a scowl. A bit like the gentle hum of waves and the silent thrum of Jimin's heartbeat when Taehyung curls up next to him on bad days. He's gentle and pretty and his cheekbones are high as fuck. Sue Taehyung for staring.
Possibly a business major, too since there's files that he's dropped on the floor that have the word 'BUSINESS' printed multiple times in an ugly hangul font. Taehyung feels bad for him. Not that Taehyung has a personal vendetta against fonts like Namjoon does.
Long live comic sans, bitch.
Inevitably, Namjoon avoids him if he can.
Enter Namjoon. Painfully critical of Taehyung's messy scrawl and inability to apprehend more languages than a maximum of two. He's adhered to his philosophy textbook.
That monstrous thing could rival the size of Jimin's thighs and that's saying a lot.
Namjoon has a high IQ, too and the mere fact that he wastes it on being a philosophy major both astounds and annoys Taehyung a lot.
Namjoon is nice, though. Kind of cute, too. Endearing, especially when he wears an ugly yellow hoodie with the hood tightly clad against his pancake-y face. At least most of the times, anyway.
Right. The elevator.
Taehyung eyes the content of the files before his brain almost malfunctions and dies and resorts to turning back to the guy.
He's mumbling almost angrily under his breath and paying Taehyung no mind as he presses random numbers into the little keypad on the elevator wall repeatedly. He must be late, too.
Scratch what Taehyung thought about this guy being gentle. He looks murderous now and Taehyung thinks that if he tried hard enough, he could puncture one of Taehyung's organs.
Scary.
Taehyung's finger twitches. He's getting anxious now.
"One," Taehyung whispers tentatively, testing out his waters. It's a nasty habit, counting. But it's what Taehyung does.
When Jimin sings a really high note and Taehyung worries for his voice and sanity, he counts. When Namjoon starts talking about hamsters and the topic frays to millennials and politics, Taehyung counts.
When Yoongi tries to be cute, Taehyung counts.
It's a stress reliever. He can't help it. Thankfully, the guy doesn't seem to have noticed so Taehyung takes his chances.
"One," he whispers a little more confidently.
The guy presses the key for the third floor.
What the fuck.
"Two"
His voice is almost insistent. Almost. There's a hint of it on his tongue.
He guy freezes. Then he's lifting his hand to push at the buttons again, movements almost hesitant.
The guy pushes eleven.
The nerve.
Taehyung pretends that this doesn't bother him. But this guy has no pattern when he's pressing the buttons (six, one) and Taehyung is used to patterns and whatever this guy is doing most definitely does not have a pattern to it. Taehyung is going to lose it.
He is Going To Lose It™.
"Three,"
Almost as if he's doing his knowingly, the guy presses the key for the thirteenth and uppermost floor.
"Four,"
He presses seven.
Rest in pieces, Jimin's blender, Taehyung is a little sorry.
"Fiv-
The guy turns to him sharply, a young face with an expression that has been morphed into a slightly irritated one compared to the one where he looked like he would stab a kitten but Taehyung doesn't blame him; after all, he's been on the receiving end of that expression a colossal amount of times so he can't really say he's offended or anything of that sort. He just stares back at the guy.
"Six,' Taehyung whispers
The guy's eye twitches
"Sev-"
"What," the guy closes his eyes as if he's trying to calm himself down, "do you think you're doing?"
"Counting,"
Taehyung is not holding back a smile. Nope.
The guy looks at him with a deadpan expression and before Taehyung knows it, he's turning back to the little keys spontaneously pressing them. Even the ones that are already lit.
"You have to do it with a pattern-"
"Make me," he pushes fucking ten. That's Taehyung's favorite number, he's definitely going to kill a bitch now. Goodbye Jin.
Enter Kim Seokjin. Senior year, terrifyingly beautiful and also extremely done with Taehyung's bullshit.
Taehyung does not blame him.
Again, he's used to it. The impassive look on Seokjin's face. He can be kind of over the top at times but it's not like Seokjin's any different, anyway. There's time he puts his voice to use in a good way but others, he's just trying to make Taehyung lose his mind (and break Jimin's blender) by rapping.
Kim Seokjin should not rap. Someone please inform him.
Raven Haired Kid slumps against the wall perpendicular to the one Taehyung stands in front of. His eyes are closed now but not creasing as if he's distressed. He looks like he's just tired and needs a nap and maybe nine kittens to cuddle rather than stab. Don't we all.
Wait, no, Namjoon has allergies. Maybe not Namjoon.
"We're stuck," Raven Haired Kid says, as if Taehyung hadn't come to that revelation 1481 words ago in the first paragraph.
He needs to stop breaking the fourth wall, goddam-
"I know,"
"Oh,"
This conversation's really dim.
"No, like," the guy stresses, as if Taehyung had misunderstood him when he hadn't really, he got what the kid was trying to say, "We're stuck stuck,"
Taehyung did not know that repeating a word with slight stress could change its meaning but you learn something everyday.
"I know we're stuck stuck-"
"Stuck stuck,"
"Yes," Taehyung says irritably, "Stuck stuck,"
"Stuck stuck-"
"One, two, three, four-"
"Nine,"
Taehyung blinks. Once. Then twice. Then once again before he opens his mouth, "-What?"
"Fourteen," the kid is grinning, what the fuck.
This is how Taehyung dies.
In a stuffy elevator with a kid who looks like he's in the middle of his fuckboy and emo phase, trying to be funny (he probably has Valium with him, too, that fuckboy) by messing up Taehyung's counting while his bald teacher continues to calmly knock down grades off Taehyung's grade book with both hands dammit he is going to die-
"Woah, chill," The kid says, "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just - oh my god, Jimin is going to cry tears of fury when he sees what I'll do to his blender-"
"Uh-"
"That's it, I'm suing this college- one, two, three, four-"
"I mean, I might have some weed with me, I don't know, I was just heading to class. It could help, though-"
Weed.
Weed.
Of-fucking-course it was weed. Taehyung was right.
He's going to die.
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A/N
Um. Hi.
You see I have this thing wherein I either suffer from give-her-a-thesaurus-she-has-a-foot-in-her-mouth syndrome or someone-stop-her-she's-spitting-out-philosophical-fan fiction-like-she's-a-dictionary-itis. There's really no in between.
Also like what the fuck why is the bold font so obnoxious
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