"So you're sure you aren't mad at me?" Will asks as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
I reach up and lace my fingers with his. "Uh, no." I say, referring to the many kisses we've shared since he told his mom about Connor and me. "I don't think I could manage to stay mad at you very long. At least, not two whole years."
He throws his back and laughs. "I promise not to do anything stupid enough to make you that mad again."
I smile up at him. "Good."
The pain in my leg and my limp has slowly went away over the past two weeks, as well as the drama with Connor. I've managed to somehow get everyone to stop talking about it - by everyone I mean Will, Hannah, and Duke - and keep it on the down-low. I've successfully had a Connor-free two weeks and I've never been happier.
That saying you never know what you have until it's gone works both ways. I never knew how much I didn't have until that one thing in my life was gone. The negativity. The backstabbing and abuse. All of it.
I follow Will out into the courtyard so we can sit and eat our lunches. It doesn't take long for Hannah to join us, Duke not far behind her.
I can't help but think of how great it is to see her so happy. She went from sitting in the quiet library reading her books to sitting with all her friends - with a book close by.
I turn my head from them to Will beside me. He's laughing and talking to Duke about something, but I don't mind. I like watching the way he acts, the way he moves and does things. The way he talks to everyone like they've been friends forever.
"Hold on I have a text," he says and draws me out of my stalker state.
"How's Tyler doing at basic training, Han?" I ask her and I grab the water bottle out of my backpack.
She shrugs her shoulders. "I haven't really gotten to talk to him as much as Mom and Dad have, but I think he likes it. Well, most of it. It's rough, you know."
I nod my head. "I'd be dead the first week."
She and Duke laugh at me. "Me too," Hannah agrees.
"Um, guys..." Will says quietly. I look over at him to see a look that's crossed between shock and relief.
"What's wrong?" Duke asks.
"My mom just texted me..." Will says and I get tried of waiting, so I take his phone and read the text aloud.
"There's a warrant out for Connor' arrest, I heard the guys talking about it during our lunch break. I'll tell what about later. Don't tell Jessa yet." As I read it aloud, I can feel my voice getting quieter and quieter. All of their eyes are on me and I can feel them burning holes in my skin.
Will's mom is a secretary now at the police station, so of course she would know. But what was this about?
I hand Will his phone back but don't glance at him. He takes it and texts something, probably to his mom, and sets it on the table.
I slowly stand up and make my way towards the school, ignoring my friends' attempts at getting my attention. I didn't stop walking until I hit the bathroom door and looked around frantically.
I leaned against the sink and looked up into the mirror. There is no trace of a bruise on my face now, no trace of him ever touching me.
That's how I wanted it to stay.
There's a quiet bang that echoes throughout the bathroom and then I hear a sniffle. I watch the stalls through the mirror and see a pair of feet drop to the ground. The white converse sit there for a second before they move, a young girl peeking out from behind the stall door.
It's Kyla Black, a Sophomore that's been on the cheerleading team since she was in ninth grade. Her cheeks are stained with tears and her makeup is slightly smudged.
I quickly turn around to face her and she runs into my arms, hugging me tightly. It takes me a moment to realize what's happening before I finally wrap my arms around her.
"I'm so sorry Jessa," she blubbers into my shirt. "I shouldn't have listened to them. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry."
"Kyla," I whisper. "What happened to you?"
She releases me from her grip and looks at me, her eyes filling with another round of tears. She looked away for a minute, biting down on her bottom lip.
Her eyes searched the entire bathroom as if to see if we were alone.
"I have to go," she said and before I could stop her, she was gone.
I walked out a second later only to catch a glimpse of her escaping down the hallway. That's when I notice all the looks I'm getting. Instead of the usual glares that say "you betrayed our Golden Boy", I'm getting looks of sympathy.
I can't help but stare at them. They quickly look away, but it leaves me wondering. I make my way out to the courtyard again in a hurry.
I look at Will to see a face full of concern. Hannah is quiet now, avoiding looking up at me, and Duke continues to eat so he doesn't have to talk.
I slowly sit down next to Will and search their faces. What do they know?
"What?" I finally ask. "What is it?"
Will turns to me and I feel my veins turns hot. There's something terribly wrong and keeping me in the dark is not the thing to do.
"There's an arrest warrant out for Connor," he says quietly. "But it doesn't have anything to do with you. Not yet, anyway."
I stare at him, contemplating which question to ask first.
"What did Connor do?" I ask him. "And what do you mean it doesn't have anything to do with me yet?"
I look frantically between Hannah and Duke and Will. Their faces all tell me the worst.
"He took advantage of a younger girl," Hannah whispers. She's ashamed to even say that. "And her parents are pressing charges."
My heart has stopped. At least, that's how it feels. How could this have happened? How could he do that to someone?
I loved him. At least, I thought I did. All that time we spent together... I was spending it with a guy like him. I want to scream and cry and get out of this place all at the same time.
My voice shaky, I still had to ask the question. "Who? Who did he... rape?" I demanded to know. The words feels like bile in my mouth.
I didn't even realize that Will had his arm around me this whole time. I'm so full of shock that I couldn't even feel him touch me.
"She goes here... I know she's younger, but that's all Mom could tell us." Will tightens his grip on me as if trying to hold me down. Where would I go? I'd fall to the ground if I tried to get up.
"Kyla," I whisper to myself.
Even with my noodle-feeling legs, I surge up and out of my seat, my feet hitting the ground and pushing me forward. Will calls after me and I can hear him running after me.
I push through the doors. Everyone glances at me. They already knew.
How could they have known?
I need to find Kyla. I need to apologize. It's all my fault, it's all my fault.
"Jessa," Will says again, this time his voice is full of authority. I look back and forth, trying to find Kyla's head full of raven black hair. A pair of arms wrap around me just as my tears begin to fall. I don't want to cry, I hate crying.
But I can't make them stop. They just keep coming.
*
I sit solemnly on the edge of the desk. An empty classroom. A chalkboard with math equations written out sloppily. A large window with rays of sun that hit my feet and warm them up.
That's all I feel.
"It's not your fault." Will crosses his arms in front of me. I stare at my dangling feet. "I don't see how this could be your fault."
I blink once, twice. "It is."
His hands are suddenly on either side of my face, pulling it up so I can look at him. As soon as I see those brown eyes, my own eyes pool with tears. I try to pull my head away, but he holds me still.
"Talk to me, Jess. Please," he begs. I reach up and grab his forearms gently, hoping he doesn't pull away. He wraps me in a hug against his muscular chest.
"If I would have - if I would've told someone what he did to me-" I have to fight the lump in my throats to get the words out. "He wouldn't have been here. He would've been somewhere else and he wouldn't have been able to do that to her."
Will doesn't say anything, he just squeezes me tighter.
A second later, he speaks. "Even if you would have, there's no way to tell if he would've been able to do that. Jessa, listen to me."
I look up at him. "It is not your fault."
I want so bad to believe him. "You should have seen her face, Will. She's broken. He broke her."
"Who?" He asks quietly. I have a feeling he just wants me to keep talking.
"Kyla," I whisper. "I saw her in the bathroom. She had been bawling. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but I know that's what it was. I know it. I just want him to be gone."
I cling to him and won't let go.
I find myself praying to the God I know is there. I don't want her to hurt. I don't want her to be broken. I want everything to be okay, and I want Connor to realize the pain he's caused. I want this to be over.
Please, God. Let it be over.
_________
Writing this made me so sad.
I don't want to downplay any of the things that went on and are going to be talked about in this story.
I'm just trying to tell a story and maybe, hopefully, bring hope to someone who reads it.
I hope you're enjoying the book so far, and I'm also sorry for the late post! I'm moving into my college dorm and starting classes within the next few weeks so I'm gonna be busy and I'm not sure how often I'm be able to update! I'm going to try my best, though!
The song is Say you Won't Let Go by James Arthur!
Love you guys! If you feel the need to talk about anything at all, feel free to message me.
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