Chapter 18
3 weeks later ...
Zen P.O.V
I've finally saved enough money to visit Tommy and my grandmother, and I couldn't be more ecstatic to get the fuck out of Chicago. Ever since I heard the news of Tommy moving I've been saving enough to go buy a plane ticket and visit for a much needed vacation. I miss them both so much, and it'll be good for me to get away for a while anyway. I feel like I needed this, physically and emotionally.
These last three weeks I've been calming myself down and getting my thoughts together. After I spent the night at the hotel I decided to get my ass up and go to school, since I haden't been in lord knows how long.
Even though I missed the first hour of it It was still good that I went. I've just been focusing more on my grades since they plummeted. It was horrible and a lot of hard work, but after all the hard work my grades are steady and where I need them to be.
I haven't spoken to Carmen at all. I haven't even really seen her around and when I do she's up under some nigga, being the hoe that I never thought she was. Usually I just shrug it off and mind my own business.
As for Ian, I've been ignoring his calls and deleting his texts for the last two weeks. The first week we didn't speak, and he didn't contact me much. I'm guessing because he was trying to give me space, much needed space. I just can't even look at him since what happened. I mean I trusted him and I always thought it was cause of me that we weren't together, but it was because he was seeing someone else, someone that I was close with at that.
I just didn't know exactly how to feel. It was so hard to even think about it without crying or getting angry, so I just avoided it at all costs.
I continued to fold my clothes and place them into my suitcase as I listened to a song that played on the radio. I bobbed my head to the beat and mouthed the words as if I was on stage. My phone vibrated on the bed interrupting me, and signaling I had an incoming call.
I picked it up seeing that it was Ian, and quickly ignored again without thinking twice . It was becoming easier to decline the calls after so many times.
I heard a knock at the front door and had no idea who it could be. I quickly made my way to the door and didn't even bother looking in the peep hole. The only person it could possibly even be was somebody in the neighborhood or a bill collector.
I quickly opened the door coming face to face with Ian. Our eyes locked on each others for a split second before I averted my gaze and looked down to the floor. My first thought was to slam the door in his face, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.
He looked horrible. There were heavy bags under his eyes, his once neat and kempt hair was now nappy, and tangled. He wore a plain white T, worn out sweat pants, socks and black Jordan sandals.
I've never seen him this way, and didn't like it. The better part of me longed to pull him into a tight bear hug, but the still angry part of me wanted him to suffer terribly.
"What do you want?" I finally asked after taking in his full appearance. He sighed long and hard. I didn't know his full intentions, but any intentions he had I didn't want any part in it. "Zen I just want to talk please?" he pleaded. I could see the venerability in his eyes and he seemed to be one hundred percent sincere.
"Talk"
he sighed and then begin speaking. "I just can't lose you Zen, I don't give a fuck about that bitch, or no other bitch. I promise it was always you I wanted, from the first time I layed my eyes on you. I fucked up, and I know I said that, but I mean it. I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you" he ended.
I wanted to believe him, I really did, and deep in my heart the feeling was mutual, but no, I couldn't do this and fall for him again. I couldn't fall for anybody.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't have betrayed me like that."
"Zen, I-I was wrong and stupid as hell, I promise I'll make it up to you, just let me take you out tonight, that's all I want. Please"
Ian was never the one to beg or seem so desperate. His usual hard interior was now shattered into a million pieces and replaced by a weak person. He looked deep into my eyes, There was evident hope in them.
"I'm leaving tonight." I muttered. I really did feel bad about it, but at the same time I really didn't. I don't feel like Ian really deserves time to explain, because if he really felt bad about Carmen he would've ended it even before it started.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to Arizona, to visit my grandma and brother." I admitted.
Ian put his hands on his face to show his frustration. "How long are you going to be gone?"
"I don't really know Ian. It all depends. "
"Damn Zen, you really doing this to me? Can I at least give you a ride to the airport?"
I thought for a minute. I honestly didn't know how else to get there. I could take a taxi, but I my money was limited on my funds and I couldn't risk losing any. I guess I had no other choice. "Umm. I guess Ian"
"Okay, what time should I be back?" he said with a slight smile.
"Just come back around seven"
He nodded and turned on his heels making his way back to his car. I stayed at the door until he had drove out of sight. I sighed and made my way back to my room to continue packing.
___
By the time seven was here I was well rested, packed, and ready to go. I was so excited to get the hell out of Chicago. I needed this vacation more than anyone else ever needed a vacation. I looked out the window seeing Ian's ferrari parked in the drive way.
I opened the door and begin to walk out the door with my luggage. I was kind of struggling carrying two suitcases and a bag. Ian rushed over and grabbed them for me, taking them to the car, and throwing them in the back. I mumbled a soft thank you before opening the door myself and getting in to the car.
The car ride was completely silent. I kept my eyes off of Ian and on the window. I just wanted to get to the airport and get on my plane. I could feel Ian staring at me when we came to a red light. I turned my head only seeing him do the same towards the road.
Once we arrived at the airport I was nothing but relieved. I opened the door the second the car stopped, but his hand held me from getting out. I looked over to see Ian reaching over signaling me to wait.
I shut the door and looked over to him. "Can I see you when you come back?" he asked.
"Look Ian, I don't think I can ever see you any more. I can't trust you again. I just need some time to think without you." I admitted. I tried to make it as nice as I could, sparing his feelings.
He nodded and then looked over and pulled something from under his seat. It was a small light blue box that read Tiffany & CO. across the front. I hadn't ever seen a real tiffany's box in person, but it was by far the most beautiful one ever. Ian handed it to me slowly.
When I opened it there was a silver charm bracelet inside with a single heart shaped charm hanging off of it. On the front it read especially for you and on the back it spelled out my first name and my last name's initial. It was absolutely stunning. "I can't take this" I said.
"Zen, the least you can do is take it. I got it for you" he said. I decided not to even fight it away anymore. I mumbled a thank you, closed the box, and placed it in my bag. This had to be by far the best gift I had ever received. I didn't even really know how to react. It was just that amazing.
Ian got out the car and helped me with my things again. He lead me into the airport until we got to my terminal. "Thank you for bringing me." I said as he placed my things down next to my seat. he nodded and gave me a hug, and placed a light kiss on my forehead. There were no more words exchanged as he let me go and walked out of the airport.
I sat down and got out the box again. I couldn't help but stare at the bracelet and take in it's beauty. There was nothing that I wouldn't have wanted more. Especially it being from Ian. On the back of the box it was a date for when it was bought.
It was actually bought five weeks prior from today. It had to be for when he would have asked me to be his girlfriend. Why else would it say especially for you. It was actually bittersweet. Bitter because I wouldn't even get the chance to have that title from him, but sweet because he went through all the trouble to get this for me.
I wanted to shed a tear, being the crybaby I am, but nothing came out. I had to admit I would miss Ian, and everything about him, but it was obviously time for me to let go. Let go of the thought of there ever being an "us" and the thought of us even being as close as we were ever again. It was time to move on to bigger and better things finally.
___
"We have now arrived in Phoenix, Arizona. Have a safe trip and thank you for choosing Delta Airlines" the pilot said. It was time for me to get off of the plane finally after about a three hour flight. I stretched out my legs and arms, and closed the book that I had been reading.
I grabbed my carry-on and exited the plane. As soon as I was at the gate I saw little Tommy's cute face. He ran up to me and jumped in my arms with joy. After everything this is what I wanted. My little brother in my arms again. I missed him so much. I gave him a big hug and put him down.
"Zen, I missed you so much!" he semi-yelled giving me a toothy grin. "I missed you too babe" I said picking him up again and pecking him on the cheek. He quickly rubbed it off and scrunched up his face. "Eww, you can't do that, I'm a man now." He said jumping from my arms and running back over to grandma.
I chuckled and followed him to where she was seated. She stood up at the sight of me and smiled. I haven't seen my granny since the funeral and it's been killing me. I missed this woman so much. I gave her a hug and she returned. "Oh, baby it's been too long, you look so good" she said before letting me go. "You do too, granny" I said smiling. "I know" she winked. I let out another chuckle.
My granny wasn't that old really. She only had my mother when she was eighteen and my mother only had be when she was twenty so she isn't in anything, but in her middle fifties. I know people my age that have parents as old as her. She was a very kind and intelligent lady that everyone loved when they first met her. She was married to my grandpa, but he died a little bit before Mama did, and that was a very sad time for my granny, losing two people she was so close to so close together. I don't even know if she's over it yet.
"Come on, so we can go get your things" she said grabbing Tommy by the hand and escorting us both to baggage claim. There weren't too many people here since it was nearing midnight and it was also a week night. I'm just glad It was fall break back in Chicago.
Once I got all of my things we were out the door and heading to the house. It was about a thirty minute drive so after the first ten Tommy was knocked out. I looked back at his face and chuckled.
"How have you been Zen?" she asked.
"It's been kind of hard down there, but I'm getting by" I admitted. I hesitated to tell her all the real shit I've been going through, just so she wouldn't worry too much about me. "I understand baby, how is that sister of yours?" She asked with a disappointed tone.
We've talked about Dawn's condition over the phone, but not in depth. "I don't really even know her condition at her this point. I haven't really talked to her."
She sighed. "Has she been to yall's house?"
"Well I've been at school most of the time, then back home to sleep, but I haven't seen her almost at all."
She shook her head. "I don't know what has gotten into that girl, but how long are you staying sweetheart" she asked changing the subject and stopping at a red light.
"I'm not sure. The break ends about four days after Thanksgiving, but I don't know if I want to go back granny" I said honestly.
"I know what you mean baby, and if you do make that decision while you're on your trip down here, you know there's always room here for you" she same with a sincere smile.
I could hear the truth in her voice. "Dawn told us you didn't want us to move here with you" I said a little confused.
"Child, I thought that would be best ever since your mama died, but since contact was limited and Dawn wanted all the money, she insisted y'all make a living out there. I never was really all for it, but I didn't have a choice. I had to damn near fight to get Tommy. I just felt like he couldn't be living with two teenage girls. Y'all need y'alls freedom." I nodded understanding where she was coming from.
This all made sense. This is why she always sent money, and always insisted we come visit. But this is also the reason Dawn hid her number and all other contact information of her from me for so long.
We pulled up to my granny's house a few minutes later and I was more than relieved. I was so tired, I just wanted to take a hot bath and go to bed.
Granny picked Tommy up from the back seat while I grabbed a few of my bags, leaving the rest to come back for later.
"We're home" granny announced upon opening the door. I smiled at her cheery voice. Her house looked stunning, granny always did have amazing decorating skills. I took in the sweet smells of peppermints and comfort while she left and walked up stairs taking Tommy to his room I'm guessing.
"Zen you're down stairs, down the hall to the left." she said from up the steps. I nodded and headed to the room she instructed me to go. It was exactly what I wanted. She knew me. I could tell she had decorated it just for me. I smiled to myself and set my things down.
After about five more minutes of taking in the atmosphere, I heard a soft voice "You like it?" Granny asked poking her head in the door. "Yes I love it." I said giving her a smile. "I'm glad, but it's late, and I know you're tired girl. Get some rest." She said before shutting the door and walking up to her room.
I went to go get the rest of my things out of the car and brought them in. I have no idea why I packed so much.
Once I was finally fully settled in I ran me a nice hot bubble bath to calm myself down. This had been a day I would never forget. I was finally at a place where it felt good to call it home. Reunited with my brother, and granny is what I needed. A new place where I could start fresh, and be a new person, and get away from the stress in Chicago.
I stayed in the bath for a good half hour before getting out and putting on some sleeping clothes. I rummaged through my bag looking for my cell phone when I came across a certain blue box. I slowly picked it up and looked in it one more time.
I felt like I was looking at it for the first time all over again. It was just that gorgeous. As much as I hated what Ian did. I honestly loved him and there was no denying that. I finally admit that I love Ian. I smiled to myself and put the box on the night stand where it belonged. I shut off the lights and lie in my comfortable new bed ready for sleep to take over me.
I loved Ian, but I had to let him go.
___
♫: Drake - Good Ones Go
Do you think Zen should move to Phoenix?
What will the new city bring her?
Other thoughts?