,, yah !! what are you doing? "
my eyes fell onto the old men standing there . he blinked a few times once he saw me .
,, i- i em .. well " i let the bottle fall i had found
------------------------------------------------------[ dont know if thats everywehere like this,sorry
but if you buy a bottle and bring it back for recycling you get like a bit money back not much tho but if you collect a lot of bottles and bring them back then you could acually get enough money to buy stuff kyungsoo however is collecting those bottles fromt he street ]
------------------------------------------------------
i held tighter onto the trashbag with bottles and was about to turn the other way and start running but the men grabbed my shoulder janking me back and my bag fell all the bottles scatter around the floor .
quickly i pushed him away and tried to collect them before they roll down the streets. but that stupid idiot stoped me again
,, let me go !" i yelled struggling as he held the back of my pullover .
he chuckled once more and let me go causing me to fall forewards i just kinda froze at his chuckle finding it somehow familiar .
,, you're just as cute as you were in the diner " he spoke once he saw my eyes looking confused on him .
,, you were the guy who always sat on that table " i remember him that was that creepy freak who had that weird smirk and scary eyes .
,, well someones smart " he examed me wich was more than uncomfortable .,, you've changed .. lost youre glasses, cut you hair-"
,, em excuse me but .. what exacly do you want because i cant remember ever being friends with you .. i dont even know youre name"
he chuckled again but i didnt know what on earth he would find funny on what i said .
,, is it because you're emberessed since you somehow landed on the streets ?"
i was quiet at that .. what am i suppose to say ?
,, dont you have a mummy ? daddy taking care of you or was that dirty old diner thats now nothing more than ash all you had"
,, thats none of youre buisness " i spoke calmly hoping that he would notice that i didnt want this to esculate .
,, a guy like you shouldnt be on the streets .. especialy not if he has the looks that you have " ok nope i'm leaving this is too much. this seems straight cut out of a horror movie .. i do not intend to get raped or murderd .
i just turned away from him and grabbed my bag trying to rush off but he ofcorse held me back as he grabbed the bag . i instandly let go because fuck the bag.
thats when i ran away.
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,, you ok ?" i definetly hear those 2 words a lot
,, yeah " i chuckled turning from the locker door to see jongin who just stoped besides me he probably came from his class .
he sighed once he saw my locker as he opened it and grabbed the cloth starting to scrubb on the words .
its been a while .. and i can say that it has changed . seems like i'm getting better somehow the cast on my foot is gone but they gave me like this special shoe still because my cast broke and i went too late to the doctor with it .now i have to wear this stupid ankle brace wich is quite painful and uncomfortable at times and jongin offers me to carry me all the time but the doctor had said that i needed to walk .so jongin just kinda holds my hand somehow comforting me .
they had also removed the nasual cannula from my nose even tho i now have a inhaler with me all the time in case something did happen . it made me feel kinda bad that jongin had bought it for me because those things are fucking expensiv and he already helped me with the hospital bills .
i dont care if he's rich, its still a shitty feeling to make him pay for all .
,, do you have-.. are you busy today ?" he suddenly asked me and i couldnt help but smile as i look at him .
my smile faded tho as i remeberd that i have no fucking money and because of that idiot yesterday i lost all the bottles.
,, i kinda .. my stepdad you know he wanted to change the living room a bit since the walls are so old and everything and i wanted to help him "
,, oh yeah .. well other time then ?" he scratched the back of his neck and i giggled .
,, but maby i could ask him if its ok to finish earlier so maby .. we could like eat dinner somewhere and i'm paying " he laughed shaking his head .as if i just made a joke .
,, no way,i'm paying " he pointed at himself proud and i felt like a complet asshole . i couldnt pay for it if i wanted to . i just said that because i knew he would come back with that .. fuck whats wrong with me .he does so much for me and what do i do ?? i just take and take but when do i give ?
that somehow reminds me of a book i used to read , my mum told me not to believe it because those were just lies from adults who try to cover the cruel world up for kids . she said it would just make it hard for me to grow up if i believed in them .but even so , i couldnt help but find comfort in them or help .
one thing thats been in my mind ever since i read it was .
you've got to give a little more than you take
if everyone would just behave like this .. how would the world look like today ?
,, i'll just ring youre door when i'm done " i told him as we reached the end of the hall and we would go seperate ways .
he nooded giving me a kiss before he slowly moved away our hands seperating as if it would be a goodbye forever and his over dramatical expression added to it .made me laugh shortly .
we shared that smile and we both walked our own ways .
,, eyo babyface !" an amused voice called but i didnt response ,,watch out !"
before i could process what happened i fell into baekhyuns arms while hearing their laughs .
yeah .. ever since i got that nasual cannula off everyone somehow thought i was cured and so it was ok to bully and laugh at me again i guess .at least they dont beat me or anything anymore because they knew i'm jongins boyfriend and chanyeols friend and they dont want to be in an argument with them .
,, you ok ?" baekhyun steadied me and i nodded ,, try to ignore them "
how can you ignore something that hurts ?
,, i know dont worry " i chuckled steadying my books in my hands ,, its just like before .. its not like this is new to me "
,,unfortunatly " he mutterd
,, hey .. em have you seen yixing around lately ? i went to visit him at that krystal coffee where jongin also works but he never seems to be there " he pouted slightly making me chuckle.
,,well have you asked jongin ? maby he has another job now "
,, ofcorse i asked him tzzzz but he didnt know he said yixing has been absent for a while now "
,, do you think hes ok ?"
he shrugg his shoulders and i thought for a second not knowing what to think of all this .was yixing having some bigger problems now aswell ? omg i'm such a dick .. i was too caught up in the whole me and jongin thing and eujin my step father .seungsoo . i totally forgot about yixing ! what a friend i am i didnt even visit him or explain things .he knows i'm sick yet i didnt once explain or talk to him about it . i wanted to visit him and my imagination of seeing him everywhere was reminding me all the time but i somehow never did distraction was a major cause for that.
,, i think i'll ask jongin again, did you try calling him ? " he nodded inhaling to start his sentense .
,, acually he did pick up .. but whenever i ask him to meet up he says he has no time he seems busy and stuff " ok why is this making me nervous ..
,, you dont think he's like .. "
,, drug selling " what !? did he seriously finish my sentense like that ??
,, what ? " he acted as if it was the normals thing to do and i shot him my wide wtf expression
,, you know yixing ,idiot he doesnt do this stuff ! hes like an wise old man stuck in a hot male body "
someone suddenly cleard his throat and i turned around smiling nervously as i saw jongin standing there with chanyeol .. thinking about it what i said sounded weird .. oh god .why are they even here ? he left just a minute ago
,, our teacher is ill "he answerd without me questioning him
,, should i know about something?" he raised an eyebrow at me .
,, its not what it sounded like ok baek was just worried-"
my best friend stepped besides me cutting my sentense off ,, correction despred .. come on i havent heard of yixing since forever and its pissing me off ok"
,, who the hell is yixing ?"
all our heads turn to chanyeol .. right he never realy met him but i was sure that baek-
,, are you kidding me !? i told you about him " yap thats what i meant .
,, well yeah but .. sweety you talk a lot sometimes and i .. well its hard to l-"
,, park fucking chanyeol !"
,, sweety.."
,, dont call.me that!"
,,hey !" all of our heads turn to see a teacher standing there .she was looking rather angry .
,, keep it down " her eyes traveld to exam each one of us until they landed on me .
,, mr.Do ?"
,, yes ?" i answerd slightly nervous
,, the headteacher wanted to talk to you "
well shit.i knew what this was about and hoping it would be forgotten or not even mentioned didnt help me at all
,, why ?" jongins voice suddenly appeard sounding more confused
,, that is none of youre buisness mr.kim "
,, but-"
,, jongin its fine " i chuckled to play it off ,,dont worry he's not like killing me or something "
,, well he better not " i laughed at that and he offerd me a small smile as i walked off
,, shit we have class " i heard baek curse behind me and i guessed they were now walking away. while i followed the teacher
i turned around for just a little moment sharing eyecontact with jongin who just happened to have looked at me aswell while he got pulled by chanyeol .
{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡{♡}♡
i groaned once my books fell back out of my locker into my hands .
this stupid broken uneven locker .
shoving the books angrily into the locker again they, this time all, just ended up falling out some to the ground,on my feet and other landing in my arms .
,, little babyface is angry today " someone laughed walking by me and my rage broke free as i turned and threw my book at him making it hit his shoulder and he stumbled back .
my eyes widened once i realized what i did . his face turned red and everyone was looking at me .
i backed up against the locker as he stomped my way and others were already taking out their phones.
,, what the hell is youre problem!? "
i didnt dare open my mouth as i stared at him being so dangerously close as he shoved me against the locker making me wince and squeeze my eyes as my back was against the ledge of the locker opening . it was rather pointed and it hurt my back mostly because it was kinda sensetiv to things now.
before i knew it a tear of pain escaped my eyes and my heart took up speed knowing that that tear will cause me even more problems .
,, what ?" he laughed ,, i didnt do anything yet this baby's crying "
they laughed at that and i wanted to push him away but he didnt move instead he shoved me further into the locker this time i couldnt help myself and cried out as another tear slipped down .
he stepped a step back pulling me with him before he pushed me agaisnt the locker once more letting me collide with it before i fell down to the ground .
,, what do you do now ? cry all you want little fucker, its all you can do anyway "he kicked me in my stomach and i curled up into a ball feeling a few of the books laying underneath me .
i heard them laughing and i hated it to much so i burried my face in my arms and knees as he kicked me again against my leg tho because they were a shield now .
,, stop acting like a little bitch !" he pulled me up by my hair and just when i thought i'd seen yixing in the crowd with a concerned expression again ,someone decided to step between .
,, dont overdo it dud-"
,, shut up " he only snapped and the guy disappeard again so did yixing .before another punch landed in my face this time as he pushed me roughly aside stomping onto my shoulder when i cried out pushing him away .he was about to get to me again angrier this time even
when he then stoped
,, yah what the fuck !? leave him alone theres a teacher coming !" i know this voice .shocked yet thankful i turned to the person that saved me as that guy finally stoped chuckling breathy before walking off with a bunch of the others .
,, you ok ?" seungsoo got closer but i didnt answer looking coldly at him . he stretched his hand out to help me up but i shrugg away swollowing to hide my pain as i shackingly stood up myself without his help.
,, kyungso-"
,, go away " i simply answerd looking at him with cold eyes as i whiped my old tears away and turned aroudn to face my still opeb locker instead of him .
,, about what happened with dad and-"
,, shut up i dont want to hear it just stay away from me " i sssniffed wincing at the pain as i got diwn and grabbed my books
he got down in front of me aswell trying to help me but i always slapped his hand away , not giving him any chance to .
,, where do you live ?"
,, none of youre buisness "
he leaned closer and i couldnt help but flinch away . instandly he pulled his hand back and i just stared at him cursing to myself because i am so weak, i cant even hide it .
,, look " he exhaled ,, i know i've done some shit but .. i'm realy trying to fix it "
i just looked at him seeing his desperation
,, h-how's he ? "
he seemed to hesitate as he swollowed seeming not only surprised but also botherd by my question
,, i dont know .. and i domt care "
,, what ?" i frowned looking at him what does he mean ' not know'
,, i moved out of the house.. and i know you arent returning to him either " this made me think , he acually managed to move away from his own father ,, i know you dont live with your friends . i saw you collecting bottles and trying to get a job .. i-i'm worried .i saw you talking to some man and i dont want you to do something stup-"
,, what do you want from me . what is this suppose to mean why are you acting like you care you never cared , you even caused most of the .. " fuck i couldnt even say it anymore.
,, i know .. but i'm not
acting like i care..
because i do care now .i know its too late for me to be forgiven but i at least want to .. i .. kyungsoo i want you to live with me in my apartment . i can offer you a bed and food you can invite youre friends and jongin and-"
,, no .." i simply answerd and he shut up .
,,kyungsoo-"
,, i.. i know you're trying to make it up and help but ..
i just .. cant ok, i need time. i dont think i would be able to handle living with you in the same apartment just now"
he sighed looking down
,, but you cant continue living on the streets.. and that man you talked to-"
,, i'm fine he just offerd me a job but i said no .. so dont worry. if you want to make it up to me..
try fixing youre dad "
i know this sounds stupid and fucked up coming especially from me . but i rememberd a time where the man that used to hit and punish me, was kind and funny just like seungsoo . he was broken until the day now .
my mum didnt love him for no reason something happened that changed him and i dont want him to rott in jail i want him to change like seungsoo did .
,, what ?" ofcorse he was surprised .
,, seungsoo , i .. i lost both of my parents . and since eujin died . i feel like i dont have any family anymore . you however still have youre dad. as much as i hated you and still cant take being too near with you .. i dont want you to feel alone .
i have jongin, baekhyun and chanyeol but you dont have that . i know you have friends and stuff but i also know that they dont see whats behind youre mask.. i'm not saying you should move back into the house because he would only freak out but ...maby you could like work this up little by little "
he stayed quiet at that and i couldnt help myself as i got up grabbing my books and put them into my locker . i grabbed to the back of it reaching inside a hole that had now cracked a little more . grabbing the little book inside i pulled it out and opened it searching one perticular pic .it was eujins book she had kept to give it to me one day . seungsoo had delieverd it to me after she died .
i pulled one picture out closing the book and putting it back before i held the picture out to seungsoo .
there was me on the left then there was eujin in the middle and he was on the right having her arm around him .
,, you .. you can cut me away i dont mind .. i already had a copy of it before eujin made that book "
he hesitandly took the photo and shock his head .
,, its perfect the way it is "
he did change .
,, yah ! whats going on here " i heard chanyeol yelling from down the halls and turning towards him i saw him approaching .
when he arrived he instandly pulled me by my shoulder behind him almost causing me to trip.
,, chany-"
,, what the hell are you doing !? havent you done enough !?"
yes he knew and baekhyun knows too .
,, i didnt do anything i swear clam down " seungsoo defended himself raising his hands and taking a step back
,, no you will back the fuck up got it !?" chanyeol snapped angrily and i placed my hand onto his upper arm .to get his attention .
,, chanyeol stop , its fine we were just talking nothing happened "
,, then what happened to youre back if you were just talking !?" he spoke to me but gave seungsoo the real death glare but i just frowned blinking .
,, what?" i moved my hands to touch my back and felt the pain on a particular spot . moving my hand under the pullover it was realy painful and wet .
i pulled my hand back to look at it only to see it being bloody .
fuck .. the ledge of the locker was acually that sharp seriously ?
,, i'll get you to the nurse office " chanyeol spoke now looking at me but i looked at seungsoo who seemed shocked and sad aswell .
i swollowed adverting my eyes as i turned around grabbing my bag from the ground , chanyeol took the bag from my hands to carry it as i still limped because of my still not fully healed ankle .
i only looked back once to see seungsoo now walk the other way .
,, you dont have to carry my bag"
,, but i want to .. besides that jongins gonna kill me if he finds out about youre back and hes gonna toture my soul if he would also find out that i let you carry youre bag aswell while i was besides you "
i smiled at that .. but it faded once i realized something
,, chanyeol , lets not go to the nurse office " i stoped him and he frowned at me ,, i-i dont want anyone to see my back "
he sighed at that but i just continued
,, i can just look at it in the bathroom "
,, there's no way you're able to treat that on youre own ."
,, its not like its the first time "
he stayed quiet at that and i kinda regret that i said that now .
,, let .. let me at least help you ,jongin is in class still "
i kinda hesitated ... i mean my back was pretty much healed anyway its just the uneven skin thats bothering me , jongin saw it but i didnt show it anyone else expect for eujin ofcorse since she helped me treat it .
,, o-ok " chanyeols a friend and i know him well enough that he wont change his attitude or the image of mine he sees because of a few scars .
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in the bathroom chanyeol grabbed into the front of my bag pulling a pretty old plaster out as i was facing the wall with the mirrors ,wich is why i looked down because i didnt want to see my face .its not that i cant look at myself ,when i'm alone i can but .. not when there is someone else with me .. if that makes sense.
to make it quieck i know i'm ugly .
,, can i ?" chanyeol asked me and i looked up to see him through the mirror before i slowly nodded and looked down again .
he carefully moved my shirt up and stoped for a second probably taking the sight in . i could see him out of my eye angle, raising his eyes to look at me through the mirror so i just closed my eyes like a stupid child who believed it would all not exist if he just closed his eyes .
, hey dont worry its ok . its just .. the plaster isnt big enough" well fuck . ,, and its kinda old .. can you maby wait here, i'll get a bandage from the nurse office " he spoke and i turned around facing him.
,, do i need a bandage?"
,, well its kinda long and "
,, did it stop bleeding ?" he blinked at me for a second before nodding slowly
,, then its fine."
,, but .. i dont think its good to keep it openly that way ." he protested but i shrugg him off .
,, dont worry its just a scratch "
,, kyungsoo " he sounded confused yet despred ,, you cant leave it that way "
,, i dont want a bandage "
,, well then i get a few more plasters but i wont leave it that way " he orderd and i knew this was a useless fight because he wouldnt give in so i just nodded and he smiled faintly before he walked out of the door muttering a 'wait here' .
i laughed at him for a second before it faded again as the silence took over so quieckly .
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chanyeol ended up bandaging my back after all.but i didnt bother protesting or anything anymore .
the rest of day i got pushed and called names again and i would lie if i said that it didnt pull me down again .
trying to somehow clear my head from all of it i found myself getting to the hospital ..
entering it i didnt even bother to ask for anyone and walked straight foreward glancing now and then to a different door.
until i reached the one door that made me halt .
its the door to the room eujin used to be in . and i just ended up staring at it . seeing the new shield on it with a new patient
'joo min'
suddenly a woman with red puffy eyes exit the room and kinda flinched because of me standing there . she almost slipped but i quieckly reached out for her shoulder, steadying her .
,, sorry .. i didnt mean to scare you " i offerd a weak smile and she did return it slighty.
,, thanks.. do you need help ? the doctor just left" she sniffed and i blinked at her .
,, oh no i-'m i mean i'm not a patient .. at least not now "she looked like she cursed herself and i smiled at her .
,, sorry i didnt mean .."
,, dont worry ..
is that youre son in there ?" she nodded sadly and i didnt want to push her further so i kept quiet .
,, sorry "
she nodded and i swollowed turning away when she stoped me .
,, do you know him ?"
i turned to her and shock my head ,, its just .. the room ..
my sister was placed in there not too long ago.. "
she nodded sadly probably understanding that it was a loss by the tone of my voice
,,i'm sorry ."
its funny how i'm talking to a stranger now .. am i that despreate ?,, i'm joo jisu"
she was telling me her name.. but why ? i hesitated but something inside of me told me to tell my name aswell
,, do kyungsoo "
she nodded with a smile and walked away .
i did the same turning around the corner i couldnt help but keep my smile because she was nice .
that smile faded when i saw a man on the other end of the hall looking at .. me ?
i turned around searching for what he was staring at because i didnt know him .
and just as i turned back to him.
he was gone .
confused i looked around but i didnt see any sign .
i stoped looking around when i spotted myself in the glass of a door .that was my reflection .
wow .. i did look horrible .my glasses were long gone and my hair was still a little shorter, my hoodie was off of my head by now and i could see my face .
when i got ready for the ball i kinda liked my looks . and wished i could keep that look .i dont want to seem arrogant but i found myself good looking for once .
but ofcorse that thought or feeling had to be taken away from.me aswell .
because now i look like a zombie . i do admit i've gotten skinnier and the lack of sleep didnt do well on me, i had dark bangs under my eyes and i was as pale as paper.
i was so fucking ugly that i couldnt help but think about jongin , who was handsome and tall . beautiful and strong .
what if he someday thinks about this too . what if he someday realizes that i'm by far not in his lenght. that i'm by far not what he deserves.
that i'm by far not good enough .
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{ buckle up }