once you asked me why I didn't say I love you. you had said it so many times and you just wanted to know why I hadn't.
I told you it was because I wasn't ready. because my last relationship had ruined me so bad that all I could see when I said "I love you" was a blur.
you told me you understood, and said you would do everything in your power to make me comfortable enough to love you.
and you did.
but loving you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
because every night I went to bed afraid I would wake up to another break-up text like I had many times before.
every night I went to bed wondering if I had told you I loved you enough times that day to make sure you still wanted me the next morning.
every night I went to bed praying to a God I don't believe in, begging him please please don't take you from me.
and now tonight I'll have to go to bed knowing that everything I did the nights before weren't enough.
because you didn't see me enough.
because you weren't sure you were the one I wanted to be with.
because you needed time to figure out what you were doing.
and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't give you the love you deserved. and I'm sorry you didn't give me the time I needed.
I'm sorry because you should know that you are the one I want.
and I'm sorry because I'll never get to tell you.