How can I be doing this right now? I'm supposed to be mad, but here I am. Crying my eyes out on Lynns shoulder while Hayley is literally hiding under the bed. It's been probably an hour and a half since she first got under there and knowing her she's probably feeling very antsy right now.
"Lynn... thank you so much" I said between sobs. It was starting to slow now but she still rubbed comforting circles onto my back.
"Hey, I can't leave my best friend alone while she's hurting. Even if it is a little awkward" she joked at the end. We both laughed a little and my crying stopped.
"You're gonna have to fight Carter for the title of best friend you know" I said. She chuckled a bit. It was kind of cute, I had to admit.
"Well then I guess I better watch out" she joked.
"Seriously though, Lynn. Thank you for being here for me and letting me cry a bit" she nodded.
"Anytime" she said sincerely.
"I'll let you go. I still have some stuff I gotta think about and I need some time alone to do so. I'll see you tomorrow though?" I asked hopefully. She smiled sweetly.
"Definitely" she said. We both stood and hugged for a bit before she grabbed her things and left to go home. Not long after Hayley shimmied out from under my bed. Then she started doing this weird dance thing and I laughed.
"It's not funny! My leg fell asleep and I couldn't do anything about it for..." she looked at her phone "for 43 minutes" she said and continued doing her thing.
"This is totally making me take you seriously" I laughed a little bit. She smiled too, making me hopeful that this was all fixable, but then she quickly put on a serious face.
"Look we need to finish our conversation" she said. Wow. This again.
"Who knew you could actually sound like a teacher" I rolled my eyes. Okay maybe that was uncalled for, but she broke my heart and it's only been a day and I'm mad and sad and too many feels so sass is all I can anchor to right now.
"I know you're hurt, but can we act like adults or at least pretend to be mature?" She said looking at me with a slight pout on her face.
"Fine. Where do you want to start?" I asked, trying my best to be polite.
"I want to let you explain the whole Lynn situation that seems to give her free reign to do whatever with MY girlfriend." She said putting her hands on her hips. She looked confident and it was definitely a turn on- wait... this bitch dumped you yesterday.
"You just said your girlfriend" I pointed out and her confidence faltered
"You know what I meant" she said quickly and went to look at her shoes.
"Look. Lynns getting threatened and bullied at school because she doesn't want to sleep with guys. She's a lesbian and people seem to have a problem respecting that. We became friends in P.E. and I saw the guys bullying her when I was walking out to my car after class. I thought I stopped it by stepping in. Then the next day I saw her walking home with a black eye. She was so scared, Hayley. It broke my heart seeing my friend like that and she told me not to tell anyone. She's been going through a rough time with almost no friends or support to help her through this whole thing so yeah I let her have it easy when she messes up around me. She's already going through enough" I said. Hayley looked down at her hands, but I could tell she was thinking over everything I just said.
"Logan... I feel for everything she's going through and I support you for caring about your friend, but this doesn't change the fact that I need a break from all the secrecy" she sat down next to me on the bed. What the hell does she mean with all this??? "We should go on a break" she said.
"So yeah we're still broken up" I huffed. She looked at me with a sad expression.
"You should enjoy high school. Hang with your friends, maybe be with Lynn since she clearly wants to be with you" she sounded hurt when she mentioned the whole Lynn thing.
"You're really willing to give up what we have?" I said.
"Yes"
"You want to just forget everything we've been through?"
"Yes"
"You're just gonna ignore the fact that I would die for you?" And I almost have, actually. On more than one occasion.
"For god sakes, Logan! What do you want me to say?!? I don't like what's happening, but I need a break!" She shouted. I felt the tears rising again. Then I felt her arms wrapping around me. "I'm sorry." My heart fluttered rapidly. Then she let go. I wrapped my arms around her. I wasn't ready for her to just walk away.
"Can we please just wait at least until tomorrow? Then we can go back to nothing tomorrow, I promise" she was hesitant. "Please" I begged. My voice cracked. "I still love you" she started tearing up too. I really thought she was going to stay. Of course, I was wrong. She quickly wiped her eyes.
"I can't" she got up and left me sobbing on the bed. I realized that even if I chased after her she wasn't going to come back to me. I couldn't really sleep that night. And all in all, I was feeling terrible. After the crying stopped for the millionth time today I stood up. After adjusting my shirt I grabbed the plates from the food Lynn and I had and went to the kitchen to clean them. I couldn't just mope around all night. Everything Hayley said kept replaying in my head. Over and over like a heartbreaking song on loop. The more that I thought about it Hayley always saw it as her relationship as opposed to our relationship.
It doesn't sound like any difference at all, but there is. By thinking it was her relationship she felt that she was able to decide when we started things and when we end them while I always followed along with it. Was it because she felt responsible? Was she responsible? She always called the shots and is doing so even now. That's when I started getting angry. She never let me choose anything. Any of this. All I chose to do was let her in. I let her ruin me completely. I gave her everything I had to offer. Now she just shoves it all back in my face and it's killing me!
Meanwhile I am just trying to help my friend. Carters okay, we finally finished that project I wrote the script for and everything was going fine. Kimmie and I were okay too, although we haven't really hung out since she started dating Aubrey. My parents were still gone like always, and Hayley's little friend group still swings by sometimes and I've gotten to know more about them and Hayley. Especially Jenna who is super awesome and cool. Things were finally settling into place and just when it was all fine she pulls this bullshit! All we had to do was wait two more months for me to graduate and we'd be free to openly date. I guess that plan wasn't going to work. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I picked it up without looking.
"Hello?" I asked. My voice was still shaky.
"Hey, Logan I was gonna ask if you could cover Sara's shift since she had a family emergency, but if you can't I'll call someone else-"
"No it's fine I'll go in. I need to get out of the house anyways" I said wiping my eyes furiously.
"You sure? You don't sound okay..."
"I'll be fine. When do I have to be there?" I asked.
"As soon as possible"
"Alright I can be there in thirty" I said.
"I'll see you then! Thanks, by the way" my boss said before hanging up. I doubt I'll run into Hayley or Lynn there so I might as well go. I cleaned my self up a bit before heading out to work. It was nice because traffic hadn't hit yet. I parked and walked into work. After clocking in I was told I'd just be shelving books today which was nice. I didn't really have to talk to anyone unless they talked to me first. I grabbed a cart that had various spirituality books in it so I went to the Health section of the library and started shelving some stuff. About five minutes had passed and I was almost done with the first rack of books on the cart when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw Jenna with a few books in her hand.
"Hey" I said surprised.
"Hey" she said back and pulled me into a hug. "It's been a bit hasn't it?" She asked.
"Yeah, how's Tay?" I asked. She almost frowned for a second.
"We broke up last night... I figured maybe a good book or two would be a good distraction and this kind of stuff interests me" she said. Now that I looked closer, her eyes did seem a bit puffier. It was kind of hard to tell because her makeup covered most trace of it up.
"Hayley broke up with me too" I said. She had a weird reaction when I said Hayley for a second, but I couldn't really tell what it was.
"Really? After everything?" She asked.
"Yeah, and it wasn't over anything we couldn't have fixed or dealt with like adults" I said. She sighed and pulled me into another hug.
"Don't worry, it gets better" Jenna said.
"Thanks. How are you holding up though?" I asked Jenna.
"Well, things were never perfect with Tay. I guess something in her just snapped and she decided she was done" Jenna said.
"Woah, sounds just like Hayley" I joked.
"Yeah... I guess that's why they were always best friends" she joked back.
"So what books you got there?" I asked. She held up the books.
"They had pretty covers so I thought why not" she shrugged.
"And they say not to judge a book by its cover?" I said. We both laughed it off.
"Hey, Logan!" I turned and saw Lynn walking up to us. What is she doing here?
"Hi Lynn" I said.
"Who's this?" She asked, smiling at Jenna.
"This is my friend Jenna. Jenna, this is Lynn" I said. They introduced themselves and started talking after that.
"Well it was nice to meet you, Lynn! I'm gonna get going Logan so text me if you ever want to actually catch up" she said. We hugged again and then she walked toward the register.
"She's nice" Lynn said.
"Yeah, her and her ex Tay are both pretty awesome" I said.
"I'll take your word for it" she said.
"What are you here for?" I asked.
"For books on my research project. The topic I am choosing is basically spirituality versus Religion and how both affect everyone's lives" she said.
"Sounds like a lot of work" I said.
"A bit, but I really need to get my grade up" she said.
"Alright, well so far your in the right section for spirituality" I chuckled. After a pause of looking at a few of the familiar titles I pulled two different books out. "These are the best ones I've read so far. Let me take you to the religion section" I said as I started walked.
"Thanks Logan" Lynn said as she walked with me.
"No problem" I said. I felt her hand on my shoulder and I stopped. Why would she put her hand on my shoulder?
"Isn't that Ms. Williams?" She asked, looking over to her right. I followed her like of sight and saw what appeared to be Hayley reading a book. Why is she here??? Of all places?!? I couldn't see her face since she was looking straight down at a book and her bangs covered her face from view. I bet she looked beautiful as always. I wondered if she even shed a tear over me after she left. I felt a nudge and I was brought back to reality. "Well do you think it is?" Lynn asked again.
"Um- I don't know... maybe?" I said, trying to shrug it off.
"We should go say hi! She's my favorite teacher. She's been probably the nicest one I've ever had. Plus, it doesn't hurt that she's really attractive" Lynn said. Okay... HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT?!?!?
"She's a teacher" I stated.
"Yeah, she is. It's not like I'm actually thinking of having sex with her that's like- super illegal. And I'm not one to judge, but wouldn't that be super wrong and like... gross?" Well then...
"Yeah. Super gross."
"What are we even talking about anymore? Let's go say hi!" Lynn used her free hand to grab mine and pull me over to Hayley.
"Hi Ms. Williams!" Lynn chirped happily. Hayley looked up alarmed and quickly wiped her eyes. She had been crying.
"Hi Lynn. Logan" she said curtly.
"Are you okay Ms. Williams?" Lynn asked. Hayley's eyes darted between Lynn and I and eventually landed on our Lynns hand which was still holding mine.
"Yeah" her voice cracked. "I'm fine." She composed herself again. "Just reading a book that stabbed me with feels, as you kids say" she said. I knew that wasn't it. Could it be?
"Gotcha, well it was nice seeing you! I gotta get Logan to help me find another book for my research project" Lynn said.
"Well have fun with your girlfriend" Hayley said. Her tone made her sound slightly pissed.
"Oh! She's not my girlfriend" Hayley looked up confused. "She doesn't like me like that at all" Lynn said embarrassed now and looked at her feet. She let go of my hand finally.
"Sorry, I thought-"
"It's nothing. Everyone assumes things. I mean... my ex girlfriend assumed things and she was wrong so I bet she feels sorry, but this is nothing" I said, finally contributing to the conversation.
"It's a shame someone would do that. But, that's an odd thing to say to a teacher" Hayley said. She was obviously uncomfortable. It was because I was right.
"Sorry, I guess I'm still really mad at her. Lynn?" I said grabbing the other girls attention. "Let me show you were to find the books you wanted" I said. Now THIS was super awkward.
A/N: So what did you all think about that chapter? Or this book? Idk I just like seeing what you all think or what your reactions to the chapter are! What should I do next? Who knows? Haha leave a comment and don't forget to vote! I know I don't update this story much, but I'm trying I promise!!!