"When you think you're all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I'm the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
Till I break you"
~Digital Daggers
The year of 1968-1969 was the calm before a storm as the wizarding world – was soon to be fraught with a war that would break apart families. One stormy day it lead to an accident that would forever change Bellatrix Black. An accident that lead to her becoming the instrument of Lord Voldemort.
Bellatrix's last year at Hogwarts was a painfully happy one – she'd achieved Quidditch captain, (after playing six years) she was now a leader. A leader at the threshold of greatness – everyone whispered she had the potential to play for the Holyhead Harpies. Her teammates cheered their captain was the best the Slytherin's had ever had. Even so the woman starring back at her from the mirror was not the woman she'd become – it broke her heart. Her father had cursed her entire future and to disobey was to destroy Narcissa and Andromeda.
So playing for the Harpies would be that just a dream. She never loved anyone as much as her sisters (especially little Cissy.)
Little Cissy who's marks were outstanding especially in potions. She and Snape had a healthy competition going – who would be the better potion master.
Bellatrix prided herself in teaching Narcissa everything - as with her OWLS – her NEWTS were nothing less than perfection – outstanding in everything.
Yet she'd never be able to use it? She wouldn't have a career either - no she was to be sold to the Lestranges as their son's trophy wife. (A pure blood wife – a cow to slaughter – a baby machine. No she wouldn't – she wouldn't go down without a fight!)
It was then that Bellatrix started doing a lot of research in the restricted section of the library.
Anything to distract from the attention Malfoy gave Cissy. It made Bellatrix sick, she was absolutely hostel. Whenever she could she'd hex, jinx or curse Malfoy (once she'd found a spell to make his hair fall out. It worked - oh it had worked too well.)
Bellatrix was making sure her last year was legendary-her graduation loomed worse than death. Maybe Andromeda knew why-she'd once caught her making out with Emmaleen Greengrass.
In shock and fear she had pushed Emmaleen away, giving her sister a dangerous look. As both girls watched tears cascading from the younger woman's eyes. Bellatrix hadn't felt any guilt then - since her true feelings hadn't been for her. Yet she was pure – so it seemed a certain waste to lose such a beauty -Bellatrix thought.
Emmaleen was just one of her scandalous conquests the eldest Black had won.
Bellatrix had always fancied women – their curves – their lips – their scent- as she fucked them, their arousal honey on her tongue. They were beauty - that quickened her heart as her knickers felt a wetness trickling down her legs. It was pure lust. She'd had dozens (Emmaleen merely her longest.)
As she walked down the corridors, the girls and boys (whispered) wishing she'd desire them. Slytherin's were her favorite- though she'd tasted a Ravenclaw.
So shameless, was Bella that she continued to fuck Emmaleen - it wasn't love no – Bellatrix couldn't love anyone but Narcissa. Why else would Andromeda – shun her? Look at her with such hatred? She must have known – Bellatrix reasoned that the woman she wanted in her bed – was her own sister - Cissy.
Bellatrix was lust and carnal need (sex a gift from madness). -Andromeda was the perfect prefect—Narcissa the proactive innocence. -
All too soon, Bella began her long walks to Black Lake (named for her family.) Anything to keep the nightmares and her own pain away. A decision that would change her life -two lives - one stormy day (the day before her wedding.)
Slowly - Bellatrix realized her marriage couldn't be helped, it was destiny – it seemed. She was almost thankful as it lead her to him.
She'd returned from Hogwarts feeling almost lucid. Mostly in part thanks to her fiancé. He'd taken her to many late night meetings. (Rodolphus knew Bellatrix couldn't be a trophy wife and he respected her - which surprised her. Respected her enough not to change her.) He'd admired her for years-he knew enough to (desired her.) She thought he'd helped her be free.-
Here among his friends she met a divinely handsome wizard, the one she'd once spoken to Cissy of. Never before had she been attracted to a man. No not his looks – the words he promised - Bellatrix would allow a man in her bed. Not until she had too. He'd courted, her intellect and won her fragile trust. She felt in him, with him - she could protect Narcissa.
He was be to be her dark horse.
He looked into her mind and chosen her for greatness – Bellatrix thought.
She wouldn't be a wife or mother – she reasoned – she'd be his greatest fighter.
What other witch could boast at eighteen that they'd garnered the affections of such a powerful man, Lord Voldemort. Rodolphus had spoken to him of her dueling ability (that she could see the awesome power of at least one Unforgivable and could be taught to use them.)
The day before her wedding, she carefully traced her finger along her portrait, the one that had caused such ire. Now it would go to the Lestrange mansion, like her life - it too was to be packed up around her, a pang of pain stung her heart. Narcissa -
Sixteen year old Bellatrix looked back at her – mischievously – she rarely spoke – if only to give a few torrid and lurid remarks.
"Well we're getting married tomorrow?" young Bella said voice more rational and steady.
"I am not you!" Bellatrix scowled – "I should just burn you."
"You wouldn't dare, I am you and you're me."
"You're a shadow of the greatness of what I'll become" Bellatrix laughed madly. "I'll save myself through him –" she jumped up and down – her wand shooting off a spell that made the fireplace light with dancing flames. "I'll save Narcissa the same fate we've been forced into. You wait and see?!"
"If you say so Bella" her younger softer self said. "Only we know the real reasons you chose this life – to be his loyal door mat."
"SILENCE you fucking painting!" Bellatrix screamed insanely. "I'll destroy you!"
"Bellatrix careful – don't let the madness out to play? What would Voldemort say if he knew his bitch wasn't any good to him?"
"FUCK YOU!" Bellatrix moaned, she took her dagger out of it's sheath, she went to slash the painting who merely laughed.
"Bellatrix!" a panicked Narcissa yelled "Oh my goddess you've slit your wrist!"
Bellatrix looked down to see that she'd completely lost herself. Seeing her own crimson blood dripping languidly down her wrists she was filled with a lust as she rounded on Narcissa. She cast her eyes over her hungrily – those eyes – the way her hips swayed.....
Snap she felt her mind -break a little.
"Bella?" Narcissa screamed panicked, the painting on the floor all but forgotten. As Bella's blood cascaded onto it. "Oh ...goddess..." she wept quickly healing Bellatrix and promptly slapping her. "WHAT the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Language Cissy" her voice escaping seductively.
Narcissa found her hand held fast by her older sisters. Her eyes locked with hers and she tasted her own blood as she'd bit down hard. She'd never seen her eyes change color, her breath hitched.
"Do you want to know a secret?" Bella purred pulling Naricssa against her, reveling in the moan that escaped her innocent sisters lips.
"Mmmm?"
"That I want to fuck you?"
"What?" Narcissa, gasped feeling Bellatrix's fingers squeeze her ass, she thought she should faint.
"Well I do.....you're mine - you belong to me - only."
"Bella...." Narcissa whimpered "ohhhh...."
Bellatrix didn't wait for an answer as she captured her sister's lips in a searing kiss. As all her mad thoughts washed away – (the kiss broke the spell.)
She pulled away angry – seeing what she'd done – knowing she couldn't this ever take it back. Her scream was feral and deranged. She couldn't believe she'd crossed the line...
Narcissa stood her mouth slightly open....staring back at sister, a mask of fury, lust, passion and fear.
"It's okay Bella...."
"Oh my god Cissy! The fuck it is...you're my sister!"
"But I want -I am yours...."
"Not Malfoy's? Bellatrix asked cautiously.
"Goddess no!" Bellatrix .... "I enjoy the attention -but it's you -damn it! I've been trying to get you to notice me for years! Now you're getting married....it's practically too late."
"You're fourteen Cissy! I can't ..... I'd burn the world down for you.....in righteous anger -I'd build a better world -with him I will. We'll make the world over. A world you can be safe in. I promised myself -everything I do -I do for you. But -now I do it for him. You deserve happiness – I can't have - children – marriage -not me! Not a broken excuse -we're blood you and I. We can't.... I'll go completely mad!" She begged for Narcissa to understand.
Yet Narcissa, her fourteen year old self petulant and stubborn as she only cried harder. "You let me in then you reject me! You're killing me Bella!"
She was - she knew it. Bellatrix sighed and pulled her sister close kissing away the tears – she'd brought. "Okay - I'll make you a promise, my beloved."
"What....what could you possibly do...to heal the hurt? You've broken my heart!"
"If you still feel this way - at seventeen"
"Yes?"
"I'll...."
"You'll?" Narcissa's hopeful eyes did it....
"I'll give you - what you want..." Bellatrix sighed her blush racing up her cheeks, like flames.
Narcissa gasped – her eyes wide - "I...I.... oh?"
"We won't talk any more of it...hopefully you'll give it up..."
"I won't - Bella.....I love you...."
"God damn it Cissy...I love you too" Bellatrix laughed at the ridiculous situation.... "come we'll get cleaned up....then do you know what? Lets - go for a walk? I can apparate us to the Black Lake. I like to go up there to think sometimes-"
Naricssa nodded - smiling weaving her fingers with Bellatrix. She wants to share something special with me-
She pulled Narcissa toward the door.
Both sisters hurried from the drawing room - forgetting the painting as Bella's blood soaked it and disappeared into the magic ink.