At times, the world told you who to be.
It told you how to act, how to behave in certain situations.
Freedom of thought was complete and utter bullshit.
So screw me for being so negative of my situation when there are people who have been through worse.
But the thing is, it's my life. And these events are pretty effing huge, considering I've never gone through anything like this before.
And my 'this', I mean all the lying. The people I love, lying to me over and over like it's nothing.
They say there are behavioral steps a person always takes when something like this happens. You know, first confusion, then denial, followed by anger and sorrow.
Let's just say I skipped through the first two.
Screw being mad, now I'm blazing. Furious enough to throw my phone into a wall.
And that's exactly what I do.
When it doesn't stop ringing, I scream and throw it straight across the room. It hits a wall and breaks into pieces.
"That'll leave a dent." Claire murmers.
She sits besides me on the bed. Her bed. After all, I'm in her house.
"Sorry." I mutter.
"It's okay." She smiles. She grabs a pillow and leans with her head against the headboard. "You know, everytime Liam and I fight, I feel like it's the end of the world. But then, the next day, things do get better."
"It's different." I tell her. By this point, my eyes are red and swollen and I'm wondering how long I can go without ophthalmic drops. If my brain chooses to concentrate on anything else. Right now, all I see in my head is the same scene, repeating itself over and over like a broken video player. "He didn't lie to you about getting his memories back."
Saying it out loud is a whole other thing. It makes it so much more true than it sounds in my head.
It's crazy, I know. All these weeks, I've imagined what it would be like when he would get his memories back. But I never imagined that it would be like that.
What's he going to do now? The least he could have done is tell me. I would have understood.
"So he does remember how awesome I was in high school?" Comes a voice from the door.
I turn around to find Liam standing in the doorway.
Claire throws him a dirty look that silently asks him to shut up.
He comes in and sits besides me anyways. "Joking." He says. He tilts his head at me but doesn't say anything for a long time.
"Well," says Claire. "I think we need to get your mind off things. What do you do when you're bored?"
"Watch TV." I say bluntly.
Liam's lips curve in amusement. "Even distressed she can be sarcastic." He claps his hands. "I say we all go out tonight. And you can't say no, it's a Friday after all."
Oh, I don't plan on disagreeing this time. I'm not going to sit around and mope like I always do.
"Fine." I reply, wiping my face with the back of my hand. "Zach suggested this club we could go to."
Liam and Claire both exchange suprised looks, like they didn't expect me to agree and were ready to argue about it.
"Um, yeah. Sounds great." Liam glances at the pink coloured clock hanging in Claire's room. "I'll call Rosie and Kevin, meet you guys outside in ten?"
"Thirty." Claire negotiates.
"Twenty." Liam replies and gets up. He leaves before Claire has a chance to extend her time.
When he's gone, she puts a warm hand on my back. "Are you sure you're okay, honey? This isn't the best time to--"
"I'll be okay." I cut her off. I always have been.
"Well, we better get ready then." She sighs. "You and I are almost the same size, you can borrow one of my dresses."
With a small smile playing on her face, she gets off the bed and walks over to her closet.
Mindlessly, I follow. She, like always, has an array of dresses that I neither like or want to wear, but I pick out the first thing I see anyways.
Claire eyes the dress. "Perfect." She says.
So I go to the bathroom and put in on. I cant deny that its pretty, a neutral colour with gold highlights.
I run my fingers through my hair and step outside. Whilst Claire is changing, I sit on the vanity chair and stare at myself in the mirror.
A hand moves to rub dark lipstick all over my lips. I'm quiet, like I'm waiting for something, silently judging myself. A tear slips out of my eye but instead of wiping it away, I work on running the mascara wand through my lashes.
Is this it, I think? Is that all it takes?
"You look pretty good." Zach compliements after I get out of the car. He and Rosie have been waiting for us outside the club.
I'm about to walk away, when I stop and force myself to turn to him and say thank you.
Being here, it's my decision. Nobody should have to worry about my bad mood, especially not me.
Tonight, I'm not going to let Dani or my dad, or my mom get the better of me.
I flick my hair back and stand up straighter. Perhaps the only way to truly have fun is to get drunk.
Inside the club, through the front doors is a completely different story. Whist outside, black clouds loom the sky and not a sound is to be heard, inside, the music is so loud that the floors seem to be shaking.
Sweaty, intoxicated bodies dance to the music whilst others seem to be drinking beyond the limit.
"You want a drink?!" Zach yells above the music. Even though his lips are close to my ear, I can barely hear him.
I want to deny, but at the same time, I don't.
Finally, I nod my head. This is what I came here for. To forget.
"I say, we do shots." Liam smirks. "The first one to finish 20 wins."
Kevin and Claire whoop in excitement. "I'll go first." I say.
Rosie is the only one who gives me a skeptical look. "Are you sure?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" I reply, glancing at the dance floor.
"Maybe because you've never had more that three shots in your life, let alone twenty."
I shrug it off. "There's at first time for everything."
One of the workers leads us to a table. Zach arrives and hands me my drink. It's gin, with absolutely no water.
I gulp it down without any regrets.
Kevin and I face each other, sitting on opposite sides on the table.
"You're going down, Morgan." Kevin calls.
I narrow my eyes. "Oh, you're so on."
When the waiter arrives, he sets the tray on the table. Liam counts to three, and as soon as he finishes, Kevin and I both grab the first shot glass and I gulp down the drink as fast as I can without stopping. With my other hand, I grab the next glass.
And so on and on we continue like the night, until there's only one left.
Kevin grabs his first, but I'm quicker and before I know it, the last of the alcohol is burning down my throat and Liam is yelling my name.
"Didn't know you had it in you, Cia!" Kevin exclaims.
"Me neither." I mutter back.
Before I know it, the floor is swaying beneath me and colours are blurring.
The music is senseless noise in the background, but just as addicting as the alcohol.
"You wanna dance?" Liam asks Claire. She nods and they both head over to the dance floor just as the song changes.
"You wanna dance?" Zach asks me. Dressed in gray, he looks impeccable.
I get up and almost instantly stumble. I sway and grab onto the table for support.
My mind was buzzing with pain and excitement.
"My, you're already drunk." He states.
He doesn't make a move to touch me, and for that I'm glad.
"Go on, I'll be fine." I tell him.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I can take care of myself."
He smirks. "I didn't doubt that for a second."
When he's gone, I lean both my arms against the table and sigh. I'd really let myself go with those twenty shots, and I was just beginning to feel the after effects.
It isn't long before I'm standing alone, still deciding whether I want to join my friends on the dance floor.
Just as I begin walking towards them, a voice stops me.
I turn around and scowl when I see who it is.
"Didn't expect to see you here." I cross my arms.
"What can I say," he says. "I missed you, querida."