Jackson's POV
I look at the transparent, small glass tube on my night stand and then look back to the clock.
I had it in mind.
If I take one of those pills, the impact won't change anything but, if I take the whole bottle maybe... yeah, I'll take the whole bottle.
I grab the small, glass tube in a lightning bold and open the lid.
A part of me is scared to do it but, I'm tired.
I'm tired of how people treating me.
I'm tired of how they ordered me around like a robot.
I'm tired of those hate and disgusting comments about me and my band mates.
I'm tired... and no one would understand me.
I look at the tube filled with white pills and then glance at the clock again.
5.30PM Seoul time.
I'm back in Seoul when I ran away from the others.
More like, when I ran away from reality.
I sigh... a deep sigh.
A sigh that I will regret later.
"I'm sorry." I said, whispering to myself.
The dorm is quiet. Coco is sleeping and no one is around.
It's for the better...
I told myself.
I pour all of the pills into my open palm and look at it for the last time.
"I'm so sorry."
I close my eyes tightly and shove the pills into my mouth.
Bitterness is all I can taste and feel right now but, after I swallow all of these I'm sure, I'll be fine...
I ran out of my room and into the kitchen.
As I gulp down the pills, I saw Coco running towards me, barking.
I think he sense something wrong but I smile at him as I bend down to pet him.
"Don't worry, I'll be fine." My sight is becoming blurry and my stomach is churning.
I sat down in front of the barking Coco.
As if in slow motion, I collapse onto the floor as foam make its way out of my mouth.
The last thing I remember is Coco barking and a blurry figure looking down at me.
This is for the better... I told myself again.
Sojung's POV
When we arrived at Seoul Hospital, the lobby was already filled with reporters and paparazzi.
I dont know how did they heard about the news so quickly but thanks to one of the security guard, our car was able to get through the crowd and I found myself running faster than the others towards Jackson's room.
Jackson, what the hell did you do???
Negative thoughts filled my head as we run and make a sharp turn to the right.
"197!" Bambam looked to his right and saw the room.
"We better get in quick before a reporter spot us." Jinyoung said as we all nodded and slide the sliding door open.
There I saw the most humorous and cheerful person, laying lifelessly on the stiff bed, tubes sticking out everywhere from his body.
His manager besides him, looking down with dullness.
"Noona!" Yugyeom ran towards their manager.
"Oh, Yugyeom-ah..." she replied with no energy.
"How is Jackson hyung?" Youngjae brushed his hand through his head, worried.
I went to the unconscious Jackson and look at his face.
"The doctor said, if he was three minutes late, it would've been fatal."
Their manager sigh.
"But he's ok now right?" Jaebum asks.
Their manager glance at Jaebum with a pale face.
"We dont know yet. The doctor was able to pumped the pills out of his system but, almost half of the pills already dissolved and running through his system right now." She sigh. "He over consumed the pills and-" their manager suddenly collapsed onto the floor which made Youngjae and Yugyeom came running to her to help her sit down.
"Noona, you better go home and rest. We're going to be here with him." Jinyoung said. Their manager nods and walked out of the room with the help of Yugyeom and Youngjae.
"Jackson has gone too far." Jaebum blurted once the three are out.
"It's not the time to blame anyone." Jinyoung said.
"Yeah, but it's not only him who is under stress. We all do." He glances at Jackson. "And with him doing this, just adding more stress towards me."
"Are you saying this is Jackson's fault?" Bambam furrowed his eyebrows at Jaebum.
"I'm not saying Jackson is the one to blame but, that's exactly what I'm trying to say." Jaebum crossed his hands.
"Hyung that's mean." Youngjae said while entering the door after he escorted their manager out. Yugyeom who is next to Youngjae looks at everyone in the room.
"You guys, Jackson hyung is still unconscious how could you talk about him like that?" Youngjae said, dissapointedly.
"Well, he obviously know we all need a break and when our company called us we know that we have to get back to work whether we like it or not. Because, thats the career we took." Jaebum said.
"And it's not only him who are pissed about it. I'm so annoyed as well but, he didnt considered how we feel. He just jumped into conclusion and ended up here." He adds.
"Jaebum that's enough." Jinyoung said, sternly. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Jinyoung glares at Jaebum tentatively and walk towards him.
"You're being too nice, Jinyoung. Just be honest, you're annoyed too, right?" Jaebum scoffs.
Jinyoung replied with a scoff as well. "Whether I'm annoyed or being too nice is not the problem right now. You're the leader and you're the one who started an argument while one of our member almost died." He squeanted his eyes at Jaebum, upset.
"Dont you have some sympathy?!" Jinyoung raises both of his shoulders. He then points at Jackson. "Look at him, Jaebum! He almost died! Try putting yourself in his shoes! How do you feel if you're Jackson? He has tonnes of schedules more than us as a group of course he is way more tired than us." Jinyoung put his hands on his hips.
"Can you be more considerate? This is what I hate about you sometimes, Jaebum. You really never understand what the other feels. You need to change and reflect on yourself and come back to me when you're a better person!" Jinyoung suddenly walks out of the room, leaving us speechless.
"Jinyoung..." Mark sigh. He then looks at Jaebum. "Jaebum-ah, please understand..." Mark walks towards him and grab his shoulder lightly. However, Jaebum hold Mark's hand and throw it away from his shoulder.
"You guys are pathetic." With that, he walks out of the room.
I stare at Jaebum as he walks out of the door.
"What is going on??" Yugyeom looks at everyone, confused.
"Can you guys look after Jackson? I'll be right back." I said and wanted to go out of the room when Mark holds my hand.
"Where are you going?" He asks.
"Dont worry, I'll be right back." I smiled at him as I hold his hand.
"Ok.."
I look around the hospital park for Jaebum and as if its on cue, I saw him sitting underneath the cherry blossom.
I walk towards him without him knowing and sat beside him.
"JAEBUM OPPA!" He flinched when he heard the 'oppa'.
"I thought you're some crazy fan, Sojung." He softly caress his chest.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, cutely looking at him while swinging my legs back and forth.
"Nothing." He looks away.
"I agree with you." I said.
"What do you mean you agree with me?" He looks at me.
"Those things you said earlier." I smiled but not looking at him.
"You do?"
I nod.
"I mean, I agree about you being annoyed by Jackson because he did this and how he didnt considered our feelings..."
"You really do?" He asks and turn his face towards me.
"Yeah, I totally understand."
"Thanks Sojung. Finally someone understands me." He smiles brightly.
"But I dont think you understand Jackson." I blurted.
"Huh?" He tilted his head.
"You want people to understand you Jaebum but, what about Jackson right now?" I look at him, smiling.
"He did that because he has a reason. You wanted to be understood because you have a reason, right?" He kept staring at me.
"Jackson must have been sorry for all of us. He must have been burdened with a lot of things because he had more schedules than the rest of you. He didnt choose that. He doesnt want to be more famous than his band mates. All he want is the best for the group. He did everything to bring up the group's name but, its hard for him to do it all by himself. He needs all of us. He needs you, Jaebum." I said.
"You're the leader and you're the one who have to catch him when he's falling. You're the one who will always get his back. You're the person he would go to and rant his heart out." I take his hand in my hand. "You're his brother in need and I'm sure you will always be there for Jackson and what not." I add.
"So, I'm begging you Jaebum. Please understand and humble yourself down to your bandmates. Show them that you're a great leader. Show them that they can count on you. Show them that you're not just a leader but also, a brother, a father figure and also a friend for all of them. You've been chosen to be a leader because, they can see charisma and leadership from you... and talk to Jinyoung, apologize to him after what you have said and to Jackson too when he wakes up. Show them that you're not a coward. I know you can, Jaebum. I know you are the best leader. I know you can Jaebum Oppa." I smile brightly at him.
He looks at me for a mere second and he suddenly started crying.
"Jae-Jaebum?" I brush my hand on his back softly, calming him down.
"Jaebum what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry." He said, while he covers his face with his hands.
"Jaebum, it's alright. Why are you crying?"
"I just- I just dont want to lose Jackson. I'm just scared if something happened to Jackson. I'm scared if we lost him." He started sobbing. "I said those things earlier because, I cannot cry in front of you guys, not in front of Yugyeom and Bambam." He sniffs.
"Oh, Jaebum.. Now I understand." I hug him, crying with him as well.
"I dont want to be seen as weak. I dont want to cry in front of the members." He cries again.
"Shhh.. Jaebum it's ok.. It's ok to cry, you dont have to act strong. Sometimes you need to cry and let it lose. You're a human too." I pat his back lightly, calming him down.
"Thank you Sojung. Thank you."
"Now let's go in shall we?" I said. He pulls away from the hug and nods while wiping his tears away.
As we walk through the corridors, we met with Jinyoung.
He looked taken aback when he saw Jaebum's red eyes.
"Did you... did you cry?" Jinyoung asks. I look at Jaebum and saw him looking away.
"Hey, Jinyoung." Jaebum suddenly breaks the silent.
"I'm sorry."
"I just... I just dont want to be seen as weak by you or the others. I'm really worried about Jackson and I'm scared if we lose him. I really dont want that to happen."
The next thing I know, a gush of wind come swept through me and I saw Jinyoung has already hug Jaebum in a tight hug.
"Jaebum, I'm sorry too." He said.
Jaebum wrapped his hands around him securely and nod his head, letting out tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jinyoung."
"Hyung! Jackson hyung is awake!" Yugyeom screams.
"Jackson!" Everyone, in unison call out to his name.
"Where am I?" Jackson asks, in a weak tone.
"You dumbass! What the hell were you thinking?!" Youngjae hit his chest, lightly. Jackson moan because of the impact.
"How are you feeling, Jack?" Mark smiles at him.
"Jackson hyung!" Bambam tugging on his blanket.
"You're in the hospital." Jaebum said, averting eyes from Jackson.
"Wh...why?" Jackson started to look a bit upset.
"What do you mean why?" Jinyoung looks at Jackson, menacingly.
"Why am I in the hospital?!" Jackson raises his voice.
"Jack-"
"Why did all of you bring me to the hospital?!" He screams.
"Jackson hyung..." Yugyeom extends his hand to hold Jackson's hand but, Jackson throw it away, forcefully.
"Who allows you to bring me to the hospital?!" He scream yet, again.
"You dont know what I've been going through! How dare you intervene in my life?!" He scoffs.
"Jackson!"
"Dont Jackson me! I dont want to hear anything from you guys. Get out." He look at the empty space without having eye contacts with us.
"Jackson, why are you being like this?" I ask him, walking forward towards him.
"Dont come, Sojung. Leave me alone, all of you!" He closes his ears and curl his body.
"Jackson-ah..." i said, begging at him.
"Get out!!!" Jackson screams, from the top of his lung.
"Jackson Wang!" Jinyoung suddenly, screams back, which made Jackson turn to face him.
"Are you out of your mind?!" He walk towards Jackson, tentatively and grab his collar.
"Yes I am out of my mind!!!" Jackson, violently struggling to be free from Jinyoung's grip.
"Then let me help you to get yourself back together!" Without a warning, Jinyoung landed a punch on Jackson's cheek which made Jackson groan in pain.
"Ji-Jinyoung.." i tried to seperate them but, Jinyoung was too strong and pushed me aside.
"Let him be, babe." Mark caught me in his arms and whispered to my ears.
"That should give you some sense." Jinyoung slowly, releasing Jackson back to his bed.
"You should apologize after saying all of those bullshits to us." Jinyoung looks at him, with hateful eyes. "Do you think we're going to let you die?! What kind of brothers are we?!" He put his hands on his hips and scoffs.
"You didnt know how worried we are for you Jackson and now you have woken up you told us it's wrong to bring you to the hospital where you overdosed with those pills?! You crazy bastard." Jinyoung brush through his hair with his hand, frustratingly.
"Do you think we havent notice about you taking those pills at night?! Well, you better hide them in a more secure place next time." He said, sarcastically.
"Jaebum, Bambam, Mark, Yugyeom, Youngjae, me and even Sojung know you took it and you said we dont understand you?! We're your family! Of course we know and understand your situation! Do you think I wont understand if you're tired of all of this? I'm an artist to Jackson, we all are. We know what you're going through and feel." Jinyoung pinches the bridge of his nose. "We are tired too."
Jackson sigh and I heard sniffs.
"I-I'm sorry..." He cries.
"I'm so sorry!" He covers his face with his hands and sob continuously. I look at him with teary eyes.
It must be hard for him, it must be hard for all of them.
All this time I thought being an idol, will guarantee you with happiness and wealth but, seeing Jackson like this, broke my heart into pieces.
I walk towards him and hug him tightly.
"Jackson, shh.." i caress his back softly as I calm him down.
He sob and sniff and apologize more to everyone.
One thing I learned today is to open up. I know Jackson took sleeping pills for a few weeks. I know Jaebum is so tired and I know the boys need a break but, they dont show and tell about how they feel.
If they just talk to me or their manager, this wont happen.
Sometimes, guys just want to look tough and hide all their misery to themselves not knowing that someone out there is willing to help and listen to them.
I slap Jackson's back softly as I heard less sob from him.
"I'm sorry." He kept repeating that over and over and over again.
"Jackson it's ok. No need to apologize. Just... dont do this again, ok?" Jinyoung said, putting his hand on Jackson's shoulder. He nods to Jinyoung and smiles appeared in everyone's face.
From that moment, I promised to myself that I wont let anything or anyone erase those smiles from their face again. I dont want to see them in misery or sad anymore. This is the last time.