The First Argument
Kelsey had never thought of herself as a jealous girl. That is, not until that very first day Declan had brought her along to a post game celebration of milkshakes, fries and burgers at Redwood Creek's milkshake bar, The Pudgy Moo.
The celebration of the game was boisterous, and the cheerleaders at Hoffman High together with the team all crowded into two booths.
She had always known Declan was a star player, even before they got together. It was why she had been surprised in the first place, that someone like Declan Reed, star quarterback and most sough after male in their high school, would actually want someone the school often classified as a 'band nerd', the girl who was always in the music room, or with headphones plugged into her ears. Kelsey's lunch buddies consisted mostly of Megan, Megan and whoever Megan was attached to... and did she mention Megan?
So it was to no surprise that in a crowd of almost twenty people had Kelsey shut tighter then a clam. Squeezed in between her boyfriend and his best friend Grant, her chocolate milkshake remained almost untouched. Kelsey only watched, as if a rat had stolen her voice, as Declan jostled his friends, joked and laughed. He occasionally draped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her, but never once had he looked at her.
Worst, they were all over him.
When she said they, she meant them. The pretty, skinny, leggy cheerleaders who seemed as if they cannot get enough of the football team, Declan and Grant especially. By the fourth girl who surreptitiously ran her finger up Declan's bare arms, and him just laughing at what she said, Kelsey had had just about enough.
With a muttered, unclear apology, not even a look at who was supposedly her boyfriend, Kelsey excused herself and dodged the crowd to exit the brightly lit diner. She only managed to go a couple of feet away from the entrance however, before a familiar voice that often invoked joy in her, called the nickname that was uniquely his, pausing her steps.
"Kay, what's the matter? Are you alright?" Declan had asked, as he ran up to her, a confused expression on his face. With his tousled, post-game hair, flushed cheek and excited light in his eyes, Declan Reed look every bit the star quarterback. Why would he even want her? Insecurities flew amok in her head as she bit her lip, hoping the dim street lights of the street could hide the way her eyes darted away from him. "Kay?"
Not happening. Declan was too attuned to her.
"You're busy. I better leave."
He frowned, not comprehending the meaning behind her words. "What do you mean? We just won a game, Kelsey, everyone's celebrating!"
"I can see." she couldn't help the sudden toxic that crept into her voice, as she yanked her hand out from his grip. "So much celebration, that everyone can't wait to get a piece of you!"
It was a rare show of temper, for the otherwise quiet, silent Kelsey. So she was a jealous girl. It wasn't something she was proud of, yet with Declan Reed, he seem to amplify every single one of her emotions, and she couldn't decide if she loved him or hated him for it.
---
"You really didn't have to stage a kidnapping, you know. We have phones." I muttered, rubbing my neck from where he had chafed it. My bag had been left in my car, along with the food Seeley had packed for me, having fallen out of my grip the moment Declan had yanked me into his car and more or less drove off before I could even register what had happened. To his credit, Declan looked quite guilty, but rolled his eyes at my words.
"And would you even answer it if I had called you? You still have my number programmed in your phone, I'm assuming."
I paused. His words were true, that I was not about to deny. As much as Jamie Beckett had been monopolizing my time over the past three weeks, Declan Reed was like a parasite I couldn't easily eject from my mind. I was thankful for Jamie's companionship, for the twenty-five year old was a welcome distraction. But in a way, I knew I wasn't being fair, especially if all I wanted Jamie for was as a distraction. Ayah wouldn't be happy either.
So what did I want?
"Kels?"
I looked up, and then blinked as I did a double take. "Your cast is off."
Where it used to be, was a fresh, pink leg that was uncovered due to the board shorts that Declan wore, ending at his knee. It was covered in various scars that had healed over, remnants of rough football games that were part and parcel of his highschool life here in Redwood Creek. An ugly scar crept it's way around his ankle, obvious even under dim lighting. He followed my gaze, and winced when he saw where my eyes were looking.
"Yeah, meet the result of a heavy footballer ramming into me during a practice run." Declan sheepishly said, running a hand through his dark hair. "But that's not what I came here for."
I raised a brow. There was a note of fearful hesitation that was rare from him. Declan Reed had always been confidently sure of his place in life. "Then what did you unceremoniously kidnap me here for? A moonlit date?"
Its amazing that I could still pull a joke out of this situation, considering just how things were last between the two of us, but Declan chuckled anyway. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his board shorts, wandering towards the end of the pier where we had first star gazed, where I had realized that there could never be 'just friends' between us. But that also maybe, it was just me, never him.
"I... I owe you an explanation."
"You do?" I asked, surprise evident in my voice. I followed his steps, stopping just a couple of steps behind him. "What?"
He was silent, for the longest moments. And in that moment, it seemed like my world hung on a cliff as I watched his broad, muscular back that was clearly defined in the tight gray cotton shirt he wore. Once upon a time, I gazed upon that back lovingly as he practiced, eagerly ran up in the hallways of our school to surprise him. In the last few months after we broke up, I often shied away from the view of it, too painful a reminder of everything I could have, everything he didn't want when he broke up. Too often, it was next to a slender body with blonde hair, a sight that simply twisted the dagger that was already embedded.
Now, it was just a curious figure that I wanted, but was unsure if I could have.
And as the waters of Redwood Lake lapped at the shores, I caught his distinct vocals speaking. "You were everything I wanted, Kelsey Harrington. Everything. My dad... you know he's never around. I was brought up by my mom, and then by nannies when Mom passed away. Dad's always with his business. I never knew what it was to be wanted, to feel warmth, to... come home to something that was made just for me. And then we had that school fair... remember?"
He turned over his shoulder and smiled, and in the moonlight, his smile looked more breathtaking then I could ever imagine.
"Yeah, I do." I managed to bite out, a breathless smile. I did, actually. It had been a fundraiser, at the beginning of our senior year. The student council had wanted to raise money for our year end dance, and Megan and I had our own stall selling-
"-cupcakes." he said, that crooked smile I loved back on his lips. I laughed.
"I never took you for one with a sweet tooth, Mr. Reed." I teased, taking a step closer, to a distance so close, I could touch him if I just reached out.
"I don't. But it was my birthday. My teammates and I were just wandering around the fair, spending our cash when one of those bozos decided it was a good idea to start singing a birthday song really loudly-"
"It was Grant, wasn't it?" I remembered clearly his sandy haired best friend. Grant had always been the jokester in our school. He got along with everyone, cheerleader and nerd alike. It was hard to dislike him, really. "He did it right in front of our stall, and Megan and I were very amused at how they surrounded you and basically did ring around the rosie with you in the middle." It was hard to forget the mixture of embarrassment and bewilderment on Declan's face that day.
"And then you came over, a vanilla cupcake iced with chocolate mousse right on top." His voice took a serious turn then, and the laughter died from my lips as he caught my gaze, in a way that caught my breathe, made me forget that we were just in little old Redwood, where both of us had grew up together, where I basically watched him from afar, fascinated at how everyone seemed to love him.
At how I seem to fall slowly in love with him too.
"You said it was for me, because it was my birthday, and that everyone should have some sweetness on the day they were born, because they were blessed to be on earth." Declan paused, a pregnant silence between us before he spoke up again. "And that was when I was lost, Kelsey. I had to have you."
"Then why?" I would've winced had I rewound and heard how hurt I sounded, but at that moment... how could he sound like he wanted me so bad, yet threw me away so easily?
"Because ever since I was a kid, my dream had been to leave Redwood Creek. My dad's job is in the city, my mom is no longer around... there is no life for me here. And then you came, and you made me want to stay, like no one else ever did before. And you never wanted to leave here. You loved your dad, and you loved Seeley. Month after month, I saw your devotion to them, and I would pay an arm and a leg to have that devotion for myself. I-I couldn't do it, Kay." His voice cracked, as he averted his eyes. Within his pockets, I caught the subtle motion of his fists clenching as he bounced on his feet.
"I wanted to make it big, be a bigshot player for UCLA... and I guess I was selfish. If I can't have that and you at the same time, I had to choose one, and I chose UCLA."
A part of my heart jumped. He wanted me. But... "You recovered quickly enough to date others, for sure."
"That was Grant's idiotic idea. He said that the easiest way to get over a girl was to get another girl." He gave a wry laugh. "But even all the way in Los Angeles, no one shines a light to you, Kay. In a way, you represented everything I wanted, but everything I also wanted to get away from. I guess that was why I was so angry when Professor Hastings assigned you as my tutor when I came back. You reminded me of... everything."
"You can still leave." I reminded him.
He laughed, a dry, sarcastic one this time, and waved at his foot. It was only then that I noticed the way it was uneven, and thought back to how he had walked with a slight limp to his gait as he had wandered the pier just minutes earlier. "The doctor says I'm never going to play again. The tendons, muscles and ligaments were too torn to fix properly."
"Lan... I'm- I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could think of. I could only imagine how broken he must feel, for I knew how much the sport meant to him. Back then, Declan thought of it as his only ticket out of Redwood Creek.
"But that's not my point. My point is... I've tried, and tried Kay... a good year of trying, but I could never get rid of you. And this past few weeks just proved my point even more. Whoever whats-his-face's is, I wanted to puncture his tyres, or throw something at him each time he appeared at the steps of our campus. If Grant was around, I think something may have been broken already."
I widened my eyes, alarm bells going off in my head. "Don't you dare, Declan Reed! Jamie is a nice guy, plus Ayah will have my head if anything happens to her brother."
"She's your friend's elder brother?" he asked. I nodded, and again watched as his fists clenched in his pockets. I nodded. He remained silent. At that point in time, I would've paid to know what was going on in his head, especially with the way he averted his gaze from me. I could always tell what he was telling, so long as I looked into his eyes.
"You made me want to stay." he continued, after what seemed like an eternity of silence. I raised a brow, and cocked my head.
"What do you mean?"
"I broke up with you because you scared me, Kay. All my life, my only dream has been to leave Redwood Creek, go to Los Angeles, make it big and show my dad that he doesn't even need to be around me. Then maybe I'll... maybe he'll remember he still has a son." his voice cracked, a way that made me ache to want to hold him.
But I couldn't just pretend he didn't say anything. "So you just left?" I did not mean for my voice to sound so hurt, but that was how it ended up sounding like as the words left me.
Immediately, I could see the regret shadowing his face. He couldn't deny it, as much as he wanted to, because that was exactly what he did. And flaunted it in my face for the few months after that. "I-I'm so sorry, baby. I really... I... You were the last person on earth I wanted to hurt. But I was young, driven and blinded by my need to leave that even after I left... all I could think about was-"
"Why did you bring me here, Lan? Just... why?" I interrupted him to ask. Because I wasn't sure how much longer of his talk I could endure, especially if it was all just that. Just talk.
Surprisingly though, his answer was much quicker this time. "I've told you. I couldn't stand just watching that Jameson-"
"Jamie."
"- dude continue taking you out everyday." he continued as if he never heard me. I rolled my eyes, but wasn't unfamiliar with the way in which he chose not to hear something he didn't want to. "And I- I'm sorry, Kay."
"I think we've been through that." I replied sarcastically, despite my heart racing and my palms sweating behind my back. The way he shuffled, his dark hair flopping to partially cover his eyes and the way he looked at his toes, was all too familiar of that very first time he had taken me out on a date, before he asked me that magical question.
He finally looked at me for the first time since we've arrived at the pier, and I hid a laugh when I saw the wry light in his eyes.
"Let me do this properly, would you?" his dry tone reprimanded, to which I chuckled, but nodded my head to allow him to continue. I watched his chest heave as he took a deep breathe, letting it all out again before speaking. "Give me a chance, Kelsey Harrington, and I promise you I'll do right by you this time."
"What do you mean you'll do right? Do you not wish to go to Los Angeles any longer?" I asked, apprehensive despite my heart screaming yes. My logic ruled this time.
"I still do, even with my busted leg. I'll... I don't know, I'll see what happens. But that's not why I'm here today." Declan replied, his eyes glinting with a firm determination I remember falling all over for during his games. He had always gotten what he wanted. "I'm asking you for a chance. I promise you, I won't be a coward again. Now I just need to know, do you still want me, Kay?"
"I..." I was lost for words. My heart screamed yes. Since the day he left, there was rarely a week that went by where my thoughts did not flit to him at least once. He was part of the reason why I kept myself busy. Yet fear stilled my words, froze my vocal chords, because I had experienced once, how easy it was for him to leave. "I... I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" he replied quickly, and then frowned. "Does this have to do with that farmer boy?"
"He's a nice guy, Lan." I don't know when did we revert to using our old nicknames for each other, yet it seemed so natural with him, surrounded by nothing but the lake and the trees around the pier. "Jamie deserves better then-"
"What do you want, Kay?" he intercepted with a steely voice, almost growling as he took a step nearer to me. "Screw what that dude deserves or wants, what do you want?"
"It's not that sim-"
"Don't try and complicate matters here, Kels. What do you want?"
People are complicated. That's what Seeley once told me, with a sad smile. It had been the first week I had actually smiled when he cracked a joke, and I laughed along with him, before he said that. I suspected he had an inkling of what had happened between Declan and I, but Seeley being Seeley, never probed further, just did his best to make me laugh. He had said people was complicated, that they often held on to things that made them tired or sad for no reason at all.
But I had my reason. I knew why.
Declan was a memory that made me sad for the longest time. He was the one chance I thought I lost, that one guy that I could never forget. I always thought I would find someone else, and eventually he'd just be a memory that would make me smile in reminiscence. But I also knew that I held on to his memory, even if it made me sad, because it was also the one thing that made me the happiest. And I could never deny it.
"I want you."