"You're kidding."
"No," he started laughing again, making me smile. "And then she called me a fairy princess and hung up. So, yeah. You could say I miss her."
I was talking to Sam on the phone. I had stuck my cell on a shelf in Grace's stall as I brushed her down, listening to Sam over speakerphone as he recounted his latest FaceTime with my sister.
"Hey, has she forgiven you yet?" he added once we both finished laughing. Putting down the brush, I grabbed my cell and stuck it between my ear and my neck.
"Yeah. But barely."
After I yelled at my sister--cursed her out, really-- the day The Ford's left, she had not been able to get over it.
That night at dinner, she announced it to my parents. "Taite yelled at me today," she told them. "He even cursed at me." I rolled my eyes as my parents gasped, unable to believe their ears. It wasn't that she was trying to get me punished; my parents would never do that. She just simply couldn't believe it. Later that night, she came into my room. Yes, she had knocked.
She sat on the edge of my bed. "Sorry for bringing that up at dinner, that was wrong of me." I closed the book I was reading and sat up.
"It's ok, Sar."
"I... I just have never seen you like that. I have never once heard you raise your voice at anyone. It scared me, Taite." She curled up at my side after that, listening to me promise over and over that it won't happen again. As she was leaving my room that night, she paused in the doorway. She was trying to keep herself from smirking, but she couldn't.
"I've got to know, Taite," she paused, looking over at me. "What in the world had I interrupted that you were so desperate to continue?"
I threw a pillow at her. It missed. She left my room laughing.
"Good," Sam answered me. "I'm glad."
Shutting Grace's stall door, I headed out of the barn just as Marley was coming in. "Who's on the phone?" she asked me, hauling a saddle over her shoulder. "Is it your boyfriend?"
I rolled my eyes at her, thanking God that Sam couldn't see that I was a fierce red. "Yeah," I told her, putting the phone on speaker. "Sam, say hi to Marley."
"Hey, love."
She squealed. "HI cutie! How is everything? When does the US tour start? When can I see you again?"
He laughed. I imagined his head rolling back with the weight of the sound.
"I can't tell you that. It's a secret."
Marley let out a noise of discontent. "I'll call you later when Taite isn't around," she told him. Sam laughed again. "Perfect."
Leaving the barn and Marley, I shoved the phone to my ear again. "What are you two plotting without me?"
"Nothing. I swear."
"Ok. If you swear."
"Am I still on speakerphone?"
"No," I told him. "You're free to make fun of Marley all you want."
He let out a breath he had been holding in. He didn't laugh at my joke. "Taite?"
"Yes, Sammy."
He paused. "I miss you."
He had left two weeks ago. We had talked on the phone every day since. Sometimes, even more than once. It was difficult with the time zones, but we managed. This was the first time he was telling me he missed me. A weight pressed down on my chest.
"I miss you too, Sam."
"Yeah?" I could tell he was smiling. Then his voice got lower, quieter. "What do you miss about me?"
His voice made me dizzy. "Seriously, Sam?"
"Yes, Taite. Seriously."
"This is stupid."
"Oh come on!"
For some reason, I looked around the pasture, making sure no one was around. Clearly, no one was around. Then I cleared my throat. "Fine. Whatever." I paused, taking a deep breath. "I miss the goddamned blush always on your cheeks. And I miss your stupid gray eyes." At that moment, my mother peeked her head out the back door, calling my name. "Mom's calling me. I gotta go."
"Wait!"
"I have to go, Sam." I picked up into a jog.
"Fine. I'll call you later. I want you to be alone when I tell you what I miss about you."
Sam hung up first. When I reached the house, I was out of breath.
"Jesus Taite, are you that out of shape?" My mom was commenting on my lack of oxygen. "That was hardly 50 yards."
I walked right passed her and locked myself in the bathroom, despite her calls for me to come back. I looked at myself in the mirror, taking 10 deep breaths, avoiding any thoughts of Sam or his voice.
Only then, was I in a position to see my mother.
__
I ignored Sam's name on my caller ID twice that night. The third time he called me, I had already fallen asleep, so I only picked up my phone to silence the incessant buzzing it made against my nightstand.
"Hello?"
"Isn't it 10 PM there? You're really asleep?"
"More importantly," I muttered, pulling my phone out of the charger so I could roll over. "Why are you awake at four AM?"
"You wouldn't answer me any earlier."
"Oh," I told him. "Sorry. I had, uh, crap to do."
Like wonder why your voice was giving me a boner.
"Mmmhmm." He didn't believe any of my bullshit.
"Seriously, Sam. I did."
"So whatever happened to that girl who asked you out? The one whose dog you treated at the clinic."
The other day some girl came in with her Boxer dog who had a broken leg. She was beautiful. A tall brunette with suntanned skin. And she asked me for my number.
"She hasn't called me," I told him. "But we'll see." He made a noise of acknowledgment. I adjusted my pillow, noticing a faded musky smell stuck in the fabric. Sam.
"Hey," I said, my entire body feeling just a bit hotter than before. "Weren't you supposed to tell me something?"
"Yeah," I heard him move on the other line. I imagined him in bed, tucking one of his hands behind his head. "I was supposed to tell you what I miss about you."
His voice was doing worse things to me than usual. "Mmhmm."
"Do you want to know what I miss about you?" My toes curled underneath my sheets. His voice had grown quieter if that was possible.
"Yes," I heard myself mumble. My room was so silent I could hear him breathing on the other line.
"I miss the way you look in a button down shirt... I miss the way your hand feels against mine."
I thought I was hot before. Now, I was burning. "I miss sleeping next to you. I miss looking at you." My body throbbed. I whispered his name, trying to tell him-- to warn him to stop talking.
He didn't, instead, he made the deliberate pauses between his words even longer. "I miss the smell of you when I wear your clothes.... I miss watching you stare at me when you think I'm not looking."
"Sammy..."
"I want to be there. Right now. In bed. With you."
I think that's what tossed me off the edge of the cliff.
"I, I gotta go."
My phone fell from my hand. "Mother fucker." I usually didn't swear. Or groan. I was doing both right now, everything in my body telling me what I was feeling was absolute and unfiltered, raw pleasure. I was panting. I was wet. I was a mess. I was moaning. It was something I had never experienced.
My eyes opened a few minutes later, my heart rate finally calming down. I grabbed my phone from the pillow next to me. Instantly, it lit up. Sam's name flashed across the screen. I had never hung up the phone.
I put it up to my ear. I heard him breathing. Heavily. "I'll call you tomorrow." I hung up quickly after that.
When we spoke the next day, neither of us said a word about the previous night.